Friday, May 30, 2008

Negative Personal Ads

I got this little tidbit from my good pal, Dave M.

Take a read through this article excerpt, then go read the whole thing...

What do you think? Do negative ads work? Should they work?

Open Hostility
Are negative personal ads refreshingly frank or just angry?

By Amy Sohn (Email) Published Oct 16, 2005

Any Internet dater is familiar with the personal-ad format: You toot your own horn to the point of ridiculousness and then, just so the reader doesn’t think you’re completely egotistical, throw in a mildly self-deprecating comment for good measure. If the ads are to be believed, everyone who dates online is intelligent, fit, caring, sensitive, and, of course, unmarried. But the truth is, anyone posting a personal ad is acknowledging their own singlehood, so when we read those self-aggrandizing adjectives, we know they mask someone more vulnerable than the ad might have us believe.

Aware of this, some posters choose to undersell, mocking themselves and potential respondents at the same time. They see their dark worldview as something to be proud of, not to hide, and post ads like “In search of bird with broken wing,” “Total jerk seeks total bitch,” or “Damaged Goods.” The philosophy is that honest, if negative, ads will reach the right people. And if these ads attract more psychos than the positive ones, at least the psychos make for more interesting dates, these posters say.

My friend Tim, 43, a storeowner who looks like John Lurie, calls himself the “king of negative personal ads.” He’s posted negative ads for three of the four years he’s been Internet dating, with headlines like “Seeking pre-operative Jewish girl,” and “Ex-girlfriend look-alike contest,” and says he feels he’s found the G-spot. “I finally reached the demographic I was seeking,” he says. “I realized I was less interested in trying to impress them with a well-selected restaurant than in finding the right wavelength.” That wavelength, he says, is “a kindred spirit I can have sex with, a chick who likes Bukowski.”

When he posted an ad on Craigslist recently that said “I hate you already,” he got dates with two women. One was on crutches and the other had just had knee surgery. I told him that with an ad like that, he’d gotten what he asked for. “I’m not trying to woo innocence,” he says. “I’m not looking for someone to take home to Mama.” Then why not place an overt casual-sex ad? “Because I don’t want to have sex with someone I’m not interested in. I want to watch a Fassbinder film with a woman, pause, have sex, and then watch the third act with her.”

alpha man | how to talk to women | approach women | dating advice for men

Tuesday, May 27, 2008

What are women thinking?

Question from a "confused" reader:

Carlos, I just got your
Dating Black Book and I wish I would have gotten it a week earlier.

I very confused by this fun and pretty girl. We met at a party, I laid low for a few days, then asked her to come with me to a fashion show (she's a print model so i knew she would come). The date went well and we had dinner after the show, she asked all the questions that showed she was interested in me (my family, background, goals, etc). We made out, got way too drunk, then I took her back to her place and I kissed her good night, and told her I wanted to come in, but I never do that on the first date, she looked confused but relieved at the same time. Clearly that doesn't happen to her often.

We had some flity texts the following week and I thought she was into me. I waited a few days and coincidentally I got tickets to one of her favorite bands that she told me about on our date. I left her a funny voicemail telling her should wouldn't beleive what I received that day. No call. In fact I didn't hear from her at all. So I waited 3 days, and texted her a funny text, she came right back within minutes...

She replied that she was having drinks with a friend. So I wanted to stop this game and told her to enjoy her night, and maybe we could get together later in the week.

So Carlos, I'm confused. Date 1 went great, I followed up with fun texts letting her know I enjoyed the night. I faded back for a few days to give her space, then when I try to see if she wants to go out again, she acts aloof, and then says that she has plans and tries to counter with some lame brunch during the day.

But what really got me is that she re-initiated contact with her text to me when she was having drinks with a friend during the night I proposed to take her out.

Clearly I was on her mind, and I don't thinks she's a mean girl, but was she trying to make me jealous or is she crying for attention from me?
______________________
CARLOS XUMA ANSWERS WITH A REVELATION:

Yep, she really got you, all right.

What I'm about to say is going to come as a revelation to some of you, and others will hear this and say, "Huh?"

If you're one of the latter, keep re-reading this until you get it...

Are you ready for the revelation?

Here it is:

Women are only thinking about you when you're in their presence, or you have generated enough attraction for her to want to be in your presence again.

Let me say that another way, because it may not be clear enough...

Women don't think about guys unless they are interested in them enough to want to be with them again - and follow through.

Let me ask you this:

If you were into a woman, and she called you up and said, "Hey, let's go out to Sam's Cafe and get a beer tonight," would you refuse her?

Hell no! You'd go.

Because you were interested, and there was an
opportunity to act on it and get what you wanted.

Now, for some reason we guys seem to think that women really play this hard-to-get thing seriously and for some reason a woman in the same situation wouldn't say yes. She would say no just to be coy.

Uh, no. If she's into you, she'll find a way to get with you.

Women do not sit around and plot out elaborate ways to deny themselves pleasure.

Really.

Your job is to drive her interest level in you up so high that she
CANNOT refuse a date with you under any situation.

That's it, my man. That's your duty. Anything else is playing it safe.

What you're guilty of here is mentally creating her attraction based on the fact that she showed you a
SMALL, slight indication of interest. Her calling you does not constitute interest on her part, as much as I'd like to tell you that.

Sorry, but that's just a momentary fluctuation in her mood.

She was probably just trying to make herself feel better for having backed out on your plans. (Women do this
A LOT as a way to maintain the image of the "good girl.")

Is she interested in you?

It doesn't matter until she follows through on it.

Let me put it this way: You have no room for a woman in your life that is interested in you
BUT goes out of her way to deny herself (and YOU) the reality of actually getting together.

You get me?

Just imagine what kind of games are in your future with a woman who would keep this B.S. up.

This kind of game playing is infantile and immature, and you don't have the time for it. Your life is busy - hell,
CROWDED - with women to get with.

Isn't it?

If it isn't, you should get busy learning the
Alpha Lifestyle and my Advanced Secrets of the Alpha Man program.

Remember my Rule of Attraction: A woman isn't into you until she takes
ACTION on her desire.

alpha man | how to talk to women | approach women | dating advice for men

Monday, May 26, 2008

When The Feminine Mystique Is Broken - The Spell Is Lifted

Thanks mostly to your program I have progressed in a couple of years from being dateless and a virgin to dating beautiful women. It's been hard but so worth it! Bulding up self-esteem was critical part for me as well as dispelling some of that mystique that beautiful women have around them.

This is something I have not seen covered it your materials but I feel it's crucial.

A few days ago I went through a breakup with a woman of my dreams. She is not just physically beautiful but successful and intelligent. What has really surprised me in her was her honesty and well-intentioned criticism of me which has pushed me to be a better man. This is a person I could grow much faster with. It was a challenge to my character and hard as it was at times I stuck with it.

Due to me wimping out on occasions, our age difference and her desire to have a child we broke up. But I believe if I didn't wimp out we could have had a future.

I can deal with this, heart-breaking as it is. I'm not writing to ask how to get her back. Carlos, I have approached several hundrededs of women (maybe more). When I started on this journey I had a high expecation of women. Most of those were destroyed when I realised most women don't have confidence or high-character. But this is a real alpha-female and I have been fortunate to meet her.

I can't be with a lesser woman. I'm at a point where it seems hopeless to find one on par to this standard. I am doubting I can find one like her again. Please, give me some hope and perspective Carols because it's all crumbling down as is my motivation.

After a great success everything becomes ordinary.

Thanks,
J from Sydney
______________________
CARLOS XUMA ANSWERS:

Congratulations! The Spell has been lifted! You can now see the Matrix for what it really is.

You're in an interesting place right now. It's something like this...

When you're a kid, you don't even realize what it's like to be interested in girls. All you ever do is play with your toys, watch TV, play video games...

Play play play.

Girls are just that strange alien life form that you don't understand.

You smile, you shrug, and then you go back to playing with your Legos or your action figures.

Then comes a time when you're about 9 or 10 years old (some younger, some much older) where you start to really find yourself staring at hot women in ads and on television. And suddenly Sally next door looks pretty interesting to you. You start to wonder what's going on under that dress of hers.

In other words, you experience what I call the "Mind Switch." It's a significant change in your perspective that changes the way you think forever.

Just like finding out Santa Clause was made up.

Once you flip these Mind Switches, you're never the same man again. You've just grown up a little.

It's like this once you realize that you can actually use the Alpha Strategies and techniques that I teach to attract QUALITY women. This is not like making out with a drunk girl in a bar that you'll never talk to again.

This is REAL attraction.

With a REAL woman.

And it's the REAL reason you become a confident Alpha Man - so that you can get the GOOD ones. The QUALITY women.

Your perspective on this situation is pretty simple:

1) You now know that there is a much more attractive and satisfying kind of woman to pursue in life.

By the way, this is the same experience for a woman to find a guy that is truly ALPHA. It's a whole new level of attraction and satisfaction.

This is what it's like for a woman to find a guy that is truly ALPHA, and it's the same thing for a guy when he finds an "Alpha" woman.

2) You now know that you can actually ATTRACT these high quality women when you find them.

You see, if you had just stayed at the level of a mere "pickup artist," you'd be going to bars every night, working on your "game," and pretty much not develop beyond that limited sphere of interacting with 22 year old party girls.

Hey, that's fine, for a little while. It's a great training ground. But it's also very limited. Kind of like being an actor stuck playing the same scene over and over and over and over again.

Maybe you've seen the movie "Groundhog Day" with Bill Murray where he keeps waking up and re-living the same day over and over again.

(Bar and club pickup is just like the movie "Groundhog Day" for this reason.)

So when you learn the big picture, you can also see a whole new playing field.

HERE'S WHAT'S GOING TO HAPPEN TO YOU NEXT...

You're going through your next "Mind Switch" where you go from idolizing and worshipping women, to being a little disappointed in them. You realize that the illusion and overpowering magic of femininity is just that - an elaborate game of hide-and-seek.

You were seeking her purity, and she hides her not-so-attractive qualities.

Right now you're realizing that there are women out there that you do NOT want to have a relationship because of the disastrous and catastrophic effect they would have on you.

(Sadly, many men just marry the first woman who will sleep with them, and they end up with 3 kids, a dead marriage, and eventual divorce by the time they're in their late 30s. Don't be this guy. Choose well.)

And then you realize that it's not women that you were chasing all this time. It was all a fantasy and a dream.
The NEXT big Mind Switch you're about to go through is where you have to RE-learn your appreciation for women again, only now it's from a completely different perspective.

You're about to go on the best part of this journey of learning how women work and what women want.

It's where you get past the clever media advertising and the social pretenses. You stop seeing women as objects and you start seeing them for what they are... as flesh-and-blood beings, capable of being a wonderful addition to your Alpha Lifestyle.

They don't "complete" you.

YOU complete you.

You also discover that with this new Mind Switch, attracting women is now SIMPLE - mostly because you no longer project neediness and desperation for women.

Yes, I know there's a short period where you're a little bummed and disillusioned, but that's okay. We all go through that. A mature and capable adult gets past this in no time at all and grows from the experience.

This is also another one of those things I call the "high quality problem."

In other words, it's a good problem to have.

Would you rather be ignorant and getting NO success with women, or ...

Would you rather be getting so much success with women that you can now relax and see them as normal human beings?

Now you can find the magic of REAL life rather than the false magic of mental illusion.

Welcome, Neo, to the REAL world.

If you're reading this right now and you want to know how to break out of the Matrix and become the Alpha Man that women want, you need to read my groundbreaking e-book: The Dating Black Book.

Get your copy and never be confused about women and dating again...

Carlos Xuma
http://www.datingdynamics.com

alpha man | how to talk to women | approach women | dating advice for men

Friday, May 23, 2008

Dating Tips For Guys

QUESTION FROM A READER:

Hi Carlos,

First off, thanks for the great information you present in your programs! I have several of them and they really have helped me to not focus on getting a woman to fulfill my life, but to have a fulfilling life first and then having the women follow.

I have a question though that I think is not covered in your programs: I'm working towards having a more social life and expanding my social circle, and although my friends invite me to events sometimes, this is not happening on a weekly basis (besides, if I want to be an Alpha man, I should eventually be the one taking the lead and making plans for everybody!).

The problem is I tend to be more of an introverted person, and the activities I'm into (playing percussion, racing with my car on a race track, learning salsa dancing, reading self-improvement material, to mention a few) do not lend themselves to socializing much.

Instead of the usual stuff (going to see a movie, bowling, eating out), what example activities do you recommend that are of general interest and lead to socialization/bonding? I have gone online and searched for event calendars for events where I live, but these event calendars either mention few events and/or they're not particularly interesting (at least to me).

What do you recommend doing in this case? For example, what does your typical weekend look like? I'm thinking that if I can have activities planned out for every weekend, not only will my social circle expand, but then it'll be easier to plan dates with women (since I don't have to make plans for her on the spot, I already have them ready!)

Any guidance you can give me in this regard will be greatly appreciated. Thanks in advance!

Regards,

J. H. from Miami
______________________
CARLOS XUMA ANSWERS:

Hey, Jessie...

You might want to try some of the events that don't "sound" too interesting and do them anyway. We're all guilty of staying in our comfort zones a bit too much, and often we try and project our future interest level and how much fun we'll have before we even try it.

Don't try to predict how much fun you'll have. Instead, get out and DO IT.

Most of what you find interesting today started out as something that you didn't know would be interesting at first. But you tried it, and here you are.

Most of the dating tips for guys that you find seem a bit uncomfortable to use, but if you try them and use them with the right attitude, they work fantastic. But, unfortunately, most people don't USE the advice that works just because they discount it or dismiss it in their heads.

I'd say about 90% of the people I know try to predict how fun something is based solely on things they already like to do, and they talk themselves out of things they've never even tried. Now, if you never try anything new, you pretty much know how it's going to turn out, don't you?

Second, you might try looking in more than one location for things to do. I've found that most people will try, but to really DIG into the events in your area, you're going to have to a little bit of work.

Here are some ideas:

- Look on Craigslist

- Look around for unknown publications or cult newspapers

- Go online and really search the hell out of your location on Google: "singles events Detroit" for example.

- Use your search as an approach opener for women you see on the street: "Hey, I'm trying to find some cool things for me and my friends to do... What do you do on the weekends here?"

- Go to every store in your area and chat up the female (and male) clerks. Ask them: "So do you know any killer cool things to do here that I haven't found yet? I'm on a hunt for adventure..."

I guarantee you if you ask enough people, you will find some really cool stuff out there.

Start with that, and then let me know what happens...

For more Dating Tips for Guys, take a look at this article...

alpha man | how to talk to women | approach women | dating advice for men

Thursday, May 22, 2008

Here are some notes on success...

Dan Kennedy is one of those lucid writers who knows how to cut right through to the good stuff.

Read his explanation of how to achieve the goals you set for yourself.

And while you're at it, keep this in a frame where you think about this not as SALES, but as selling yourself in the dating and relationship marketplace...


______________________

Paul Meyer said: if you aren’t achieving what you want to achieve, it is probably because your goals are not clearly enough defined. Maxwell Maltz would say that they aren’t transferred into sufficiently vivid, complete and frequently looked at mental pictures. All that is valid but incomplete; only the first square on the achievement game board.

Another piece; from The Renegade Millionaire System: BEHAVIORAL CONGRUITY. You must bring your behavior congruent to your goals. It is very important to link goals and behavior.

Another piece: resources. Can’t build a nest without twigs, grass, leaves and super glue. Gotta gather up the stuff to do the job.

Another piece: action.

Another piece: decisive, quick, ruthless discard and destruction of whatever or whoever stands in your way. Most people have far too high of a tolerance level for dysfunctional people, distractions and piles of dung flung at them.

Another piece: extraordinary, aggressive, progressive marketing and promotion. Make no mistake: having an excellent product or delivering exceptional service is not enough. Not even close. Nor is credibility. We live in a very cluttered, competitive and fragmented marketplace filled with both overt and stealth advertising.

You need realistic assessment of what you are up against, in terms of getting through to people, earning their attention and interest, motivating them to fit you into their busy lives. These days, asking for time from people is at least as difficult as asking for their money.

alpha man | how to talk to women | approach women | dating advice for men

Monday, May 19, 2008

Flowers?

There is something that puzzles me. Should I give a woman flowers on the first date or on the second or third time that I see her. If I do, won't she know that I like her and she will the power to reject me.

But buying flowers for a girl is such a common practice or have we guys been doing the wrong thing? I am always so tempted to buy flowers for the girl that I like but fear letting her know too prematurely that I like her.

So should I play it cool?
______________________
CARLOS XUMA ANSWERS:

Well, I'm glad you contacted me. After you read this, you won't be confused anymore.

Let me clear this up for you:

Never buy a woman flowers...

But that's only until you understand the complete reason WHY you don't buy a woman flowers.

THEN you can buy a woman flowers.

When you give a woman flowers, what you're saying is this:

"I'm inadequate as a man to attract you with the primal and sexual methods, so I'm going to resort to bribery to get you interested in me."

Sounds kinda crazy, doesn't it? But that's the reality. You see, most guys are on autopilot when it comes to their dating habits... and as a result, they're crashing and burning.
I get this question about flowers a lot, and I have to admit I'm always amazed that in this day and age we still think that this is the correct way to attract a woman - by giving her gifts of affection to 'prove' ourselves to the woman.

Here's the reality you need to understand:

Watch the guys that attract women on a regular basis. Not the ones that are running pickup lines on drunk chicks in bars. I'm talking about the guys that can walk up and approach a woman on the street without any hesitation.

These guys that are most successful with women do NOT give women flowers.

They give women the gift of Alpha Confidence. They show a woman that they are valuable by not trying to give away their value when they walk up and start a conversation. It's not overt or pushy, or even "cocky," really.

It's simply them being sure that talking this woman is NOT the most important thing for them at that moment.

You see, most guys use flowers as a crutch and a lame way of saying: "I really like you. I need to impress you, because I don't have enough personality or charisma to do it with ME. So here are some flowers. Do you like me now? Here, let me compliment you on how beauuuutiful you are. Do you like me now? Can I get your number? Get a date? Get get get get GET GET GET..."

Ooh, that's a wicked little spiral for you to get caught in, my friend. Don't let it get that far.

I also want you to remember this rule of life: If everyone is doing it, it's probably not a very powerful strategy.

Of course I'm not talking about eating and bathing and brushing your teeth. Those are good ways to be like most people.

I'm talking about the behaviors that you see out there that are NOT getting results.

If what you're doing is not working for you - STOP doing it and re-think it.

And I don't mean with your logical mind, either.

Chances are, logic and rational thinking hasn't gotten you too far with women, has it?

Well, perhaps it's time for a new strategy that is proven and WORKS.

Yes, play it cool. Chill out. Relax.

All that nervous and anxious energy you have about women gets communicated when you find one you like and probably will scare her right off.

Remember that the Alpha Man has about a dozen other cool things he could be doing at any given moment. And that even means a dozen things other than talking to a woman...

alpha man | how to talk to women | approach women | dating advice for men

Sunday, May 18, 2008

How quick to you want to respond to a woman?

Hey Carlos,

I love your material. I've read the Dating Black Book and I'm going through Approach Women Now - um, now.

So here's my question: How quickly do you recommend responding to emails and phone calls from women?

I've been trying to play it cool in terms of how quickly I respond to a few women I'm interested in. But I think I've been playing it too cool. Sometimes I don't respond by email or phone for several days after I hear from them. I was hoping that my aloofness would drive their interest - but I don't think it has.

I wonder if by not getting back to them in a timely manner I'm sending the wrong message - that I'm not interested in them. Also, perhaps I'm setting an example, basically showing that it's okay for them to be slow in getting back to me. At the same time, I'm worried that if I respond quickly I will come across as needy or overly-interested. (I'm at the computer all day long so I can respond to emails whenever I want.)

I often pretend I'm too busy in order to make myself seem more valuable, but this hasn't worked well for me so far.

I'd love to hear your thoughts on this.

Thanks a lot.

Bill
______________________
CARLOS XUMA ANSWERS:

A lot of guys are hung up on the whole "How soon do I call her?"

After all, you don't want to call too soon and look needy. But on the other hand, when you realize that you've probably been doing this most of your life, you realize that another method is necessary. But then you end up going too far in the opposite direction and she loses interest.

I remember distinctly reading some other "guru's" advice about this where they said that you need to wait between 5 and 9 days to call a woman back.

WHOAH!!!!

No way. You only do that if you:

1) want to make sure she forgets you (because no matter how slick you were on that first approach, there are a dozen other guys she will meet between then and your eventual call, and

2) The more time that goes by is the more time she has to figure out why you two wouldn't work out.

In the absence of positive evidence, we all start to draw negative conclusions. I don't care how much of an optimist you are.

So here's the reality, from my keyboard to your brain:

Call her when it's time to call her.

A lot of guys want the whole "I'm so busy that you should be attracted to me" thing.

Here's a little news-flash...

(Whisper:) It has to be REAL.

Uh, yeah.

Pretending that you're busy is like pretending that you're a rock star. You'll be deluded, you'll look foolish, and you'll be hurting your game.

When you sit around waiting on a woman's call, you'll just be creating MORE neediness and desperation. That doesn't change just because you're pretending to be busy.

Here's a really novel suggestion: Why don't you GET busy for REAL?

That's how this works to make people more interested in you. If you're just playing Mr. Popular, you won't have the same effect on people.

Don't be a pretender. Be a REAL Alpha Man.

It works out much better for you in the long run.

Go out for the next 5 days, whether you have something to do or not. Start by creating a hive of activity in your life and let that be the fuse that lights the bomb of your social life.

It won't happen on its own, that much I can guarantee you.

So go light it.

And if you need to learn the skills to approach women and create this social life explosion, go look at my program for approaching women. I'll let you decide if it can help you out...

- Carlos

alpha man | how to talk to women | approach women | dating advice for men

Sunday, May 11, 2008

Are We Becoming Anti-Sexual?

I just saw a spot on BBC news over here in Greece that highlighted a man's book about the best places in Paris to watch women.

Then they promptly brought on a butch lesbian woman to protest it and call it demeaning to women.

WHATEVER.

God, I love media distortion.

Well, the truth is that if you know what to look for, you won't be fooled by messages like this. They appear often on the television, and if you're not careful, you might think that they're real.

The message goes something like this:

"{news item of lurid and normal sexual content}"

followed immediately by:

"{contrary opinion that might seem sensible if you're not paying attention}"

and finally leaving you with:

"{confusion and more internal contradiction making you feel self-conscious about your natural masculine desires...}"

And you just feel:

"{SHAME}"

Guys everywhere, let's proclaim with confidence:

"We love looking at women! We think about sex! And we don't care if you know about it!"

Now, I'm going back to my vacation here in Greece where I'm looking at all the naughty parts that are supposed to make you feel bad.

:-)

- Carlos

alpha man | how to talk to women | approach women | dating advice for men

Friday, May 09, 2008

Cocky and Funny

Hey Carlos!

Thanks for writing the Dating Black Book. It is very well written and I'm on page 400.

However, my experience is this: I see an attractive woman and I get this serious attitude. This is a person an individual that should be respected as such. Trying to be "cocky" or funny seems like a good idea or teasing her seems inappropriate.

Why does this work and why should they respect such an approach?

From Richard in Greenbelt, MD.
______________________
CARLOS XUMA ANSWERS:

Let's follow my usual 2-prong approach to understanding this question from the inside out.

First of all, there's an inner game side to this and an outer game side to it.

INNER GAME EXPLANATION:

When you first encounter teachings like my "tease to please" concept, the first thing your mind will do is try to stop you from doing it.

1) Because it's different than what you're used to, and that's human nature to resist change.

2) Because your "nice guy" identity is suddenly being challenged.

This is a big one.

You see, whenever you come up against your own sense of what is "appropriate" or not, you are probably running up against your own shame.

That's right.

SHAME.

You see, when you were a kid, you were made to feel guilty and feel less acceptance of yourself if you "offended" or "made" other people not accept you. This is the most common of all self-esteem killers, and yet no one talks about it.

You have to understand that as well-meaning as the people were around you, you got into a dangerous game of "I gotta make people accept and like me." You did this because it's only natural for people to want to be accepted as part of the group.

But when you place MORE importance on other people's concept of you, you run into a situation where you never control your own self-confidence.

Remember what I say: NEVER give someone else the power to make you feel good about yourself. They don't have the right or the skills.

And it's for this reason - that you feel this inner sense of "uh-oh, this might not be 'appropriate' to say to her" - that you MUST actually do it.

Because even if she isn't completely blown away by your approach, you'll still be sending the right message to your subconscious mind that says "I'm a strong man who doesn't need other people to approve of me."

OUTER GAME EXPLANATION:

The reason that this technique of teasing works is because of several psychological factors:

1) By doing something socially "risky," you're telling her with your attitude that you're not another "nice guy" suck-up looking for everyone's approval.

2) By challenging her a little, you set up a positive sexual charge between you and her.

This is called sexual tension, and it's the one thing that most of the "nice guys" never do because they are afraid of disapproval.

But without TENSION - good tension - between you and a woman, there is no charge and no ATTRACTION.

It's the same reason that a battery works. There is a part of the battery that is desperate to get the charge from the other side, and when they're connected, you get heat - or light - or a text on your cell phone.

When everyone is neutral and nice, we're all bored to freakin' DEATH.

She'll respect this approach simply because you are showing something I call SINGULAR ALPHA INDEPENDENCE.

That means that you can stand alone and strong on your own.

And to a woman, this is one of the most attractive things to her.

If you want to learn more about this concept and how to attract women, I suggest you get busy learning my rules of Alpha Man Confidence...

alpha man | how to talk to women | approach women | dating advice for men

Wednesday, May 07, 2008

Live... From Greece! It's the Carlos Xuma show...



Hey, I just thought I'd drop you a line from here in wonderful Greece where I'm currently taking a little break from things before I start my next project - a little something on completing your game with approaching women.

It took a hellish 4+10+1 hour flight to get to Mykonos, one of the Greek islands... But now I'm here and LOVIN' IT! I'll be uploading some pictures for you from time to time, and I may even toss up a video podcast while I'm here...

If you're going to be in Santorini or Crete or Athens over the next 10 days, let me know and I'll tell you where to meet me for a drink...!

Stay Alpha and I'll talk to you soon...

- Carlos

alpha man | how to talk to women | approach women | dating advice for men

Tuesday, May 06, 2008

Your Social Status = Depression?

Here's an interesting lecture that a fellow Alpha Brother sent in. It details the correlation between depression and being low on the social totem pole.

It can get a little long and detailed in parts, but it's very refreshing and interesting to hear how social status impacts a person's life.

Go here:

http://www.tvo.org/podcasts/bestlecturer/audio/BL08_Finalist_MarcFournier_031508.mp3

alpha man | how to talk to women | approach women | dating advice for men

Sunday, May 04, 2008

Are you worried about those "pickup artists?"

Hi Carlos

With the seduction community growing so fast and all it makes me a bit insecure.

Will a woman in a happy relationship cheat?

With all the stories how guys seduces women in relationships it just seems to me that most women can easily become the victim of a seducer?!

Thanks
______________________
CARLOS XUMA ANSWERS:

I hear you... A lot of guys are worried that NO ONE is capable of being monogamous or faithful anymore.

Well, the truth is that if you setup the expectations and the ground rules in the right way at the start, you don't have to worry about this.

You see, the real problem is our need to CLING so tightly to one person as being our "one and only." That's a dangerous place to put yourself because it speaks more to our insecurities than anything else.

One thing I've noticed about ALL great Alpha Men and their attitude is that NONE of them are particularly concerned about their significant other cheating on them. Primarily because they know they would have NO problem getting another person to replace them.

I've always felt this way, too.

So when you start off with a "fear focus" like this, you immediately put yourself in a position where the problem isn't what might happen - it's how your mind is already starting to look at it.

This is a very DEEP inner game concept that EVERY man needs to understand.

But as far as this whole "pickup" and seduction thing goes...

NO. You don't have anything to worry about.

Why?

A) Most of the guys are learning scripts and routines with no soul. They have no real
ability.

B) Not all women are dumb, drunk, and stuck in a bar at 2:00 AM. Unfortunately,
this is what most of the real "pickup" centered stuff works in.

C) Very few guys really want to learn how to be Rico Suaves and
"Pickup artists." Most guys want just one good woman.

D) Quality women are smart enough to sense your character and TRUE
Alpha Power. They are not suckered in by hollow acts and mind
games.

Remember, I teach guys how to get QUALITY women.

Not prey on bar-skank.

Instead of worrying about what some other guy with seduction ability will do to you, why not get out there and seduce your own woman, and then keep seducing her for years to come?

THAT is how you keep a woman from straying. Just give her what she wants!

If you'd like to know how to be the kind of man that the quality women want
and don't cheat on, you need to learn the Secrets of Alpha Attitude.

alpha man | how to talk to women | approach women | dating advice for men

Friday, May 02, 2008

Another guy that just doesn't get it...

I got this interesting email from a reader recently:
______________________
Carlos you are a social nerd. your words are the social downfall of men. knowing this stuff takes experience not book smarts.
______________________
CARLOS XUMA COMMENTS:

Okay, now if you lived in this guy's world, you'd be the one asking HOW to get experience and some skills under your belt, and he'd tell you, "Oh, just go out and get experience..."

You ever get experience driving a car without someone who taught you HOW it worked first?

Yeah, it would be like something out of Grand Theft Auto. Body counts higher than the Vietnam War.

Social nerd?

DAMN STRAIGHT, cochese!

I'm a nerd tearing this shit apart so you guys can get the a-ha moments BEFORE you wind up social chaos. The fact of the matter is that when someone tells you to just go DO IT without being able to teach you some basic skills, he's just copping out on his own ability to help his fellow man.

Sink or swim, he laughs as he walks away from the pool you're madly paddling to stay afloat in.

How motivated is a guy to go out and get experience when he has trouble staying above water?

Yeah, uh, not very.

Look, the bottom line is that I HELP men. And I always tell you to take the learning you get from me and put it to use right away.

And if you don't believe I help guys in the best way possible...
Go look here: Read the Wall of Belief

alpha man | how to talk to women | approach women | dating advice for men