Tuesday, June 17, 2008

Podcast on Getting Quality Women

Hey, I just sat down with my buddy Scot McKay and talked with him for a while about what it takes to attract a QUALITY woman.

You can get it by clicking HERE: Podcast with Scot McKay

Go listen to it now, because I don't know how long he keeps these available...

- Carlos Xuma

alpha man | how to talk to women | approach women | dating advice for men

Monday, June 16, 2008

A bit of advice from Mr. Kennedy

Not John F. Kennedy, but the ever-inspiring Dan Kennedy.

Dan had this to say recently about discipline:

A lot of people are engaged in doing things without a clear picture of what “success” is supposed to be or look like, without the means of holding themselves and others accountable. A lot of people simply do not like this kind of pressure, even if self-imposed to achieve self-selected goals.

‘Structure’ is EXTREMELY important. It’s not a good idea to build a house without plans. Not a good idea to do much of anything else without plans either. Great sales letters, ads, speeches, conform to and are organized around some reliable sales structure. They may begin as random hunks of copy and ideas, but soon the pieces have to be organized according to a structure.

I don’t think there’s anything that has as much to do with how much money you make as the way you ‘structure’ your work days, work weeks, use of time and control of others’ use of your time.


______________________

CARLOS COMMENTS:

Remember that structure and a focused plan is necessary for everything you want to achieve in life.

And that also applies to attracting women.

That's why I created THE easiest and most effective method for approaching women you can find.

You can get it here: How to Approach Women and Attract Women Effortlessly - and without rejection!

And you'll be able to get my expansion pack for this program coming this summer.

You'll learn Day Game, and why it's the most essential game of all to play...

Stay tuned...

CX

alpha man | how to talk to women | approach women | dating advice for men

Friday, June 13, 2008

Alpha Male Movies for You To Watch

QUESTION:

...anything to learn from Bruce Willis in 5th element or Deckard & Batty in bladerunner?

Alpha wise? A movies to inspire podcast perhaps?

I'm thinking about the scene where the toymaker is fooled into thinking Priss likes him, then Batty shows up and he realizes that he has NO shot unless something happens to Batty (even then, he lacks the stones req. to keep her)

______________________
CARLOS XUMA ANSWERS:

Funny you should choose "Blade Runner," as that's one of my favorite movies of all time. The restoration and work they did to fix up the latest version is just breathtaking on Blu-ray.

And, as role models go, Harrison Ford is the quintessential modern Alpha Man.

There is a lesson in the way that Sebastian handles his attraction to Pris in the film. Watch William Sanderson's mannerisms as he is out-alpha'd by Roy Batty, Rutger Hauer's character.

Bruce Willis is also very Alpha, and I think that you can probably define most of the good movies by the ACTOR more often than the role. Some guys simply won't settle for playing a wuss. You know them.

Harrison Ford.

Bruce Willis.

Denzel Washington.

Sam Sheppard.

Carey Grant.

Jack Nicholson.

Add your comments to this post and tell me actors and movies that you think are good Alpha Man movies...

- Carlos

alpha man | how to talk to women | approach women | dating advice for men

Thursday, June 12, 2008

How To THINK Like An Alpha Male - No more scarcity

Hey Carlos,

Your dating materials are WORTH THEIR WEIGHT IN GOLD!!! I seriously have improved my skills with women because of you man! Thank you SO MUCH! I wasn't too bad with women to begin with honestly. I have good outer game, but my inner game is what I need to work on.

I somehow manage to get obsessed with one woman and try to hard, which just ends up screwing things up for me. Thankfully, I have learned what NOT to do now thanks to your materials.

Anyway, here is my situation. I have been dating this girl for about 3 1/2 months now, but I feel as though I'm beginning to lose her interest and attraction for me. She has been blowing me off lately, AND she has been hanging out with this other guy lately a bunch who likes her.

I'm a Naval Officer about to move to Pensacola for flight school, and I think this is why she isn't taking me as seriously as she would if I wasn't moving away. I don't want things to end with her. What should I do to make her WANT me to be her boyfriend??? PLEASE HELP BRO!!!
______________________
CARLOS XUMA ANSWERS:

Well, I'm going to be honest that even if you managed to "keep" her, you'd still be out of the picture when you go to flight school, so I would not get into this scarcity mindset right now. You're thinking from the "I'm losing her" mindset, which makes you the needy one.

When you're not around physically, it's going to be tough for you to create the kind of locked-in attraction that you need to keep her faithful while you're away. If she's already hanging with another guy, your exit visa is all but stamped, my friend.

You could keep her, but it would be futile the second you wave to her from the plane.

What you really need to do is this:
YOU be the one to break it off with her.

Dude, you're in the military. Your uniform alone is going to score you more tail than you can imagine.

You also need to start sending the right messages to your subconscious mind, and by YOU being the one to end it, you are the one in control. You affirm your own power and might, and your own ability to lead.

If you can't break it off with a woman when it's necessary, no matter your feelings, you will probably end up back in that addicted state again.

YOU control your emotional state. Self-discipline!

When you fight the inevitable, you take a toll on your attitude.

You can stay in touch with her, but don't get one-itis with her. It's not worth it.

Get back to reading my materials again. You need to review them and really understand
the Alpha Mindset.

You're in a world of abundance.

Start acting like it! :)

alpha man | how to talk to women | approach women | dating advice for men

Wednesday, June 11, 2008

Guys, remember this when talking to women...

Great article on the new fad of being "tired" all the time.

Guys, drop this from your vocabulary right now. And pay particular attention to the sections I bolded.

______________________
Being Tired Is Not a Status Symbol
Some people think telling everyone how exhausted they are makes them seem important. But flaunting your fatigue only makes you insufferable.

-By Greg Williams

There was a time not so long ago that when you asked a colleague how he was doing he'd likely reply, "I'm good, thanks." He might not actually have been good at all, but he would have kept that to himself.

Now, in the age of the mortgage meltdown and mass layoffs, he'll probably offer the answer that's become the default comeback for white-collar guys who want to demonstrate they've got it all—the career on an upward curve, the remodeled townhouse, the hot wife, and the privately educated kids. He'll say, "I'm so tired."

"It's the first thing that comes out of someone's mouth when you ask them how they're doing," says Matthew Moss, 34, a creative director at a marketing agency in Portland, Oregon. "'Oh, I'm exhausted.' The first thing you think is 'Oh, this guy is tired, which means he's probably been working really hard.' Or 'They're full of shit.'"

Mostly, it's the second one. When you walk into a colleague's office and he's sitting there rubbing his eyes and stifling yawns, dropping a Venti latte cup into a wastebasket and hollering at his assistant to bring him another Red Bull, do you think, Wow, what an overachiever!? No. Because he's the guy who puts on the same show at meetings, trying to bleed extra credit from an average performance—Can you believe I pulled this off despite my obvious exhaustion?

"I think people use tiredness as a defense mechanism," says Paul (who asked that his last name not be used), 30, a vice president at an investment bank in Manhattan. "If you're staying till three in the morning you must be doing something very important, right?"

It doesn't actually matter what you're doing. No one believes you—much less cares. The three-day stubble, the slack jaw, the really . . . long . . . pauses . . . between words—to observers it's all white-noise whining. Mr. I'm So Tired thinks his cartoonish fatigue is demonstrating his dauntingly high station in life. It isn't.

"People use tiredness as a proxy for effort," says Steve Gravenkemper, an organizational psychologist at Plante & Moran, a consulting and accounting firm based in Detroit. "They say, 'Gee, I tried real hard even though I didn't get the result, and you can see that by my exhaustion.'"

Andy (not his real name), a 27-year-old analyst at a hedge fund in Manhattan, says the long hours that he and his colleagues work mean that there's low tolerance for status tiredness, because everyone is fatigued.

"It's like, 'Yeah, I popped two Lunes last night at 4 a.m.—and I was in at the office at six,'" he says. "It's really absurd."

Maybe it's that other symbols of social standing—the summer house, the SUV—are now so commonplace that they've lost their value. Or it could just be that to use tiredness as an emblem of status is to enter the realm of the intangible. No one knows what you did after you left the office, or whether you actually feel the way you're behaving. And the significance of the fatigued act is lost on them anyway. They're too tired to care.

alpha man | how to talk to women | approach women | dating advice for men

Tuesday, June 10, 2008

Imagine the Life of a Woman...

Our good friend CJ sent this article over this morning. Not sure of the origin, so if someone knows where it came from, please let me know so I can give proper credit.

If you ever thought it was easy being a woman, think about this...

______________________


As I awoke this morning, put on my clothes, and walked out to the subway
it struck me that I would make a terrible female. If twenty three years
and nine months ago a XX sperm hadn’t been boxed out by the winning XY
squad then I would be Meghan and be living a completely different life
no doubt. But this isn’t to hypothesize as to what my life would be
like, nor a backhanded way to critique what could be perceived as flaws
in the female character, but to recognize and acknowledge just how
difficult it must be to make it in this world as a card carrying member
of the XX crowd – and to wake up thanking my dad every day for the
opportunity to live as a man.

And now, Why I’m Glad I’m No Woman:

1. Female Function:

The irony behind spending all day desiring vagina is that I wouldn’t
know what to do with myself if I had been born with one (and not in the
way you’re thinking). I’m just straight up at a loss for words at
how completely difficult it must be to maintain that thing as it seems
like there is just so much that can go wrong with it. Let’s get the
obvious out of the way here – you grow and carry around a baby for
nine months as it does all kinds of fucked up shit to your body. Good
god, I can’t commit to dog sitting for two weeks (and let’s not talk
about the few unfortunate goldfish that got stuck with me at some point
in their suddenly brief life), and your body is designed to carry around
one or more humans for what can be years of your life. Now chalk up my
irresponsibility and fear of commitment to immaturity, the only benefit
to pregnancy (besides the obvious result of bearing child) is eating
whatever you want. But I do that now anyways, and when you’re preggers
in this health conscious culture you need to consider just what you want
to be feeding your unborn. Plus you can’t drink or smoke for nine
fucking months? And I imagine a cold stiff one is all you want the whole
time. I can’t even go nine days.

And to avoid pregnancy (there’s always abortion, but ye gods I don’t
want to go there – it’s just another reason why no male should have
any choice in the matter), you could go on birth control. I tried to
take a vitamin every day but barely lasted a week. Maybe my vitamin c
count is below average, but the consequences for not taking a magic pill
AT THE SAME TIME everyday is A BABY. Plus, can you imagine going on a
routine with that pill like an AIDS patient with their ACT, and not be
getting laid? I think that would derail/motivate me more than anything,
like having the ability to fly at the same time I’m scared of being
outside.

Another fantastic consequence to be responsible for fucking with your
natural menstruation cycle is this horrid phenomenon called
“spotting.” So you’re telling me that not only am I using drugs
for tricking my uterus into cleaning house once a month regardless of
visitors, but it’s going to further punish me by randomly ruining my
favorite underwear without warning at any given time? That shit’s
fucked up and when I first heard about it I could only begin to
understand how paranoid I would be – my uterus could strike at any
time!

So enough with babies – every time women have sex they have to piss
shortly afterwards to prevent infection! How is that little health tip
breached? I learned from afternoon sitcoms that all I had to do after
sex was roll over and go to sleep, but you never see a woman run for the
toilet on prime time! Even with infections and toxic shock and birth
control pills and spotting under control, there are still a million more
things that can go wrong down there! Men and women tend to share a lot
of the same STDs, but with shit like HPV (and I know there’s more),
there are diseases that guys never know they have, are never affected
by, and can pass on and kill women! The worst consequence of sleeping
with me should be a hangover, morning awkwardness, a walk of shame, and
social ridicule – never death!

It comes down to the fact that for the female gender, sex is a far
bigger risk and commitment then for men. This biological fact has
trickled down and affected EVERYTHING attributing to the differences
between our genders. Men are programmed to impregnate as many women as
possible and women are programmed to find the balance of great genes and
caretaker ability and hold him down for life. Both genders will
eternally struggle against that natural instinct in the age of birth
control and promiscuity.

Plus – another thing. Boobs. Sure guys might suffer some penis envy
when comparing oneself to a certain porn star, and often boast (usually
unfounded) at length about their length, etc. but unless you’re
streaking down the hall (and slow) there is no public display of
inadequacy. However, a woman’s chest is generally on display for
everyone to scrutinize and I can’t begin to imagine how those racks on
either extreme (huge or minimal) have to deal with the wide array of
judgment, lust, and competition out there. You might tell me that women
aren’t as self conscious about their chests like men are with their
genitals, but I’ve heard boob jobs have never been more popular, and I
can’t support that shit. Also, breast cancer is horrible and very
public whereas I could switch out a nut for a bouncy ball and not notice
the difference. Plus running without a jock strap is nothing compared to
doing so without a sports bra.

In conclusion on this point: I was born, circumcised, and since
haven’t had to care for my male genitals more so than my elbow. I’ll
take a few cheap shots to the nuts over childbirth (or as I hear,
stretching my lips over my head).

2. Looking presentable is time consuming and co$tly for females.

As I mentioned earlier, I can wake up, pick up the clothes off the
floor, and walk out the door. The necessary maintenance for myself (and
I’m talking minimum here) includes:

- a $12 haircut every two for four months

- replacing a razor/shaving cream every other month

- a bottle of hair gel each year

- a bottle of Pert Plus and Body Wash a month

and LITERALLY that’s it. When I’ve worn every article of clothing I
own, I walk downstairs and shove everything into a giant laundry machine
and after a drying cycle replaced them in my room. That’s laundry and
that’s about once a month as well. I can exist with a nail clipping
here and there, on a load of laundry a month and a trip to Duane Reade
every other. I’m no movie star or gorgeous athlete, I’m just an
average looking male whose day to day consists of little more than a
shave and a shower.

Women, on the other hand, might be able to get away with running out the
door once in a while, but spend almost equal time preparing for leaving
the apartment as they spend on the outside.

Let’s start at the top.

Haircuts for women are pricey. Sure, I might have a few options when
figuring out how to style my hair, but the possibilities for females are
endless – I can’t even wrap my head around it. For that, they pay
way too much money too often at the salon for a cut, at the store for
products, in the bathroom/bedroom for washing, drying, and styling
purposes. Then when you go out, it’s windy, and all been done for
naught. When I’m feeling wild, I squeeze some goop in my hand and run
it through my hair that’s been shampooed and conditioned by one
product. Done.

Aside from eyebrow plucking, face waxing, mascara, foundation, blush,
eyeliner, lipstick, blah blah blah, a woman is never satisfied with her
face, which is why we rarely get to see it al natural. All that money is
spent on creams and cosmetics and pain to put on a face and take it off
daily, everyday. And like most painters that can’t leave well enough
alone, the imperfections are covered up with more imperfections and the
makeup just piles on until it’s beyond excessive. I am eternally
grateful for the option to not have a mirror in my place and coming to
grips that I wouldn’t be able to change anything anyway.

Then we get to the wardrobe. I can mix and match shirts and pants,
shirts and ties, etc. All I need is a brown/black belt/set of shoes and
a suit. I know exactly what is expected of me at a formal, business, and
casual event and can match it easily. There is little demand to be
creative and successful outfits are often repeated. I don’t know where
I’d find the money or closet space to meet the demands placed on the
women of our fashion focused culture. You will never have enough shoes,
dresses, outfits, or accessories and we all know this. I celebrate the
fact that as long as I’m socially presentable I’ll never have to go
beyond dressing to impress on a daily basis. I can change clothes in
less than a minute and not have to question how I look because 94% of
the people that will see me that day won’t give a fuck. Not so for
women. You judge yourself, you judge each other – it’s something you
expect and demand. There’s nothing more I can say about your clothes
except that I would never be accepted by better dressed people if I were
a girl.

Men are hairy. I like that. Even when we don’t shave we look ok,
whereas women are presumed hairless from eyelashes down and that’s a
lot to live up to. If I had to shave my legs everyday just to leave the
house I might just move to someplace North where it’s cold all the
time. Plucking, waxing, shaving, creams, etc. etc. you’re a slave to
the standard. And you know what? It’s nice. You’re soft, smooth,
sleek, and beautiful in all the ways men are not and that’s what makes
me a heterosexual. There’s really nothing I can say or do or think to
change this fact that I’m just super happy it’s ok for me to be
hairy. I embrace it today as I embraced it a decade ago – I’m just
glad I don’t have to do it.

And finally, in this category at least, your bodies: Women, I presume,
are under pressure to have big boobs, no waist, nice ass, toned legs, et
al. I’d say it’s a fact that where a guy can manage a larger
waistline, a belly is very exaggerated on a woman. It’s in part due to
the way dresses and tight tops are made for women, or how exposed
midriffs happen frequently, but it’s noticeable. So, not only are you
shilling for manicures, pedicures, facials, “getting your hair
done,” more shoes, shirts, dresses, purses, jewelry, etc. but if you
aren’t in a gym, you’re doing something wrong. The big man is
respected, the big woman mocked – that’s just how it is. Watch a
Hungry Man commercial then flip to Kristie Ally hawking weight watchers
products. How terrible that on top of your stomach crunches you
shouldn’t be drinking beer or eating wings or enjoying carbs and
calories? Case in point – the King of Queens (big man Kevin James) and
his super hot wife.

And if you do all of this right? You’re wearing the right power suit
to command respect and attention whilst still asserting your womanhood,
trimmed, styled, and primped to feel the confidence you need to do
anything, and? The end result is you’re still hit on by some sleazy
drunk guy at the bar. Well, hey, you get free drinks and you might as
well stay out, it took you over an hour to get ready to leave anyhow.

3. Female role models?

My last point in this long winded rant, and before you jump all over me
here, is that I’m glad to be a guy because they public figures I want
to relate to are guys. Now, hold on, think for a minute. What are some
of your favorite bands? Favorite tv shows? Favorite writers? Favorite
celebrities? It’s natural to want to be them and when you’re singing
along; it’s a guy’s voice isn’t it? I’m selfish to want my
karaoke attempt to be in the same tone as the original artist. I’m
selfish to read and want to relate to my favorite writers because even
though they’re gay (Sedaris, Palahniuk, Burroughs) they’re still
guys. How many famous comedians are of the XX clan? We all know
Silverman isn’t really that funny. Simply put, the media is still
dominated right now by men. Women are taking an edge, but I’m still in
the majority. I mean, perhaps I’m naturally drawn to guys BECAUSE I
relate to them, but I wouldn’t be surprised that women have more men
on their bookshelves, in their ipods, and next to the tv. I’ll take
Indiana Jones over Tomb Raider and James Bond over Devil Wears Prada.


To conclude this whole damn thing, I just want to say I love women and
I’ve spent a lot of time thinking about the pressures on the gender as
a whole and don’t think I would be able to hack it. I’ve gained a
new respect for you all because you put up with us. I can understand
being crazy because it would make me crazy too. And I just want to thank
you for all the work you all do for us. Women are the number one reason
I’m not gay and I’m certain gay men appreciate you for that as well.

alpha man | how to talk to women | approach women | dating advice for men

Saturday, June 07, 2008

What do you think about Hillary and her loss among women?

This article is from Time magazine, discussing why more women didn't vote for Hillary.

What do you think? Add your comments to this post at the bottom.
______________________

No one expected Clinton to sweep 90% of Democratic women voters, but 60% wouldn't have been an unreasonable accomplishment for the first woman to have a serious chance of winning the presidency. Instead, Clinton won just over a majority of women's votes.

So what does that mean? Clinton and her supporters have charged that sexism is responsible for her loss of the nomination. But it seems more likely that women themselves cost her the nod. The reasons more women haven't voted for Clinton tell us something about the evolution of feminism and what the future may hold for female politicians.

Clinton's run has exposed a divide between what could be termed optimist and pessimist feminists. It's a split between those who see Clinton's candidacy as groundbreaking--as the first of many serious runs by strong women--and those who count backward to Geraldine Ferraro in 1984 and conclude that this kind of opportunity comes along only once in a generation. For this latter group, Clinton's candidacy took on a pressing urgency: If not now, when? If not her, who?

What unites the pessimists--many of whom are older women or women who don't work outside the home--is the persistent belief that women continue to face sexism and barriers in the workplace. Some may have an outmoded sense of the obstacles women face on the job, while others may well have left a workplace that made it hard for them to maintain a work-life balance. In both cases, they're more likely to place value in the symbolic power of electing a woman President.

Optimist feminists, on the other hand, don't question that a woman can become President or that it will occur in their lifetime. When these women look around, they see themselves making up half of business- and medical-school classes. They are law partners, CEOs and university presidents. And they don't want to rally behind a female candidate simply because she is a woman.

______________________

Carlos Comments:

Sexism? Really?

Her gender was a factor, but why do you think that the running joke during these primaries is that if you voted for Hillary you were a lesbian? I heard that more than once.

And could it be that Hillary doesn't pull the younger woman vote because they don't want to vote for someone who reminds them of their mom?

Will a woman be elected to the White House anytime soon?

I don't know the answer to any of these questions, but I'd love to hear your comments. Add them to this post by clicking the comments link below...

CX

alpha man | how to talk to women | approach women | dating advice for men

Friday, June 06, 2008

Did you notice this....?

Yeah, like all crazy hardcore gamers, I got my copy of Grand Theft Auto 4 a few weeks back. (GTA for you acronym junkies.)

One of the interactions had me cracking up. One of the characters, Brucie, texts you and ends it with "Stay Alpha."

Pretty funny, I thought.

- CX

alpha man | how to talk to women | approach women | dating advice for men

Thursday, June 05, 2008

Is Carlos Just Blowing Smoke?

I enjoyed this recent email from someone who wanted to berate me for my reckless citation of statistics.

I thought you might like it, too...
______________________

QUESTION(?) FROM A READER:

You say that marriage is no measure for success because 50% end in divorce.

First of all, that's not true.

You're just regurgitating an urban legend without bothering to check the facts.

Hardly the kind of information I'd expect from an 'expert' on relationships.

There is a lot of arguments AGAINST getting married. For me, I like the freedom.

But, to argue that being married is no sign post of success because half fail is laughable.

If you STILL are married, that means (at least according to your flawed data) you beat the odds.

How is that not clear?

As far as people questioning your ability to provide advice, that's what you SHOULD expect.

They SHOULD ask you tough questions. And, you are right that the proof is in the pudding.

But, ultimately if people aren't persuaded that you can help them elevate their game, they won't buy what you're selling...

Big Daddy
______________________
CARLOS XUMA ANSWERS:

Sorry, you're incorrect. Over 50% of marriages eventually end in divorce. The statistics are even worse for second marriages.

Percentage of married people who reach their 5th, 10th, and 15th anniversaries:
5th: 82%
10th: 65%
15th: 52%


(SOURCE: http://www.divorcemag.com/statistics/statsus.shtml)
After 15 years, yes, it goes past 50%. What I believe you're referring to is the 'probability of divorce.' These statistics are hard to pin down, but let's let common sense dictate. We're all keenly aware that an alarming number of marriages don't work.

(However, in 2005, divorce rate was down. But then, so was the marriage rate. Interesting.)

And even more distressing:
As of 2003, 43.7% of custodial mothers and 56.2% of custodial fatherswere either separated or divorced.

We could boggle each other with statistics all day long, couldn't we? Oh, that would be so much fun.

But you also did not interpret what I said correctly. I'm not arguing against marriage at all. Re-read the information again.
Marriage is not an indicator of success.

SUCCESS is. Too many people look to an institution to provide them with happiness through the fulfillment of an incomplete life.
The what isn't as important as the WHY.

Thanks for the feedback. Best of luck.

Keep reading... You'll learn more if you stick with it.

By the way, Big Daddy, I sense some anger in you. Where did that come from?

- CX

PS: Nowhere do I claim to be an expert on relationships. I am an expert on many areas that could help you with that need to lash out at someone who is helping men and fulfilling his purpose and passions. I hope you find yours, big daddy.

Read more here:
http://www.alphaconfidence.com/praiseforcarlosxuma.php


Also, it should be realized that the "close to 50%" divorce rate refers to the percentage of marriages entered into during a particular year that are projected to end in divorce or separation before one spouse dies. Such projections assume that the divorce and death rates occurring that year will continue indefinitely into the future-an assumption that is useful more as an indicator of the instability of marriages in the recent past than as a predictor of future events. In fact, the divorce rate has been dropping, slowly, since reaching a peak around 1980, and the rate could be lower - or higher - in the future than it is today.

alpha man | how to talk to women | approach women | dating advice for men