MESSAGE FROM A WOMAN:
To get the kind-of person you want, you have to become that person too. I can't expect to get a non-smoker if I smoke. I can't expect to get a decent date if I'm not a decent person. If I don't want to date a person that goes to bars, I shouldn't go to bars. If I want a well-dressed professional type, I have to dress that part too. If I want a church-goer, I have to go to church. And the list goes on.
Also, as you know, you have to finally come to a point in your life that you are happy with yourself and being alone and not NEED another person. In other words - a complete and self-reliant person. Then you will have the confidence you need - and which incidently attracts the opposite sex - to be a better partner when that special one finally comes around.
And a lot of physical attraction or chemistry can happen with many people. That doesn't mean that person is a good match for you. Try to look at their character within FIRST and then decide if there is physical attraction there. Watch that girl from afar for awhile first.
That's my two cents from lots of experience. I've finally resigned myself, after years, that maybe I'll be single for the rest of my life. But now I am finally at a point that I love my home and my kids and my pets and my life. Being happily married would just be the icing on the cake. I think I'm finally at the right point with the right focus.
Thanks for listening
Unfortunately, since most women don't read my books, they don't realize that this is exactly what I talk about in my programs. NEED is something that I abhor.
Desire is your choice. NEED will be your downfall.
Yes, the dilemma of chemistry vs. compatibility is that most people get involved with their feelings FIRST
before they figure out if the person is someone they can really get along with, or even really want in their lives.
You say to try to look at their character first, which I wish more people would do. But again, the reality is that most people do NOT. Human nature is that we cannot control who we are attracted to this way. If a guy is a strong, confident Alpha Man
(as I coach), then they will inevitably draw women into their world. Abundance will come to you. (As I - thankfully - experience every day.)
I was at the gas station yesterday for a half-hour (long story), while I waited in line with a bunch of beautiful people. An older gentleman who obviously loved his dogs (he wouldn't stop talking about them), a chubby gal with an urge to chat, a handicapped gentleman, and a cute, quiet woman. I tell you these traits because they stood out and illustrated the diversity of the people we meet every day.
Up walks this woman who is, frankly, a bit too skinny, but with a smoking body. Her boobs must have cost a fortune, and she probably LIVES at the gym to keep her ass that firm. But I saw right away through to her personality. She was loud on her cell phone, making sure we all heard about her wonderful life with her new husband, blah blah blah...
"NOTICE ME!" her behavior screamed. And we did, but I saw right through to her character, and that turned me off right away. Sure, she'd be a stellar boink, but her personality would have me screaming for a cyanide pill after ten minutes alone with her. "Pillow talk" here would be me holding the pillow over her face. (Joking...)
But back to the gal writing in:
As we get older, as you must be from reaching these insights, we can learn a bit more self-control over our impulsive jump-in-the-sack attitudes that we had when we were in our younger years.
I do hope that while you have accepted that as a possibility (that you may stay single), you must also keep HOPE alive
I meet a LOT of jaded and bad-attitude women that have given up. I see this especially with single moms. (Not that you're any of these.)
Their hearts are closed off. They no longer have any hope to try. They won't work to enjoy the fruits of a loving relationship anymore because of the disappointment and heartache they associate with it - the search is too high a cost to pay.
Please don't let that acceptance smother your drive to find a special person. Keep your criteria reasonable, don't settle, but NEVER GIVE UP.
Keep that balance and focus.