Wednesday, October 31, 2007

Eye contact...

I've just bought your book and haven't finished it yet, but there's a question that bothers me for some time, and I hope you can help me with it

Formerly I used to walk on the street and look down (at my feet) most of the time. Now my confidence and self-esteem are much higher, but I'm still unsure how to nonverbally interact with people on the street.

I'm talking about eye contact. I've noticed that others are uneasy about this too: they give me a very brief look at the distance and then either look away or straight ahead (I do this often myself).

I'm thinking about holding eye contact, but it's intimidating to do this with other guys (wouldn't it be aggressive?).

Thanks in advance.
______________________
CARLOS XUMA'S ADVICE:

The point of the exercise is to maintain your own internal state no matter what other people appear to think or feel about it.

No, you don't want to lock eyes with guys too long. Just a quick glance, smile, and nod is all you need to do.

The point in making eye contact is to demonstrate TO YOURSELF just how powerful your internal state really is. When another person looks away or avoids your look, it doesn't have anything to do with YOU.

It's their own insecurity and inability to handle the connection.

You don't laugh at them on the inside for being losers, or gloat in pompous glory... You just keep going on with your life.

Keep your head up and your eyes on the prize...

alpha man | how to talk to women | approach women | dating advice for men

Sunday, October 28, 2007

Do you want to be a player, or do you want to play for keeps?

Carlos, is it okay to sleep around if I am married?

______________________
CARLOS XUMA ANSWERS:

I'm not going to peddle any moral judgement here. The answer is actually very simple...

If you are doing this without your wife's knowledge, NO, it's not okay.

If you two have agreed on this little arrangement, then YES, do what floats your boat.

But since you asked me, I can only guess that you are probably just sleeping around without her knowledge.

And the fact that you're asking me this question only shows that you are aware of your moral dilemma and you need to resolve it for yourself.

You see, the important part here is what is going on in your own sense of self-esteem and self-image. By cheating on your wife like this, you're lowering your own standards and internal sense of honor, and that's the most damaging thing.

Get straight on what you stand for and what you want from life.

THEN you can make a better decision as to what you want to do about your marriage.

My feeling is that if a relationship is not fulfilling you, then you need to fix it or get out and look for what works. Don't stay in a relationship out of fear and complacency.

If you want the right mindset that helps you get this figured out, I recommend you read my new book:

The Alpha Rules - Lessons in how to live the Alpha Lifestyle.

alpha man | how to talk to women | approach women | dating advice for men

Thursday, October 25, 2007

Get Ready for the Alpha Lifestyle: Triple Threat

Get Ready for the Alpha Lifestyle: Triple Threat

Coming Soon...

Click here for the:
Alpha Lifestyle Program - Triple-Threat

alpha man | how to talk to women | approach women | dating advice for men

Wednesday, October 24, 2007

Scarcity Thinking - How to Attract Women

I listened to your interview with David Deangelo and found your advice very helpful. I have this situation at the moment and wondered if I can ask your advice. I really need the help.

What is the best way to handle a situation if a girl sends you a message saying
that she loves you?

When a girl does this she is putting herself on the line, putting her feelings out there, so how do you respond if you really care about her, and want to be with her and want to continue the relationship, yet you dont feel like you quite 'love' her yet, and dont want to just say 'I love you too' to make her happy, but at the same time you dont want to hurt her feelings and want to give her reassurance?

I didnt respond for the first hour after the message, and then she called me and asked if I got the message and what I thought. I told her that I didnt know..and asked her if it was true.. I am not quite sure what she wanted to hear..and then she said that she was shy now..also when I didn't know how to reply she said is something wrong.. I reassured her that nothing was wrong, and told her that I miss her and wanted to be with her... and then she had to go because someone had come in the room and she couldnt speak so we decided to speak tomorrow..

I really dont want to screw this up, please help if you can.

What can I say to her .

Duraid
______________________
CARLOS ANSWERS:

The first thing you need to realize is why you feel compelled to answer her.

I'm reminded of the Seinfeld episode where they talk about getting the "I Love You return." You put it out there, and it's a pretty big bomb. You hope they'll say it back.

But isn't it funny how you never see someone
LOSING attraction because the other person doesn't answer...

In fact, they often become ten times more fascinated with them.

Hmmm.

Why is this?

It's because that person is demonstrating their independence and non-neediness in the biggest way possible.

I'm not saying it's
nice or polite to leave someone hanging like this, but it's very important to realize that you don't need to say anything at all.

The last thing to notice is that you said: "I really dont want to screw this up..."

The second that this becomes your primary focus -
NOT screwing it up - you have probably made it a self-fulfilling prophecy.

When you focus on
NOT losing - protecting - not risking, etc., you're setting yourself up for a scarcity mindset that will haunt you, and make you prone to do the very things that she will find clingy, needy, and insecure.

It's only when you find yourself truly liberated from the need to worry about "success" or "failure" with a person that others will be drawn to you. It's a charismatic attraction that few men ever discover because they're too busy trying to make sure they
DON'T LOSE.

But I can show you how to minimize your risk in the best way possible.

Go take a look at the
Secrets of How to Attract Women ... anywhere, anytime...

alpha man | how to talk to women | approach women | dating advice for men

Tuesday, October 23, 2007

Day Game Seminar - Carlos Xuma

Hey, I thought I should let you know that I'll be appearing in Los Angeles the weekend of 11/10 to appear in the first Day Game Seminar.

I'll be one of a select group of speakers on this topic - some of them a surprise, and you'll want to attend if at all possible.

Why?

Simply put, because I believe the only TRUE game with women is day game - the ability to talk with women anywhere and at any time.

And I'll be revealing how to make women be a part of every aspect of your life, not just going out to clubs and bars. You need a COMPLETE game plan.

If you'd like to get more information on attending this HUGE event, Click here for the details:
California Day Game Seminar with Carlos Xuma

alpha man | how to talk to women | approach women | dating advice for men

Monday, October 22, 2007

Get a copy of the Online Dating Teleseminar call!

I've been getting a ton of mail about the Teleseminar I did with Grant Adams.

Did you get a chance to hear our call on internet dating the other night?

Grant really laid it all out in terms of his techniques and philosophy. There was a lot of very cool stuff in his instructions, including the tease lines for opening emails. I'm going to use the one about looking "beautiful - from a distance." That's a classic...

If you didn't get a chance to dial-in or participate in to the call, now is your chance to get a copy of it on high-quality MP3. It's ten times clearer than the actual call because I recorded it from my end.

All you have to do is:

1. Go CLICK HERE



That's it!

It's a 1 hour audio program that you can keep, and even burn to CD if you like.

YES - it's THAT good.

Talk to you soon,

Your friend,

Carlos Xuma

alpha man | how to talk to women | approach women | dating advice for men

Thursday, October 18, 2007

Tele-seminar tonight, guys!

New Online Dating Teleseminar...

Tonight at 6:00 PM Pacific time, I'll be holding a VERY limited teleseminar with my good friend Grant Adams. We'll be talking about how to make your online dating profiles sizzle with POWER!

Grant really gives up some incredible information on this call, and I want you to be there when he tells some of his best tips on how to create winning profiles.

Some of the things he's going to cover are:

- How to create an online profile that will GRAB her interest
IMMEDIATELY

- How to make your pictures work

- How to resonate with a woman's desires so that she answers YOUR
emails

- Examples of revising a profile so that it SINGS to a woman in the
words she needs to hear...


Here's the link to get on this call:

Online Dating Teleseminar with Grant Adams

You'll want to be on this call. It's going to be fantastic....

Talk to you on the call...

- Carlos

alpha man | how to talk to women | approach women | dating advice for men

SARCASTIC NEWS FLASH: Men like good looking women... And Women are Picky.

Study: Men Men Go for Good Looks
Monday, September 03, 2007
By RANDOLPH E. SCHMID, AP Science Writer

WASHINGTON — Science is confirming what most women know: When given the choice for a mate, men go for good looks.

And guys won't be surprised to learn that women are much choosier about partners than they are.

"Just because people say they're looking for a particular set of characteristics in a mate, someone like themselves, doesn't mean that is what they'll end up choosing," Peter M. Todd, of the cognitive science program at Indiana University, Bloomington, said in a telephone interview.

Researchers led by Todd report in Tuesday's edition of Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences that their study found humans were similar to most other mammals, "following Darwin's principle of choosy females and competitive males, even if humans say something different."

Their study involved 26 men and 20 women in Munich, Germany.

Participants ranged in age from 26 to their early 40s and took part in "speed dating," short meetings of three to seven minutes in which people chat, then move on to meet another dater. Afterward, participants check off the people they'd like to meet again, and dates can be arranged between pairs who select one another.

Speed dating let researchers look at a lot of mate choices in a short time, Todd said.

In the study, participants were asked before the session to fill out a questionnaire about what they were looking for in a mate, listing such categories as wealth and status, family commitment, physical appearance, healthiness and attractiveness.

After the session, the researchers compared what the participants said they were looking for with the people they actually chose to ask for another date.

Men's choices did not reflect their stated preferences, the researchers concluded. Instead, men appeared to base their decisions mostly on the women's physical attractiveness.

The men also appeared to be much less choosy. Men tended to select nearly every woman above a certain minimum attractiveness threshold, Todd said.

Women's actual choices, like men's, did not reflect their stated preferences, but they made more discriminating choices, the researchers found.

The scientists said women were aware of the importance of their own attractiveness to men, and adjusted their expectations to select the more desirable guys.

"Women made offers to men who had overall qualities that were on a par with the women's self-rated attractiveness. They didn't greatly overshoot their attractiveness," Todd said, "because part of the goal for women is to choose men who would stay with them"

But, he added, "they didn't go lower. They knew what they could get and aimed for that level."

So, it turns out, the women's attractiveness influenced the choices of the men and the women.

______________________
CARLOS COMMENTS:

I think this proves once and for all that scientists are the least likely to get laid if they actually needed a study to figure this one out.

In the immortal words of Ripley from "Aliens": "Did I.Q.s just drop sharply while I was away???"

alpha man | how to talk to women | approach women | dating advice for men

Wednesday, October 17, 2007

New Teleseminar! Grant Adams and Online Dating...

New Online Dating Teleseminar...

On Thursday, October 18th, 6:00 PM Pacific time, I'll be holding a VERY limited teleseminar with my good friend Grant Adams. We'll be talking about how to make your online dating profiles sizzle with POWER!

Grant really gave up some quality information on this call, and I want you to be there when he tells some of his best tips on how to create winning profiles.

Some of the things he's going to cover are:

- How to create an online profile that will GRAB her interest
IMMEDIATELY

- How to make your pictures work

- How to resonate with a woman's desires so that she answers YOUR
emails

- Examples of revising a profile so that it SINGS to a woman in the
words she needs to hear...


Here's the link to get on this call:

Online Dating Teleseminar with Grant Adams

You'll want to be on this call. It's one of the best I've done in a long time. No hype.

Talk to you on the call...

- Carlos

alpha man | how to talk to women | approach women | dating advice for men

Day Game Seminar - Carlos Xuma

Hey, I thought I should let you know that I'll be appearing in Los Angeles the weekend of 11/10 to appear in the first Day Game Seminar.

I'll be one of a select group of speakers on this topic - some of them a surprise, and you'll want to attend if at all possible.

Why?

Simply put, because I believe the only TRUE game with women is day game - the ability to talk with women anywhere and at any time.

And I'll be revealing how to make women be a part of every aspect of your life, not just going out to clubs and bars. You need a COMPLETE game plan.

If you'd like to get more information on attending this HUGE event, Click here for the details:
California Day Game Seminar with Carlos Xuma

alpha man | how to talk to women | approach women | dating advice for men

Monday, October 15, 2007

Mystery's 'The Pickup Artist' on VH1 - The END...?

NEW SPECIAL REPORT: Mystery's The Pickup Artist on VH1 - by Carlos Xuma

I've been getting a lot of messages and email about how Mystery's 'The Pickup Artist' on VH1 is going to ruin every guy's game with women.

Well, don't worry, man.

It's NOT.

In fact, it can only get better for you and me and the other Alpha Men out there - whether you're a 'pickup artist' or not.

Read about how here:
Mystery's The Pickup Artist on VH1 - by Carlos Xuma

alpha man | how to talk to women | approach women | dating advice for men

Sunday, October 14, 2007

How to Approach Women and Talk to Women

Carlos Xuma's SPECIAL REPORT: How to Approach Women and How to Talk to Women

I had an interesting conversation with a friend of mine the other day about the difference between men and women, and why it is that women aren't concerned with the same part that men are: How to approach women and talk to women.

The answer is brutally simple: Because women don't have to DO anything at the start except put themselves out there for show. The initiative belongs to the MAN to really get things off the ground with respect to the approach, starting the conversation, getting her phone number, etc.

So I decided to sit down and explain my 3-Step method for how to approach women and talk to women.

You can read the article HERE:
Carlos' 3-Step Method to Approach Women and Talk to Women

Enjoy!

alpha man | how to talk to women | approach women | dating advice for men

Sex and Dating After 50

It's interesting, but in talking to just about every age group out there, this has been my experience with men and women over 50. But it's creeping back into the 40's too.

Read this article on aging and dating. And note the headline they use... "Dating Dynamics."

I wonder where they got that one.
______________________

Like 20- or 30-something singles, older men and women are dating and embracing their sexuality. But many older singles -- some of whom have already been down the aisle -- aren't looking to exchange their single status for a band of gold.

Some older Americans are looking for companionship rather than marriage.

"We are not aiming for great changes in the second half of life, but looking for fulfillment in who we are now," says Sharon Romm, a Seattle-based psychiatrist and author of "Dating After 50: Negotiating the Minefields of Midlife Romance."

"Not everyone wants another marriage. Someone might want a companion for going to concerts on Saturday night and not much more. Others might absolutely want -- or not want -- sex as part of another relationship."

Dating dynamics

More than a third of Americans over 50 are divorced, widowed, separated or have never married, according to a tally of statistics released in 2006 by the U.S. Census Bureau.

"Many over 50 are no longer looking for that one person, that 'soul mate'," says Dr. Philip Belove, a marriage and family therapist based in Bellows Falls, Vermont, who specializes in midlife relationships issues. "If you have a life that you like and things you want to do and interests to pursue, maybe you don't want to sacrifice some of those priorities in order to be someone else's soul mate."

This sentiment doesn't just apply to confirmed bachelors, either. For many women, their careers and hobbies rank higher on their priority list than do romantic relationships, according to Belove.

As Margaret Murchie, a 52-year-old realtor in Honolulu, Hawaii, a self-proclaimed independent woman who dates but has never been married, puts it simply, "They have to make me happier than I am now on my own."

A 2003 AARP study of 3,501 singles aged 40 to 69 showed that about one-third of those surveyed were either in a relationship or dating one person exclusively. A comparable percentage had dated one or more people in the previous three years. But of those who were dating, just 8 percent listed "to find someone to marry" as their reason for doing so. Indeed, 49 percent said they were simply looking for someone "to talk to and do things with."

Of course, dating isn't always easy, particularly for those who may be dipping back into the dating pool after years on the sidelines. But there are many ways for older Americans to meet and get to know one another, many geared specifically to their cohort:

• Online dating and social networking sites, like BOOMj.com, SeniorFriendFinder.com, Match.com and eHarmony.com help seniors find like-minded people with whom they can connect.

• Travel programs, such as Elderhostel offer learning adventures worldwide.

• Volunteer programs, like the Senior Corps, connect those with community service programs in need.

• Competitive and recreational sports programs, such as Sports for Active Seniors in Madison, Wisconsin, and the West Virginia Senior Sports Classic, target active older adults.

• Institutes of higher education, such as The Ohio State University's Program 60 or the University of North Florida's Learning for a Lifetime, offer tuition waivers or discounted classes for seniors.

Sexual evolution or revolution?

Just as older Americans aren't letting the years stop them from dating, they're not letting it end their sex lives, either.

Many of the 3,005 U.S. adults aged 57 to 85 surveyed for a study published in the New England Journal of Medicine (NEJM) reported having sex at least once within the past year:

73 percent of people aged 57 to 64

53 percent of those aged 65 to 74

26 percent of those aged 75 to 85
Among the oldest group of sexually active adults, 54 percent were having sex at least twice a month, while 23 percent reported engaging in sex at least once a week.

The study published August 23 defines sex very loosely to include mutual activity that doesn't require intercourse.

"It is time that our society's traditional thinking that disconnects old age and sex be revisited," says Ruth S. Jacobowitz, author of "150 Most-Asked Questions About Midlife Sex, Love, and Intimacy." "We're all living longer, so our needs to relate sexually are lasting longer."

But older Americans who are sexually active face health issues, too.

• Although HIV/AIDS is a threat to Americans of all ages, about 19 percent of Americans infected with HIV/AIDS are 50 or older, according to the U.S. government's National Institute on Aging (NIA). The NIA doesn't break down transmission rates among this demographic -- for example, through drug use, heterosexual or homosexual contact -- but the institute does point out that older adults in general tend to know less than younger Americans about how HIV/AIDS is transmitted and the necessity of using condoms. They are also less likely to be tested for the disease.

• Aging can affect sexual performance. Both men and women may find that it takes longer to become aroused as they grow older, according to the National Institutes of Health (NIH). This may be caused by health problems like heart disease, by medications being taken to treat health conditions, or simply by stress or concerns about a changing appearance as one ages.

• The NIH notes that women in the midst of menopause, which causes estrogen levels to decline, may experience pain during intercourse. Contrary to a commonly held assumption, however, a study by the New England Research Institute and the University of Massachusetts Medical School in 2000 found that lower estrogen levels did not lower a woman's libido.

• In men, aging can cause impotence. About 5 percent of men aged 40 report having this problem, and it increases to about 15 percent of men aged 70, according to the Massachusetts Male Aging Study.

alpha man | how to talk to women | approach women | dating advice for men

Saturday, October 13, 2007

How to talk to women...

Question from a reader about how to talk to women:

Wow. I have to tell you my past few months were amazing. My lifestyle has changed a lot. I'm never short on women and I'm constantly working on expanding my market of women I can pick from.

I've been spending my time at a social club which is PACKED with intresting women that i'm into. I've met and chatted up pratically all of them. But I've ran into an interesting test that these women have been giving me. 9 times out of 10 she (or any goup of women I might be chatting up) will start testing me by spilling their gender rage issues they have towards men into the conversation at some point. Mostly about how they think all men are dogs and how they only want sex.

I assume they're testing me when they say this. I usually just say "really? that's intresting." or "is that how you think we are?" and change the topic. I don't think i'm handling this test as well as I could be. I was thinking of a new thing to say next time the subject comes up but I wanted to run it by you and see what you thought before I tested it out on the field.

Her: "all men are horrible... blah blah blah"

Me: "Oh! so you're one of THOSE girls!"

Her: "What girls?"

Me: "One of those girls who takes out past experiences she had on men out on random people. Did you have your heart broken on V-day when you were 5? Nevermind, don't answer that."

Any input about this test would be appreciated. Thanks.

______________________
CARLOS TELLS YOU THE SKINNY ON HOW TO TALK TO WOMEN:

Contrary to popular belief, not everything a woman does that annoys you is a "test." Most of the time it is just her being... well,
HER.

She's not doing it intentionally to see if you're going to have the "correct" answer. (A lot of guys stuck in the 'pickup artist' mentality seem to think this.) She's just blowing off her form of chick-steam.

The way you handle this is to
completely ignore it.

You be the guy that doesn't react to her words, and doesn't care about her little emotional rants. When you learn how to talk to women with power and dignity, the tests become meaningless.

If she persists with her angry little rant, then I'd probably tease her about having a lot of baggage.

Your answer is perfectly fine, but it seems a bit bitter in itself. Remember, your answer must be nothing but relaxed and non-reactive.

The question should really be: "When I talk to women, whey are they all reacting to
ME this way? With their gender issues?"

I always end up teasing them back about the fact that for all their complaining, they want it just as much as the guys do, and they're not fooling anyone.

Most women don't know how to react to that one... usually because they aren't use to men who know them better than they know themselves...

Act with calm confidence. Move forward without a flick of your eyes.

Show them the cool of a man who knows better. When you learn how to talk to women with confidence, she'll feel it.

And if you want to learn the secrets that he did to make that change in lifestyle, you should take a look at my exclusive program for men here:

How to talk to women and approach women...

alpha man | how to talk to women | approach women | dating advice for men

Thursday, October 11, 2007

New Teleseminar! Grant Adams and Online Dating...

New Online Dating Teleseminar...

On Thursday, October 18th, I'll be holding a VERY limited teleseminar with my good friend Grant Adams. We'll be talking about how to make your online dating profiles sizzle with POWER!

Grant really gave up some quality information on this call, and I want you to be there when he tells some of his best tips on how to create winning profiles.

Here's the link to get on this call:

Online Dating Teleseminar with Grant Adams

You'll want to be on this call. It's one of the best I've done in a long time. No hype.

Talk to you on the call...

- Carlos

alpha man | how to talk to women | approach women | dating advice for men

Wednesday, October 10, 2007

Article on Dating from MSN

An Alpha Man student sent this interesting article in... Tips for the ladies wanting to avoid the "players" out there...

See my comments after.
______________________
Is your date a player?By Debra Kent You’re suddenly single after years of marriage, and you’re wondering how you will navigate the murky waters of modern dating—especially when it comes to sex. You may discover that the rules have changed or, more to the point, there really are no rules. The landscape has changed too, with the advent of Internet dating, chat rooms, and concepts like “friends with benefits.”

Whether you’re interested in casual sex or a serious relationship, it helps to know what your date is thinking. We polled the relationship experts for clues that your date or date-to-be has only one thing in mind—and it’s not a long-term relationship. Here are the top eight signals that someone’s only interested in sex. Use this info to decide how you want to proceed:

Read between the lines. Online profiles can reveal much about a prospective date’s intentions, says Alyssa Wodtke, co-author of Truth, Lies, and Online Dating: Secrets to Finding Romance on the Internet. Watch for wording like: “Looking for a good time.” “Just looking for friends.” “Bored and looking for fun.” “Want to keep things casual.”

Be aware of too much interest in physical appearances. Someone who’s looking for a sex buddy will focus on getting an accurate physical description of you. “This person may ask for a photo that shows your entire body, rather than being satisfied with a head shot,” observes Maryann Karinch, co-author of The Date Decoder.

Let racy language register. This should go without saying, but for the sake of those rusty souls who haven’t been on a date since 1979: Someone who talks sexy wants to have sex, whether it’s in emails, on the phone, or face-to-face. “He has nothing to lose!” says Karinch. You can respond in kind, of course, but think twice if you’re hoping for a serious relationship. Also proceed with caution if your date is eager to share sexual histories or obsess on particular body parts, says relationship expert Nili Sachs (www.drnili.com).

Heed “let’s hurry up” tactics. Take note if your online prospect wants to meet you ASAP. A promising relationship often begins with emails, progresses to phone calls, and then — after you’ve learned a little or a lot about each other — culminates in a date. “Someone who’s just interested in hooking up is probably not going to spend time getting to know you,” says Wodtke. “What does he care how many brothers and sisters you have or what your childhood was like if all he wants to do is get you in bed?”

Take note of late dates. “The biggest sign that the date is headed to the bedroom is that the plans begin after 9 p.m.,” says Laurie Puhn, J.D., author of Instant Persuasion: How to Change Your Words to Change Your Life and TV host of I on New York. “Even if it’s a first date, never meet for drinks after 9.”

Be wary of last-minute plans. You know someone’s looking for a quickie if he calls or texts you at 8 p.m., says he’s in the area and wants to meet in an hour. If you’re relationship-minded, the only appropriate response, says Puhn, is: “Can’t make it. If you’d like to make plans in advance for another night, let me know.”

Location, location, location. Let’s face it, some venues lend themselves to sex, others don’t. Are you meeting at the art museum or a bar... or his apartment? If someone invites you to his or her place on the first date, sex is probably foremost on the agenda. So unless you’re looking for a hookup too, decline the offer. “If he calls you again, he’s not just trying to bed you,” Puhn says.

Check up on eye contact. Eye contact — or lack of it — can signal your date’s intentions. Chances are they’re hoping for sex if, “instead of maintaining good eye contact across the table, they’re staring at your chest or your other body parts,” notes relationship coach Toni Coleman, LCSW (www.consum-mate.com).

The best way to find out whether someone is into you just for the sex? Insist on waiting a while before you go horizontal, Puhn suggests. “If the person sticks around in the interim, there’s your answer.”

______________________
CARLOS COMMENTS:

Interesting.

I'm sure many of these do ring true for the "players" out there, but let's stop worrying about the guys who are playing, and just get back to being real. Any woman with confidence and a head on her shoulders will not need these tips to figure it out for herself.

The point in red about late dates is interesting, but not really a conscious tactic used by many guys. Late is just late. I don't think that's a good indicator of a man's player intentions.

alpha man | how to talk to women | approach women | dating advice for men

Sunday, October 07, 2007

Article on Dating from MSN

An Alpha Man student sent this interesting article in... Tips for the ladies wanting to avoid the "players" out there...

See my comments after.
______________________
Is your date a player?

By Debra Kent You’re suddenly single after years of marriage, and you’re wondering how you will navigate the murky waters of modern dating—especially when it comes to sex. You may discover that the rules have changed or, more to the point, there really are no rules. The landscape has changed too, with the advent of Internet dating, chat rooms, and concepts like “friends with benefits.”

Whether you’re interested in casual sex or a serious relationship, it helps to know what your date is thinking. We polled the relationship experts for clues that your date or date-to-be has only one thing in mind—and it’s not a long-term relationship. Here are the top eight signals that someone’s only interested in sex. Use this info to decide how you want to proceed:

Read between the lines. Online profiles can reveal much about a prospective date’s intentions, says Alyssa Wodtke, co-author of Truth, Lies, and Online Dating: Secrets to Finding Romance on the Internet. Watch for wording like: “Looking for a good time.” “Just looking for friends.” “Bored and looking for fun.” “Want to keep things casual.”

Be aware of too much interest in physical appearances. Someone who’s looking for a sex buddy will focus on getting an accurate physical description of you. “This person may ask for a photo that shows your entire body, rather than being satisfied with a head shot,” observes Maryann Karinch, co-author of The Date Decoder.

Let racy language register. This should go without saying, but for the sake of those rusty souls who haven’t been on a date since 1979: Someone who talks sexy wants to have sex, whether it’s in emails, on the phone, or face-to-face. “He has nothing to lose!” says Karinch. You can respond in kind, of course, but think twice if you’re hoping for a serious relationship. Also proceed with caution if your date is eager to share sexual histories or obsess on particular body parts, says relationship expert Nili Sachs (www.drnili.com).

Heed “let’s hurry up” tactics. Take note if your online prospect wants to meet you ASAP. A promising relationship often begins with emails, progresses to phone calls, and then — after you’ve learned a little or a lot about each other — culminates in a date. “Someone who’s just interested in hooking up is probably not going to spend time getting to know you,” says Wodtke. “What does he care how many brothers and sisters you have or what your childhood was like if all he wants to do is get you in bed?”

Take note of late dates. “The biggest sign that the date is headed to the bedroom is that the plans begin after 9 p.m.,” says Laurie Puhn, J.D., author of Instant Persuasion: How to Change Your Words to Change Your Life and TV host of I on New York. “Even if it’s a first date, never meet for drinks after 9.”

Be wary of last-minute plans. You know someone’s looking for a quickie if he calls or texts you at 8 p.m., says he’s in the area and wants to meet in an hour. If you’re relationship-minded, the only appropriate response, says Puhn, is: “Can’t make it. If you’d like to make plans in advance for another night, let me know.”

Location, location, location. Let’s face it, some venues lend themselves to sex, others don’t. Are you meeting at the art museum or a bar... or his apartment? If someone invites you to his or her place on the first date, sex is probably foremost on the agenda. So unless you’re looking for a hookup too, decline the offer. “If he calls you again, he’s not just trying to bed you,” Puhn says.

Check up on eye contact. Eye contact — or lack of it — can signal your date’s intentions. Chances are they’re hoping for sex if, “instead of maintaining good eye contact across the table, they’re staring at your chest or your other body parts,” notes relationship coach Toni Coleman, LCSW (www.consum-mate.com).

The best way to find out whether someone is into you just for the sex? Insist on waiting a while before you go horizontal, Puhn suggests. “If the person sticks around in the interim, there’s your answer.”

______________________
CARLOS COMMENTS:

Interesting.

I'm sure many of these do ring true for the "players" out there, but let's stop worrying about the guys who are playing, and just get back to being real. Any woman with confidence and a head on her shoulders will not need these tips to figure it out for herself.

The point in red about late dates is interesting, but not really a conscious tactic used by many guys. Late is just late. I don't think that's a good indicator of a man's player intentions.

alpha man | how to talk to women | approach women | dating advice for men

Saturday, October 06, 2007

When Your Mom tells you you're a BAD MAN

I'm begging your indulgence by including the RAW letter I received today. I think the question is very valid, which is why I'm including it despite how it's one huge run-on sentence with no punctuation.

Just look for the parts I highlighted in bold:

hi carlos i have a question what do you do when your mom starts to mess with your game by telling you how men are bad just like the media i have a feeling that everytime i talk to people i am close with they are messing with my game and giving me wrong information because sometimes i can see the subtle programing if i am super alert and the conversation is short that i dont get lost in it but othertimes i dont see it and when i go out i just feel confused and then later on i see the programing that was causing the confusion after searching very hard i would also like to ask you if you ever let your guard down if so around which people do you do that because when the guard is up no one can program you negatively but when its down thats when it happens i am asking you this because i keep my guard up and my mom is asking me to put it down because she can sense it like you say in your materials
_______________________
CARLOS XUMA ANSWERS:

AaaaaahhhhHH!

Dude! Use the freakin' period once in a while!

You had the thread of a good question here, but then I started drooling and passed out when my brain exploded.

Guys, note:

1) I don't care how much longer it takes you to write - NEVER leave your "i" un-capitalized.

2) Periods and commas. USE THEM!

3) If you're having this much trouble with mom, you should either move out, or develop your own independent thinking.

Seriously, this is where so many guys lose their confidence - because mommy needs to take her man-hating revenge out on the asshole who mistreated her by messing with her boy's mind.

If you're a guy growing up in a single-parent family, you need a good male role model.

No offense to mom, who's probably working her ass of for you, but you still need a MAN in your life to show you how to be MASCULINE.

Preferably an ALPHA Man.

It's not about having your "guard" up or down; it's how comfortable you feel in your own skin, and how confidently you can get behind your own beliefs and convictions - without letting them take you over.

Stay cool. Don't turn into a reactive zealot. And keep your head on straight.

No one makes you think anything. You choose your reaction to their words.

Learn what women want - The Alpha Man. CLICK HERE for the Secrets...

alpha man | how to talk to women | approach women | dating advice for men

Wednesday, October 03, 2007

Attract Women - The Secret to Build Self Confidence

ATTRACT WOMEN - And understand how the principles of attraction REALLY work...

Something's been catching my eye lately. There is a hot girl who's joined in our class as a foreign student, and almost every guy has been drooling over her. Of course, with my exception! Well my college doesn't exactly have the hottest girls (tech school), and hence she's deemed hotter than she actually is.

Well, what's been making me wonder is that I know a guy who's been trying to make time with her, and he's basically using a social networking site to do so. He starts conversations with her on the site using the 'comments' section, and keeps it going for about 2-4 hours everyday, and for some reason it seems to be working for him. In short, he has made himself seem 'available all the time', a slave to the girl and a drug junky. He does have above average looks though, according to some girls.

But he cant strike up the same conversations with her in person, and his voice loses it's tone when he tries to talk to her. He doesn't seem as confident in person as he does on the net. Yet it's working for him.

What are your views on this? On my initial observation the girl seems like most other girls, dwelling on uncertainty and surprises, and enjoying most of the attention she's getting. Now I haven't been able to charm her with my suave personality as I'm tied up in a relationship, so that is as much information as I can give right now.

What do you think about this?
______________________
CARLOS ANSWERS:

I'll tell you what I WON'T be telling you about this situation: It does not mean that all the bullshit information about pandering to a woman will work.

Okay, now that we've got that taken care of, let's talk about the Truth behind the curtain here...

First of all "it seems to be working" doesn't mean diddly.

Is this guy going out with this girl?

Is he sleeping with her?

Or, is she perhaps flattered by the attention of a guy who she might consider "the prize" based solely on his appearance?

Of course she is! All women respond to attention, but in varying ways.

And ... "make time"? What is that supposed to mean?

That means nothing to me. The only thing that matters is
RESULTS. Tell me what kind of real male-female results this guy has beyond "seeming" like he's getting somewhere. Making time is mental masturbation.

What you're seeing is a guy who is appealing to her
romantic fantasies. Techno-nerdy girls tend to be shy and a bit introverted. They also have a quirky insecurity about themselves as sexual beings. She's also obviously young, so she's a bit naive.

(I'm not sure what you mean by this "drug junky" thing. Does he actually take drugs? Well, that might appeal to her bad-boy craving.)

What will predictably happen is this:

- Boy endears himself to girl by flooding her with attention. He seems all mushy and romantic.

- Girl soaks up the attention because she's still not that secure. Her self-esteem and self-image have not caught up to her yet. She is what I would call an "undervalued asset," as she doesn't know her "hottie" factor in attracting men. Hopefully she stays humble and cool like this. (But learns to read wuss indicators much faster.)

- Girl develops fascination and infatuation based on her filling in
ALL the gaps of her knowledge of this guy. She doesn't know what he's really like because she's been building up this fantasy.

- Girl
MIGHT get with this boy to find out what he's like, and then she gets out quickly when she finds out he's a wuss, or she keeps him as a BTN ("Better Than Nothing.")

If he doesn't act soon, she'll get tired of it, and the first Alpha Man with a pair of full, swinging balls gets the prize.

BOOM.

Story over.

Don't worry...
Women don not want wusses. I'm not wrong on this count, no matter how many seemingly "curious" this situation may be on the surface.

And obviously you believe what I teach ... otherwise, why are you reading my materials if you're already in a relationship, right? :-)

You might be one of those "toe-dippers," standing at the side of my
Truth Pool and testing the waters to see if this MIGHT be true... if maybe women are somewhat different than you imagined.

I don't care why, as long as you're learning and putting it to good use.

If you want to learn how to be
attractive to women - the gal you have yet to meet, or the woman you already have - then you need to learn what these secrets are from the source.

Attract Women - Learn the Secrets of the Alpha Man...

alpha man | how to talk to women | approach women | dating advice for men