Field Report of an Approach
I recently purchased a copy of the Dating Black Book [e-book version] with the Advanced Coaching.
I am gradually making my way thru the material. Your encouraging words have given me the strength, knowledge and tools to approach women. I have just started reading the information, but felt inspired to approach women when the opportunity presented itself.
I recently had a conversation with a woman, which started well, but said something, to turned her away. If I could please ask for your advise, as it would be greatly appreciated to help me understand further your information.
This was the follow event;
· While at work I was discussing business matters over the telephone with a woman. I had one previous business conversation with.
· Towards the end of our conversation I took the courage to diverse a little into her employment interests and we both became consumed by the conversation.
· I felt like inviting her to a coffee to continue the conversation, but ‘felt’ it was bad timing at this point. Instead I sent her an email to close off our discussions and ask her discretely for a future meeting. I wrote the following;
“Further to yesterdays conversation, if you can please send a short email, notifying me who will deal with our application, once you leave council. I can then make further contact after the revamped design has been discussed with our clients.’
“I enjoyed our short chat yesterday, so I wish you well with your studies and hope you found your experience at Council enjoyable. Would like to continue the conversation further, if you are available and can be contacted on (cell phone number) or email.”
She replied: “If you'd like to know a bit more about my experience at Council you can contact me at (her private email) or (her cell phone number) I look forward to hearing from you. “
Kindest Regards, [her name]
· Great! I got both a personal contact number and email.
· I made arrangements by email for a suitable time to contact.
· I returned her call and the conversation started well, about how her day was going, her new job etc.
“I am pleased you called back and what do I owe the pleasure of this call about. “She replied later.
· I said I was interested with our previous conversation and if she would like to carry it on over a coffee. She said yes, I would like too.
· She then asked if I would like to ask her anything now.
I said 'I was interested in getting to know her, and not the project we were discussing."
She said. ‘Gulp’ shudder’. Err I’m engaged!
· I apologized that maybe I got the wrong idea. That I felt an intuition to ask her out for a coffee and that perhaps if I was not as forward then we would never meet or never know.
· She said,
“There should be more guys like me out there that can approach women and ask.”
· I said that I normally not as forward, tried to be discreet in a work environment, but mentioned that I felt the need to ask as I felt an interest her.
· I wrapped things up and left it open or her to contact me if she needed any help with her new job in the future. As I felt I was shot down.
Now I initially wonder whether I was feeling the right vibes. When I got off the telephone after the first conversation, a female employee heard the conversation and said to me ‘why didn’t you ask her for coffee.” This reinforced my feel that I had the right vibes. I have not seen this woman and took my judgment of her from our conversation over the telephone.
Our call seemed to go fine until I said ‘I was interested in her’ and see replied nervously and quickly ‘but I am engaged’.
What did I say wrong? Should I of just carried on in meeting with her for coffee to carry on our ‘supposedly business conversation’.
She told me she was 23, [sounded more mature and intelligent over the telephone] when we were discussing things about her day initially, and this made me a bit nervous and i decided mentally not to take things further as i felt she was to young, as I am 40.
I have become curious and eager to understand what I have said wrong, which may of put her off, so I can learn and not repeat this next time round. As she has no idea of my age or appearance prior, I assumed this had no reason to offend her and the tone of her voice sounded like she wanted to discuss more that just our business?
Could I please ask for your help on this? I would like to read your experience on this, just to help me get over the hurdle and understand my mistake so I can move on and learn.
Well, there are a few things I'd like to point out to you...
The first is that you were NOT shot down. You're making the mistake of misinterpreting circumstance.
SHE WAS ENGAGED. There's nothing you can do about that.
If you interpret any circumstance that doesn't net you a date as being "shot down," you'll cripple your self-esteem and self-confidence.
Chalk it up as just "the way it goes."
If you fully expect the reality - which is that you'll probably have to go through 10 cold introductions to get a couple worthwhile candidates - you'll keep a healthier attitude overall.
And you asked what you said wrong to this woman.
You didn't say ANYTHING wrong.
SHE WAS ENGAGED. There's nothing you can do about that.
You didn't make any mistakes! You simply happened to ask out a woman that was romantically involved.
The lesson for you here is that you did the right thing and if you continue to approach women, you WILL get success.
How do I know this?
Because if you DON'T approach women (which is the way 80% of all guys handle their dating), you simply WILL NOT get success.
As Wayne Gretzky once said: "I miss every shot I don't take..."
Congratulations are actually in order: You are doing what most guys won't, and that alone is worthy of recognition. Now be willing to keep learning, keep trying, and persist until you get the results you desire.
Now, we could get into a whole long analysis of why she acted this way and what you should have read into it, but that is counterproductive.
REMEMBER: Any analysis that stops you from taking the right action - and developing the HABIT of taking that action - works against your confidence and sabotages your success.
Just move on to the next woman, and don't get caught up in the analysis stage...
If you'd like to understand how this guy made the leap from doing nothing to approaching women, then you need my Dating Black Book.
GET IT HERE...