Sunday, September 30, 2007

How To Pickup Women

I've got a new article on How to Pickup Women posted for you.

One of the most frequent questions I get from guys is on how to pickup women, but so few men really know what it is they're asking.

In simplest terms, what do you think of when you hear the phrase "pickup"? Is it the TV show? Is it something sleazy?

In reality, it's easy to learn how to pickup women, because it really means "How do I flirt and get women attracted to me?"

I've got your answer in this newsletter:

How To Pickup Women

alpha man | how to talk to women | approach women | dating advice for men

Thursday, September 27, 2007

I have so many Alpha Male souls to save...

Reader Feedback from the Alpha Male Tip page:

"Women are strong magnificent creatures. They are making the most out of their lives. Does this stuff work?"
______________________
CARLOS COMMENTS:

Yes, they CAN be strong.

Yes, they CAN be magnificent.

But it sounds to me like you're in
AWE of women, and that's a real dangerous place to be, friend. It sounds to me like you're within inches of turning into a 24 carat wuss.

Does this stuff work?

Frankly, it's the
ONLY stuff that works over the long haul.

I have a few stories of Alpha Males (Alpha MEN) that have
changed their lives by using these techniques that you need to see.

Go read the story of these Alpha Males here...

alpha man | how to talk to women | approach women | dating advice for men

What does Carlos think of Metrosexuals?

Feedback from a reader:

Hey Carlos, I feeled a little concerned about your metrosexual thing, because I shave many body parts. However I don't put make up or any stuff like that. I think you forgot that many athletes shave their hair (tennis players, boxers, wrestlers, etc.). It doesn't make necessarily someone a wuss or feminine in my opinion...

______________________
CARLOS ANSWERS:

Well, first of all, this wasn't in my message at all. I never mentioned "shaving body parts."

And yes, obviously, if you shave for a sport, it's not exactly the same as being "metro" now is it?

Sorry guys, you have to make some of these deductive leaps on your own. Think on your own. I'm not always right, nor do I ever say so.

As far as being a "metrosexual," you'll just have to watch out for stepping beyond "grooming," and taking it a little too far.

Ask a group of really feminine women (why would you want any other kind?) and see what they think is sexy. REALLY sexy.

It's always an
Alpha MAN.

alpha man | how to talk to women | approach women | dating advice for men

Wednesday, September 26, 2007

Mirroring and Matching

Interesting that you endorse this after saying pointedly in your "Alpha Man Conversation" program that matching and mirroring doesn't work...

It was the one point in which I strongly disagreed with you. I find that mirroring magically puts me in tune with a woman's energy and helps me to intuitively say the ideal thing to her upon approaching.

-Seer
______________________
CARLOS XUMA COMMENTS:

Good point, but it's actually not different. The paradox is relatively simple to resolve.

What you're talking about is "
attunement" which does work. "Mirroring" and "matching" for the sake of mimicking, does not.

Ultimately, what we're talking about here is the difference in intent. If used to make you more "confident," mirroring is a weak method. As a method of pacing another person's reality, it can be very effective.

Make sense?

Very often, mirroring is used as an NLP technique with a superficial understanding of how deep you have to immerse yourself in the process. Men get caught up in the mechanics rather than the reality that you need to focus more on your STATE than imitating someone else's.

Hopefully this clears up any misunderstandings out there regarding this.

alpha man | how to talk to women | approach women | dating advice for men

Tuesday, September 25, 2007

Readers comment on my "Political Correctness" tip...

I got several emails commenting on my tip regarding "political correctness. Here are a few:

______________________

I've been listening to Alpha Tips for some time now and I have to say that this one is spot-on.

I'm so fucking tired of fighting my masculinity and trying to fit in today's "wussy is good" world.

Keep 'em coming!

Regards,
Dragan from Montenegro

______________________

Dear Carlos,
I could go into a long detailed philosophical discourse totally affirming point by point everything you said here about the whole sickening concept of the crap of "political correctness."

However, I'll just simply say here that it is totally refreshing to hear someone that has a platform such as yourself who also has the balls to say what definitely needs to be said regarding this whole stinking idea of "political correctness." YOU had/have/will continue to have the courage to say what many millions of good and decent Americans think, and indeed want to say, but don't.
THANKS Carlos. Don't stop. Keep on keepin' on my man. YOU ARE APPRECIATED.
Sincerely,
Michael
______________________

Amen, Carlos. This country needs it's beatdown for this concept. An example is at my alma mater, IUP. Our team name used to be the Indians, which make sense because the university is in the town of, get this, Indiana!! But, because of BS political correctness, they had to change their name to the Crimson Hawks. What a bunch of crap.

______________________
CARLOS:

Amen to you, brothers...

I'm tired of all this "think like WE think" crap that tries to program you in the name of political correctness...

And I'm not talking about endorsing a negative, racist, misogynistic, or otherwise idiotic point of view. Don't be stupid. Don't deny the truth just because it feels a bit confrontational and "not nice."

I'm talking about FREE THOUGHT.

Everybody needs to lighten the hell up.

Probably me, too.

alpha man | how to talk to women | approach women | dating advice for men

Sunday, September 23, 2007

Midlife Crisis

New Midlife Crisis Dating Advice Article from Carlos...

A lot of guys go through a midlife crisis at some point in their lives, and they often don't know how to handle them. As men, we become very emotionally dependent on women (which seems like the opposite of what is true.)

One of the most powerful of these crises is a "midlife crisis." This particular situation has its roots in a definite evolutionary reality.

Read about what Carlos has to say about the Midlife Crisis here....

alpha man | how to talk to women | approach women | dating advice for men

Saturday, September 22, 2007

Observations on Mystery vs. Confusion from a Reader: Weekly Alpha Tip

Weekly Alpha Man Tip

This reader wrote in to comment about one of my recent Weekly Alpha Man Tips regarding "attraction friction."
______________________
Ways to overcome attraction friction is to also to carry your own positive mood which is positive regardless of the situation. Don't reach rapport with a negative feeling unless you know for sure you are apt at spinning it 100% into something positive eventually.

The point between confusion and mystery was excellent. Confusion is always bad, and mystery can seem dishonest if overdone.

I was looking into leadership (Carnagie leadership) and found there are many skills of a leader that women just love as well:

-never look for who is at fault-it is useless
-be ok with your responsibility of everything, because you are the leader, you should be critical of yourself but see every situation as a learning opportunity
-be optimistic
-have a vision
-admit your own prior challenges and how you have grown from them - you will instantly be more likable and also be seen as more dimensional
-be calm under any circumstance with control
-find out what is the worst case scenario and do your damnest to minimize it
-develop interest in people, especially if it is something that you are not familiar with and learn from them


Strong work Carlos.
______________________
CARLOS COMMENTS:

Good points, all of them.

Mystery is an element that must be added - like spice - to your interactions. Too many guys build up their entire game around a concept that works, and they use it over and over. Essentially, they become "one trick ponies," unable to be in a conversation with the sheer power of their own personality.

You've listed a great many of the qualities that I discuss completely in my
Secrets of the Alpha Man program.

Learn the power of the
Alpha MAN here.

AND

You can get the Weekly Alpha Man Tips HERE

alpha man | how to talk to women | approach women | dating advice for men

Thursday, September 20, 2007

More about the Pickup Artist

DO YOU WANT TO BE A PICKUP ARTIST?

Carlos,

I dont know if you read these emails or not, but even if your assistants do, great!

[A certain pickup artist] is flat out weird. His paradigm of attracting women is somewhat there, but to me it seems too try hard, and too out in the left field, it does not appeal to me because.........

the show seems to be all about one thing - getting women, where-as your message is about, creating the lifestyle that, in no time, women flow to you.

In other words getting your shit together, where as in the show, the guys don't have their shit together at all.........and they will probably end up right where they started before the show, probably worse.

Uniqueness is good, yes, but wearing 3/4's coat and a cowboy hat with eyeliner/mascara whatever it is.......bad.

I hope you read this.

Keep up the hard work-

Carl I.
______________________
CARLOS ANSWERS:

Thanks, I appreciate your message. (And YES, I do read my emails. As long as they don't look like a kindergartner wrote them. :)

I'm not printing this to insult or defame anyone out there. (And the name I removed from that email is not Mystery's, either. It was someone else.)

The fact is that all men gravitate towards understanding women better and learning how to attract women better. Pickup Artist techniques do work.

But they absolutely do not check and make sure the integrity of the user is good.

I'm thinking of a movie where the person who seeks to use a certain artifact for his own selfish desires ends up with that artifact harming him because he was coming from a place of evil.

The same thing happens with pickup artist techniques.

If you come from a place of integrity and Alpha Man confidence, as I teach, they will work for you AND her.

But if you are using pickup artist techniques just to GET something from a woman, you will suffer consequences, not just to your character, but your attractiveness overall.

Read more about the pickup artist situation here.

alpha man | how to talk to women | approach women | dating advice for men

Monday, September 17, 2007

Whiney People

This is a post that going to whine - about whiney people.

You know them. You might even BE one of them from time to time. I can be... on occasion.

Examples of whining:

- My boss won't give me a raise...

As if you should ever be GIVEN a raise. You EARN it. If a company isn't paying you what you're worth, you go to one that will. Unless you're fooling yourself about that value, or you're scared.

- These girls are all ugly...

They're beautiful in ways you just aren't seeing. Even if you don't find anyone physically attractive (unlikely), you can still choose to make the best of your time and engage your social skills.

For most guys, this is a cop-out when they can't motivate themselves to approach women or talk to women.

As a matter of fact, most whining is just a way to say, "Mommy! Come take care of me!"

(Sounds kinda harsh, but it's true on a certain level...)

Listen to the people that you stand next to in line at the store, or at the post office. They're busy whining away their life and being the victim.

Make it a point right now to root out and eliminate this harmful behavior in your life.

If we can't stand whiney kids, why should we stand whiney adults - just because they make it sound more believable?

alpha man | how to talk to women | approach women | dating advice for men

Saturday, September 15, 2007

Do you know about Technorati?

You can find out more information, but you should look into social bookmarking...

Find out more here:
TECHNORATI

______________________
Technorati Profile

alpha man | how to talk to women | approach women | dating advice for men

Wednesday, September 12, 2007

Webcam Chat Dating

New Webcam Chat Dating Article - 5 Key Strategies

I've been getting a lot of questions about using a webcam for a dating chat room. The fact is that as technology progresses, it will make more and more sense to make sure you have a good webcam dating chat setup.

In this article, I cover 5 Key Strategies to make sure you are using Webcam Chat Dating correctly and effectively.

Go read it!

alpha man | how to talk to women | approach women | dating advice for men

Tuesday, September 11, 2007

Pickup on the Set...

Hey, Carlos --

I'm 22 and fresh out of college, working on the new Dane Cook/Kate Hudson film here in Boston. It's crazy long hours, so I really don't get to do any of the PUA material. Past two days, I worked about 24 + hours.

But, there is a girl I am very attracted to who works on the film. And, I think she's attracted to me as well. She's one of the producer's assistants and she's also from Mass. I always catch her looking at me and she sometimes tries talking to me, but I get so busy since everyone around me is constantly yelling I kind of ignore her. She hasn't really tried talking to me in a couple days, either cause she's busy or she probably thinks I ignore her.

Anyway, I want to take her out to decide how much I really like her, but the awkward thing is I get really nervous around her. This hasn't happened to me in so long and it's weird this time because she isn't really that great looking. She just has things about her that are attractive.

Any advice?
______________________
CARLOS XUMA ANSWERS:

First of all, there is
ALWAYS an opportunity to do pickup. It's part of your LIFESTYLE, not just a mask you put on. If it is a mask, it's fake, and it will never integrate into who you are.

You can flirt, tease, and just have a general good time with everyone you meet. This is important. This is what separates the "pickup artists" from the real
Alpha Men.

Nervousness is inevitable. It's created by the message and inner dialogue we use on ourselves. Something in you is telling you to "not mess this up." Or even over-stating her value.

I'll make this simple, because it never needs to be any more complex: Just go over and tell her to join you for drinks after work one day. Or join you for lunch.

Use that opportunity to have fun with her and - as you said perfectly - find out if you really like her all that much.

Act now before she puts you in the friends-only bin. This delay and procrastinate sh*t is only going to hurt your game - both internally in terms of your belief system, and externally where women will lose interest.

My advice?

Go for it!

alpha man | how to talk to women | approach women | dating advice for men

Sunday, September 09, 2007

Link to Scot's information...

For those of you who were on the conference call the other day with Scot and myself, you can take a look at Scot's information (and get his free e-book) here:
http://www.carlosxuma.comcarlos-xuma-best-products.php

There's also a nice list of all the other guys out there that I consider worthwhile to mention...

Go have a look at what "Carlos Recommends..."

alpha man | how to talk to women | approach women | dating advice for men

Saturday, September 08, 2007

The Excuses Are Everywhere

I was in the laundromat this morning, taking care of the weekly business, and I couldn't help but overhear a conversation between two gentlemen discussing business, jobs, and money. (The only thing they missed in this particular conversation was sports and women.)

These guys were talking about opportunities in their field - computer animation. One was discussing Pixar (which is about 3 miles from my house.) He was talking about wanting a job there, but everything he was saying after that was really about how it will never happen for him.

And, amazingly, none of the reasons were his fault. It was the rest of the world's fault that he won't get a position with them.

First there's the requirements for certification in the software that they used. He didn't have that, but if he wanted it, it would cost $70,000 to get.

The funny thing these guys don't realize is that there ARE people holding the jobs at Pixar that he desires. The only difference is not talent, or the money to get the certification, but the willingness to overcome their own distaste for putting in the necessary EFFORT to get it.

The people that are where you want to be are merely willing to do what you are not willing to do.

They're not better than you.

They're not smarter than you.

They're just more willing to do what they must to get what they want.

Take that concept for a test drive.

And anytime you find yourself giving in to the urge to be a victim, or feel sorry for your condition, just remember that your problems are NEVER unique. Someone somewhere has already overcome them.

And many more people have given in to the urge to quit before they tried.

Which one will you be?

alpha man | how to talk to women | approach women | dating advice for men

Thursday, September 06, 2007

Andy Rooney on the benefits of older women...

ANDY ROONEY:

As I grow in age, I value women over 40 most of all. Here are just a few reasons why:


A woman over 40 will never wake you in the middle of the night and ask, 'What are you thinking?' She doesn't care what you think.

If a woman over 40 doesn't want to watch the game, she doesn't sit around whining about it. She does something she wants to do, and it's usually more interesting. Women over 40 are dignified. They seldom have a screaming match with you at the opera or in the middle of an expensive restaurant. Of course, if you deserve it, they won't hesitate to shoot you if they think they can get away with it.

Older women are generous with praise, often undeserved. They know what it's like to be unappreciated. Women get psychic as they age. You never have to confess your sins to a woman over 40.

Once you get past a wrinkle or two, a woman over 40 is far sexier than her younger counterpart. Older women are forthright and honest. They'll tell you right off that you are a jerk if you are acting like one. You don't ever have to wonder where you stand with her.

Yes, we praise women over 40 for a multitude of reasons. Unfortunately, it's not reciprocal. For every stunning, smart, well-coiffed, hot woman over 40, there is a bald, paunchy relic in yellow pants making a fool of himself with some 22-year old waitress. Ladies, I apologize. For all those men who say, 'Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free?', here's an update for you.

Nowadays 80% of women are against marriage. Why? Because women realize it's not worth buying an entire pig just to get a little sausage!

______________________
CARLOS COMMENTS:

Cute, Andy.

And we wonder why we've perpetuated so many negative stereotypes of men.

The reality is that only 1 in maybe 50 men is a pig running around in yellow pants. But he's all we hear about because the other 49 are afraid to be viewed like the pig...

alpha man | how to talk to women | approach women | dating advice for men

Wednesday, September 05, 2007

Is a Lesbian really a man in a woman's body?

QUESTION:

This
weekly tip has actually made me think of a question I've thought of some time ago.

As far as you've observed, in lesbian relationships, is there always a dominate person who has male like traits or acts straight up male? And what traits do they don't have besides physical that a male has, that makes them attractive for more feminine lesibians? Since women don't want women, they want men.

Real men at that.
_______________________
CARLOS XUMA ASKS MORE QUESTIONS GUARANTEED TO OFFEND:

Yes, my answer is guaranteed to offend someone out there, and that's just the high price of being your own man.

It's disturbing, but I think this increased focus on "
political correctness" (which loosely translates to "think like us or you're BAD"), has sucked the masculinity out of a lot of guys. We're so afraid of offending, of hurting feelings, of being viewed as insensitive, that we are turning into quiet and scared little puppies that can't formulate and express an opinion for fear of not being everyone's best buddy.

(Carlos... lay off that Red Bull, man...)

Ah, yes. I digress...

My politically incorrect observation - that parallel's this reader's question - is this: If lesbians are truly attracted to their own gender, why is it that (
VERY FREQUENTLY - but not always) one or both appear to embrace masculine appearances and behavior?

Funny, huh?

And the weird thing I've seen is that gay guys
don't typically do this as much in appearance. (The interesting statistic is that most transvestites are actually straight men.) However, there is a certain effeminate quality about some gay men, too.

?

Now before I start getting attacked by every over-sensitive special interest group or angry militant keyboard jockey out there, please understand that I'm not criticizing or judging anyone. I'm just making a
general observation. (Last I checked, the government gestapo hadn't destroyed that right of mine.)

Let's face it, I'm just saying what many people are too afraid to say for fear of appearing "insensitive..."

Puh-lease. I live in the San Francisco Bay area. I'm about as tolerant as you can
get, home boy...

Remember, in that dot of the Yin-yang symbol, we all carry qualities of the opposite energy. Most guys are not "in touch" with that little dot of feminine energy. Or they are WAY too in touch with it.

And the same goes for many women.

So for all the straight folk out there, let's all get back to the original sexual polarity we once had, and that we were all much happier to embrace.

Masculine Men.

Feminine Women.


It's the only way to fly...

alpha man | how to talk to women | approach women | dating advice for men

Monday, September 03, 2007

I'm doing all the things you say... why isn't it working?

Why Am I Getting Worse?

Hey Carlos...

I got your book way back in 2002, and I want to thank you for all the fantastic information in it. The material you put in there has saved my butt, and given me the ability to get the relationships I want.

I let a friend of mine, Dave, read it and he was all fired up, too. He went right out and started using your strategies to approach women and try to amp up the attraction. He's seen me do it all the time, and he knows how powerful this Alpha Man mindset really is.

He got some new clothes that are really styling, and he no longer puts on that wimpy "I'll do whatever you want for a date" vibe. He's really changed.

Now here's the weird thing: Dave was never all that good with women to begin with, so I thought this would be a good thing. But since he's been using what I've shown him, he's actually gotten WORSE with women. He gets numbers, but he feels that he was doing better the "old way."

How the heck can this be? I know for a fact that the old wussy way of doing things was way wrong for him - for EVERY guy - but how could he have gotten worse?

- Ken, Detroit, Rock City.
______________________
CARLOS ANSWERS:

Ahhhh.... yes, I'm familiar with the situation you're referring to. This happens to about one guy in ten during in my bootcamps and seminars, until I explain to them what the problem is so they can fix it.

Here's what's happening...

At first, when guys learn this stuff, they get all fired up and jazzed. When a man learns that there are actually specific behaviors that women are looking for in a mate, and how he's been shorting out his Alpha Man vibe with the opposite sex, he will start making course corrections right away. Every guy wants to attract women with a battle plan.

The problem happens when a guy has been VERY wimpy in the past with women, and now he understands his error - and then he OVER corrects. He swings WAY over to the other end of the spectrum and ends up repelling instead of attracting women because he gets a little abrasive and cocky.

This is a necessary part of the process, Ken. Your friend has to experience the extreme before he can find the equilibrium where his real personality lies. It's a difficult transition between being a chump that kisses up to women and the guy that commands respect from his internal strength.

You see, a lot of guys are still under the belief that the game of attraction runs by rules that only the women are aware of, and they have resigned themselves to the game of buying women drinks, asking them out on dates, paying for those dates, and getting a peck on the cheek at the end of the night with an "I'll call you..." Later on, she tells him that she thinks of him "only as a friend."

And he goes on to the next one and the next one, figuring he's just playing the odds.

The tricky part is that if Dave doesn't start getting results, he might start to think he was better off with his old chumpy ways and give up before he starts to see the bright light of success just around the corner.

Dave was a wuss for probably all of his life with women - to the extreme. He was the "Nice Guy." He's the kind of guy a woman SHOULD be crazy about, but doesn't. She needs a strong MASCULINE charge from him, and Nice Guys seem more like they're about making people like them than demonstrating their take-no-$#!+ attitude. (That's what the "Bad Boys" demonstrate - usually to the other extreme.)

You don't attract women by showing them a doormat - you attract women by showing them a self-respecting Alpha Man with choices and abundance.

So when Dave got started on practicing my strategies for attraction, they probably felt very foreign to him. So much so that he ended up scaring off some women. Some of the ladies probably felt his discomfort and this set off an alarm in their instincts. When a woman senses that a man is not completely comfortable with himself, they will usually not be attracted to him.

Dave's situation is like the guy who hasn't worked out in years. He suddenly starts going to the gym again and doing all the right things with his diet and exercise, but he feels like crap.

Why? His body needs to get used to the new stress being put on it before he'll start to notice that his sleep is better, his digestion is better, and all those poisons that collected in his system are now hitting the road.

He has to grow into his new habits and blend them with his personality.

This happens all the time to professional athletes when they work with a trainer that corrects some bad habits. The athlete experiences a temporary slump as they integrate the good habits in and get used to them.

Dave just needs to back off a bit and find his groove with the material he's learned, and integrate it back into his lifestyle so that it seems more like "him."

His ability to attract women will be in direct relation to the comfort he feels with himself, and the confidence he has in his new path.

You're right, he's on the right track, but now he's just got to relax, have faith, and persevere. He's within inches of getting the success with women that most guys only dream about...

If you want the complete picture of how to get this "groove" with women - without going to the extreme, learn the Secrets of the Alpha Man HERE.

alpha man | how to talk to women | approach women | dating advice for men

Sunday, September 02, 2007

When you can't keep your game consistent...

hey whats up Carlos, it's Jason, a long-time reader/fan. I've been studying your scriptures and DVDs and must say I am most definitely impressed. Trust me when I say, "You are the dating guru."

But anyways, I just need your advice on one thing. I find my level of confidence isn't staying linear in the sense that it is always fluctuating. I know you stated that at times I will feel "on" and it is common for it to fluctuate. I find it impossible for myself to stay in the battle field with my confidence being low at times.

For example, yesterday I walked past this girl that I want to talk to so badly. I talked to her the other day with out a sweat but yesterday as soon as I walked past her I felt like walking past my enemy, multiple knives thrusting into my heart.

How can I overcome this stopper and how can I keep my confidence high most of the times. I want to naturally feel "on" as much as possible.
______________________
CARLOS XUMA ANSWERS:

This issue of "confidence" is at the core of most guy's game, and almost 100% of the time with women.

EXCEPT those women they aren't attracted to.

Funny how that works, huh?

Your confidence level will always reflect your self-image in the situation that you're in.

If you are driving to the store to pick up some eggs and milk, I'll bet your confidence is high. You've done this before, it's not that challenging, and there are few risks. (Perceived risks, to be precise.)

If you were put into a life-or-death struggle with your evil nemesis, I'll bet your confidence would be shaky at best. You've never done this before, it's challenging, and there are a LOT of risks.

Now translate this over to talking to a woman. All of these mental limitations that seem to appear are a result of your thinking.

Nothing but your THINKING.

You are generating multiple mental problems for yourself by creating a kind of overload. She's not better than you, dude. You just want to THINK she is for some reason, right?

You'll never be "on" all the time. But with practice, you can be "on" a good portion of the time.

I'd say I'm "on" about 85 to 90% in most situations. There are still a few things that throw me.

What you must do is start building your mental images of yourself that affirm this confidence. Right now you're just focusing on the one area you're not feeling confident in and letting it rattle your cage.

Drop the "enemy" imagery.

Drop the "battlefield" visualization.

You see, even you vocabulary is affirming your sense of combative stress you feel.

What if this wasn't your enemy, but possibly the biggest ally you could have in your life? What if she's your new best friend?

What if this isn't so much a battlefield but a friendly sanctuary where you are free to explore and discover new people that can be a part of your life?

Basic NLP stuff. Change your words, and you change your experience.

Learn more about NLP and the power of persuasive conversation (inside AND out) HERE.

alpha man | how to talk to women | approach women | dating advice for men