I love it when Alpha Men win like this...
Around the first of the year, I met this beautiful brunette at a club I frequent and talked to her several different times before asking her out. She gets a lot of attention from other guys so it did not surprise me that she stood me up without even a phone call. However, it made me was angry that she did not have the decency to call and cancel and I wanted to chew her out the next time I saw her. However, I decided to hold my emotions in check and plan my next interactions with her. I saw her several times at the club over the next four weeks. When we noticed each other, I would just give her a nod and a slight smile but never going over to talk to her.
On the second Saturday in February, she came over to the bar and asked if we could go to a table and talk. We went to a booth in the back and made chit chat for a few minutes. I could tell she was waiting for something to happen (like a strong dose of verbal abuse) so I knew it was time to activate my plan. I said to her in a very calm voice “I have treated you with dignity and respect and that I deserved the common courtesy of phone call if you couldn’t or didn’t want to go out”. She apologized several times for standing me up and I told her in a magnanimous voice “apology accepted”. Now this is where it gets good. I had been thinking about this line for several weeks and now came the perfect time to use it. I said “What I’m really disappointed about is that I was such a poor judge of character”. This statement really got to her. The key here is that I didn’t directly say she lacked character, just that I was a poor judge of character. I know it only may be a subtle difference but, I think it mattered.
She apologized again and said she wanted to make it up to me and I asked her what she had in mind. She said “We should go out” and I said “and do what”. She said “I think a bed should be involved”. I couldn’t believe my ears. I just figured I was on a role and responded and with “yours or mine”. She followed with “Please take me home tonight”. I responded with “That will be a good start” (Notice I didn’t say yes). We had a great time and I left her apartment the next morning after she had fixed me breakfast.
When I was getting ready to leave she thanked me and said she would like to do this again sometime. I said that it was fun and that I would call her sometime.
I didn’t call and the next time she sees me (10 days latter) I’m talking to a couple of cuties at the club. She goes to the end of the bar orders a drink and waits. After about 10 minutes, I disengage myself from the two women and go speak to her. We have a fun conversation and she asks when are we going out? I tell her that I will be busy for the next few weeks and for her to give me a call. When we parted, I gave her a friendly hug and a small kiss on the cheek.
A week latter she calls and asks about going out on Friday night. I tell her I have plans on Friday and that it would have to be Saturday (I already had a date on Friday but didn’t tell her that). The reason I had a date on Friday is because I kept working on getting phone numbers and asking women out. We end up at my place and had another great time. Breakfast was a joint venture. The date on Friday went well also.
Some reflections on the experience:
• Keep emotions under control. Seeing that I was not upset about the matter must have intrigued her and is probably why she sought me out at the bar. Being patient and talking to her with a calm & collect demeanor about her lack of manners demonstrated confidence & leadership (I was holding her accountable)
• Be aware of her emotional state. I sensed that she was expecting an ass chewing with a whole lot of questions about why she stood me up. I gave her just the opposite. The lack of character statement tweaked her emotions because it made her realized she just might not be up to my standards.
• Develop a plan. I might have not gotten the opportunity to use it but, I was ready when the situation presented itself.
• Be persistent yet patient. It takes time and effort to get this stuff handled. I’ve gotten lots of phone numbers, had numerous dates and have even gotten lucky a few times. If I had given up, the above mentioned success would never have happened.
• Once you have hooked a woman or two, still keep plugging away at getting numbers and dates. It helps your confidence. Speaking of confidence, if things don’t work out with either of the two women, it doesn’t really matter because there are more in the pipeline.
• Start a journal and maintain it. Keep track of who and when you called and went out with and what happened. This helps you learn from your mistakes and prevents embarrassing lapses of memory.
Thanks for you help,
PS: The first woman is a 30 year old, fun to be with nine. The second one is a 25 year old, feisty, redheaded, eight. I’m a balding, 40 lbs overweight, 45 year old, DWM.
CARLOS XUMA ANSWERS:
Holy crap, dude... you are really using this stuff... And really getting the results, too, I see.
Not only this, but you also managed to isolate some very important points about success skills that you've been using.
1) Keeping emotions under control.
When you're not a ball of needy, excited nerves, you'll communicate an HONESTY about you that cannot be communicated with words.
2) Awareness of her emotional state.
A very key element to remaining very in-touch with a woman, as well as keeping her in a state of deep rapport.
3) Having a plan.
The plan you had allowed you to feel very relaxed when the time came to act. Knowing you're prepared gives you immense confidence.
4) Persistence without anxiety.
Definitely. The key is to keep on keeping on.
For those of you who don't know what this means, it's simply my rule that you MUST Date Other Women. Don't just date one woman, or you'll give off that stinky vibe of desperation.
6) Keep a journal.
By tracking your progress, you'll have a better sense of the path you have traveled, and a greater appreciation for the effort you have put in along the way.
All great lessons in being more attractive AND more effective. These are all LIFE skills, by the way.
Learn how to better use them with the ALPHA RULES.