Monday, December 31, 2007

When She Starts Being Your Therapist...

Hey Carlos,

My wife has been starting up some really deep discutions recently. It's basicly been revovling around, me, not wanting to have a baby. Then even deeper to my parents, and my chidhood, on why not.

I actually felt like I was at the table with my dad getting lectured about responsability, commitment, and how much I need to grow up. I eventually shut down ( just like back then), which I don't think was the ALPHA thing to do. We eventually stoped, but I can still tell that this is not over yet.

Would you please teach me some guidlines for talking about feelings and the such?

How can I control the conversation better, and be able to really end it, when I'm not wanting to talk about it any more?

Thanks
______________________
CARLOS XUMA ANSWERS:

This is a pretty broad topic, and obviously not one I can answer in a blog or email.

You're right that "shutting down" is not a very good way to handle it. The Alpha Man understands his feelings, but he doesn't need to live his life through them or be victimized by them.

Think: Awareness.

My first recommendation is this:

1) Be more assertive and stop reacting to her demands to go into "therapy" mode.

And tell her that word for word. You decide how healthy you are, don't fall into that trap with her. A lot of women start to deep-dive into your childhood to figure you out and diagnose you.

Hell, even if there are problems, I can guarantee you that she is NOT qualified to start picking around in your head. Don't allow it!

She means well, but she's got no business there.

2) Perhaps consider a moderated environment with a marriage counselor (and choose a good one - there are a lot of sketchy ones out there....)

3) As for ending something on your own terms, when you don't want to talk about it, you should try this:

"I'm not comfortable talking about this with you right now. I think we're done with this topic for the moment."

And if she pushes and presses and does her best to keep you in it, you calmly, nicely, firmly tell her:

"I'm not comfortable talking about this with you right now. I think we're done with this topic for the moment. You should respect my feelings and my decision."
Stand your ground.

But also realize that she's obviously wanting an answer to her biological imperative, and it's not really about YOU. You're just the donor, after all. Sorry to minimalize it like that, but it's true. She probably does want to start a family, and this is a BIG issue for your relationship.

Get some resolution for both of you before she has a baby that looks... hmm.... NOTHING like you.

By the way, if you want more information on how to handle these kinds of games that women - and everyone - play, you should have a look at this information.

- Carlos Xuma

alpha man | how to talk to women | approach women | dating advice for men

Wednesday, December 26, 2007

The 5 Toughest Questions Women Ask...

Answers to 5 of the toughest questions women ask...

There are five things that women should never, ever ask a guy....

The five questions are:

1 - "What are you thinking?"
2 - "Do you love me?"
3 - "Do I look fat?"
4 - "Do you think she is prettier than me?"
5 - "What would you do if I died?"

What makes these questions so bad is that every one is guaranteed to explode into a major argument and/or divorce if the man does not answered properly, which is to say dishonestly. For example:



1 - "What are you thinking?" The proper answer to this question, of course is, "I'm sorry if I've been pensive, dear. I was just reflecting on what a warm, wonderful, caring, thoughtful, intelligent, beautiful woman you are and what a lucky guy I am to have met you." Obviously, this statement bears no resemblance whatsoever to what the guy was really thinking at the time, which was most likely one of five things:

a - Football
b - Baseball
c - How fat you are.
d - How much prettier she is than you.
e - How he would spend the insurance money if you died.

According to the article, the best answer to this stupid question came from Al Bundy, of Married With Children, who was asked it by his wife, Peg. "If I wanted you to know," Al said, "I'd be talking instead of thinking."

The other questions also have only one right answer but many wrong answers:

2 - "Do you love me?" The correct answer to this question is, "Yes." For those guys who feel the need to be more elaborate, you may answer, "Yes, dear." Wrong answers include:

a - I suppose so.
b - Would it make you feel better if I said yes.
c - That depends on what you mean by "love".
d - Does it matter?
e - Who, me?


3 - "Do I look fat?" The correct male response to this question is to confidently and emphatically state, "No, of course not" and then quickly leave the room. Wrong answers include:

a - I wouldn't call you fat, but I wouldn't call you thin either.
b - Compared to what?
c - A little extra weight looks good on you.
d - I've seen fatter.
e - Could you repeat the question? I was thinking about your insurance policy.


4 - "Do you think she's prettier than me?" The "she" in the question could be an ex-girlfriend, a passer-by you were staring at so hard that you almost cause a traffic accident or an actress in a movie you just saw. In any case, the correct response is, "No, you are much prettier." Wrong answers include:

a - Not prettier, just pretty in a different way.
b - I don't know how one goes about rating such things.
c - Yes, but I bet you have a better personality.
d - Only in the sense that she's younger and thinner.
e - Could you repeat the question? I was thinking about your insurance policy.


5 - "What would you do if I died?" Correct answer: "Dearest love, in the event of your untimely demise, life would cease to have meaning for me and I would perforce hurl myself under the front tires of the first Domino's Pizza truck that came my way."

This might be the stupidest question of the lot, as is illustrated by the following stupid joke:

"Dear," said the wife. "What would you do if I died?"
"Why, dear, I would be extremely upset," said the husband.
"Why do you ask such a question?"
"Would you remarry?" persevered the wife. "No, of course not, dear" said the husband. "Don't you like being married?" said the wife. "Of course I do, dear" he said.
"Then why wouldn't you remarry?"
"All right," said the husband, "I'd remarry."
"You would?" said the wife, looking vaguely hurt.
"Yes" said the husband.
"Would you sleep with her in our bed?" said the wife after a long pause.
"Well yes, I suppose I would." replied the husband.
"I see," said the wife indignantly. "And would you let her wear my old clothes?"
"I suppose, if she wanted to" said the husband.
"Really," said the wife icily. "And would you take down the pictures of me and replace them with pictures of her?"
"Yes. I think that would be the correct thing to do."
"Is that so?" said the wife, leaping to her feet. "And I suppose you'd let her play with my golf clubs, too."
"Of course not, dear," said the husband. "She's left-handed."

alpha man | how to talk to women | approach women | dating advice for men

Creative Link Contest

DO YOU HAVE A WEB SITE?

Get a free copy of Carlos Xuma's program for the most creative back link to Carlos' programs.

And you can win a copy of Carlos' Alpha Conversation program - or his Alpha Lifestyle program... worth at least $200!

You can enter multiple times with either multiple links from different locations, or links to any of our programs.

Start with a link to Dating Dynamics: http://www.datingdynamics.com. (You can get the link code HERE.)

Send in your link to us HERE and let us know where you posted your link to us...

Runners-up will get a copy of Carlos' latest e-book: The Alpha Rules.

alpha man | how to talk to women | approach women | dating advice for men

Tuesday, December 25, 2007

Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays, Alpha Men!

I just wanted to take a minute this morning to wish everyone a great holiday season...

Just wait til 2008! I've got some COOL stuff coming...!

You can see one of them HERE.

This came in from a fellow Alpha:

Hey there,

I just wanted to thank all you guys for all the help and support that I have received over time. It has been invaluable to me at times of difficulty and not knowing what to do.

Merry Christmas to you all and look forward to another year of the better dating life that you have help me create for myself.

Regards

Andy

______________________

You're very welcome!

- Carlos Xuma

alpha man | how to talk to women | approach women | dating advice for men

Monday, December 24, 2007

How Does You Just Be YOURSELF?

QUESTION FROM A READER:

Hi Carlos. I've been enjoying your podcasts for a few months now. I intend to purchase your materials when cash becomes more available. Like you, I'm a musician, a home studio enthusiast (SONAR rules!), and a black belt. I have a question just to provoke some thoughts. Lately I've been reading the Tao Te Ching, and the past couple of days I've been chewing on the following passage:

"Absolve yourself of the need or desire to be wise and sophisticated. Cast off reliance on the frozen thought forms and constructs that support domesticated behavior, and all life that you meet will benefit exponentially."

I know I'm not giving this to you in context, and I would NEVER say that wisdom should not be pursued, but bear with me. I can't help feeling, as I try to implement your counsel, that I'm being asked to step so far outside of myself that I'm going to be artificial. The simple truth is, I'm an open person. I feel more than others. I'm sensitive. I WANT someone who can handle that, because a good match for me will be someone who wants someone like me.

At what point, if I do everything you say, do I become a cookie-cut person? My openness and sensitivity are two big things that make me unique, that set me apart from the crowd. Even if it makes it hard to pick up women, there is goodness and value in these qualities. If I suppress them in order to find a girl, will I be representing myself truthfully?

Perhaps, if I'm just myself, it might take me longer to find someone, but the person I find will be a better match than if I project someone else's idea of a perfect man.

What do you think? Thanks for all your help. I really do get a lot out of your sharing.

Kyle in Georgia
______________________
CARLOS XUMA RESPONDS:

Hey there, Kyle... Thanks for the props. (But I have to tell you that I'm a Logic user... You music geeks will know what I'm talking about here...)

The Tao Te Ching is an incredible book of immense wisdom. It's one of those books that I read and it changed my reality once I really let the wisdom soak into my life. (I also highly recommend "The Tao of Pooh" for those of you looking to understand Eastern Philosophy a bit more.)

But remember that the important thing about the Tao is that it is meant to be formless and without strict definition.

AND it also is counter-intuitive to human nature.

You see, human beings are inconveniently naturally wired AGAINST success in almost every area of our lives. That's why so few men ever really understand what women REALLY want, and fail to get REAL success with them.

That's why so few people ever acquire real wealth (spiritual and monetary) in their lives.

But let's speak more to your point, because it's very important.

I want you (and you who is reading this now) to understand that your identity is not your problem in this situation. You see your sensitivity as being a liability, and it can be if there's no other masculinity to balance it out.

You just have to be able to know WHEN and HOW MUCH to show your more feminine traits.

You see, I have to tell you that I have a lot of Yin (feminine) traits. I just know that they function only to balance out my strong Yang (masculine) side.

I'm very rough and strict and masculine in certain areas of my life, such as enjoying the interaction of conflict in Martial Arts, and leading classes and that sort of thing.

But on the other side, I enjoy emotionally involving movies (sometimes a good chick-flick), and sometimes gossiping and getting "catty."

Interestingly, it's this balance that most women find seductive and sexy about me. If I was simply another aggro guy looking to pick a fight, I'd be common. But the fighter who knows how to be a lover is immensely attractive to a woman.

What I caution men about is identifying too much with their feminine side, and then revealing this right away to a woman.

I suspect there is a lot of masculine behavior you could also uncover that you didn't know you had in you.

Just be very careful about how you think about "being yourself."

Recently I did a panel discussion with Q&A on the topic of "Authenticity."

There was an interesting moment where one of the other advisors on the panel recognized that a woman who was asking the question was really acting like this:

"Here I am. This is me. Too much for you? Can't take it? Yeah, I thought so."

A lot of guys present themselves this way, too. Almost like a way of fast-forwarding to their expected failure. It's the "I told you so" game.

Just be at ease with yourself, and be willing to realize that the identity you may have carved for yourself might not be evolving.

By the way, if you're interested in learning more about the games we play on others, as well as ourselves, you should take a look HERE: Power Social Skills

alpha man | how to talk to women | approach women | dating advice for men

Saturday, December 22, 2007

What do you do about jealousy?

Dear Carlos Xuma,

I am a daily reader of your newsletter and your blog and I am getting a lot of good advice.

I am currently in a relationship with a hot girl which I would name T. Everything in our relationship is going well but here I am having a problem of jealousy.

She has a male friend of her who she enjoys being around. But sometimes I get jealous because it looks like that she is having a lot of fun hanging out or talking on the phone with him more than me and I am getting more jealous and frustrated and depressed day by day because of that guy.

Do they really have any sexual tension between them? Will he steal her from me after some days? What is that all chemistry going between them? Can I be sure that this guy will not harm my relationship?

Please Carlos give me a solution...

Waiting for your reply,

Your reader,

Dibosh
______________________
CARLOS ANSWERS:

Well, here's the honest truth... (Do I ever say anything but?)

Jealousy has NOTHING to do with the other guy.

It has EVERYTHING to do with your own insecurities.

Always has, and always will.

Let's also be clear that when a woman is hanging around with a guy, there is sexual TENSION there. I don't buy into the "men and women as friends" thing unless a guy or gal has already made them an unattractive option.

But as long as there's a male and a female together (straight, mind you), then there is always polarity and charge and tension in the air.

You are right - you've got yourself a problem. It appears that whatever you are NOT doing is something that your girlfriend is finding attractive in some way with this other guy...

OR you're doing something that is giving away your social status and level of confidence.

So stop getting jealous and instead you need to get in ACTION.

Start being the man that she wants more than anything rather than worrying about how to protect yourself from loss. (Which, by the way, is the one sure-fire recipe for disaster there is.)

My guess is that her boy-on-the-side is being more Alpha.

You see you're probably afraid of losing this "hot" woman, and as a result, you give off a different vibe than the guy that already has the value.

The more you react in this jealous and insecure way, the more likely you are to smother her so that she eventually freaks out and does something very nasty and moist with her (cough) friend.

This is much more than I can cover here, or in my newsletters.

You need to read about the secrets of attraction with women HERE.

alpha man | how to talk to women | approach women | dating advice for men

Thursday, December 20, 2007

A great idea from Dan Kennedy...

You ever wonder how the world gets anything done?

Sometimes I do.

When I was a kid, I thought the "grown-up" world was all organized and worked like a perfect machine.

Yeah, I was pretty sheltered.

But in one of his recent newsletters, Dan points out something really funny, and yet tragic.

It's about our laziness, and our lack of initiative.

From his newsletter:

"Years ago, I saw a seminar exercise, later copied it. Proof there's never a lack of opportunity thanks to others lack of initiative.

"Took a newspaper, looked under DOGS WANTED and under DOGS FOR SALE. Made three phone calls. Sold a dog from DOGS FOR SALE to a DOGS WANTED advertiser. Neither advertiser ever bothered to look in the other column, pick up the phone, lift a finger. Sigh."

The people who spot these kinds of opportunities are the ones who increase their wealth, not just in dollars and cents... but in SENSE.

A small lesson for your Thursday morning...

And while you're at it, go take a look at THIS.

- Carlos

alpha man | how to talk to women | approach women | dating advice for men

Wednesday, December 19, 2007

Get Ready For Power Social Skills

2008 is coming...

It's time for those New Year's Resolutions, too...

I've always disliked New Year's Resolutions. They never seem to stick, and it seems like if you want to make a promise that everyone will forgive you for breaking, you might as well do it on January 1st., because no one will blame you for it.

Instead of being like all the others, why not make a simple resolution?

Something that will CHANGE YOUR LIFE if you put it in gear...

And you can get started right now...

CLICK HERE and look at what's coming for you in 2008.

alpha man | how to talk to women | approach women | dating advice for men

Monday, December 17, 2007

A follow-up from yesterday...

Yesterday I published a letter from a guy who was wondering whether or not he could make the changes to get success with women.

This letter I got this morning should answer that question:

______________________
Doctor Carlos;

I've got to thank you. You have awakened me from something no man should face. Growing old. I am 55 years old, quite healthy and good looking, so I am told. Any way for the last year while being surrounded by woman I had slipped into a state of "I don't care about sex anymore because its to much trouble and I'm to old anyway" syndrome. I always found myself with a lump in my throat even when approaching woman my own age and especially the younger woman. I thought I was finished.

But now after reading your stuff I'm having success and lots of fun approaching woman of both age groups. That's Fun with a capital F.


Being armed with just your basics has opened up a whole new chapter in my life.

The lump is gone and the game is on!!

Thanks

Dallas

alpha man | how to talk to women | approach women | dating advice for men

Saturday, December 15, 2007

Can you get your confidence back? Abso-freakin'-lutely!

Hey Carlos,

Your stuff is very interesting. I've got a question for you. I'm 50 years of age, a bit of gray, but not much, in pretty good physical shape and wondering what to do. I lost the love of my life about a year ago. Sixteen years younger, pretty, what I thought was the perfect girl. We were married for 10 years.

Can you help me and is there any hope? For me it seems like the only way to get over this is to find someone to replace her. Is that possible at this stage in my life?

Appreciate your feed back.

Sincerely,

Mark
______________________
CARLOS ANSWERS:

It's funny when you say "interesting." I thought the same thing when I started observing these patterns and understanding how the attraction game worked with women. It was kind of my way of not having my reality shattered too hard.

But on to your question...

Can I help you?

YES.

Absolutely, positively, no doubt about it.

How do I know this?

Because I've helped thousands of guys in this situation before.

Interestingly, the cure for what ails you is in the way you perceive your situation. If you are stuck on the belief that this woman is (was?) the "love of your life," you will basically be cementing yourself into a mindset that doesn't give you alternatives to change your situation.

Think about it this way: What if I believed - in my heart - that I was incapable of speaking Italian. I just COULD NOT EVER speak that language. My tongue just couldn't make the sounds or whatever.

Would I ever try?

Would I ever be able to travel to Italy with any joy, or would I be locked in fear of not being able to communicate?

I would avoid people that spoke Italian for fear of the situation that would put me in.

Now, this sounds a bit abstract and maybe a bit extreme, but that's what happens when you lock yourself into the belief that this woman was the "love of your life." What you're doing is pinning a very self-limiting belief on yourself that says there is only this woman for you.

You'll be forever hung up on her. You'll go through photo books of you and her and constantly remind yourself of what you lost.

Your whole life, in fact, becomes "Mark's Story About How He Lost The Love Of His Life."

Maybe you can make a movie out of it.

Get someone really tragic to play the lead.

I'm pushing this point and being a sarcastic jerk because this is brutally TRUE.

If you don't free yourself of this limiting belief, NO ONE will be able to help you.

You need to get UN-haunted, as I like to say.

As for whether or not you can find someone to replace her, well - YES, you can.

But you can't if you don't believe it.

You see, right now I sense that you're on the fence as to whether or not you can do this. You probably know logically and rationally that it's possible, but your beliefs and emotions are fighting you.

FIGHT BACK.

I have instructed people in their seventies in Martial Arts.

There are COUNTLESS stories of people hooking up and finding someone in their 40s, 50s, 60s, and beyond.

I sense that you might be waiting for a decision from outside to finally put your heart behind this effort. If I told you yes, would that give you enough permission to believe in yourself?

I think you've got that right now. You just need to make the decision.

That's something I cannot do for you.

But I can help you be more confident IN that decision.

If you haven't already gotten it, you can get your self-confidence HERE...

alpha man | how to talk to women | approach women | dating advice for men

Thursday, December 13, 2007

A picture for you guys...


One of my proud moments recently was getting my second degree (not easy in our system) Black Belt.

I was fortunate enough to do this with the Shaolin Monks of China, and with the Abbot of the Shaolin Temple.

Pretty cool, and a moment I'm thankful for. I thought I would share the picture of it with you guys...

alpha man | how to talk to women | approach women | dating advice for men

Monday, December 10, 2007

Do you want to get your copy of the latest Tele-seminar?

If you weren't able to make the call, we've got copies of the latest tele-seminar
available for you to download.

Scot McKay, Dean Cortez, and I gave up tips on holiday dating and how
to maximize your opportunities to meet women this season, and how
to kick off 2008 with the best bang of all…

- Have you ever wondered what kind of opportunities there are to
meet women this holiday season? We’ll give you ideas on how, when,
and where to meet women…

- How to focus on the right priorities so that you get the right
women interested

- Fashion styles and statements you can make to stand out from the
rest of the guys

- Giving a gift to your woman? Potential girlfriend? We’ll talk
about what gifts are good to get for a woman - and which
gifts you must avoid at all costs!

- How to handle your holiday parties, and especially making the biggest
impact on New Years Eve...

You can get your copy of the Holiday Hookup teleseminar HERE

Your friend,


Carlos Xuma

PS: This copy of the 50 minute program is available for only 7 bucks...
(that's about the cost of most fast food meals these days...)
But it will go up to $15 at the end of the week, so go get it QUICK.

Here's the link again:
Get your copy of the Holiday Hookup teleseminar HERE

alpha man | how to talk to women | approach women | dating advice for men

Sunday, December 09, 2007

What do you get her for the First Date?

Hi Carlos,

I just wanted to ask when you go on your 1st date what should you give to the woman you are going to see as opposed to flowers? I wanted an idea that is original.

-D.
______________________
CARLOS ANSWERS:

Absolutely NOTHING but your commanding masculine presence.

I mean that. Giving women stuff on a date is supplication and - unless a demand of your culture that you're living in (not from) - you should not give them things as a way to "buy" attention or affection from her.

If YOU are not enough now, you never will be.

Would you ever see James Bond giving flowers on a date? Can you imagine any of the most prized Hollywood hunks giving their women something to date them...?

And if your objection is "but they're higher-value men than I am... what have I got to offer?"

The reality is that a man's value is COMMUNICATED, not bought or shown with wealth.

Don't place so much importance on "1st Dates," either. By doing what you're proposing, you're communicating desperation to this woman. You're also communicating that you don't get dates very often, because you're so focused on this as an "event."

If you want to change that, I suggest you get busy with this:
http://www.thealphalifestyle.com

Best of luck to you...

alpha man | how to talk to women | approach women | dating advice for men

Sunday, December 02, 2007

Holiday Hookups - The Season to Meet Women!

Hey, I just had a minute to send you a note...

I wanted to let you know about our next Teleseminar happening on
12/6 - this Thursday.

Scot McKay and I will be giving up tips on holiday dating and how
to maximize your opportunities to meet women this season, and how
to kick off 2008 with the best bang of all...

- Have you ever wondered what kind of opportunities there are to
meet women this holiday season? We'll give you ideas on how, when,
and where to meet women...

- How to focus on the right priorities so that

- Giving a gift to your woman? Potential girlfriend? We'll talk
about what to give for gifts and why...


And a whole bunch more. Here's the link:

http://www.instantTeleseminar.com/?eventid=1272945

We suggest you dial-in early to get this presentation in its
entirety.

TIME: 6:00 PM PACIFIC
DATE: Thursday, December 6th.

That's
THIS week! Mark it on your calendar, and we'll talk to you
then.

I'll be back later today with some more updates, the new podcast,
and how you can get interactive feedback on improving your game...

Your Friend,

- Carlos

PS: Here's the link again to the information page:
http://www.instantTeleseminar.com/?eventid=1272945

alpha man | how to talk to women | approach women | dating advice for men

Saturday, December 01, 2007

Here's a Story of a Pickup Artist/ Alpha Man...

I was down in Los Angeles recently, presenting at the Day Game seminar, and I ran into a student of mine with a great story of his development to share. I prodded him into sending this along to me, and I hope it helps you understand something deeper about this quest to improve our game with women.

It's a bit long, but I found it interesting and enjoyable to read...

______________________
Carlos –

It has been a week since I met you that I said I would you send you an e-mail in LA. But you know, living the lifestyle of an Alpha Man…time is scarce.

I am a 27-year old virgin who was one of the most timid and insecure people you would meet. I was comfortable living alone and constantly asked myself what I want in life. Do I really want to pursue the opposite sex? Do I want to live on my own and support myself? These questions haunted me for years. To give you an idea I locked myself in my own room in high school. I did my best to try to fit in, but nothing really worked. I have had very few female friends even up to 2007. I have never had a girlfriend or a date.

Looking back, I would say around 2002/2003 is when I started to really notice social interactions take place before my eyes. I would always go places alone. That has never bothered me. But I noticed how men and women interacted. Men approaching girls and the reactions that sparked fascinated me. I would eavesdrop on women sitting beside me (that of course I would never think about approaching) and find out what I thought were good approaches by men, did not go over well.

One area that puzzled me that caused me to find out more and more about is that the girls never laughed at what the guy said, it was the approach that scared them off. Guys coming up way too close, his head hanging down and showing nervous signs, and taking every little bit of shit they through his way so his hopes of ‘impressing’ them was more hurtful then good. More often then not, I developed a novice, but knowledgeable understanding of social theory and social interaction.

Around that time, podcasting became available and I adapted to iPods and iTunes rather quickly. On my trek to gather more and more knowledge about this study, I found your podcast and was blown away with how you sounded like you were there with me on these ‘field trips’ I’d take to observe and study. I had no word to call the man that showed attractive, powerful status until the first time I heard you call him the ‘Alpha Man’. I agreed with the wide majority of what you have taught to millions of men throughout the world. I started to invest into your materials (Dating Black Book, Secrets of the Alpha Man, etc..), and continued my own studies with your insight. I was a sponge just taking in as much as I could.

The matrix was opening up before my eyes.

Still, this study had no effect on my actual social encounters. Social Anxiety, Depression, and Approach Anxiety ruined any chance I had to talk with just about anyone let alone women. I felt this brick wall in front of me that prevented me from practicing this art of interaction and what many call ‘Pick Up’ these days.

Honestly, this haunted me. I would go to sleep every night just hating myself and looking back at my poor attempts of approaching. I have been slapped, told to fuck off, laughed at, thrown a drink at, been kicked out of a dating service, given the bird, and taken advantage of with drinks. I did not believe the words ‘What’s the worst she can do?’ It has all happened to me. I can write a book on how NOT to interact with women. But in the meantime, think of a balloon that is filled up with so much knowledge and understanding on how to become the best man I can be, but that air of knowledge can never escape.

In Feb/2007, I broke down into depression which has happened once before. I had no confidence in myself and felt no motivation to carry on life. I did not enjoy much of anything and others around me (work, sports) can see it. As the summer months approached, it got worse and worse. I was taken out of the starting lineup on my baseball team, work started to notice more and more and my life was swimming out of control.

My ambition and pride dropped so far that it affected everything I do. I went to see a therapist and told her about many of the fallbacks that I have had and try to get my life back on track. I felt so guilty because I do have many things going for me and I did not deserve any of the rewards of life because of how I felt about myself. This carried over through the whole summer.

Yes, I admit I was very close to committing suicide on one or two occasions as I started to take anti-depressants which did no good. It was a very scary time. In the meantime, I still studied and saw what I can do. It was like I can see the goal and how great of a man I can be just across the room, but I have no legs to get there.

With all this said, I went to a weekend convention that involved a lifelong sexual fetish of mine in Las Vegas that hosted about 500+ patrons. I went in immediately and started to talk because I knew I was alone and I wanted to try and fit in. I was invited to a party that next day which I was excited about. The next day, I arrive right on time and get too scared to knock or open the door so I retreated to the casino floor. I got the nerve to come back a couple hours later and walked in. They were having fun, but I missed out on a ‘newbie gathering’ that was taken place so all the newbies can meet other newbies.

So now I felt awful. That night, a giant vendor show took place that allowed all of the patrons to interact. I was there for 15 minutes, sitting in the corner thinking I have no business being here. It was a hard moment to take in.

I went to bed last night wanting to end it all. But that little light in the back of my head took control and said ‘No, you need to make a decision right now. Tomorrow night is the big gathering. It is time to suck it up and meet people.’ I had to decide. Luckily I got to sleep and woke up the next morning motivated. I spent the whole day feeding myself positive thoughts. I could not let anything ruin this. My life was on the line here. That night, I had two goals:

1 – Meet someone and party/have some fun.

2 – Find out what else is going on that I can join in on.

I had to approach, and I knew it. Seeing girls form together like I’ve seen for years, I go in and interact. A few minutes into each interaction I ask what is going on for the night. I get flakey answers. Okay, suck it up and move on. No women shut me down. None of them gave me the bird. Something was different here.

I then see a beautiful woman I overheard the night before saying she was from my home state. I finally see her on her own and walk up asking if she was there. It immediately caught her interest and we started to interact. I’m telling you, we had so many common interests, it was like reading from a fairytale. And for the first time in this conversation, I see other guys coming up that myself or her either blocked away from any cock-blocking attempts. The balloon filled with all that knowledge busted wide open. I found out about a party she was going to be at.

Throughout the weekend, I got involved with a group after that night, but never really felt part of the group. That monster was still in me a bit. Overall, it was one of the worst experiences I have ever had. I felt rejected and cut off from 500+ people involved in the same interests that I’m involved in. With the depression I was dealing with, it was a terrible feeling.

So again, that little light in the back of my head started saying ‘Look what you did. You approached more people this weekend then you have in the last five years combined. You had a girl really interested in what you were saying, what an awesome conversation! You can do this, take what you did and LEARN from it.’

I took the next day and traveled home taking in everything that happened and turned it into a positive. After a while, I could not really remember the bad mini-stories that I went through. I felt very confident, very powerful, and ready to take over the world. How did this happen? I stood up to my fears and took every blow. Yet, I’m okay. Nothing bad happened at all. It was all in my head. That little light inside my head exploded into a massive wildfire that kept burning. I believe that conversation with that one girl changed my life.

Since then, I started to practice the art of Pick Up. I already have a very strong knowledge of status and what girls are looking for. It is like I’ve had a 4-5 year head start on everyone else. But of course outer game needs some time to take on. I’ve met some successful and fun guys to wing with in the area and we have become one of the most well-known PUA communities in Southern California.

J the Ripper recruited me after we met in Hollywood and saw what I can do. We are about a dozen guys who go out all the time to practice our game. I am usually the one they will turn to for inner game, social theory, and understanding of how and why Pick Up works the way it does. Feel free to look around SoCal boards and web sites for ‘Casanova Crew.’ I have a very strong social circle now. I’ve met some celebrities and gurus out in the field who I’ve talked about social theory, which helps build my status and inner game . As you can tell, I am only a few months in from practicing what I’ve known for years.

Of course I have my sticking points, I can count getting about 20 phone numbers with no success on setting up dates. Mistakes are being made, and believe me I have had my share of blow outs. But what makes me different from most guys is that these sticking points and blow outs are making me much stronger! It is basically feedback from every interaction I have and I know that instead of quitting.

I will not go back to that life and I see myself as the man I always knew I could be. I can write a list of 500 qualities that I have that any guy would love to be a part of. It is an amazing feeling and an amazing life I am living right now. I post my analyzed feelings from various nights including field reports and articles on many boards. Men from all over the area are contacting me asking to hang out, they are e-mailing me for suggestions and recommendations.

Once I really master the outer game and continue to improve my inner game, I know I can be a legend. I want to be that guy on that stage telling this story years from now once my game is as sharp as it can possibly be. I thank you for filling up that balloon of knowledge and giving me a foundation of understanding that many guys in this field fail to grasp. When I start telling my story to the millions of guys who ask, you will be the name of inspiration that helped me real that elite level.

It was an honor meeting you at the seminar in LA. I told J the Ripper to give me the details of the weekend when I found out you were going to be there, because frankly you were the only reason I wanted to be there. I prefer to gain my experience in the field then in seminars and boot camps.

It was well worth it. Thanks again, and good luck to you.
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CARLOS XUMA COMMENTS:

There's a lot of information and inspiration in that story, and I hope guys everywhere can see that EVERYONE has their challenges.

We all have our different problems, but in the end, it's how we face them and manage our fear - and PERSIST - that really matters.

I don't want to sound like a morality speech at the end of a Star Trek episode, so I'll end it here.

I'd love to hear your comments ....

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