Can you look like a player to her by learning how to attract women?
First of all, thank you very much for your excellent work in helping men improve their confidence. I have bought both Secrets of the Alpha Man and the Alpha Immersion programs, and have greatly benefitted from them. Am looking forward to seeing more resources from you, so keep up the good work.
I'm in a tricky situation which I hope you can help shed some light on: I live in a college dorm where there are a lot of women. Their ages range from 20s to 30s. Recently I have begun to flirt with them and imho, garnered quite a lot attraction among them. I used a lot of the techniques such as 'tease-to-please', kino, etc.. But above all these, I believe it was my confidence and 'don't give a crap to what others think' attitude that was the drawing power.
Though I can perceive their level of attraction rise, I have not felt the need to take next step with them. The reason is because I haven't found one that I really like. So I've sort of build up a general attraction among the women. It also seems that the one or two women who liked me and who showed more overt signs of attraction towards me actually made the other women want me too.
So here are some questions:
a) Is there a possibility of me giving off too much of a 'player vibe' since this is a closed community? (the girls in the college do talk!). Is it possible to be confident with women and enjoy their company yet does not give off a player vibe?
b) What should I do in such situation to be able to build a general attraction among women and yet not give off a 'player vibe'? Should I continue to flirt with the women?
c) Some of the girls which I have flirted with showed a bit of a 'cold' sign to me; they would sometimes ignore me. And yet at other times would be incredibly warm. I believe it was their attempt at 'push and pull', or maybe jealousy, or whatever.
What is your diagnostic on this Carlos? Perhaps I have flirted with too many girls and should be more discreet? Maybe I should be a sniper rather than the artilery? ;-) But I do know that I enjoy women's company (and they do me too. At least that's what I believe!). Is there anything that I need to remedy? For your info, I have not slept with any of them...
d) If there is a girl (among those that I have flirted with) whom I would like to take to the next level (i.e., have a relationship with her), how do I do it? Will she see me as a player because of my attitude with women? If yes, is there anything I can do?
Hope you can help.... Thanks a lot!
CARLOS XUMA'S ADVICE:
Good questions, all of them. You may be over quota for one email, though, so I'll hit the important points, because once you understand the right state inside, the rest are really irrelevant.
Let's start with your first question about giving off a "player vibe."
To begin with, you are very concerned with this perception, as if what other people think matters.
Well, the fact is that it does ... and it doesn't.
It only matters when you internalize the fear of creating this perception. In other words, when you feel like you are worrying about this projection, you're hurting your ability to attract women.
The Alpha Man only worries about creating the internal belief system that reflects his own goals, value, and integrity. Then he gets busy acting in accordance with that state. If he's being genuine and authentic with his honor, he doesn't give a shit what other people think about it.
If you want women, go after women.
The Player myth is a way that women unintentionally keep men in a state of fear. Guys everywhere are afraid of this label (as much as women are afraid of the "slut" label.) But isn't it interesting that women everywhere want to tame the player for herself?
Dude, you're in school. You're there to learn and have fun. Save the relationship stuff for when you're ready. (Because the honest truth is, no matter how much you might think you're ready, you aren't.)
But you're welcome to pursue something monogamous with just one woman for the time being.
Just take it easy and move forward on your own initiative.
ACT, not RE-act.
If a woman is cold to you one minute, warm the next, that's about par for the course, my friend. (You can learn more about the Nature of women in my e-books and programs.) You only need to hang around women a lot to find that they are like this a great deal of the time. A woman wants to rid the emotional turbulence of ups AND downs. It's not her state THIS MINUTE that matters - it's the overall variation that she can experience.
My opinion is that you need to drop this concern over the "player vibe." It's a perception that you are imposing upon yourself. The way you counter it is to communicate your own direction behind your intentions for women. Believe me, women are looking to have fun, and are attracted to a man who knows how to please a woman.
If you're doing your job right by leading her through attraction, and then getting to good rapport and trust, you just keep moving forward. She won't be able to resist a guy who challenges her in the right ways, and gets her attracted.
Here's something I want every guy to write on his mirror and read aloud for the next 30 days:
"Almost no one has the self-discipline to STOP pursuing that which they truly desire."
Least of all a woman, my friend.
So if she's into you, any "player" vibe won't stop her.
If you want to learn how to approach women so that you don't give off this vibe, I suggest you take a look at the Approach Women Now program. This will cure all that ails you, my friend...