The TRUTH About Dating and Attraction: Using technology like webcam chat dating...

Thursday, 3:19 PM: Carlos Xuma's Desk...

Webcam Chat Dating QUESTION:

I've been online for a little while now and I've been using webcams to chat with women and find women for dating.

I'm not sure I'm doing a good job of this, though, because I'm not a tech "geek," and I'm not really all that comfortable presenting myself online to women this way.

Do you have any tips for a guy trying to use webcam dating to chat with women?

I'm sure other guys would like to know this, too...

CARLOS XUMA'S ADVICE:

You know, you hit that on the head. A lot of guys have been asking me about using new technology to help them meet women, and dating online and using chat with a webcam is just the start of it.

It used to be just a year or two ago that using webcams was just not practical. People were still using slow internet connections, and it was hard enough to get people to use online dating at all, much less webcams to chat online for dating women.

It's not hard to do, but you need to keep my 5 tips in mind when it comes to using a webcam for chat and online dating:

Five Power Tips for Webcam Chat Dating:

1. You must make sure your chat setup is correct

2. You must make sure you've got a good environment

3. You must make sure you've got a good appearance

4. You have to make sure you're ready with your presentation

5. You have to avoid any "creepy" elements from sneaking in

 

Now let's go into each of these in more detail...

1. First, there's your setup.

This is the technology setup that you are using for your dating webcam chat.

A. Are you using a good webcam?

You need to be sure that it's a USB 2.0 or Firewire webcam that captures at least 10 to 15 frames per second. (Don't worry about the techno mumbo jumbo. Just check the specifications and it will tell you. Most current webcams are capable of this.)

B. Do you have a fairly recent computer?

My recommendation is always to buy a Mac, but you can still do webcam chats with Windows computers. Just make sure your "driver" software, or your chat software is the most curent level. For example, if you're using AIM (AOL instant messaging), go to their site and make sure it's up to date on the latest version.

C. Are you practicing safe webcam dating chats?

Make sure you have the usual complement of antivirus software and firewall software. Each performs a different function, and each of them can get in the way of your webcam chats, so understand how the software works.

D. Have you tested it?

Make sure you test your setup with a friend and get the hang of it first. You don't want to look clueless when you start doing dating webcam chats. Remember, guys need to look confident and IN CONTROL. Being disorganized and getting disconnected will make you look like a dork. Easily avoided by testing.

2. Next, there's your environment.

A. Do you have adequate lighting?

I can't tell you how frustrating it is when I've used a webcam chat to do the online daitng thing and the other person looked like they were in a dungeon. Not kinky - Creepy. I'll talk more about creepy in the last section...

B. Do you have a clean area and a nice background?

You don't need a greenscreen special effects setup like they use at Lucasfilms, but you should have a clutter-free area that looks good on camera.

C. Have you gotten rid of distractions?

Turn off your cell phone and your home phone. Close the door to the room you're in. Kick the pets out for the time being, unless your fluffy Persian is an asset that you think would look good on camera.

3. Next, there's your appearance.

A. Do you have a clean outfit to wear on the webcam chat?

You don't have to be in a 3-piece suit, but you do have to look presentable. Don't wear things that are mismatched (bad color choice), or clothes that don't fit. Also, don't wear any t-shirts with sayings or slogans on them, unless you've "field tested" it on at least 20 other women that can say it's definitely cute AND attractive.

B. Are you well groomed?

Yes, the resolution on most webcam dating chat rooms is not all that spectacular, but you want to make sure your hair is neat and stylishly cut, and your facial hair is neat. Sorry, walrus mustaches went out in the 1970s... actually, they were NEVER in style.

If in doubt, ask ten of your favorite "tell you like it is" friends for their opinion.

Then LISTEN TO THEM.

4. Okay, how about your presentation?

Obviously this is what I cover with you in my CD and DVD programs, but you should be aware that the same Alpha Man behaviors that make you attractive in person should be used when using dating webcam chats.

A great general rule of thumb is that you should never do on a webcam what you wouldn't do with that person in the room with you.

Keep yourself in the frame at all times (meaning that the cam can see you, and you're not focused in on your shoulder and the left side of your face or something.) Pretend you're lining up a shot to be used in a movie, and you'll have no problems here.

Make sure you use good qualifying questions like these:

• Are the kind of woman that likes to travel, or are you more of an "indoor" girl?
  
  
• How would your best friends describe you? How would an enemy describe you?
  
  
• If your life was a movie, who would star as you? Would it be a comedy, a drama, or something else?

Your questions are intended to be fun, but revealing.

5. Finally, there's the "creep factor."

No, not meaning that you ARE a creep, but you must assume that every woman you meet in a webcam chat for dating is probably looking at you as a possible creep. You must put up every indication that you are a sophisticated, worldly and Alpha Man.

Get rid of any pictures that don't communicate the kind of presence you want her to feel from you. In other words, no velvet paintings of Elvis, no Playboy pinups, none of that stuff.

Be careful about whiteboards and cork boards where you might not realize that what is written behind you could be turning her off.

Women interpret every last bit of what they hear and see of you on a dating webcam chat. You must make sure you control that impression so that you come across as favorably as possible.

Being the kind of man that attracts women and keeps them isn't hard at all. It just involves learning a few new skills.

I want to give you that deep understanding and ability with women that you've always wanted. I have a full set of tools and techniques that will improve your game with women MASSIVELY.

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Most guys spend almost NO time working on their Inner Game and confidence ... instead, they spend time learning "pick up lines" and other USELESS fluff.

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I'll talk to you again soon,

Your Friend,

- Carlos Xuma

And if you haven't taken a minute to download your copy of my online ebook "The Dating Black Book," then go get it right now. This book covers all the basics of dating and attraction you need, and it's the foundation of my methods.

You can download it and be reading it in just a few minutes. Just go here:

Dating Advice for Men: The Dating Black Book

It's all about your Inner Game...

If you want to email Carlos a question, send it only with THIS EMAIL FORM.

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