Thursday, August 31, 2006
Wednesday, August 30, 2006
Be secure in your masculinity, and not such a wuss
I got this in response to my latest newsletter about the guy who's losing a friend. Something I think we can all relate to.
Dude...Dont send me men crush related questions...
Dude, get over your inner scary feelings. Go have a cry or something.
Seriously, homophobia is SO gay.
If you can't handle your relationships with guys, relationships of any kind will elude you with women.
The best openings and pickups I've ever done were done under a thinly veiled disguise of being "maybe" gay.
Because women KNOW that a guy that can play with this perception is SECURE in his own sexuality.
I've been doing this a while.
Get yourself on the smart and powerful path of the modern masculine model here:
Watch out for the Rebound Girl - she'll damage your Alpha Man self confidence
First I'll start by congratulating you for your work. Your analysis of dating dynamics is truly right.
Your paper allowed me to understand what I was doing right and what had to be improved...and it works.
Recently I met a girl who is really very sweet to me.
The problem is she already has two kids from two different dads and she's giving the impression to fall for me after she's left her latest boyfriend 60 days ago. She's 25 and stayed 5 years with her last boyfriend with whom she had that last kid. She's telling me that her boyfriend told her to move on and find somebody else and she's suspecting him to have a new girlfriend for who she seems jealous about (without openly mentioning it to me of course).
The thing is she's really playing it sweet with me so I can't tell if she's just looking for a replacement, if she's trying to make him jealous or if she really likes me. She comes from a wealthy family and has a job with relatively high responsibilities so I don't think she's got any particular social behaviour problems.
I like being with her because she doesn't live far from my place she's very sweet to me n shows it by taking good care of me. Is she not playing a dangerous game with her last boyfriend, isn't it a little too soon to begin a new relationship right after a long intense one. She just moved in the neighbourhood so maybe she is just looking for some sort of security whatsoever.
What's ur opinion, thx
FRED from Belgium.
I see some red flags here, and I hope you do, too.
This woman has had 2 children from 2 different fathers with no apparent desire to get into a long-term relationship. She also seems to either have a highly elevated need to mother, or she's just unaware of this thing we call BIRTH CONTROL.
Hey, I'm not judging her, but let's call 'em like we see 'em, shall we? When you add this red flag to the next one, you've got a scary situation.
Her need to get into another relationship sounds like classic REBOUND behavior. She doesn't have the self-esteem to be alone, so she jumps from relationship to relationship to keep her insecurity at bay.
Look, some of the advisors out there are too weak to say this sort of thing, but I'm going to tell you what I think: Don't date her.
Find someone without all this baggage.
And please don't make your relationship choices based on proximity and opportunity. That shows me you're just taking what you can get.
Instead, CHOOSE the woman you want.
Don't date by default, guys. That's scarcity thinking.
The ALPHA MAN makes his opportunities.
Tuesday, August 29, 2006
It's official: Men are Almost Extinct - Or will men make a comeback?
I am including this article here for you so that you will do one thing and one thing only. I'll tell you what it is at the end.
Women to Rule Men by 2010
August 27, 2006
by Marc Rudov
Just when you thought that legislative, judicial, law-enforcement, media, and reproductive biases in favor of women were the epitome of double standards, there is new evidence that “life control” is increasingly shifting to the female domain: in four years, women also will rule men financially. Remember this the next time the waiter brings the check to your table, and your woman insists that YOU pay it — or worse, you acquiesce.
By 2010, women will own all the power points of society. According to a new study by Allianz, a mammoth-sized financial-services firm, women in that year will control 60% of US wealth (Allianz news release displayed below). Here are the other critical Allianz findings:
* Today there are one-third more women graduating from college than men.
* Women’s median income has increased 60%+ over the past thirty years, while men’s median income has hardly increased at all.
* The number of women earning $100,000+ has quadrupled in last decade.
* Sixty percent of women with business degrees out-earn their husbands.
* Women account for half of all stock-market investors.
What’s laughable is that, despite the professional and financial gains women have made and continue to make, Allianz indicates that they’re still unhappy! If you’re surprised, read my article, “If Women Were Happy,” to understand why.
Where’s this wealth coming from? Here are five common sources of female wealth:
* Wages, business earnings, and investments
* Family inheritance
* Becoming widowed at a young age
* Lucrative divorce settlements, alimony, and child support
* Being wined, dined, vacationed, and bejeweled during the dating process.
This Allianz announcement should be a big wakeup call to men. As I have been exhorting for some time, you must rethink the way you relate to women: View them as peers and refuse to tolerate their attitudes of entitlement and demands for special privileges and deferential treatment.
Little by little, women have been eating your lunch, literally and figuratively. And, it’s YOUR fault. Why? Because you have equated your money with your masculinity. You have believed that women are the weaker sex, that your mission in life is to take care of them. Well, the numbers tell a different story. Now that the power clock is running out, it’s time to equate chivalry with impotence — not power. Any man who continues to play ostrich by ignoring this admonition does so at his own peril.
Women are graduating from college in higher numbers than you. At a rising rate, they will outearn you. They make most of the household-spending decisions. They match you in stock ownership. And, four years from now, they will control most of the money in this country (to learn more about women in the US workplace, read from the US Department of Labor: Women’s Bureau). How much longer will you wait to act?
To err through commission is one thing, but failing to act is the biggest sin of all. Look at the situation in Iran. How many times over the past few years has sabre-rattling Iran promised to negotiate about curtailing its nuclear capability and then announce that it won’t negotiate? Too many to count. All the while, naive, head-in-the-sand Uncle Sam hoped for the best. Hope is not a strategy. Proof: Today, Iran test-fired a new submarine-to-surface missile during war games in the Persian Gulf. It won’t be long before such missiles are nuclear, when it will be too late for Uncle Sam to act. Then, the power of the world will unalterably shift. See any parallels?
How will our society look in 2010? I envision acrimony between men and women to skyrocket, resulting in an even-larger number of men refusing to get married and the out-of-wedlock birthrate to continue climbing unabated (already 35% for whites and 70% for blacks). The solution is so simple — men and women treat each other as peers — yet so few are interested in solving anything. They’d rather destroy each other in family courts. During all the battling, unfortunately, men are losing their power and influence.
Since 1930, Pluto was the ninth planet. Last week, it was demoted to dwarf status. Do you still think that wining & dining women makes you Master of the Universe? Think again, pal.
Some guys out there would like you to get angry at women about this situation (including the author, it seems), but it's time you Alpha Men know different.
Note that there are no practical solutions presented in this article. While there are some good points, it's another of those "create fear" essays that we often see.
The answer to this situation is not to get mad at women, but to get your asses in gear.
Start becoming Alpha now, before you believe that the women have made us extinct...
Get the Secrets HERE
Monday, August 28, 2006
Unique Case of One-itis
I have a kind of one-itis i've never had before, this time because its over a guy (no not in the gay sense!). he's my best friend and kind of a mentor, he's been the one to help improve my confidence and put your techniques in to practice. We also work together and can make a great time out of anything.
Anyway we are from England but he's moving to Canada for 8 months and i'll probably be only able to see him once if at all. He leaves tomorrow and its only just hit me and i feel awful. This is definitely worse than one-itis overy any kind of girl. Your definitely right about good male friends being much more important than women. Only problem with this one-itis i have no idea how to cure it, feels like a part of me is being taken away and i have the fear that without his encouragement i'll return to my former less confident self.
What can i do C? please help me out.
Yeah, it sucks when someone you've grown close to leaves. I've recently lost a person I thought of as my close friend. His marriage apparently did not include space for old friends, so I no longer see him. C'est la vie. It hurt, but I got over it.
And for any of you guys out there snickering at his attachment to a guy, get over your homophobia and realize that connecting with people is a part of what an Alpha Man does. It's not Gay, it's the Way of the Alpha.
Remember a few things, though:
1) If your confidence requires anyone outside of yourself, it's not really confidence. Or it is, but you don't realize that it has nothing to do with that person. Get it? He's only enabling you to thikn of yourself in a different way (i.e., your SELF IMAGE). You need to discover what it was that made your unique pairing work.
2) Realize that the loss of friends is a NATURAL part of life. NOTHING is forever. You are lucky that at least he will be returning in 8 months. Some people leave your life forever. You need to re-frame this event to serve you, not shake your foundations.
3) Also let this experience teach you to "load balance" your friends. In other words, you probably put too much importance on this one friend. Where are your other friends? A single point-of-failure in your social network is not a good thing. You always need a backup. (You engineer geeks are probably getting a good laugh out of this analogy...)
Get back out there and replenish your social network.
What would you do if this was a woman? You'd go out and meet 10 more.
Why should this be any different?
Sunday, August 27, 2006
Last chance... URGENT!
I wanted to drop you blog readers a note and let you know about something MASSIVELY important.
Within the week, I'm going to be raising the prices on all of my products.
That's right - ALL of them.
If you're paying attention, reading the blog, you deserve to know first and get an opportunity to get everything at the OLD rates.
The following products will be raised in price by 9/4/2006:
- The Dating Black Book (e-book)
- The Secrets of the Alpha Man (CD)
- Approach Women NOW (CD)
- Alpha Immersion DVD program (DVD)
- The Seduction Method (e-book)
The Advanced Audio Coaching will be going up on 9/1/2006 (Friday)
This week is your last chance to get the current rate.
No kidding and no hype.
Another poor guy who won't get the woman he wants
k well what it is right is this girl I'm truly in love with we have been dating for about 6 months...
our sex live and everything is great im mean everything's perfect, i get along good with her parents they trust me and everything...
i do the most romantic things to her like the other day i bought her a ring she had picked out and i got some red roses and a cd of wich she calls our song... i take her to the movies hang out have fun she enjoys being around me i as i enjoy being with her... im a decent lookin guy not perfect...
And this other guy who has been seeing her lately was turned her towards him i don't no how and i don't no why...
i have no idea cause this bloke she is seeing is not the best lookin cookie on the shelf...
i just don't no what went wrong plz i need help on get my women back i love her...
I think that the help you need is going to be too late for this, my friend.
(I'm giving you tough love here, chap. Suck it up. This won't be pretty, but I can still save you heartache down the road.)
By now we all know that this situation is, to put it nicely, F*CKED UP.
You went too far, too fast, and you ceased to be a challenge to her. On top of that, I'll bet you supplicated to her, put her on a pedestal, and never set firm boundaries with her.
And now she's seeing another guy.
And you think she still wants to be around you?
Dude, you're in a state of complete DELUSION.
Every so often I still get an email like this, and it pains my heart to hear that my brothers are STILL not understanding that this kiss-ass, wimpy behavior DOESN'T WORK.
Here's a universal rule of life: If what you're doing is not working, STOP DOING IT. There's a definition that says insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results.
There is only ONE thing when it comes to dating and attraction: RESULTS.
If you aren't getting them, you aren't doing the right things. PERIOD. End of story. Zip up your fly.
Here's your rehab plan, my brother:
1) STOP doing the stuff you are doing right now. This is NOT how you build attraction with a woman.
2) Break up with this girl before she finally does it to you. (Because she WILL. I guaran-f*ckin-tee it.)
3) Get my Secrets of the Alpha Man program IMMEDIATELY. You are in great danger of becoming a cautionary tale. You know, those stories we tell other people to help them from becoming sad footnotes in history.
It's too late for her, but you might save yourself a few years of painful experience.
That's why I created this program. I was out there for 20 years getting beaten up dating women, and I decided it was time to figure this out. I didn't just read "The Game" by Neil Strauss - I LIVED this for years until I felt I could tell guys how to be REAL men.
It's the only way to succeed with women, and with life.
Find it HERE: Secrets of the Game
Saturday, August 26, 2006
Congratulations... you did nothing wrong.
I'm taking a class where there happens to be a lady whose always wanted to hook me up with her daughter that is a year older than me (24). We finally hooked up and on the second date I was able to not only kiss her but get her in bed, HER bed.
The next day I woke up early when she was in the shower getting ready for a doctor's appointment. Not to intrude on her time, I woke up and did her bed and left. She caught me at the door. I said I had to leave because something came up and hugged her and bounced.
The next day, I wrote her an e-mail telling her how much fun I had and that we should do it again. Her reply was that my "ops" were "covert" and what I did was "uncouth". I explained that I was trying to not intrude on her time. But, I haven't heard from her since.
Where did I go wrong, and what is necessary to do in order to save what's left and work on it, IF anything there actually is something left.
I'm not sure what that whole comment about covert ops and being uncouth was about, but here's the plain truth: You got everything she wanted to give you.
Congratulations, you did nothing wrong.
In her book, you two had a fun time and that's all she wanted. She's not looking for romance and a long term relationship in this. If she tries to shift any of the blame to you, it's in an attempt to maintain her self-image as a "nice girl." A "good girl" who "never does this sort of thing."
Now you're turning into a stage 3 clinger. Meaning, the more you try and make something out of what she considers a fun time, the more hopeless and desperate you appear.
The reality is that if you have the right attitude, quick sex isn't what you're trying to get. ESPECIALLY if you had any hopes to continue seeing her. Women often divide their dating into two areas: the fun and get freaky guys, and the stable "boyfriend" guys.
By being so darn good with my dating strategies, you managed to build attraction with a woman and have a hot night of fun.
What will happen next is that you'll either move on, or you'll start to stalk her because you feel a false sense of challenge.
I hope you'll make the right choice...
And it's probably time you learned how to make the right choice on this, too.
Get the Secrets of Attraction here
Friday, August 25, 2006
See Carlos' ABC appearance
See Carlos on ABC-7 as he discusses his experiment with Speed Dating events...
The show was specifically aimed at "dating events," so I couldn't go into much strategy, unfortunately.
The speed dating event was where I was doing research on other people's dating habits.
Thursday, August 24, 2006
Well, Carlos, I just moved back into school and got settled into my new apartment. It's been a slow couple of days, although I have been keeping busy, but I had a girl over last night who I talked to a few times over the summer and I knew was attracted to me.
We hooked up, a little buzzed from a couple of drinks and she said and did some stuff that got me thinking she is very possessive.
She wants to cook me dinner and made mention of being together and all this crap I hope was only drunk blabber. Furthermore, I think I realized after I "finished" my business, I really
didn't want anything to do with her. I almost immediately lost all attraction for her.
I don't want to be an asshole, but if she persists and continues to call me which she said she plans on, how can I get her off my back? Geesh... look what your material has done to me. :)
This is your opportunity to tell her "Hey, I think you're cool, but I think we should just be friends..."
And she'll probably still want you.. And you can then have more social proof with the other ladies at school ....
Be nice, because she could be nutty. You don't want to wake up and be in some lame teenage horror movie.
Trust your instincts. Most guys don't, and that's why they have problems down the road.
And if you guys want to learn what he did, take a look at THIS
Wednesday, August 23, 2006
Put yourself first now so you can put someone else first later...
I've got to say a big thanks for all the advice in your e-book, it has helped me endlessly. I decided to have a bit of fun over the last year or so, and in the space of a 5 months I had bedded 6 girls from work, who were just looking for a bit of fun also. Some days I would be really drained and pissed off as almost all the girls in my work would try and flirt with me or catch my attention. My work is really social and we go out a lot, and none of my mates really go out anymore so it becomes hard not to let one or two, or six! girls get a hold of me. All the emails I get from you, when I read the question, I know what the answer will be, but I have got into a bit of a pickle.
All of the girls from work have been kept quiet, so I do not have the image of being a player, but - I started seeing this girl in February, and have been bedding her every Friday or Saturday night since. The one problem is, that she stays with her boyfriend! We only recently started talking about why she was doing this, and she told me that if all was hunky dory at home, then she wouldn't be doing it. She said they never do anything together, and most of the time, in the evening, they are in separate rooms doing separate things. She said she was going to leave him and move in with a friend. I told her only to do this for herself, and not for me, which she said was why she was going to do that anyway.
Her brother had a party at the weekend and it all came out. They've not spoke much about it, but he left a note for her as she disappeared for most of the next day.
She said to me that she didn't realize how much she was hurting someone else, and she couldn't hurt someone else like that. Her mum says she should do whatever makes her happy, and she says she is a lot happier with me. So, she is just staying with this guy to make him happy. I have told her we need to stop our thing now, and it's better she decided now rather than later before I get hurt more.
I know the answer to much of the above will be not to get mixed up in (a) a work relationship; (b) someone else's girl, but please please tell me am I doing the right thing in walking away and leaving her despite her still obviously having feelings for me?
I've told her it needs to stop now, but have also told her life's too short to just make someone else happy, and not herself.
Thanks in advance Carlos for helping me steer my life in the right direction.
Well, if I were you, I'd be doing exactly as you are.
Guys too often get caught up in the pursuit of the one that got away. It sounds as if you understand that the only way to get this girl in the end (so to speak) is to let her go and experience her crazy state. Every woman goes to crazy-ville after a situation like this.
Honestly, if she's staying with him to keep him happy, she's got issues you don't need.
This is called co-dependence in some circles, and in my circle it's called LOW SELF-ESTEEM.
If she needs to avoid his bad feelings, it's obvious that she's more concerned with what another person thinks and feels than herself, and this is a recipe for doom. Nothing good can come of it.
Just don't get caught up in trying to get her to change her mind, or try to "save" her. Sometimes guys get a little too hung up on the "but I know she has feelings for me!" side of it.
Remember - if she feels for you, she will SHOW it. Words are meaningless when it comes to finding a woman you can stay with. You need a woman who DOES the things you need her to do.
This is why I tell guys that you need to sit down and write down your code of conduct when it comes to women. Establish what it is that you will and absolutely will NOT tolerate in her behavior. Only by having something like this in your head will you be able to screen out the negative influences on your attitude and life.
Here's an example of my Code of Conduct:
1) No deception of any kind - Do not lie, or conveniently leave out information that I should know.
2) Don't disrespect or mistreat me in any way
3) Do not take me for granted
If a woman breaks (or bends) these rules in a way that I find unacceptable, she is OUT OF MY LIFE. I don't give her a warning, unless her infraction was an accident. But I'll be sure to educate her.
I also make it a point to weave these into my conversation at some point. Not in an arrogant or stern way. I just find a way to discuss that I have self-respect and do not accept any kind of mistreatment. I also expect that she would want this same thing.
It's amazing how women that might otherwise test and "work" you will find a new level of good behavior when they learn that they are not going to get away with things with me.
I also make it clear that I've got values and certain things that I need to have in a woman that will keep her compatible. Things like a spiritual grounding, a positive and healthy lifestyle, and a stable and flexible attitude.
Remember, YOU are the one to lay down the law in the beginning. It's up to you to decide what kind of a relationship you want, no matter how long it lasts.
This is the essence of Alpha Male Posture.
Monday, August 21, 2006
The evolution begins...
I lightly studied your material for almost a year now, but in the last 2 months or so i've taken to it much more seriously. mainly because one of my friends brothers is a very good PUA, once we became friends he pushed me a long a bit and has helped to improve my confidence a lot and my outer game skills, and with closer look at your material (The Dating Black Book, the Seduction Method, the audio coaching sessions and newsletters) i have seen better and better results and feel a massive boost to my own self confidence. You were certainly right about having a good wingman improving your game a lot quicker than on your own..
Anyway to my question, my older friends think that i am not changing for the better because i can't seem to have a good time going out unless i'm interacting with women. Now this is great in terms of motivation for improving my game, but they think that i'll become like my friends brother constantly torn between several girls at a time (doesn't sound so bad to
While i love being with women and enjoy all aspects of the game from a successful seduction to a crash and burn and coming away with experience, i can see their point that i used to go out and have a good time without any of that being necessary and maybe its unhealthy if i'm becoming too reliant upon it? or perhaps they are just exaggerating because of jealousy.
Your opinion would be greatly appreciated Carlos, at the end of the day all i want (like everyone) is long term happiness, but i'm doubting which route i should take.
Let's be clear that every man has his own path to walk. Other people can give us all the suggestions they like, but the reality is that there are things in life we need to learn by EXPERIENCING them. We can't be told about them.
Getting better with women is one of those things.
So in short, no matter what route you take, do not DOUBT. If you are going to make a mistake, do it whole-heartedly. Give it all you got.
Most guys are running around out there doing their best to avoid failure, not realizing that failure is how we learn. If you didn't fail a hundred times when you were learning to walk, you would never have learned. you would still be crawling.
I can tell you that you do need balance in your life, and you should be doing more than JUST pickup with women. But if that is what is giving you short-term happiness, then you're not in a bad place. This is just where you need to be.
Eventually, you will evolve past needing to just go out and meet women. Especially if you find one that is worth keeping around for a while. But for the time being, follow your heart and your own internal compass, and learn to trust it.
If you get too caught up in second-guessing your actions, always worried about whether you're making a mistake, then you're always going to feel like you're doing something wrong. You'll always feel like you're holding back.
Your friends are probably concerned in one way, and jealous of your dedication in another. Just remember that the ALPHA Man knows that his path is his own. If he runs around worried about what other people think, he'll never fully live his own life, just the expectations of others.
If you want to know more about how to live this lifestyle, take a look here: Secrets of Inner Game and True Self-Confidence.
Thursday, August 17, 2006
Think about this....
I got this in a newsletter this morning:
"Worriers (and spellers) can be hired for minimum wage."
A lot of people waste a lot of time and energy worrying about what others think of them - which is actually the combo of ego amok and low self-esteem. Or worrying about problems that might arise - which is only useful in context of strategic planning and proactive prevention.
I like that explanation of worry. Especially the most damaging kind - worrying about what other people think about you.
This is the single most limiting mental trap you can fall into.
I cover how to overcome these mental traps in my Secrets of the Alpha Man program.
Wednesday, August 16, 2006
Tuesday, August 15, 2006
Miss June 2000 Playboy Playmate...
Well, the raves for the last seminar are coming in. Here's one from Henrik, one of the participants. This will give you a clue as to what you can get from the program:
The first word that came to my mind when walking out of the seminar was: Unbelievable. From a pure value perspective, this seminar provided the best material for the best price...it far exceeded my expectations. Regardless of where you are in your growth to becoming an Alpha Male, Carlos covers the necessary topics that are essential to your success.
The opportunity to approach Playboy Playmates and Lingerie Models, get their feedback and then use their advice in the hottest clubs in Vegas is Priceless. Honestly, if you can approach a Playmate, you can approach anyone.
The format of classroom learning during the day and then applying those principles in the field at night with Carlos as your wingman is ideal. He will literally approach a set with you, observe your interaction and give you with the necessary feedback to help you with any sticking point that you may have. He provides real world examples of everything that he teaches so you gain a better understanding of each topic. Carlos is the consummate professional and he takes the time to help you individually regardless of your ability.
Consider this an essential investment that will change your life forever. I certainly don't know of any other investment that can provide that type of return.
What? You didn't know that we had a Playmate at this event? Oh, yes. Shannon Stuart, Miss June 2000 was there, and she was as gorgeous as you might imagine.
Shame on you for not being there.
If you can't make our bootcamps or seminars, you can get the next best thing with the Alpha Immersion Program and get the experience in the comfort of your own home - no matter where you live in the world.
(I did have one guy fly in from Spain for the Vegas event, so the devotion is there... )
Monday, August 14, 2006
Sunday, August 13, 2006
I couldn't have said it better...
I wanted to include this for you to read. Mike really GETS it, and I think his explanation of what it's like to reclaim your identity (i.e., masculine identity) is REALLY like.
When someone has a breakthrough in understanding, their explanation is essential for you to read. You never know what will "turn the lights on" for you.
Remember, it's about being the REAL you, the one you are hiding under layers of bad social programming. Pay particular attention to his second paragraph and description of the feeling.
The beauty of being an Alpha Man is that you get a lot of side-benefits, too.
As a student of personal development, I am absolutely fascinated with human behavior and personal growth, especially in the area of being a better man. The Secrets of The Alpha Man program is a very unique experience for any man who wants to better his understanding of what is required to be an ALPHA MAN in this challenging world of ours. The modern world has brainwashed men into surrendering their "natural, instinctive, DNA programmed, Alpha Man heritage".
After reading Carlo's massive e-book, I came to realization that "I AM A ALPHA MAN", what has stunted my growth and instinctive behavior was bad "social programming", (which resulted in wussy, supplicating, approval seeking behavior "YUK"). If you doubt yourself for one minute, just try and remember a time in your life when you "felt" unstoppable, creative, passionate, and you just followed through without hesitation. If you can do that then you will have connected with that part of your natural being where "your true innate" Alpha Man resides, waiting for your call. The Secrets of The Alpha Man is Carlos's attempt to bring all men right back where they belong.
This journey is tough, intimidating and not for wimps, this for us guys who are restless with the status quo and want different and more fulfilling outcome. I urge you all to makes this investment...in yourself and discover "who you really are". The results are worth it, much more than just scoring with women, this will return you to the truth of who you really are and in return, one of the benefits will better success with the women in your lives and obviously the dating market place, not to mention other areas of our life.
I have noticed that my communication with other guys has been much more supportive and congruent even in the face of conflict, this is what being an Alpha Man is all about. As for women, my communication has become much more relaxed, no agenda, just an easy natural flow of communication without any hidden motive, this opens the door to what all men are after and that is fulfilling relationships.
Carlos, I want to thank you for taking the time to share your research with us and for creating an environment for us guys who have stepped up into the 10% club.
Friday, August 11, 2006
So I finally decided to take this seriously because I feel I have hit a boiling point. I am 20 and I feel that I am just bullshitting by just reading and not doing anything. So I found a wingman, and decided that this thursday, friday, and saturday I was going to hit up the clubs with my wingman. We really have no particular goal in mind, other than just getting out there and trying to approach some females. We did drink a little (not too much though) and I started just approaching random girls. One thing though that I have noticed that I feel is holding me back tremendously is my anxiety.
I feel almost too anxious to talk to girls. I seriously try to force myself and sometimes I do approach, but sometimes its just too hard. When I have been approaching I have been getting mostly the cold shoulder and I just walk away or something. I do feel a sting of rejection but I felt that I have handled it pretty good considering I don't have much experience with girls at all and it was a challenge to my self esteem.
I kind of made it my goal to just socialize and I just go in and talk to anyone, ask them questions, just try to get as sociable as possible. I guess I wrote in to get your feedback or some encouragement because its my first time really being sooo committed to this and I kind of have an attitude that I am going to persist no matter what because I know that success will come eventually.
I think I am going to start reading more now and actually applying specific things instead of just going out there just saying anything to get my anxiety handled.
What do you think Carlos? Do you have any tips or advice that would help? Thanks so much.
Your loyal customer,
You're getting the right idea.
At some point, you need to just say f*** it and get in there and get your hands dirty.
Where you are at right now is needing to get as much experience interacting with people. ALL people. ALL women. Not just hot girls or doing pickup.
Your commitment level is where it needs to be, and now you need to practice SPECIFIC strategies to use in approach. (The best ones are included as part of the Approach Women Program).
Right now you need to shoot for the lowest common denominator in your interactions. This means that if you are having problems getting the conversation started, get a TON of experience starting conversations with EVERYONE you meet or encounter.
If you're not talking to everyone you are weighting your approaches with anxiety because you think that only certain interactions are worth focusing on. In reality, NONE of them are.
Get to the point where your interactions are not weighted by expectation, then you can move to the next level.
The "Zen" lesson here is that only by making each conversation unimportant in the grand scheme of things can you then make the next conversation truly important to you and her.
Learn more about the next level in the Approach Women NOW program
Thursday, August 10, 2006
Carlos on Television...
Carlos will be appearing live on ABC's "View from the Bay" television show here in San Francisco on Wednesday, August 23rd. The show is a news-magazine style program with notable stars and guests, and now Carlos is one of them!
He'll be discussing dating events and dispensing dating advice for men ...
The show will air 8/23/06 at 3:00 PM Pacific time.
Watch here for updates...
Wednesday, August 09, 2006
Here's another comment ...
It seems that letter I covered in the newsletter has struck a nerve with a lot of readers... Here's another one:
Hey man, maybe you remember me. I'm the kid from Kenya that wrote you some time back, and you gave me true (though partly shocking advice) about the issue I had. (And you also said I won the Excited To Be Alive Award, and guess what I still am!) And that was before I got The Dating Black Book.
I don't think your reply to that guy was too nasty, it was real and to the point. Hell, let the other guys sugar coat that sh*t. I know cause I've been through the exact same experience with a woman who I swore was 'the One'. (Yes, I also spent ample time in Loserdom). That guy is suffering from a scarcity mentality. Let him know that
chick ain't doin' nothin' special; it's done all over the world, by women who need to be dropped like a hot rotten potato!
And he isn't her psychiatrist so he should stop trying to interpret what's going on - past relationships, anger...blah blah blah... What the f^*%? That chick is so totally damaged goods! He isn't here to save the world, and there are so many women! Where does he get the time to do all that? ...
And tell him, screw whatever she says. To paraphrase what you say in The Dating Black Book, she "says words because, well because she can say them, BUT HER ACTIONS SPEAK THE TRUTH"
P.S: I might be becoming a radio presenter in Nairobi soon, and I will definitely propagate the ideas you have taught me man! Your newsletters and The Black Book have had a profound impact on my life, and my friend's lives. Thanks again.
Well, that's another way to say it.
Just remember that women are wonderful, but there are still some that don't deserve to have you.
You must always remember that you live in a world of PLENTY, not scarcity.
The sooner you get rid of the bad ones, the sooner you get to the good.
Tuesday, August 08, 2006
A lot of comments...
I've been getting a lot of comments on my last newsletter. Here's one:
Just to be clear. I think that your "advice" is necessary reading for all
men who want to have a clue. Too many people ("friends") try to play you
for a chump--as you so eloquently put it--that you owe it to yourself to be
feared a little. It gets the girls, but also keeps the scumbags at a nice,
It's unfortunate, but true. Keep up the good work. Fu*&in' A right!
And thank you!
To read the rest of this controversial newsletter, go here:
DATING ADVICE NEWSLETTER
Piss her off - sometimes.
Carlos, Your Alpha Immersion program is awesome! This is the best stuff out there. No exclusive reliance on bullshit silly routines and fake openers. You really get to the essence of what this whole mind-set is about. There is no need to maintain a complicated system of procedures and processes in my head. You really helped me understand how to be myself that is the real self. The person I am with my friends and not worrying about pleasing women. I am starting to get-it. It is all about eliciting emotions in women.
Although, it seems that lately I have just been pissing them off.
I'm 40 year old guy so I don't have must interest in dating the really young ones. They are just too immature for me. So, I'm pretty picky about who I target. I do flirt with every cashier, hostess, server or sales girls but I don't try to go any further with it.
Ok, now for my questions. First the setup. I was out at this amazing party tonight. My friend has a friend who is hooked in and organizes these amazing parties with tons of beautiful women. In fact I was talking to a group of 3 and they were complaining that they were going to leave because they didn't like girls. The ratio was like 10 to 1!
Anyway, I worked my approaches and even tried some risky stuff just to have fun. I told the group of three, "You know I can handle all three of you." in a joking way. After they were complaining about not enough guys. They responded with attitude and one said "I don't think so!", so I just kept pushing it. Saying stuff like, "You have some attitude don't you!" You know just having fun. So this just sets the tone for you.
Later I'm talking to another girl and teasing her about smoking. She told me she only smokes when she drinks. Then she told me the story about how she started smoking. It was a pretty involved story. I then told her how I started and later stopped and we seemed to have a pretty good connection. I did a little light kino with her while were were talking and she responded as well.
After a bit she says. "I'm going inside and you are welcome to join me." I said. "I have to get back to my friends but maybe we'll hook up later. So, I see her later. She is with a group of guys and girls and I introduce myself to the group. At one point she starts talking about dating people at work. I then bust on her for dating co-workers _and_ being a smoker. At that point she looks at me and says. "You know what, we have met and I have had enough of your comments" and bails. Was she just not that much fun and I should just say next?
The thing is I managed to piss off several women. There was another one. She is pouring herself a drink and I playfully said, "You know you better be careful so you don't get drunk and try to take advantage of me." Ok, maybe that was little out there I hadn't talked to her before that. Anyway, she split. A little later I told her, "I was just kidding, lighten up." She said, "Oh I know I was kidding you back." But, I swear before that she was going out of her way to avoid me.
Ok, now another one. I'm talking to this different woman and we seemed to have a pretty good connection. We talked about skiing and snow boarding and I think there was some light kino. Not sure. Anyway, I ask her what else she likes to do besides boarding and skiing. She say's some stuff including I like to go out to dinner.
I said playfully, "Whoa I'm not taking you to dinner yet we just met." She says, in a not so playful manner, " I have no such expectations" and freezes me out but then comes back. We talk a little more then we go our separate ways. I can't quite remember how it went down. I'm drinking a bit but not a huge amount. So, I don't think that is a problem. Anyway, I try to hook up with her later as she is leaving. I put my arm around her waist and say something like, "You're not leaving yet are you?" "This is where its at." She grabs my arm, removes it and says, "Yes, I am" and splits.
Now, I wouldn't think too much about this if it was just one woman but, every one that I targeted? Much of them time I do fairly well at the bars and clubs and end up often doing some body grinding and sometimes making out. I'm confused. This was supposed to be a warm market. Got any insight? I know this was really long so cut it up however. I'm kind- of rambling I know.
The main thing is I want to learn from this but I'm not sure what that would be except that none of them were very fun. That doesn't seem likely. I don't think any of these women were particularly young. I would guess late 20s early 30s range. So, it doesn't seem to be that they were just young and flaky.
It's tough, isn't it?
Sometimes you don't know how to read them when you're trying out these tactics.
Let me make one recommendation for every Alpha Man out there: You need to go TOO FAR.
Most guys are too afraid of pissing women off, and in order to feel the limits of what's "Nice" and what's "Jerk", you have to go too far. Otherwise you'll be guilty of being intimidated by women as well as never filling the limits of your own life.
Once you feel that you've pushed the envelope a little, then you need to take a look at your actions a little closer.
- Are you being obnoxious instead of "cocky"?
- Are you still maintaining an edge of humor in your interactions?
- Do you think you might be working the 'arrogant' thing a bit too much?
It's not as necessary as you think to "neg" women or tease them if you can just be PLAYFUL. Remember, it's all about FUN.
If you're having this kind of a problem consistently, then you need to review your body language, tone, and presentation. There's something that's not working. My guess is that it has to do with the WAY you're using these cocky/teasing lines. It's probably a calibration issue.
The best way to get past this sort of problem is to review your presence through one of my seminars, or if you can't make the trip, get my Alpha DVD program. That will give you the best parts of the March seminar - the groundbreaking Alpha Immersion Seminar.
Monday, August 07, 2006
BAD DEDUCTION, you braniacs...
Here's an excerpt from an article I found online regarding music and teen sex.
The fact that they don't understand with this WRONG deduction is revealed at the end... This is why you can't trust everything you read or hear in the news, guys.
Study: Sexy music triggers teen sex
Monday, August 7, 2006; Posted: 11:40 a.m. EDT (15:40 GMT)
CHICAGO, Illinois (AP) -- Teens whose iPods are full of music with raunchy, sexual lyrics start having sex sooner than those who prefer other songs, a study found.
Whether it's hip-hop, rap, pop or rock, much of popular music aimed at teens contains sexual overtones. Its influence on their behavior appears to depend on how the sex is portrayed, researchers found.
Songs depicting men as "sex-driven studs," women as sex objects and with explicit references to sex acts are more likely to trigger early sexual behavior than those where sexual references are more veiled and relationships appear more committed, the study found.
Teens who said they listened to lots of music with degrading sexual messages were almost twice as likely to start having intercourse or other sexual activities within the following two years as were teens who listened to little or no sexually degrading music.
Among heavy listeners, 51 percent started having sex within two years, versus 29 percent of those who said they listened to little or no sexually degrading music.
Exposure to lots of sexually degrading music "gives them a specific message about sex," said lead author Steven Martino, a researcher for Rand Corp. in Pittsburgh. Boys learn they should be relentless in pursuit of women and girls learn to view themselves as sex objects, he said.
"We think that really lowers kids' inhibitions and makes them less thoughtful" about sexual decisions and may influence them to make decisions they regret, he said.
The study, based on telephone interviews with 1,461 participants aged 12 to 17, appears in the August issue of Pediatrics, being released Monday.
Most participants were virgins when they were first questioned in 2001. Follow-up interviews were done in 2002 and 2004 to see if music choice had influenced subsequent behavior.
What this article failed to tell you is that it's not necessarily the music that is making the kids participate in sex early.
The real reason is that the KIND of person who listens to that music (influenced by a million other factors) is also the KIND of person who has that dirty thing called (shhhh) s-e-x earlier than most.
There was a rash of blame laid on music corrupting kids all the way back to the 1950's, and there never has been a connection proven. Tipper Gore persecuted the music industry in the 80s, trying to show that songs made kids commit suicide and other ridiculous claims.
This is called a logical fallacy because as emotionally appealing as this kind of deduction may be, it doesn't make it true. It's a false conclusion.
Music doesn't corrupt people. They chose that music because they were already on that path.
Just helping you keep your grip on reality... :)
Sunday, August 06, 2006
Women are looking for you...
But will they find you?
Keep in mind that women actually WANT to find good men out there. Many will not date the guys they meet in bars or clubs, or they're so busy that you'll only find them in certain venues.
Read this article to find out some info from the other side of the Dating Dynamic:
Saturday, August 05, 2006
Here is a long question. I am involved with this woman that we have been connected for a long time. We go back and forth with the fighting and such.She says were are friends but act like more. Then she says I disrespect her when I tell her I love her.
But when we are together she acts differently when we talk on the phone or email. What she says and what she feels is different. There is so much fear and anger from past relations that is trying to recreate those. I can recognize that now.
She wants to end the contact but in her emails there is so much energy that I know she really does not want to. She went away for about 4 months and then came back.
She always give me hint of the connection. What do you think is the best way to get past her head.When she is not in the head she can feel but when she is it is difficult. Need some clarity. Thanks
Let me tell you something... Women have been playing this innocent dual-personality gambit for as long as time itself.
Hell, I used to get caught up in it before I learned what was really happening.
I'm going to be blunt here, since I'm in one of those moods. Plus, I just had my gums irrigated. And since I don't do anesthetics, I'm in a surly mood.
- This woman is probably damaged. In technical terms, she's f*$&ed up. "Fear and Anger" are not what you want, are they? I hope not. Make better decisions for yourself, even she can't for herself.
- Stop trying to interpret what she wants for her. You can't MAKE a person want you. If she really wanted you, she wouldn't be holding herself back. She'd be in your arms and in your bed.
- Go out and meet ten quality women (i.e., no baggage), and take it to a romantic level with them. If you still want this stunningly messed up specimen after that, by all means, go for it. But you know what? You won't.
- You're addicted to the variable reinforcement you're getting. Just when you are about to give up, I bet she gives you just the right amount of hope. It's classical addiction behavior. And if you don't watch out, it will ruin your Alpha Man attitude. (It already has made you waste time and energy in a relationship that has gone NOWHERE.)
- The concept of sunk costs says that no matter how much you want to , you can't recover money that has been spent, or invested without giving a return. It's gone. The best thing you can do is to go find a GOOD place to invest. But most people follow their (wrong) emotions that tell them if they just hang on a little longer, they'll get the Big Reward. So they continue to throw good money after bad.
When the game you're in is costing you more than it is returning, it's time to MOVE ON.
And then you need to learn how to change your attitude to be the Alpha Man that women want.
Sure, books like "The Game" have brought this area into the public eye, but if all you do is copy a bunch of techniques from some forum somewhere, you're not going to do well. You'll get blown out by women and your attitude will go right down the drain.
Instead, why not learn how to use your REAL personality to get women?
You can find out more on my Alpha Immersion web site...
Thursday, August 03, 2006
This email just came in. I feel like it's a cry for help from a guy that is rapidly going the wrong way. I want you to read it and see if you can read between the lines and see what is going wrong...
my gf broke up with me she said she needs time to think about our relationship and c if its the write thing for her i have been with her for 7-8 months
now and she told me she wants to move in with me and that she loves me..and
then she said i need to think about it... i bought a fucking house for her i
want her back please help.
J, this is a tough situation. It's not something I can answer for you in a single email, because there are deep problems here that need to be looked at.
1) Why in the world would you buy a house for a woman? (I know the answer to this, but do you?)
2) She needs time because she's not feeling attracted to you. (Yes, she can say she loves you all she wants, but that doesn't make it true, or make her stay with you.) Chances are, you're too needy or clingy and not demonstrating enough Alpha behaviors. You need to back off and let her breathe and discover why she needs you all on her own. If you meddle in it too much (I suspect you're calling or writing her a lot right now, aren't you?), you will push her even further away. GUARANTEED.
3) Why do you want her back? For her, or for you? If it's just for you, you'll never get her. If it's from a fear of loss, that's coming from NEED and a big hole within your own self-esteem.
Please take a look at my Dating Black Book right away. It's the only thing to save this relationship for you...
If things keep going the way they're going, you WILL lose her.
Wednesday, August 02, 2006
Delete her... then delete HIM.
I deleted my ex from my life. And as I said I'm meeting A LOT of women and it's a lot to keep up. But My Best Friend is still hanging out and talking to my ex. She stayed with him a week after we broke up. He and she said nothing happened but come on really.
But I've known this guy as a friend for about 12 years. I sent him an email saying its a slap in the face but how would you handle the situation?
thanks for all your help.
I'm sitting here with a wry smile on my face, shaking my head and sighing.
You can imagine what I'm thinking, can't you?
Your 'best' friend, huh?
Not really. Not if he "helps" a friend out like this.
Just imagine, a few years down the road, and you're hitting a tough spot with your wife. Your 'friend' says, "Hey, buddy, no worries. I'll help you out any way I can. You can even come here and stay at my place few days if you need to get away from her. I'll even go over and check to be sure your woman is okay, too. How's that?"
Wow. What a buddy.
What I sense here is a guy who doesn't feel you're an Alpha enough to stick up for yourself, or the sanctity of the friendship. Even if nothing happened (which I'll admit is a possibility), he should have refused if he was any kind of THOUGHTFUL friend.
I think that HE thinks you're a pussy, and he can walk over your friendship if it suits him. Then he's going to bang your confused little girlfriend. Sorry to be blunt, but I tell the TRUTH here.
You know what I say? F*ck all this feel-good nonsense and make sure he knows EXACTLY how you feel, and EXACTLY what the repercussions are for taking your friendship for granted.
You sent him an Email?
Are you KIDDING me? What kind of scolding is that?
Call him up and give him a piece of your mind. He's playing you for a chump, or he's got all the awareness of a piece of astro-turf. Either way, he needs a good talking-to.
No one respects what they do not fear a little, my friend.
Or at least fear losing.
I discuss this and many other essential elements of being a dominant male in my program: The Secrets of the Alpha Man.
PS: But once this has been resolved, please find a way to let it go and move on, for everyone's benefit.
Tuesday, August 01, 2006
New audio - Special News!
In case you didn't know, the brand new coaching session came out today. It's Session 35, and it continues our third year of providing you top quality monthly audio for you on the subject of dating and improving your confidence with women.
I've got a special announcement for you about what you can expect as we start Year 4, but first ...
Here's what you will learn in SESSION 35 - Advanced Audio Coaching - over 100 minutes of advice, tips, strategies, and exercises:
CJ INTERVIEW PT II - What turns a woman off, What a Bad-Boy is, What does a woman avoid, What are the qualities she wants, Personal tastes, and more ...
MORE INTERVIEW - How to handle it when a woman tries to change you, How to be a people magnet, How the abundance mentality fits into your social networking, How to be masculine when doing something effeminate, Finding your confident frame, What do women want to talk about, How a woman detects nervousness, Can you be nervous and still do okay?, How to present yourself best on the approach, How to motivate yourself to approach, When do things reach "game playing" for a woman, Handling age differences, and more ...
HIGH SOCIAL VALUE (HSV) - Being "cunning", Understanding the inner vs. outer game, What social status is, and why it is essential, How your friends sabotage you, How to handle it when your social circle tries to keep you from changing, How to establish respect, Using your Anger, How being self-interested helps everyone, why you MUST be consistent, and more ...
CERTAINTY - How sure are you?, The problem of the Hollow Pumpkin, Why you MUST have beliefs, What values and beliefs does a confident approacher have, The whipped dog syndrome, Take a Truth Inventory, Carlos' beliefs, How beliefs (frames) rule the interaction, The Journal exercise, the ONE essential belief you must have when you're around women, and more ...
PERFORMANCE REVIEW - Criticism vs. Feedback, How to get quality advice from others, How to approach and be safe, What you must assume of every woman you meet, Questions to ask, Using Inoculation, and more ...
HOW TO GET OUT OF YOUR HEAD - The BIG thinking problem most guys have when approaching women, Avoiding self-censorship, How to observe without criticizing, Thinking in-the-moment, Exercise to get out of your thinking: Observation Inventory, the Cliff's List example, How to get motivated and keep the conversation going in-the-moment, and more ...
BONUS E-BOOK with Motivational quotes, Carlos' recommended reading, Forum review and more...
AND MORE. Get it here: http://www.datingdynamics.com/audioprogsub.htm
And here's the special announcement: In Session 36 (starting Year 4 of the Audio Coaching), you'll also receive my new VIDEO coaching segments.
That's right, I will now be demonstrating concepts to you each month as well. Now you can see techniques shown to you in video, along with the regular audio, the e-book, and the mid-month bonus segments.
Here's the deal. I've been offering this program for a while now. Lately I've received a LOT of reader and subscriber feedback about what a high value the program is and how much guys are getting from it. Frankly, I've been giving it away.
Starting in September, I'll have to raise the cost of the Coaching by several dollars to reflect the value of the program. If you're already a subscriber, don't worry. You won't lose your current subscription rate.
If you have ever considered subscribing to the Advanced Audio Coaching program, NOW is the time. Don't miss out on this opportunity.
Guys that know me know that I don't do a lot of hype on my study materials because: A) they work, B) the quality has always spoken for itself, and C) the motivation that the program provides is ESSENTIAL if you want to build these skills. In my experience, most guys never reach their goal with women because they don't get regular reinforcement and motivation to keep learning and developing.
This is the single most important step you can take if you want true success with your at traction skills.
Get it now while you can still get it at the discount rate.
Remember that you get 5 bonuses with your enrollment in the subscription program:
1) Access to the Alpha Man Power Forum with hundreds of tips, posts, and advice you can discuss with other Alpha Men
2) A second bonus session of Audio Coaching - 100 more minutes of advice
3) Six additional hours of Carlos Xuma's first podcasts - MP3 Audio
4) A monthly bonus e-book
5) Monthly bonuses of Dating Advice Teleconference calls or bonus segments with exclusive Q&A
And - Coming in September - Video Coaching now with every Session.
If you sign up in September, you'll still get all the bonus materials and the new video, but you'll miss out on the discount rate for the subscription. So download it now: Advanced Audio Coaching
PS: Remember that you can even burn your own CDs from the downloadable content (for private use only.) New subscribers also get instructions on this process.
PPS: Starting in Session 36, I'll also be covering R.E.A.L. Game (TM) in detail with an in-depth review of my latest material. You don't want to miss this new inner and outer game material.
u r ma guru man... I have been following seduction methods year now n everything u say works..man u rock...but I wish u could put some light on long term relationships.
Well, I soon plan to add more of that element.
The fact is that all the things you are using to "seduce" a woman - (really this is nothing more than building the right amount of 'starting energy' called ATTRACTION) - these are the same things you need to do during a relationship to keep things going.
This is why, in my opinion, a lot of relationships fall into trouble. Because one (or both) of the people stop giving it any energy or effort. They get lazy.
Ask a woman if she wants to be seduced, and she'd answer: "Yes - every night."
PS: Guys, please watch your use of abbreviations. Not for me, mind you, but for the women you email. If you're in a chat room, well fine. But don't expect a woman to enjoy figuring out "u r grt n I wnt to c u l8r."