Get out of the comparison game...

Carlos,

My roommate here at school is a natural and it's frustrating. He brings home a different girl every week without trying and to top it all off, he feels bad about it. I mean, he's a really nice kid and tries helping me out all the time. He says he feels dirty bringing them home, but who can resist it, right?

Anyway, I've gotten pretty frustrated with myself and have been slipping down the Beta trail once again...

Do you have any other advice or thoughts?
______________________
CARLOS:

Stop comparing yourself to others. There will always be someone better - and worse! - than you.

He's full of crap. Your roommate doesn't feel bad about it.

"Dirty?" Puh-lease. He'll eventually bottom out and get sick of doing the same old thing, and eventually he'll want a woman he can stay with.

He doesn't feel bad about sleeping with these girls.

And neither should you.

Instead of looking at his skill as being something he has and you don't, and letting it send you off to cry into your pillow, why don't you watch him and learn from him instead?

Stop playing the comparison game. Play your own game by your own rules.

Play by the Alpha Man Rules...


Listen to what this guy has to say:
"I wanted to drop you a line and tell you that the Alpha Man series has helped tremendously. The reason why your words worked for me is because you go beyond the surface and into great detail on what makes a real man. I'm going to be 27 next month and just now my eyes have been opened. I've been searching for something that could give me some perspective and help me break out of that nice guy shell.

"I'm a good looking guy but my pussy nice guy persona was killing my self esteem and ability to have quality relationships with women. I'm still in the early stages and will always be a work in progress but now i'm walking down the right path."

- Jeff

If you want to save yourself the pain of going through another day of feeling inadequate or "un manly" because you don't know the REAL rules of dating, then you need to look at the Alpha Man program. Learn first-hand how to unlock your powers of attraction with the REAL you. No fake lines.

The Alpha Immersion will help you get the women you want...

alpha man | how to talk to women | approach women | dating advice for men

Your girlfriend's boyfriend isn't you...

Hey Carlos. I've got a question for ya.

Is it ever okay to date a friend's ex? Well maybe friend is a strong word, he's more like an aquantince of mine. I see him once or twice a year at church or something.

Anyway, this woman he dated years ago I ran into today and we chatted for a few minutes and I felt a real attraction for this one. I think I'm getting a good vibe too, but I'm still unsure if I should ask her out because of this "moral" dillema.

Whenever I do run into this guy, we usually hang out and have a good time, so I wouldn't want him to think that I stabbed him in the back or anything.

Thanks,
D. D.

______________________
CARLOS:

I'm thinking this might not be as complicated as you're making it.

Let's look at the facts:

1) He's not THAT close a friend.

2) He dated her YEARS ago.

I think there's more than adequate separation here for you to lose the guilt.

Dude, it's hard enough to find decent women, so don't close the window of opportunity when it works for you.

What I sense underneath all this, though, is that you're secretly ashamed of pursuing a woman and having that be put "out there."

You see, there's nothing wrong with wanting women, including women that were involved with friends.

Don't repress your natural male desire to get jiggy with women. Go ahead. Admit it, you want SEX. AKA: the Nasty.

It's okay.

Seek women. Go after what you want.

And if you have a concern about your 'acquaintance' having a problem with it, why don't you just call him up and tell him you're interested in her. If he's any kind of man, he'll give you his blessing.

If he doesn't, he's not much of a friend, and you should go ahead anyway.

If you have any question about your Alpha Manhood, you should review my Alpha Man Program.

alpha man | how to talk to women | approach women | dating advice for men

Nervousness with women can be extreme - and you can overcome it.

Carlos, I have another problem. I've had this stuttering problem all my life. and sometimes as I approach women I'll just choke and the words dont even come out. This is not even with women only, I'm talking about in general also. Sometimes, the phone will ring and and I'll try to say hello and the other person would just hang up because they think no one is there. (haha).

But my question is, because I get nervous when I approach a woman beceause I either talk really fast or dont say nothing at all.

Is there any way for me to relax? thanks
______________________
CARLOS:

The truth is that you will have to overcome the mental limitation first. As I know you're aware, a speech impediment is simply a mental block, and it's anxiety related. (You'll find that 90% of your ailments in life are all mental.)

Stuttering and speech impediments are actually just an erroneous belief system that must be retrained and overcome. (And I'm in no way belittling or disrespectful of people who must overcome them.)

The best way to relax is to have a "safe place" in your own beliefs that you can fall back into when you talk with strangers.

I'd first suggest that you don't go out approaching women until you can remove this block from the other areas of your life. You may be trying to go too far too fast. Instead, find a more reasonable short term goal that will allow you to stay relaxed and take control of the problem.

The old saying about learning how to walk before you run is always true.

Start acclimating yourself to your environment in smaller steps. Start out by talking to clerks in the shops in your area. Work on that until you can do it without experiencing a high level of tension and anxiety.

Then work your way up.

A lot of guys ask me for ways to just jump to the goal of not feeling excited or nervous, but most of the time it's simply a case of just exposing yourself to the situation enough times that it becomes second-nature.

Let me assure you - if you do anything enough times, you'll get used to it and you'll find yourself relaxing. The key is to find the starting steps that work best for you and allow you to gradually feel better each time.

I cover a lot of exercises and mental training in my Approach Women Now! program. Not only will you learn the mental frame you need, but you'll also have the things you need to say in any situation.

Learn how to Approach Women Now

alpha man | how to talk to women | approach women | dating advice for men

Alpha Men can choose their destiny in life - attracting women, or attracting wealth...

I have a small question which probably doesn't deal with women,but deals with being 'ALPHA'. Since you have that great program 'Secrets of the Alpha Man', there would be no one better than you to answer this.

I come from a community where there a lot of rich folks,and most of my friends are people who've inherited immense wealth from their parents.However,I do not have such a background.I come from a middle income family and have to work very hard everyday.

These same friends of mine are driving Ferraris, BMWs etc,and have palatial houses.While I do have much more women in my life than them (this is nothing about women), I sometimes feel a little low that they get so much without having to work while I have to work hard just to break even.

If they had worked to get it, I would have no problem. But they were just handed all of that! I guess you understand what I mean.

What should I do to get over this feeling? I'm really proud of myself (most of the times),and proud of my parents and family,and proud of the fact that I have been the underdog and achieved what I have,though I still I have a long way to go in my eyes.

While I try to implement the alpha qualities all the time,I don't understand how I can get over this feeling without your help.At first it didn't matter to me,but as I start working and earning, it really hits me at times.You can see my problem as overcoming unfairness on things that weren't really in your hands.

What should I do?

Thank you Carlos, for the great programs and the help you've given.

Cheers!
______________________
CARLOS:

I was brought up with a mixed idea about wealth. My family was poor, and my father made many derogatory comments about the "rich" and how they are all this particular stereotype.

Well, I grew up to realize that it wasn't the money that made a person "bad." In fact, there were probably MANY more "bad" people at other levels of income. Yes, a great many "rich" people get their money through inheritance, but without the primary trait of character, they can't keep it.

There will ALWAYS be someone who gets something easy instead of having to work for it.
But take comfort in the fact that NO ONE I have EVER met or read of has kept it or put it to good use without quality CHARACTER.

THAT is what I teach with the Alpha Man program. It's about how to be the kind of man that the universe works WITH instead of AGAINST. You can have all the women you want in your life when you're living the kind of quality, principle-based life that most men never even imagine.

Many years ago, I was lucky enough to get involved with a mastermind group that got me thinking about wealth from a PRINCIPLE based approach. We earned money by doing the RIGHT things.

They even had a motto of spirituality first, family second, business third. If you stick to those priorities, EVERYONE comes out a winner.

I also live by Zig Ziglar's motto of: "You can have anything you want in life if you just help enough other people get what they want."

The "feeling" you're trying to get over is simply an emotion that you need to learn how to let go of.

As humans, we cling to emotions for identity and familiarity. Sometimes (and more often than we admit) we cling to negative emotions, just because we know how they feel. It's twisted, but it's how we operate.

Now when you're talking about the "Comparison Game" which is what I call your situation, there is NEVER a winner.

There will ALWAYS be someone wealthier.

There will ALWAYS be someone with more or cooler toys.

You can't win the Comparison Game.

The only thing you can ever do is to do better than you did yesterday.

If you stay on that path, you CAN'T go wrong.

If you'd like to create your plan for making your life what you want, develop confidence, attract women, accumulate wealth, find happiness...

It's all in the Secrets of the Alpha Man program.

alpha man | how to talk to women | approach women | dating advice for men

Do "lines" work with women? Do you need to play games with women?

After learning all kinds of lines and techniques, and using them in the field, I realised that this is not the most important part of seducing women. The most important part is what you do (who you are) before the approach. If you approach women with the right attitude, almost any line will work. And I had this creepy feeling that I did not have the right attitude...

But what is the "right" attitude you want to convey? And how is it different from my current attitude?

The Alpha Man program of Carlos Xuma is probably the only program out there which answers these questions in detail. Reading this great stuff, I had several big "Ah Ha!" moments. The result of reading the book, listening to the audio and doing the exercises is that I have much more self confidence and a very relaxed attitude in any situation. Now women are even approaching me for a change!

(And, as an unexpected side effect, I learned how some of my colleagues and customers are playing "Alpha man games".

Thanks to Carlos, I can now easily handle their hoops and come out on top).

D.H. from Holland
______________________
CARLOS:

I've noticed a strange thing since I first created this "Alpha Man" model for correct masculine behavior.

(Oh, and there are imitations out there. Don't be fooled! Mine is the original.)

The "strange thing" is this:

The more I got in touch with my "inner Alpha" the more I found myself not caring about whether a woman was attracted to me or not.

And the more I didn't care, the more she was interested.

Not because I was purposefully being aloof and distant, or "hard to get," but because I didn't turn her off with the stinky smell of "Needy Guy." And she can tell this guy's scent a mile away.

• He smells like someone who needs her to fill a hole in himself.

• He smells like a guy she won't be able to lean on when she needs to.

• He smells like a guy who needs validation, and gets jealous of every guy that talks to her.

His insecurities are so pungent that they could knock a buzzard off a sh*t heap, as my friend Don used to say.

Dating advice for men seems like it falls into one of two camps these days:

1) Seduce her quick, and get validation from the sexual conquest

2) Turn into a total chump by being the "sensitive" dork who gives candy, roses, poems, etc.

Camp 1 leverages the real tactics that drive up attraction, but with no real moral foundation.
Camp 2 pretends at respect for women, but falls short because it ignores the fact that these strategies just don't work on attractive, strong, abundance-minded women.

I stand for Camp Alpha.

For men that understand that women need men who are MEN, not metrosexual wussies with a fear of their own male chromosomes.

ALPHA MEN.

Get the understanding you need to join the growing population of men that women NEED.

alpha man | how to talk to women | approach women | dating advice for men

Most men are doing everything BACKWARDS when it comes to attracting women...

I bought your alpha man program a little over a year ago and have been getting fantastic results...
I have one question though... if you can help me.

I have been talking to a girl at work. Should I ALWAYS answer her phone calls?

I want to show interest and such. and I know ppl fall for ppl when they are not around them. thus, I want to create and environment of scarcity... cause I don't want to be "too available".. know what I mean?

Like I say, we have talked to each other and seen each other for a few days in a row and then she calls the next day. should I answer? I feel I need to know when to be available and not. but, if she is interested and calling... should I always answer?
______________________
CARLOS:

This is a common question that is asked by guys early on, when they first realize that they can control attraction with women.

When you realize just how deep some of these psychological principles run, you start to become very alert to their presence.

The first you realize is how much your availability affects a person. If you're available all the time, they don't feel your value. If you're never available, they'll forget about you.

Where do you draw the line?

Well, my first suggestion comes from my R.E.A.L. Game (TM) method. If you want to attract a woman on a genuinely powerful level, you must be as close to YOU as possible. You never need to use fake lines or hypnosis to attract women. You only need to use certain principles with your REAL personality.

Cool, huh?

Let's face it: no man wants to be a fake guy just to attract women (or get laid.) Even if you use clever manipulation up front, you sabotage your self-esteem and self-image over the long run.

One way or another, you'll be back again working with me on your confidence.

But what do you do when you're trying to learn what this confidence feels like?

That's what you use strategy for. Understanding that being around too much for a woman will kill her attraction is just a start. You have to know the RIGHT way to demonstrate UN-availability.

What I always tell you guys is this:

Don't act hard to get.


BE hard to get.

Have the lifestyle of a man who is in demand.

Get out and get an active social life. And then you don't have to "fake" it. You don't have to duck out calls TRYING to make yourself look popular (and just reinforcing the sense that you're not.)

Get it?

In answer to your question about should you ALWAYS answer her calls... I say, NO. Answer if you WANT to.

But don't not-answer just to manipulate things.

One comes from a place of personal power. The other comes from need and insecurity - and a desire to get validation.

But you have to trust that doing this will reinforce your confidence over the long run.

When you have enough women and action in your life, you won't feel like you want to answer every call that comes your way. And that's a good thing. You're doing it because you've got a sense of abundance in your life.

When you understand the Secrets of the Alpha Man, this becomes more and more clear...

alpha man | how to talk to women | approach women | dating advice for men

How to be the jerk that women love - just stop being the wuss they hate.

Carlos, I met this girl on myspace a few months back. I tried to get a number from her after a few good emails. She responded that she was hesitant to giving her number out. Most girls are very difficult to get there numbers. If you do happen to get the number they never answer the phone. I ended up talking with her for almost 3 months.

YES I KNOW! That is a big Carlos Xuma NO NO. I have yet to meet any women I felt were attractive, had a good personality, and flexible. I felt this girl was so I pursued. I got her number and tried to set up a first meeting a few times, each time she was busy.

On the third attempt she cracked and we had a group date. Carlos, I felt the date was going very well and even did some kino. Heck I even friended her friend, who was cheering for me as I shot. We all bowled and left to say our "good byes" after about 2 hours. I gave her a hug, no kiss, I didn't feel comfortable trying that with her friend and my friend around us by her car.

However, I had planned a kiss was going to happen on my second date, if it happened. I called her 2 days after our "date" and it rang to voice mail. I left a message saying "Hey Erin this is Jim I'll try you back later". No response. After a day or 2 of seeing each other on AIM I finally had written to see what was up.

Here is a dialog from that chat, I think I handled it well. It is listed below. I don't get what these woman expect or even want. It really makes me want to turn back into "prick" mode, I was never on "friends mode" being a prick and I still got laid. What is the deal?

I am 5'6'' tall with a smaller frame/build. I feel like I have a disadvantage already because of this. Girls seem to like the taller guys....say 5'10 and bulky, especially initially. I am trying to over come this but it really pisses me off. I should have followed Xuma principals and cut her off after the 5 email when she wouldn't give me her number. Now I have months worth of emails of wasted time. I won't be repeating this mistake again.

J: hey lil miss "busy"
HER: hey
J: whatcha doin
HER: getting ready to go to bed actually
J: oh....
J: well ill let u go
J: ttyl
HER: ok but I want to let you know about my feelings
concerning the other night... I felt more of a freind connection with
you than anything else, no romantic feeling s really, I know you probably
don't want to hear this now, but I want to be honest with you and not
lead you on
J: it's no big deal....probably better off that way anyhow
J: :-)
HER: why do you say that?
J: which part?
HER: probably better off that way anyhow
J: lol
J: why do u ask...where just friends anyhow ;-)
HER: ?
HER: ok
J: have a good night.....
J: oh....
J: and good luck with "everything"
HER: ? why do you put quotes around that?
J: meaning the different levels of life
HER: career and school?
J: of course and some
J: i am not bitter if thats what ur thinkin....i know aim lacks
inflection
HER: yea
HER: i know
HER: ok, well I'll let you go
HER: have a good night
J: later
HER: bye

______________________
CARLOS:

Yep, the big mistake here was perpetuating it and chasing a woman for so long without getting attraction started earlier. Pursuit is not bad - but pursuit to the exclusion of all others, or pursuit that invests you so heavily, is BAD.

I recommend you do swing the pendulum a bit over to the prick side. I think what you may think of as a prick is actually closer to the assertiveness you need to attract women. I detected a little too much sensitivity in your interchange on IM. (I'm also wondering how old this girl is.)

Group dates = always bad.

That night was doomed as a "let's just be friends" (LJBF) night before it began because you agreed to a situation that put you in a one-down position, and the women KNEW it.

A group date is just another way of saying "We're never going to be more than friends, but I'm going to give you false hope and mislead you. And later on I'll claim that I'm doing you a favor by cutting you off." They're clever, aren't they guys?

You need to jack up the arrogance and "prick" ish behavior a bit more so that you can feel the other end of the spectrum better. You need to be the jerk women love.

And it's not about your height. Tom Cruise is 5' 7" and is (regardless of his freakish behavior) an ALPHA. Big time.

Tommy, (not related to Mr. Cruise), a "bad-boy" that you guys will be seeing soon at seminars and on a new DVD, is a shorter guy too (Maybe 5'8"?). But you'll catch the drift of his attitude when you see my interview with him.

Height is always overcome by ATTITUDE. Stop playing the "physical flaw" card. That's a weasely way of trying to duck responsibility for your own development. EVERYONE has a flaw that would kill a relationship. It's what you do to compensate with your confidence that saves you.

And no matter what a woman says to you, consider an alternative of how to bust her chops about whatever she says. Tease her. Seduction starts where the Nice Guy ends.

When she said: "it's no big deal....probably better off that way anyhow"

No no no.

Try this:

"What? You're calling off the marriage? Jeeeez, I had a tux all prepared already, too. That's it, I'm reporting you as a runaway bride. Geez, girl, get over yourself. :)"

But in reality, at this point, she already knew you were way into her. You're sub-communicating this to her on many levels. I give you this example of playful banter to start you thinking a different way and using new conversation skills you need to develop.

Start thinking like a guy who is more playful. ALL THE TIME!

Go ahead, GET PISSED OFF! Channel that energy into change. It often takes disgust to finally make the change you need.

You need to swing the pendulum WAY over for a while.

Don't fear the extreme - embrace it.

And making the mistake is fine, as long as you LEARNED from it. If you repeat this again, I'll disown you, because you'll be demonstrating what I call "un-coach-ability." If anyone comes to me and tells me they had a failure after they deliberately did not follow my instructions and strategies, I usually cut them off. But I know you, I like your spirit, and I want to save you from what is nothing more than human weakness.

So what's your plan now?

It's time to get ALPHA, my boy. ALL of this could be avoided if you just fully absorb the ALPHA mindset that I show you in
the ALPHA MAN IMMERSION program.

alpha man | how to talk to women | approach women | dating advice for men

Can MARRIED men get something from being an Alpha Man? Hell yeah!

Hi Carlos, I just wanted to ask you a quick question. I see where my wife feels the way she does that there is no challenge there and we have been together for 17 years. I know I have been to nice more out of respect and courtesy because I truly love my wife.

Is there some things that I should not use in your material since I am not in the dating world and I am a married man? There is no question I need to become more of the alpha male in my home and gain her respect and in the process I do not want to alienate or take something out of context and have it back fire. I appreciate your input and I am looking forward to going through the course!

______________________
CARLOS:

You probably don't realize this, but I get a LOT of married guys order my Alpha Man course.

Why?

Because they don't want to have to throw away their marriage to realize their full potential as masculine MEN. They still want to keep their relationships alive, or revive them as the case may be.

As you go through the Alpha Man program (big e-book, lotsa audio, enough said), you'll see that there is a lot of stuff there.

ALL of it is necessary for almost all men to realize their Alpha Status.

But what you'll have to figure out on your own is the CONTEXT.

You see, it really doesn't matter if you're a married man, single man, extra-terrestrial man... You have probably given up your gonads to the woman out of fear, supplication, simplicity, not wanting to create a problem... etc. You didn't realize that you were emasculating yourself to chase the easy path, but you were.

Now the biggest mistake you can possibly make is to try and switch over to being the Alpha Man overnight. A married man must introduce the change slowly, but decisively.

You see, your wife will test you. Oh, yes, she will.....

She's been around you for 17 years, and she thinks she knows the REAL you. She'll fight you on this tooth and nail because she'll think you're putting on a front when you start getting back to the way a man really needs to be.

Don't get me wrong - she'll be completely turned on by your new transformation, but it will be a threat to the nice steady seas she's been sailing with you so far.

Change is scary.

So you have to prepare yourself for a little bit of a pissing match.

But that's what a REAL Alpha Man thrives on! He likes the challenge, and when you reclaim that lost sense of masculine power you once had, it's like being reborn! I kid you not!

Read what this other guy is doing with his new Alpha Manhood:


"Carlos, This awesome knowledge need not necessarily be relegated to seduce women alone but life itself!

"... this awesome book has helped me improve my life all around - family, social and work. People now look up to me with respect and trust for guidance and comfort. My confidence level in myself and in people around me has increased 400 % in the last two weeks - I am looking forward to getting that converted to income in the near future.

"Thank you Carlos, for sharing the knowledge so explicitly with your fellow beings. I intend to raise my children on these basic principles so they are confident and successful in all spheres of life."

- Vijay C.

Get the SECRETS OF THE ALPHA MAN now

alpha man | how to talk to women | approach women | dating advice for men

Women will test you and see if you will fall for it

Carlos-

Was out dancing the other night, and started up a conversation with a cute girl... went very well... things got a little strange after I asked for her number. She gave it to me, and said 'don't get all freaked out and think I'm a horrible person if I don't call back right away. You may have to call a couple of times before I get a chance to call you back since I am so busy".

Obviously, that's not what I wanted to hear. So, here's the question - my instincts tell me call once, and then if no call back let it go (I don't have to beg - plenty of fish in the sea)... what's your take?

Your program kicks major ass; provides an invaluable service to dudes to let them know it's not about pickup lines and 'outer game' only. Well worth every penny. Keep up the great work - I look forward to every coaching session and podcast.

-Tom
______________________
CARLOS:

She was just trying to inoculate you against her flaky personality. Nice of her to try to keep your image of her pure and clean, but she's just playing a game.

Now, when you say "that's not what I wanted to hear," I'd be willing to bet that it LOOKED like that to her at that moment, too. That's going to let her know right off that you're easily jerked around by disappointment, which also tells her that you're probably lacking self-confidence at the game.

Your response should be something teasing to her for every insecure little tic and test she throws at you.

"Don't think I'm a horrible person... I'm so busy..."

"Well, I think you'll make the time for my call. It's not like you're going to have anything nearly as exciting as me happen to you for some time. You're smart. You'll answer." Big cheesy grin.

Call her. Be persistent without being needy.

Keep calling her until you either get tired of it, or you get the date.

One try isn't enough. Hell, it will take her 10 minutes just to FIND her phone in her purse. Do you really think that's enough to get through to her?

Work it a little, but only if you can let go of the need for an expected result to make yourself feel good.

But if it makes you feel good, ditch her number after the first call. Just don't expect a whole lot of results there.

An Alpha Man doesn't need a woman to answer the phone, he simply hopes she will - for her sake - so that he can show her the kind of magic he can bring to her life.

Read what this guy has to say about his Alpha Success:

"After learning all kinds of lines and techniques, and using them in the field, I realised that this is not the most important part of seducing
women. The most important part is what you do (who you are) before the approach. If you approach women with the right attitude, almost any line will work. And I had this creepy feeling that I did not have the right attitude... But what is the "right" attitude you want to convey? And how is it different from my current attitude?

"The Alpha Man program of Carlos Xuma is probably the only program out there which answers these questions in detail. Reading this great stuff, I had several big "Ah Ha!" moments. The result of reading the book, listening to the audio and doing the exercises is that I have much more self confidence and a very relaxed attitude in any situation. Now women are even approaching me for a change! (And, as an unexpected side effect, I learned how some of my colleagues and customers are playing "Alpha man games".

"Thanks to Carlos, I can now easily handle their hoops and come out on top)."

D.H. from Holland

alpha man | how to talk to women | approach women | dating advice for men

Congratulations! Another emotional tampon is born!

Dear Carlos,

I would first like to thank you for everything, it has changed my life.I have many girls attracted to me,thanks to the fact that I pursued my own dreams and passions.But I'm in a bit of a fix..

There is this really hot girl that I know,a 9 in my opinion.I talked to her a couple of times,and she's always complimenting me on my guitar playing ability,and I'm always teasing her,but once in a while I do throw in a compliment, but I don't keep repeating that compliment as I have learnt too.

Anyways, this girl told me last night she had a problem with trusting guys, mainly because of her ex. She talked to me for 4 hours and DIDNT let me go because 'She loved talking to me'.I don't quite get this.

Where should I go with this girl?It is quite contradicting as she doesn't trust guys,but then talks to me for more than 4 hours.Should I go ahead?And,how should I go about it?

I've talked to this girl a couple of times,and I've done no WUSSLIKE behaviour,I'm pretty sure.

What should I do,dear teacher?

Thanks,
AJ
______________________
CARLOS:

Her trust issues are irrelevant. If she told you about them, she's just trying to test you and find a way to drive you away. She wants to see if she can get you to try and wuss out by telling you that she has these supposed "issues".

And guess what?

You are falling right into it.

She's using you as her emotional tampon, dude. After she fills you up with all her "therapy" talk and "men are bad" bitterness, she'll toss you in the dumpster with all the other clueless morons who fall into this trap.

No offense, though. It's my hope that you are not clueless, after all, you're getting success and understanding through my programs.

But I'm calling bullshit on your claim that SHE kept you on the phone.

No, it wasn't her.

YOU stayed on the phone.

If you want to get off the phone, it's easy: You tell her you have a LIFE to get on with, and then you say it was nice talking to her, and then you HANG UP.

She was testing you again.

Flunk.

FLUSH.

4 HOURS, DUDE???

I'm smacking my forehead here.

Here's a little memory trick I want you to use so that you don't mistake one thing for another:

• A woman who stays with you on the phone for 4 hours is your FRIEND. (i.e., the person she will NOT sleep with.)

• A woman who stays in bed with you for 4 hours having wild monkey love is your SEX KITTEN. (i.e., the person who can be your friend AND your lover.)

And now here's your rehab program:
1) Smack yourself in the back of the head a couple times. I'm serious, hit yourself with your own hand. It's quite stimulating, and it may get through. I do this when I've done something REALLY dumb to make sure I don't repeat it.

2) Do not EVER talk with a woman for 4 hours again.

3) Forget about this girl. She's gone. Lost.

4) Remember that any woman that TELLS you she has trust issues is just testing you. The women with REAL trust issues will cover it up with misleading behavior until you're good and addicted to her, and then she disappears. She's too busy trying to convince herself through overly intimate behavior that she has these issues, so she'd NEVER admit it.

5) Go out and meet 10 new women this week. (And re-read #2 above.)

Simple?

Yes.

But an attractive woman will always test you like this. It's the only way she can know for certain that you're "for real." Especially with about a hundred other walking hard-ons looking to weasel their way into her life.

She knows how to screen the losers out, and it's a great way to keep her life dork-free. Hell, I use certain tests on women that keep away the flakes and nuts.

The problem is that the blustering and bravado of a "bad boy" can get right through her tests pretty easily, leaving her in a puddle of cRaZy on the floor. That's why it's up to us Alpha Men to save her from the dorks and jerks.

If you want to be one of the Alpha Men who can show a woman complete self confidence and character, you need to learn the SECRETS here.

alpha man | how to talk to women | approach women | dating advice for men

Stop being so concerned with what a woman is thinking...

Sup Carlos?

I'm getting better at approaching and using [various methods] lately and brought home my first girl Saturday night since starting the material. Things went pretty well. We hooked up. In fact, I knew even before she met me that she wanted me... she couldn't take her eyes off me.

Anyway, we made plans to meet up for lunch today, but when I IM'ed her she said she had to meet with her student advisor and wanted to reschedule. I just sure, no problem.

Then, she says she still wanted to call after her class got out and I said that was fine too.

Anyway, 1:30 rolls around and she still hasn't called. I said screw it, I'll just grab a bite to eat then head to the gym for an hour.

This is where it gets good...

At the campus food court, I actually see her their with one of her girlfriends. She didn't see me I don't believe, but I was pretty irritated. I ate then just went to the gym.

I feel fine now, but what do you guys think she is doing? I assume it's a test to see if I will call her asking her why she hasn't called me, but I won't give in. How would any of you have handled it?

Also, I don't plan on calling her until she calls me, if she does.

When she does, how should I act? What should I say?
______________________

CARLOS:

You're planning too much. You've gone into the realm of TRYING to make everything work rather than just letting your natural Alpha Habits take over.

You're placing way too much emphasis on figuring out what she's thinking, and what it all means.

It means nothing.

You must simply act from a place of strength and belief in your own reality and your own world.

Without this calm sureness in your own skin, none of that other stuff matters.

Guys, when you are all wrapped up in trying to manipulate or engineer a certain RESULT, you miss the point.

Mistakes:

1) Instant messaging her to "check-in" on your lunch date. Bad. Don't do that. If she has to cancel, it's her job to tell you so that you can discover the quality of her character. "Sure, no problem," is a wuss reply. You should have been teasing her and busting her balls.

2) Waiting on her call. This places far too much emphasis on her as a result. You handed all your power over to her by giving HER the control. No matter what she says, she doesn't want that control! You must be the one to lead things. You should have just told her you can't wait around for her and you'll just go with 'someone else.'

You do have someone else, don't you? If not, you didn't read the "D.O.W." chapter in The Dating Black Book.

3) Assuming that once a woman is interested in you, she will STAY interested in you. Not so. Her emotions and attraction will ebb and flow. You must always assume you're starting from ground level with her.

4) Getting irritated that she was there and did something you didn't expect. Women will do this to you for the REST of your LIFE. Start getting used to it now. The one thing that will curb this kind of behavior is acting like a stronger male role model. (Otherwise known as an ALPHA MAN.)

You should have walked right over and started chatting up her friend, in a happy, couldn't-give-a-shit attitude. Oh, and you should have done this with your 'someone else' that you went to lunch with.

Being an Alpha Man is more than knowing one strategy that fits-all. (There's no such thing.)

When you ask how to act or what to say, this has to come from the heart. The simple answer is that you must act with confidence and power. You act like YOU, but the strong, confident version of YOU.

The way to do that is what I teach you with the Secrets of the Alpha Man.

alpha man | how to talk to women | approach women | dating advice for men

Approaching women gives you a buzz....

What's up Carlos,
 
I ride the local city bus quite often during the week. One of the bus routes that I take is roughly a 25 min. ride. (Depending on the driver.)  I'm not in a rut by no means. But if I see a woman that I want to talk to, I can't engage and disengage like you say that we can do.

Because I'm stuck in a seat for 25 min whether I'm close or far away from her. (Not all the time, but typically all the seats are occupied.) But this is what I thought up of.  If there is a vacant seat next to, or behind her, I could do it at the end of the ride last 5 to 7 min or so. Then I can engage and disengage. But here's the problem. If all the seats are occupied, then I could get off at the same stop as her. But that's hardly, and never guaranteed, (Because I have my own stop to get off at.) It's possible, more likely even, that I could get off before or after her.
 
Like I said, I'm in no rut, I'm not going to sweat it. Neither am I creating excuses for myself. As you see above. (Now if you see any excuses, tell me please Carlos!)  If I don't get to talk to her, then oh well, next! But my question is giving what I told about this little, ah how do I say. A very well appreciated puzzle.
 
What would you think up of Carlos?

Oh and by the way this buzz before approaching women is more tolerant, actually by me invited, to the point I wouldn't think of it as crazy to approach. =Fun!
 
One way I made my self get tolerant is to say, hello, good morning, good afternoon etc. That, a few things, and then everything else you of course.
 
Is'nt that great. Thanks a lot my friend.

------------------------------------------------------------------------
CARLOS:

That is a great observation, and I'm not sure you realize how important this is.

The very process of approaching women should give you a slight buzz. It's a natural high of energy that can't be beat. You don't need drugs or alcohol to get an altered state of mind.

What do most guys do with this energy?

They suppress it or shame it away. Which is only done out of FEAR.

Which is a shame in itself because the energy you get from this experience is a real juice.

Just last night I was sparring with some of the students in my martial arts school. They were all well below me in terms of rank, but I wanted to give them a little experience in what they might experience on the street. (As if they're going to be attacked by a black belt anytime soon, right.)

When I got done, I was tingling with the energy of INTERACTION. It was a blast! And even one of the students came up to me and said, "It's a bargain to PAY for this kind of experience."

I agreed.

The other point here is that you're doing the right thing by warming yourself and getting "tolerant" as you said. Getting into the groove by just saying hello to people is a good way to dissociate yourself from all those worries about other people's opinion of you. You start to realize that YOU are in CONTROL of the world.

Most people are far too scared to put themselves out on the line like this. And the sad fact is that you're risking NOTHING.

You have NOTHING to lose, but we're all so afraid of being rejected, we hide in our little cocoons.

As for your bus riding dilemma, I used to encounter this myself. It's a unique situation if you're on the bus with somebody for that period of time.

I would start by positioning yourself in a way that you can encounter them either getting on or off. Then you can say hello and gauge their reaction to you a little and decide if you want to go further with it.

I do not recommend going uncomfortably out of your way (i.e., getting off at their stop) just to meet her. Too contrived.

Instead, why not make it a point to stand, even if there are seats, or offer your seat to her. This will position you to talk to her and give you a reason to talk to her.

Be brave. There isn't always a clever way of talking to her, and that's what most women appreciate anyway. Directness. It's flattering, and confident.

These are just some of the things I cover in the Approach Women NOW program. You can get yours here...

alpha man | how to talk to women | approach women | dating advice for men

Want to get "Lucky" with women? Then do something a little different...

My name is Lucky.

There is this chick I want I managed to get her numbers when ever I make an appointment to see her at school (University) after her classes, she is always with her friend who in turn I think is disturbing me from charming the chick I want.

What must I do?
______________________
CARLOS:

I feel like making a comment about your "luck," but I'll refrain.

The simple answer is the one you're avoiding seeing. If she's always with her friend, you're going to have to be a man and get her away from her friend, or do what you want in front of her.

That, or you can hide in your dorm room and cry about how unfair life is, and hope for this friend to not be there one day. (Which may never happen.)

What I want you (and every guy) to understand is that we are the leaders.

We are the ones who make sh*t happen in this world. Good or bad.

It's up to you to put yourself on the path to getting what you want. Stop being disempowered.

You should probably do your best to befriend her friend, too. 1) This will get her on your side and she'll actually help you get with the woman you want, and 2) it will make the women you're targeting more interested in you as well. You have to demonstrate good social ability for any woman to want you.

I'm not sure if you have actually managed to (or just want to) get this girl's number, but the next step is ISOLATION.

YOU make that happen. If she doesn't help that process along, she isn't into you, dude.

Move on, right?

I cover this complete process of approaching women here. This is THE guide every man needs to get the women he wants.

alpha man | how to talk to women | approach women | dating advice for men

Do you really want to take her out on a "dinner date"?

Hi Carlos,

Your newsletter is very informative, but I'd like to run a problem by you.

The advice given of not doing dinner on a 1st date is regularly given, but I get a problem with this when I suggest a drink or coffee meetup with a girl.

Simply put, from several women I get strong Indicators of Interest; both strong and repeated [indications of interest] over say four/five short conversations each lasting perhaps 5 minutes.

When I suggest a drink they look insulted or outraged and stalk off or go into a huff.

I am 40 years old, the women are between 20 and 22. Also I do have good looks. Is this combination of age difference and looks going to cause this? Is this combination going to force me to offer dinner or is there something I am missing?

Regrds

J
______________________
CARLOS:

Honestly, I think they're looking at you as a meal ticket, Big Daddy. You're picking the cheap, superficial gold diggers that want you only for the free dinners.

You're not really missing out on anything, if you get what I mean.

A woman that will only want to be with you because you're feeding her is what I call a "meal whore." You can do far better, J.

And it's not your suggestion, it's the context you're putting it in.

I find it hard to believe that they
all
give you this reaction. If any woman gave me that kind of reaction, I'd cut her down to size with some humorous teasing about her looking for free food. Guys often get tested like this (yes, it's probably a test to see if you're a suck-up that will give everything for once-a-month sex.)

Keep looking. And you should seriously consider going for chicks that are a few years older and don't still listen to Britney Spears. You'll be amazed at the difference in maturity and satisfaction you'll get from the upgrade.

Of course, not every guy knows how to approach women with the right attitude and the right words, so you should also consider looking at building your approach skills. Women often read a lot out of your appearance combined with your words combined with your body language, combined with your attitude.

If you want to learn how to take control of this and get attractive women without looking like a meal ticket, you should click here for the TRUTH about approaching women.

alpha man | how to talk to women | approach women | dating advice for men

How do you think about relationships?

Carlos, I was recently looking at other seduction websites (yes I admit it.....I cheated on you but I promise I only buy your stuff). Actually I own every product you feature.

To be honest, I think it is crazy for someone to chase a married woman but how can a guy ever keep a relationship alive for the LONG term?

Let's be honest here, if you' married or even been in a relationship for several years it is damn near impossible to make your wife feel at "bliss" like the relationship once felt to her. I feel sorry for the husband in my above link. I understand the man has to keep her interest but is it really possible to give a woman that Disney Dilution after 5 years together??

Even if he is capable of showing her this level of romance it would be few and far in between. Everything NEW feel fresh and exciting. I would really appreciate your feedback because this had struck a nerve with me.

This happened to me, now my ex-wife jumps from guy to guy seeking this state of bliss while holding a candle to our legacy. Is this woman (in the example above) just selfish? Please advise! After reading this example I NEVER want to be emotionally connected with a woman because of fear that it is impossible to make her constantly feel "like" when we first dated. It almost seems like a lose-lose situation.

If the husband were quit work or even chop his hours way back, they would be fighting constantly about struggling to keep up with bills and not be able to afford a night out. Sad but true, but in corporate America everyone pays there dues, obviously this requires crazy hours.

______________________
CARLOS:

Don't get caught up in the need to fulfill yourself through making HER feel a certain way. You'll never be able to control that.

Instead, create the relationship that gives you what you need without the desperation and worry about "losing" someone. You can never fully HAVE them in the first place.

Think about how you've defined a "relationship" in your mind. I'll bet that you, like me and many other guys out there, have used them as a place to hold all our unspoken hopes and needs for fulfillment. When we're insecure, we look to another person to fill that void.

In fact, we will always have voids and places that we cannot satisfy, but we can't get caught up in the trap of looking for this from other people. Learn how to live with the existential pain of aloneness that we all experience.

Don't run from it by chasing idealistic relationships.

Whoah. Deep, dude!

Too many people treat relationships like possessions. They are actually temporary gifts, like sunny days.

Enjoy them while you have them, and be free and independent within one.

Want a relationship?

Want all the possibilities of a relationship?

It all starts with Approaching Women. Every relationship you will ever have started with an approach. (Hey, I get lucky and some women do this for me... but most won't.)

Learn how to Approach Women NOW

alpha man | how to talk to women | approach women | dating advice for men

Gift giving, when do you call her, and connections with women...

Hello Carlos - further help and advice needed...

After four weeks I finally got the date, and it went very well. The girl's a babe, but there's a whole load more. In all that time we never actually spoke. She never picked up my calls or replied to any of them; instead she kept to texts. So I busted her chops that way, plus hooked her in by getting her to supply me with an idea I could use for my film script (she genuinely gave a killer idea, perfect for the dialogue I was looking for, and definitely something I couldn't have come up with myself).

Anyway, so we meet up, and something immediately told me (intuition) that she isn't happy in her job (legal recruitment). She was astounded I picked up on this, and was so frank within less than five minutes of our first meet, and she kept coming back to this throughout the evening. I got that so right! Then as we talked about careers and stuff I had an idea...

Everything went perfectly well, the kiss and all. So the next day I post her a copy of "The Alchemist" by Paulo Coelho. Now before you say anything about sending gifts and stuff, this book is a treasure to give to anyone, and my attitude is that if she reads it and never sees me again I'll have done her a huge favour - this book is that good!

The point: she would have received this today (Friday), and I was itching to text her, wondering if she'd received it. But something nagged me not to, and I re-read all your pointers on patience and self-control.

As ever, it all made sense, and no further contact was made by me. So, if I leave her with the book over the weekend, DO I call her OR text her on, say, Tuesday?

But, further, what do you reckon on her need to control things through texting and not answering phone calls? I have some theories: either she likes the control, or so many men have been too impatient/too strong with her that this is some sort of patience test she needs to give fellas?

It's fair to say I like this girl. Lovely to look at, and seemingly (I understand the connotation) a real connection was made between us.

Your thoughts please.

Thanks,

-D
______________________
CARLOS:

You're at what I call "Stage 2" of the stages of awakening to the reality of attraction between men and women. This is the "First attempts" stage.

At Stage 1, you realize that there is another way to generate attraction with women. You're "awakened" and now you can start to unplug from the Matrix and begin again.

Now at Stage 2, you are in a place where you are ready to use this information and put it to work. However, the one thing you don't have at Stage 2 is overwhelming belief.

This is the real fuel for change that will keep you going, even when you have no results. Because a lot of guys wake up, start putting the information to work, and when the first dry spell hits, they run for cover - and usually revert back to their ineffective ways again.

Usually just because those old ways are comfortable - not because they actually WORK.

But when you get results, the way you are, D, you can now reinforce the right behaviors.

Now you get into the next stage, which is taking the results and overanalyzing. You realize you have the ability to steer this ship, but you don't want to mess it up (probably sensing that your new faith is a bit shaky.)

So you left her with a gift. I've given things like this, not out of need, but out of a desire to give a woman happiness. It's a man's role to give to women. We like to do it, and we're good at it, but we often use it as a crutch to push her towards feelings of obligation.

Some guys think that all you need to do is give (compliments, gifts, etc.) to get a woman attracted to you. Lucky for you reading these strategies, you know better.

After you give a gift, the next thing you must do is LET GO!

Let go of the fact that you gave her anything. Let go of a need for appreciation.

All these needs taint your generosity and put you in scarcity thinking. ("I can only give so much, so I better get some results from this!")

If you need a result, you'll almost always be unhappy. But if you need nothing in return, you will never be disappointed. And often pleasantly surprised.

You made the last gesture. Let her make the next one.

If she doesn't come forward with her own appreciation, you need to figure out if that means that she's

A) Manipulating in some way,
B) Possibly a bit overwhelmed with the gift (she might not be ready for your generosity), or
C) A Taker, not a giver. You should cut this kind of woman loose quickly.

Call her when you feel like you normally would, but don't do it just from a need for validation or to calm your insecurities.

Call her when you actually want to TALK to her. Not when you need some kind of proof or evidence.

Make sense?

If you sense a need from her to control or manipulate the situation, then perhaps you should stand back a good distance and decide if this is the association and relationship you want right now.

If you need more understanding of the Rules of Attraction and how it all works, take a look here at the Black Book that will turn your dating life around...

alpha man | how to talk to women | approach women | dating advice for men

Don't be jealous of a good approacher - Model him!

I listen to your podcast religiously and it's helped me gain some real depth in my communications. I'm overcoming by anxiety around attractive women and to meet new freinds. In short, it's a weekly guidepost towards my becoming more alpha. Your commentary is very insightful which is why I'd like to see if you can help me shed some light on this question I have.

A friend of mine and I go to bars and meet people regularly, and have very different styles of approach, I'm laid back where he's goofy. To use a celebrity comparison he reminds me a lot of Will Ferrel. My question is, is his approach working or has he just learned to compensate for a bad approach?

When he opens people up, he comes in with lines such as "Hi, have you been hit on tonight? No? Good, I didn't want to make you feel left out." or "Hi, do you want to buy me a drink?" He'll go up to group after group of people in the bars generally hitting up any available sets. When he does this he's usually wearing these terrible glasses that he got from the air force and a community college shirt and does this mock "I'm smooth" voice.

He's trying to be cool by going the far opposite end into dorkdom that he becomes cool by default. He's stays with the group for about 15 to 20 minutes or so, does very little kino, gets a number and leaves. He's done this enough ,he says, that he can transition out of that super dork persona into a real person quickly.

He's done this so much people are recognizing him at bars when he opens them and say "Didn't you ask us the same question last week?" I think he's pigeon holing himself into a goofball role that never really attracts women even though he gets positive reactions because he's energetic and silly. I also don't think he's connecting by talking to so many people and not remembering who they are or even their names.

Am I wrong in thinking this? Is it just because he and I are polar opposites when it comes to our styles that I think he's digging himself into a hole?

Thanks for your insight, please keep bringing on the advice, it is much appreciated.

-P
______________________

CARLOS:

Hmm... I'm reading your email, and one word keeps coming to mind:

Jealousy.

Admit it, aren't you a little jealous that he's able to just walk up and approach anyone? Because, on some level, this is working for him.

The other reason I think this is because of all the situations you chose to write in about, you're more concerned with his goofiness than improving your own skills. All I hear is your resentment, not your openness to learning what his example can teach you.

The best thing you can do is to start looking at what works for him and start modeling it yourself. Don't worry about him. He doesn't really need your concern.

YOU, on the other hand, can learn a lot from him by modeling his behavior and using what works for you. The fact of the matter is that this guy is an approach MACHINE, and even if he is a dork, he'll get girls based on sheer volume and numbers.

I think he's a STUD.

You should be doing everything he is, only improving and modifying it to fit your authentic personality. Don't like that he forgets names? Great. You can start to remember them.

Forget your criticism of his game. Instead, get on top of your own.

I have a roadmap for you to do this, and you can get it HERE: Alpha Game is REAL Game

alpha man | how to talk to women | approach women | dating advice for men

Are you a "creepy" guy?

Hey Carlos,

The new videos' are looking good, along with the continual expansion of audio coaching! Great Work...

I have encountered an item I'm not sure that you have dealt with, directly or indirectly.

It has a lot to do with being "on" when the girl returns your call. If you are not "on" should you take the call?

Also, with that being the case, not being "on" with your game things happen during a conversation. Leading to my other question...

How do you recover from the word "creepy" being used? I've only encountered it twice in my life, but it put me back when i heard it. Not sure exactly what I did to have that particular word used, it may have even been the state I was in during my approach... (Reminder to self: Never approach when under the influence...)

c.
______________________
CARLOS:

As far as being "on" when you talk to a woman, yes, I recommend you try to be at least "awake" in all the important ways when you talk to her.

There are a couple reasons for this:

1) You're not very energized, which means that the woman is going to not pick up on your vibe. She'll think you're dull.

2) You will not be RESOURCEFUL (Part of being R.E.A.L. with women.) You won't be at your best. And the first few calls are when you need to be at your best.

As for "creepy," well, that's a definite vibe that women get from a guy they feel is coming on with all the wrong methods. He's coming across as inauthentic and appearing untrustworthy.

Yes, drinking while approaching can lead to some unhealthy situations, so the best approach is to simply be YOU.

I know, scary. But not the YOU that would fall into the typical "Nice Guy" mistakes. This "YOU" is one that understands what an Alpha Man is, and how he behaves.

You see, most guys fall victim to what I call "default behavior." This means that they act from bad programming. This is that stuff that was put in your head by your mom, your well-meaning female friends, bad Hollywood programming. Etc.

So if you don't seek out and learn the real deal, you're going to think you're "being you", but you're really being a version of "you" that is trying to meet some other false expectation of women. (Contrary to popular belief, women don't want guys who make them their reason for living...)

Learn how to create the attractive guy vibe here...

alpha man | how to talk to women | approach women | dating advice for men

Dating a girl at work - is it good or bad?

I was involved off and on with this girl from work (I know first mistake). About 6 months ago we were seeing a lot of each other and we were sort of in that whole girlfriend/boyfriend mode of spending a lot of time with each other. I had suspicions that she was also flirting/seeing someone else here at work and to make a long story short my suspicions were confirmed.

I ended up leaving her alone and she ended up getting pretty serious with this other guy here at work. I took it pretty well buy not associating with her completely, however, given the fact that she works here, I have to see her. She's was seeing this guy exclusively for the past 6 months and I was also testing the dating waters and doing my own thing.

Fast forward to today, the relationship with the other guy who used to work here has fizzled out and we've been emailing small talk with each other and sort of have plans to "catch up". Our branch manager (a woman) is good friends with this chic and she likes the idea of us getting together.

I'm having second thoughts about getting involved with this girl again and this whole sitation is nagging at my psyche. I mean, she's a cute girl, independent etc... but I don't know if I've completely forgiven here for lying to me about seeing this other guy who used to work with us. On the other hand, I dont want to look like a childish little boy and not see her at all, just becuase my feelings were hurt.

I know I just need to increase my options so things like this wont be an issue in the future. This situation seems like it has drained my energy to the point that I don't even feel as excited about approaching/gaming women. You have any opinions on this situation?

I want to say thanks for taking the time to research this stuff in order to help us guys who werent able to pick up these alpha traits naturally. The course is pure gold for anyone who didnt have a solid alpha father figure growing up. The things you teach in the Alpha Male course are essential for anyone who wants a better life period, let alone a better dating life. I now have the tools that I need to succeed in anything I put my mind to.

Thanks
Will
Charlotte, NC
______________________
CARLOS:

I don't consider it a mistake to date someone from work, contrary to popular belief.

But dating someone you suspect can't HANDLE a workplace romance IS a mistake.

I've dated (ahem) many women at the places I've worked. Once I even saw a girl at a place where