Dating Advice Question:

Carlos,
I have been reading your stuff and experimenting with it. So one fine morning I was taking a walk and met a girl. We talked for a while and she OFFERED her phone number and email address and suggested that we can go for a walk next day too. I called her that evening and we fixed a meeting place and my next meeting was also fine.

After that we were in touch. I guess she called me once and even replied to my mail.
But now suddenly she has stopped responding. I leave a voice message or email once in like 10-15 days so that I don't show that I am too needy and I am also playing
with her. Ofcourse I can move on to other women and I am talking to other women. But this has happened many times with me.

Like I met a girl during my rafting trip and she was flirting with me and finally when we were done...she OFFERED me her email address. But again she didn't respond to my email. (By the way ...it was not like I mailed her within half an hr I reached home. I mailed her after 2-3 days.) I can understand that its a game for them and they are having fun for that. But what do you suggest, I should do? Should I continue what I am doing? Like mailing her once in....say 15 days or so. I am looking forward to your opinion.

- SB
---------
CARLOS:


The problem here isn't the calls, it's the action in between them.

Guys are relying too much on the phone to "stay in touch" with women.

News flash - you can't touch a woman on the phone. You can only touch yourself. And we ain't going there in this letter.

Once in 15 days is way too infrequent. That's almost disinterest. You're going too far with the "pretend" non-neediness. You can call her every day, if you have the right attitude.

I suggest you run the numbers so much that you DON'T CARE about the ones that don't answer. I hear you SAYING that you are going after other women, but I don't think that's the case... at least not as much as it needs to be.

Go out and get 30 (THIRTY!) phone numbers in the next month. (Not hard to do, if you've got your head on straight.) Then, start your calling regimen in there just like an exercise regimen.

The first woman you actually GET from this kind of effort and focused concentration will make you suddenly forget all about those other women who didn't respond.

It IS a game to many girls. Most are flakes. Get over it. It has NOTHING to do with you.

You're thinking too much from the "what do I do to get this one" mentality, and not enough of the "NEXT!" mentality.

I'm also suspecting that you didn't move far enough during the previous meetings. Just because you make it through one or two meetings with a girl does not mean you're home free. You have to keep escalating the right kinds of sexual tension.

I have absolutely ZERO room for women pulling this crap with me. If they play these games of hard-to-get, I call them on it, and if they don't correct their behavior, they're terminated.

Harsh?

Maybe. But my self-dignity is worth so much more.

I suggest you stop "experimenting" with my stuff and get COMMITTED to it. Commitment is what you need to achieve a better Alpha Attitude.

alpha man | how to talk to women | approach women | dating advice for men

When a woman disrespects you:

How do we handle the following situation? You set a date with a chic, and
when you get there, another guy is sitting talking to her and she asks you,
"Would you mind terribly if we rescheduled?" Seems disrespectful to me! Is
this a test? Thanks!

------
CARLOS:

When I read this, the hairs on the back of my neck stood up.

That was, without a doubt, the most disrespectful thing a woman could do.

And it must be dealt with as firmly as possible. If only to make sure that your self-respect is not damaged in the process. You have to send a clear message to your nervous system that this kind of treatment will NEVER be accepted. (It's actually less important that SHE gets this message, by the way.)

Here's how I would have handled the situation, and see if it makes sense:

1) Nod to the guy that's with her and read his eyes. Is he a chump? Is he scamming on my woman? Maybe. No more than I might do to his woman in the future, so he's just being a guy. But he needs to know who's boss. He could have been a dishwasher on his break, but you need to understand what's going on.

2) Look her in the eyes and say, "Why?" Make her explain as to her reasoning. You need to know exactly what thinking was going through her head that she would ask that. Don't say a word for a full minute, if that's what it takes to get a full response out of her. Take another full minute to contemplate what she says after she's done, if you need to. Is she trying to test you? Play games?

3) I shook my magic 8-ball, and came up with this: "Unless she's just been notified of a death in the family, and that guy is the one breaking the news, she's full of chunky, toxic-waste, semi-digested SHIT. And she needs to be called on it. You mean to tell me she actually went to the place where you were supposed to meet, and now something has "come up?" Yeah right.

Here's what I'd say:

"Yes, absolutely I mind. We made a date tonight, and I expect you to stand by your word. Everything you've said to me so far has been an insult to my intelligence. Do you treat all the guys in your life this way?"


I'd say it with a CALM sense of power. I wouldn't raise my voice. My eyes would stay relaxed, no need to glare.

In short, she deserves to feel like the disrespectful bitch that she is.

Don't get angry. Don't let your emotions take over. Just make sure you "manage" her and her selfish little take on life.

Walk away with your head held high, and your self-respect even higher.

alpha man | how to talk to women | approach women | dating advice for men

Why Women Play Hard to Get:

I understand the whole hot and cold thing a girl plays with you, but this
one girl I know will only do the hot thing when I am with another girl. If
she sees me with someone she acts out of character and more aggressive, but
if she sees me with no one she acts differently.

How do you explain that and how should I be?

----------
CARLOS:

How do I explain that?

Simple.

Answer: She's a girl. It's in her nature.

Some women desperately need to be the center of attention, and they will only want you based on your perceived social value. There's a connection between your popularity and her desire to be in your circle.

You ask, how should you be...?

Be yourself, and tease the hell out of her.

She's addicted to social popularity, and she needs to be "in" to feel good about herself. She's probably an attention-whore and stimulus-junkie.

But she could also be crazy, too.

Why don't you go after what YOU want and stop paying attention to HER behavior so much? You're getting too much inside her head.

Alpha Males ACT, not RE-act.

If she's only into you when it's not JUST you around, there's a really big indicator of just how frustrating it would be to hang with this girl any period of time. She'd be aloof and distant every time you were alone with her. No connection. No intimacy.

Make sense?

Lose her fast...

alpha man | how to talk to women | approach women | dating advice for men

DATING ADVICE QUESTION:

i recently purchased your audio program Secrets of the Alpha Man. you have no idea how much it has really helped me in so many ways....

There is a girl I have been talking to at work and I have really been cranking
up the attraction. she came in to see me one day at work and we talked for a
while. towards the end I said well, I guess I better straighten my department
cya later. you know to show im not needy and stuff. and she ate it up. but,
then she wanted a hug and I said nope sorry, like that. and she said ok you
really hurt my feelings and walked away and went into the office.

then she came back out and said why are you so mean to me ? so, I said you want me to
be nice ? is that what you want? and she said no, I want you to be honest. and
she was acting like I was honestly being mean to her. and she said do I get a
hug now? and I said ahhh maybe saturday (that's when we work next).

She did seem kinda frustrated in a good way. but now I'm starting to wonder if any of
that is a good idea.

I'm just sooooo sick of being a nice guy. but at the same time I don't want to
be mean. I mean is there anyway that, that situation could kill the
attraction? I mean by like denying women hugs ? I mean I want her to want the
hug and im not just going to give it out like a nice guy.

But on the flip side I have been worrying about it and thus causing me to
think of her which is BAD. I dont' want to kill the attraction.

So are denying women hugs a good idea or not? I know she is seeking my
approval and she sorta put herself out on the line by saying give me a hug and
I shut her down kinda.

and when women seek approval when is the best time to give it to them? she
asks my opinion on her clothes, etc... should I give her my opinion or be
evasive w/ the questions?

Thanks, I know this was long and I hope you have the time to answer this.
Nevertheless, your program is awesome! the best!

Thanks again! A.

----------
CARLOS:

First off, recognize that she is trying to manipulate you. She's testing you in every way to see if you'll give in and do what she wants.

And when you do...

She'll totally lose interest in you.

That's the way it works, unfortunately.

You're on the right path. Denying her hugs is a great way to drive up the sexual tension between you and her.

STOP doubting yourself. AFCs everywhere doubt themselves.

ALPHA Males know how to hold their own and believe in what WORKS with women.

Drop the worrying, too. Worrying is THE MOST USELESS expenditure of your precious mental energy.

Consider that 90% of the things you worry about don't happen, and 90% of the things that happen to you, you never worried about. Worrying is FUTILE.

Instead of just denying her the hugs, make it a slight pull away:

"A hug? You must be so starved for attention. Here you go..." Then you reach an arm around her and give her a "guy" hug. It lasts about .003 seconds, and you lean forward so your bodies don't touch below the shoulders.

"Feel better?" you ask her.

Or when she wants a hug, ask her: "What do I get in return?"

Make it clear that your reality is VALUABLE, and she doesn't get in for free.

alpha man | how to talk to women | approach women | dating advice for men

DATING ADVICE FOR MEN QUESTION:

From your excellent materials that I have read there is no question in my mind that what you say is absolutely SPOT ON. I have a degree in psychology and can confirm the validity of your superb scholarship. I have never been a wuss with women.

If anything, I'm rather emotionally detached from women. I don't mean unfriendly. I know how to flirt, and seem to attract the attention of very young women, usually between 20 - 25. (I'm 44). No matter how beautiful a woman is I will never give my power away, compliment her or kiss ass. The trouble is I can't tell whether they fancy me or not, and do not fully understand the underlying mechanics of how to make a woman be attracted to me.

Personally, I still think women are unconsciously attracted to dominant powerful men. Good looks definitely helps as does height.

Meanwhile I have passed your newsletters to dozens of guys I know, as I believe that contemporary Western society conditions most men to be complete wimps and wussies with women. You know the completely spineless "nice guy" syndrome, where most guys kiss up to women in order to try and make women become attracted to them.

As an example that you can incorporate into your fabulous newsletter here is a real life situation from me:

I was seeing this stunning 21 year old woman. But on our last date she completely flaked me out. So, in my usual Mediterranean way, I told her that I don't tolerate disrespect from women when it comes to dates. Breaking a date, is, in my opinion one of the worst crimes a woman can inflict on a guy.

Most guys would have wimped out and said: "Oh that's okay, maybe we can re-arrange another time." For standing my ground she replied that she doesn't want to see me any more. My response, who cares. Just move on.

I wonder if you can help/advise me?

Many women have said I am attractive and good-looking. I am 6 feet 2 inches tall, weigh about 250 ib, work out regularly, and am built like an American football quarterback. The trouble is that whenever I meet a woman that I classify as gorgeous, my gut instinct tells me that they only want to be friends.

I'm not a wuss in any sense of the word. In fact I have a dominant, confident and assertive personality, both with women and guys. No guy walks all over me, not even these Alpha males you talk about. What do you think I'm doing wrong?

I once heard one very attractive woman say to some other women:

"You can only go so far with him."

Unfortunately, I didn't ask her to elaborate. Any ideas on how I can attract hot women and make them feel attracted to me?
---------
CARLOS:


I would have been curious as to what she meant, but I suspect that you're broadcasting something with your attitude or body language that they find either intimidating or off-putting.

Something else that you might want to think about is that other guys are probably not going to try to out-alpha a 6' 2", 250 pound quarterback. Physical appearance does affect how we handle people in social situations. A lot of guys are probably intimidated.

I suspect that you're coming across as TOO Alpha. Yes, it can happen.

What I mean by this is that you're giving off an aura that's too much for most women. Your physical appearance demands that you take a slightly different approach than the average guy.

You must be more VULNERABLE with women.

The bigger and more physically intimidating a guy is, the more a woman wants to see the "teddy bear" in him. THAT is what ultimately attracts her to him.

So when you interact with women, you need to understand that they're already assuming that you're a grunting, beer-swilling, aggro guy, but what they want to discover is that you've got a soft spot (or two) somewhere.

My friends usually reveal something about themselves in conversation that acts as a hook. They mention something about how they like to write poetry in their spare time, or they play with their cat, or they like to catch "The View" every so often.

This kind of unexpected side interest serves to give you more dimensions as an Alpha Male. Not just a big lunk, which is what a lot of women assume.

Make sense?

Just keep up the Alpha attitude of taking-no-crap, but balance it with a softer approach on the surface. Demonstrate an intellectual side of your personality that they would not expect.

alpha man | how to talk to women | approach women | dating advice for men

Dating Advice for Men Newsletter - Advice for the Alpha Man

The Truth about Dating and Seduction ... for the Intelligent Guy

Just a note that Session 23 of the Advanced Audio Coaching is going
to be GONE after this week. This is your last chance to get it
before Session 25 is released.

Get it HERE

-----------------------

REALLY TOUGH QUESTION:

Carlos,
At the first meeting I cracked some jokes, she laughs and says am
funny.

WHAT DOES SHE MEAN?

----------------------

CARLOS:

Uhhh....

She thinks you're funny.

?

I don't mean to be flippant, but don't try to pull too much meaning
out of nothing. Too much "reading into" a woman's words is a bad
path to follow.

And if you're ever unsure, why not just ASK?

----------------
ALPHA MAN QUESTION-

Playing hard to get:

First let me thank you for saving me from my self. You have a lot
of straight advice and clear understanding, I'm grateful for both.
I'm now on the path to be a more confident and more aware Alpha
Man. I've already notice a difference to how women respond to me.
I've only started, but the future looks good.

I'm still in college, and I've ran into a snag and I wanted your
input. I'm getting really positive signals from one individual. I
was being smart, cocky, and funny; and before I knew it she asked
me for my number.

I have class with this girl once a week, (Economics) and I'm
getting really good signals, strong eye contact, good flirty
conversations, and a disappointed tone when I end a call early.

The problem is when I try to set something up out side of class,
she's hard to reach. She's out of town when I'm available, she has
plans with her friends and that she will call me back but doesn't.
(I didn't call back after that; I'll see her again in a few days)
She seems a little shy to be a female player, and I'm getting the
sense that she's playing hard to get.

My question is am I reading this wrong? Are these female games? If
she is interested then how do I pass these obstacles?

--------

CARLOS:

She's probably playing hard to get, but the worst offense is that
you're playing this game with her.

Women do this crap all the time. They flash you a winning smile,
and then you're smitten. You're falling all over yourself to get
with her, but somehow you just can't make it happen.

They dangle this carrot in front of you ALL the time, but nothing
happens, and you're left with the impression that there's something
to be salvaged here.

There's NOTHING here. Things didn't move forward when they should
have, and now she's just turning into another flake.

This is the simplest way I can say this, and I don't mean to sound
nasty when I reveal this earth-shattering truth to you, but ...

If a woman is into you, she'll MAKE TIME FOR YOU.

It WILL happen.

If she's not into you, it won't. And there's no amount of
fantasizing about what MIGHT happen or could happen that will get
this to change.

Drop her like a bag full of Dalmation poop and get on the path to
finding the next one... the REAL one.

Remember, YOU are the one accepting this treatment. And I do need
to remind you that we teach people how we want to be treated. We
teach them by how we behave when they test us like this.

You have no time for a woman who plays these stupid and infantile
hard-to-get games, and she needs to FEEL that. Ya dig?

Go find five other girls who want what you've got and are willing
to set aside a few minutes to enjoy your wonderful world and what
you've got to offer.

And then this gal can come running back all depressed because she
missed out.

Then maybe she'll start to learn not to take things for granted -
right now instead of ten years down the road.

Short story, dude - you don't have the time to waste on her. Get
busy with the rest of campus. They're waiting!

____________

COCKY and FUNNY - TEASING QUESTION:

hey carlos whats up man, I have a couple of things that I do not
get with girls....first off I understand the whole tease to please,
cocky funny attitude, and once I get into it, it works great and
everything, however when I talk to a girl is it ok if I just have
normal conversation with her, and add in a little cocky and funny
here and there??
also will a girl STILL be interested if I do not use cocky and
funny but my body language is good, as well as my confidence, and
is it good enough to keep things going? (just curious..).

another question I have is do guys NEED to take women on dates? is
it a rule of thumb that if you go out with a girl you must take her
out, and if you dont take her out, but still have the right
attitude and use all the things you teach, will she stay with you??

- H in NY

---------------

CARLOS:

Actually, you hit something on the mark there.

Most guys over-use and abuse the whole "cocky and funny" concept.
They succeed in getting a little interest started, but they don't
know how much of it to use, or for how long, or when to bring it
back into the conversation, or why good-looking guys have to watch
out for using it at all.

The short answer to your questions is "yes."

You should try and have REAL conversations whenever possible. Avoid
this need to have to put on a performance to keep her interested.

A "real" conversation, by the way, is simply one that doesn't bore
the sh*t out of her. (Which, for some guys, can be quite a chore.)

Just talk to her like a normal person, but keep it "spiced" up with
occasional negging and teasing. Your goal is create a level of
sexual tension between you that she will home in on like a moth to
a flame.

As long as you can keep moving forward and eventually build some
comfort, you'll do fine.

As far as "dating" goes, it is never recommended that you take her
out to dinner on the first meeting. In fact, that's WAY overkill.

If you need to "bribe" a woman to be with you by buying her a meal,
that's not the right way to start off your relationship. Whether
she understands it or not, she'll react much more to having FUN
than by having to handle a 3-4 hour high-pressure "date" situation.

Just focus on the EXPERIENCE she has, and she'll be into it. There
is plenty of time for the mating behavior after you've got her
interest.

For more on the proper attitude, I suggest you check into my Alpha
Seduction program. It's got the concentrated details...

Once you get the right mind-set, the dating world suddenly seems
like a
different place to you.

If you'd like to know what you're really made of, I want you to
consider this:

The Alpha Man also knows that self-development is the path to a
better life. It all starts with getting educated.

Education leads to understanding. Understanding leads to better
choices. Better choices lead to better results.

And results are ALL that matters when it comes to the game of women.

I can show you the way to better results with women,
and it's all in my e-books and audio.

The Dating Black Book is for the guy who wants the whole dating
scene explained, and all the inner-workings of social dynamics as
well as dating dynamics.

Get it HERE: The Dating Black Book


And in case you haven't heard about it by now, my latest program is
now shipping...

If you ever wanted to know how to overcome your fears with women so
that you could walk up and talk to ANY woman, this is something
you've been looking for.

Follow this link for more information on my new project that will
blow you away:

How to Approach Women...


I'll be back with more advice soon ...

- Carlos



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alpha man | how to talk to women | approach women | dating advice for men

HOW TO ASK A GIRL OUT:

Ok, so I have clearly decided that the next time I see this girl I am going to try to progress by asking her out. Now my problem is I dont know how to do that. You see, I dont want to come across as a wussy who sounds needy, and my situation is that I have known this girl at my job for about 3 months and have continually busted her balls like crazy and have been dominant and assertive around her.

I have been playing out different scenarios in my head but they all seem to have the wrong state of mind and come across as needy. How can I ask this girl out in a way that communicates that I am a dominant, secure, Alpha Man who goes after what he wants?!?

Is there a state of mind I can get myself into at that particular situation that helps me come across as a confident Alpha Man? Please answer Carlos, I would really appreciate your help. Thanks man.

P. S - I still havent gotten her number yet, do you think that I should get her number first Carlos?

------------
CARLOS:

Don’t get too into thinking this one through. Just act.

Say, “Hey, you know what, we need to get together and have some fun. I’m going to (name a local bar or pub or coffee house) at 7:00 on Friday. What time can you get there?”

If she says anything about not being able to make that time, sit in silence with a look of disdain. Then say, “Oh, boy. She’s flakey. I’ll let you redeem yourself with your counter offer. You’re not going to let me slip through your fingers this easily, are you?”

If she puts up any resistance or doesn’t make a good counter-offer, shrug and say, “Too bad” as if it’s too bad for HER – because it IS.

Then blow her off. She’s a flake. If she’s smart, she’ll follow through. If not, she'll help take herself out of the race.

Just believe in your heard with no exceptions that YOU are going to be the PRIZE for her. Don't stress your brain too much on this. I think you should just act and leave the worrying for someone else. Too much thinking just makes it worse.

And I don’t know about your work situation, but I’d try to do this “off the clock” if you know what I mean.

And, no, you don't need her number until she says "yes." Then you need it as "flake insurance." And tell her that's what you're getting it for.

Good work so far, by the way. Use this attitude on ALL the ladies.

Alpha all the way...

alpha man | how to talk to women | approach women | dating advice for men

Is it That Complicated?

Carlos,

At the first meeting I cracked some jokes,
she laughs and says am funny. WHAT DOES SHE MEAN?
------

CARLOS:

She thinks you're funny.

I don't mean to be flippant, but don't try to pull too much meaning out of nothing. Too much "reading into" a woman's words is a bad path to follow.

And if you're ever unsure, why not just ASK?

alpha man | how to talk to women | approach women | dating advice for men

The Game is On

When I spoke at Neil Strauss's book signing event here in San Francisco, little did I know how much brotherhood we had in the "community." That word kept coming up over and over that night, and it really is a community of men trying to do something good for guys overall - AND for women, too. Ignore all the acronyms (LMR, AMOG, DDB, HB, etc.); it's all about giving women what they want, so you can have a little of what you want in return.

"The Game" is an awesome read, compelling from cover to cover. As a "guru" (I've never taken to that title - I prefer "Advisor") in the community, I found myself nodding my head an awful lot, laughing out loud at some of the surreal anecdotes (the one with Courtney Love greeting the Tourette's Syndrome kid comes to mind immediately), and shaking my head at their foibles and misadventures. It was all familiar ground, but Neil captured the essence of the subculture without missing a beat.

Sure, it was obviously dramatized in many sections, but I he makes the ride so much fun you won't care. From the far flung reaches of lawless eastern Europe to the former lair of Dean Martin, you're coming along for a strange journey of women, mental breakdowns, and guys with names that could have been ripped from teenage comic books - Sickboy, Papa, Herbal ...

Some women may read this book with a bit of disgust, but the reality is that the tactics described in the book really do work - and they work WELL. We're all slaves to our primal attraction mechanisms whether we want to admit it or not. At the very least, you're going to learn a little of what we teach men to use to create attraction in the opposite sex. (The truth is that much of this stuff works both ways. Women have been using these techniques more subtly since time began.)

But the ultimate conclusion we all reach at some point is that it's not the "Game" you play, or how you bend the rules to validate yourself. The ultimate statement of our masculinity isn't even about women at all. It's about the respect and confidence you have in yourself, and the goals you're pursuing in life.

And, as I tell my students, if you're headed somewhere in life, women will want to come along for the ride.

- Carlos Xuma
http://www.datingdynamics.com

alpha man | how to talk to women | approach women | dating advice for men

COCKY and FUNNY - TEASING QUESTION:

hey carlos whats up man, I have a couple of things that I do not get with girls....first off I understand the whole tease to please, cocky funny attitude, and once I get into it, it works great and everything, however when I talk to a girl is it ok if I just have normal conversation with her, and add in a little cocky and funny here and there??

also will a girl STILL be interested if I do not use cocky and funny but my body language is good, as well as my confidence, and is it good enough to keep things going? (just curious..).

another question I have is do guys NEED to take women on dates? is it a rule of thumb that if you go out with a girl you must take her out, and if you dont take her out, but still have the right attitude and use all the things you teach, will she stay with you??

- H in NY
------

CARLOS:

Actually, you hit something on the mark there.

Most guys over-use and abuse the whole "cocky and funny" concept. They succeed in getting a little interest started, but they don't know how much of it to use, or for how long, or when to bring it back into the conversation, or why good-looking guys have to watch out for using it at all.

The short answer to your questions is "yes."

You should try and have REAL conversations whenever possible. Avoid this need to have to put on a performance to keep her interested.

A "real" conversation, by the way, is simply one that doesn't bore the shit out of her. (Which, for some guys, can be quite a chore.)

Just talk to her like a normal person, but keep it "spiced" up with occasional negging and teasing. Your goal is create a level of sexual tension between you that she will home in on like a moth to a flame.

As long as you can keep moving forward and eventually build some comfort, you'll do fine.

As far as "dating" goes, it is never recommended that you take her out to dinner on the first meeting. In fact, that's WAY overkill.

If you need to "bribe" a woman to be with you by buying her a meal, that's not the right way to start off your relationship. Whether she understands it or not, she'll react much more to having FUN than by having to handle a 3-4 hour high-pressure "date" situation.

Just focus on the EXPERIENCE she has, and she'll be into it. There is plenty of time for the mating behavior after you've got her interest.

For more on the proper attitude, I suggest you check into my Alpha Seduction program. It's got the concentrated details...

alpha man | how to talk to women | approach women | dating advice for men

Ex-girlfriend Question:

Do you ever stay friends or keep in touch with your ex-girlfriends/lovers?

CARLOS:

Absolutely!

I don't like to burn any of the emotional connections I've had with women, and it's very disappointing when I can't stay in contact with them.

However, I've long since discovered that there are always those women who are not capable of handling the emotional fallout. I had a previous ex that wouldn't talk to me for over 2 years, and I had not done anything horrible, either. She was just so disappointed by the breakup.

In fact there are a lot of women who are wired this way. I don't know if it's a survival mechanism or something, but very often when a woman is rejected, she cuts off all possible contact with that person. (Unlike men who start to pursue them even more feverishly.)

I consider it a high statement of someone's emotional maturity when they're able to keep in contact with someone that they realize they are not going to have an emotional connection with the same way anymore.

Most often, a woman will not want to maintain a "friendship" after things have ended. There's just too much negative emotion there for her to get past it.

The best thing for a guy to recognize is that this is normal behavior for women, and that they shouldn't feel guilt syndrome over this. It's not your fault! This doesn't mean you're a jerk or a bad guy, or that you have to atone for your sins. Just move on and let her go. (Whether you broke up with her, or vice-versa.)

alpha man | how to talk to women | approach women | dating advice for men

ALPHA MAN QUESTION- Playing hard to get:

First let me thank you for saving me from my self. You have a lot of straight advice and clear understanding, I'm grateful for both. I'm now on the path to be a more confident and more aware Alpha Man. I've already notice a difference to how women respond to me. I've only started, but the future looks good.

I'm still in college, and I've ran into a snag and I wanted your input. I'm getting really positive signals from one individual. I was being smart, cocky, and funny; and before I knew it she asked me for my number.

I have class with this girl once a week, (Economics) and I'm getting really good signals, strong eye contact, good flirty conversations, and a disappointed tone when I end a call early.

The problem is when I try to set something up out side of class, she's hard to reach. She's out of town when I'm available, she has plans with her friends and that she will call me back but doesn't. (I didn't call back after that; I'll see her again in a few days) She seems a little shy to be a female player, and I'm getting the sense that she's playing hard to get.

My question is am I reading this wrong? Are these female games? If she is interested then how do I pass these obstacles?

--------
She's probably playing hard to get, but the worst offense is that you're playing this game with her.

Women do this crap all the time. They flash you a winning smile, and then you're smitten. You're falling all over yourself to get with her, but somehow you just can't make it happen.

They dangle this carrot in front of you ALL the time, but nothing happens, and you're left with the impression that there's something to be salvaged here.

There's NOTHING here. Things didn't move forward when they should have, and now she's just turning into another flake.

This is the simplest way I can say this, and I don't mean to sound nasty when I reveal this earth-shattering truth to you, but ...

If a woman is into you, she'll MAKE TIME FOR YOU.

It will happen.

If she's not into you, it won't. And there's no amount of fantasizing about what might happen or could happen that will get this to change.

Drop her like a bag full of Dalmation poop and get on the path to finding the next one... the REAL one.

Remember, YOU are the one accepting this treatment. And I do need to remind you that we teach people how we want to be treated. We teach them by how we behave when they test us like this.

You have no time for a woman who plays these stupid and infantile hard-to-get games, and she needs to FEEL that. Ya dig?

Go find five other girls who want what you've got and are willing to set aside a few minutes to enjoy your wonderful world and what you've got to offer.

And then this gal can come running back all depressed because she missed out.

Then maybe she'll start to learn not to take things for granted - right now instead of ten years down the road.

Short story, dude - you don't have the time to waste on her. Get busy with the rest of campus. They're waiting!

alpha man | how to talk to women | approach women | dating advice for men

DONATION MADE

Okay, guys, I made a donation on behalf of DD Publications and all of you this morning. I'll post the receipt below.

Now, hopefully the new bitch in town, Rita, leaves them alone...

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Habitat for Humanity thanks you for sharing your heart! Your donation will directly support our mission to build simple, decent shelter for families that are currently living without it. You ve also helped to build a sense of brotherhood and faith within families and communities in the United States and around the world. Thank you again for your contribution and we hope that you will encourage others to join in the Habitat mission!

DONATION DESIGNATED TO: Hurricane Katrina Building Fund

alpha man | how to talk to women | approach women | dating advice for men

HOW TO HANDLE JEALOUSY:

First of all let me say that I love your audio programs. I have the whole of year 1 of your audio coaching series and subscribe to your monthly programs, as well as the podcasts.

The good news is that, after a couple of months of reading the Dating Black Book and listening to your programs, I have been dating a girl for around 3 months now after almost a year of nothing! I tried online dating on your suggestion and met a great girl, which I fully didn't expect from online dating!

There is only one thing that is kinda getting to me just now, and its something I'd love your opinion on...

Basically, this girl is 25 and has just started a new university course (you already know whats coming right!?). I always ask her how its giong and she tells me all about it. As part of her course, she is put in a small group of fellow students to complete tasks and such.

Anyway, she used to always talk about this guy that was so irritating...really annoying and pompous, and how she was so unlucky to have this guy in her little group. But, lately, she has been going on about how surprised she is that he has turned out to be "a really cool and funny guy". They text each other a lot and meet (of course with other people from the group) for lunches and drinks and things, but the topic of conversation always seems to end up focussing on this guy.

Of course she is openly telling me all of this so maybe I'm being paranoid. But the reason that its worrying me is that I know that women like to be frustrated when with guys as it increases their interest etc etc, and I'm always hearing that this guy is really pompous etc etc but he is also a really cool guy?

Should I be worried? I've totally played it cool up until now and made absolutely nothing of it, but I cant help feeling a liitle worried, especially as its something out of my control (I can't be there to see how things are going).

Should I just keep letting it go or should I try to find out more about the guy? There is absolutely nothing else to suggest that she may be losing interest in me, on the contrary... She always does little things to let me know that she is thinking of me.

Your opinion would be greatly appreciated!

P
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CARLOS:


First off, great job on using the material! Yes, it really does work, doesn't it?

Now, hmmm....

I wondered how best to put this to you.

Let's say it like this:

There is NEVER a reason to be worried.

EVER.

Because there are more like her where she came from, and more like her after she's gone. So don't EVER feel "worried."

Being worried implies that you fear loss.

Fearing loss means that you will act from a place that is not based in your own self-esteem, but where she might "leave you..." and you can only sit around writing bad Country songs all day about your broken heart.

You should, however, be very concerned. Her mentioning this guy this much means there are definite feelings of attraction toward him. Women don't mention guys they are not interested in in some way. It just don't work like that, dude.

Now, what is your reaction to that?

Did you just gasp?

Feel a little tug of panic in your gut?

Or did you think, Huh. How about that. Time to get busy.


You see, the best way to make sure she's yours is to ensure that she is STILL CHASING YOU.
A woman will not actively pursue more than one man in her life. The same is applicable to men. We can only have one Primary focus of attention to aim our hopes and affections at.

Which means that you can keep her if you do the following...


1) First, keep challenging her on a daily basis. Keep busting her balls, teasing her, and driving up her sexual tension for you. Keep doing the occasional romantic event. Keep doing what you did to get her. Don't get lazy.

You better get ready for this next one, because it will be the toughest advice you ever follow:

2) Push her towards HIM.

That's right. You heard me.

Push her to him.

"Yeah, maybe you should consider dating this guy. He sounds like a good match for you." Say this seriously. Yawn, return to reading Maxim looking TOTALLY unconcerned.

And you say that so emotionlessly that she will KNOW it is not coming from jealousy.

Only a man who is ROCK solid secure in his own confidence can do this, and she'll know it.

There are only two outcomes after this push:

OPTION 1) She'll go for him. Unlikely. If she does, good riddance, she was never into you to begin with. She's probably an attention-hound that just chases the next shiny thing she sees. If she can't appreciate you, she's better off GONE.

OPTION 2) She'll be more attracted to YOU. Which she will if she fears losing you.

Only by showing that you can walk away at any time can you really demonstrate the mature independent sense of confidence that an ALPHA man possesses.

Be warned! If you try this and come across as whiney and sulking and pouting like a bratty boy when you say something like: "Yeah, I think you should start seeing this guy. He's your type..."

She'll see right through it, and it will backfire because you'll seem clingy and needy and jealous. You'll be driving her to him.

Jealous = BAD.

This guy's "arrogant" attitude is the right mix to attract women. She may just be playing out a little fantasy with her thoughts and her attraction, but let's be clear about this - There ARE thoughts for him floating through her head. She's picking up on his Alpha vibe.

Stay un-jealous. DO NOT take any direct action about this guy, like forbidding her to message him or checking her phone for messages, because acting from anything but a sincere feeling of confidence would kill her attraction for you and drive her towards him.

And if it comes down to it, and she continues to show these indications of interest in him and less in you, you're going to have to be the first one to say: "You know, I think we should start seeing other people. I feel like we may be tying each other down." Don't make it about the new guy, but make it clear that if she's going to entertain thoughts of other men, you're going to go get busy on your own.

There's a saying: "You don't know what you got 'til it's gone..." And you may have to teach her very soon what that is.

This is the ULTIMATE statement of your confidence to her. And if the time comes, you better mean it, too. You must be the one to strike first if you're going to salvage your self-esteem and self-respect. Don't wait around for her to crash your new lifestyle and attitude by turning you into a bitter cautionary tale, okay?

Here's another idea: Get her to invite him to drinks with you two. Watch her reaction. See what she says and does. You should meet him somehow. I totally dig on these situations because I can fully demonstrate how dominant my reality is compared to these losers. Be the cooler Alpha Man and you'll have no problem showing her who she should be chasing.


PS: The reason she's doing those "little things" for you could also be out of GUILT for her new feelings of attraction for this guy. She doesn't want to leave, but if she's given a reason...

Sorry, dude, it's probably not what you want to hear, but if you start watching the situation and steering it now, you can salvage this thing.

alpha man | how to talk to women | approach women | dating advice for men

HOW TO LISTEN TO WOMEN:

Hi Carlos,

I'm just wondering what does a woman means when she said: 'You don't understand me...' after a conflict. Is it a test? Is it something that we can ignore? Or do we deflect the response in a funny way?
-------

CARLOS:

No, this one pretty much means what she says.

She doesn't FEEL understood.

When a woman is ranting about whatever is bothering her, the most common response a guys has is to get all logical and prove why he's right. In a lot of cases he IS right, but that does NOTHING to soothe her.

That's the worst thing in the world to do.

The best thing you can do (and it's also the MOST difficult for 99% of the guys out there) is to shut up and just hear her out. Let her talk it out of her system.

Instead, we get all analytical and rational, which only fuels her fire when she just needs to get some things off her chest.

Er, so to speak.

Next time, LISTEN to her, and I'll bet you dollars to donuts that she never says she feels like you don't understand her.

Never get into the conflict in the first place. An argument with a woman is a no-win situation. What you have to do is learn how to handle it with reflexive listening skills and reframing.

The premise of an argument or conflict is that if one or the other proves their case enough, the other will just realize how wrong they are and back down.

HA! Remember the last time this ever happened to you?

I'll give you a clue, it might happen with a man, but unlikely with a woman. Even if you seem to win the logic on the surface, she'll be stewing up some negative feelings for you if you don't hear her out.

alpha man | how to talk to women | approach women | dating advice for men

ARROGANT?:

Some girls love the way I behave and bust their chops, but one girl in
particular has said I am arrogant. Why would she think that and how can I
change it?

Is it inevitable some people will see me as this no matter what?

-------
CARLOS:

She's uptight and doesn't like that she's not in control of you. Remember that the way she views you is indicative of HER more than it is of YOU.

Think about that...

She's the EXCEPTION. Yes, it's inevitable that people are going to think you're arrogant from time to time. Why should you care?

Not everyone is going to like you. Get used to it. You don't need to change her, you need to ignore her.

alpha man | how to talk to women | approach women | dating advice for men

DATING ADVICE QUESTION - HOW TO HANDLE THE BULLY:

I watched an episode of "Blind Date" where a girl was out with a pretty wimpy acting guy. During dinner, some random guy approaches their table, insults the dudes' shirt, and basically hits on the girl. The dude didn't do anything at all, just sat there looking like a schmuck. You could tell his date was disgusted with him.

Now that was pretty disrespectful, hitting on the girl that you are OUT ON A DATE WITH and insulting you while you are on a date. At the end of the date, the girl didn't want to see him anymore and thought he was wimpy.

How should I handle this if it ever happens to me? It's easy to sit back and watch it happen to someone else and realize how terrible it makes HIM look, but if I was actually thrown in the middle of a situation like this, which is something I'm not really prepared for, I don't really know what the heck I'D do either. It'd obviously be an automatic angry response to beat the guy's ass, but I'm not sure that is the way to go here...

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CARLOS:

I've actually covered this in the past with several newsletters and audio segments.

This guy is doing the standard AMOG routine. "Alpha Male of the Group."

He's trying to out-Alpha this poor punk. (And come on, you know this was a setup for television, right?)

First of all, the "beat his ass" response is definitely lame. When you actually grow up, you realize that this leads to possible lawsuits, and possibly getting your own butt tossed in the dirt - or possibly worse.

The answer to this little dilemma can be summed up with:

"WWBMD?"

What Would Bill Murray Do?

Have you ever seen him in his older roles, like in Stripes, and Ghostbusters, and his previous comedies?

He has this WAY about him when he handles chodes like this. He can disarm with a clever put-down that makes you wonder what he's doing, until he's already laughing at you.

Ask women what they think of Bill Murray. They love him. Because he knows how to hold his own. And he's not even very good looking...

He doesn't get angry unless it's an obvious tactic to further his knocking you back down.

Check out how he handles the guy who shut off their "grid" in the Mayor's office in Ghostbusters. Or even how he handles being around 3 gorgeous women in "Charlie's Angels." He's just got this aura of "cool" about him.

Here's what I see Bill doing in this situation:

"Dude! How the heck are you!" Getting up from the table to shake his hand. When the guy offers his hand (or if he doesn't), Bill grabs him and hugs him. "It's been what, 10 years! You look good! How's that little guy of yours doing?" (Either pretending the guy has a kid, OR pointing to the guy's crotch, but doesn't wait for a response. "Oh, hey, that's nice of you to come over here and greet my lady like this, but she's so tired after the autograph signing party, and we're just trying to get a little food in our tum-tums. BARTENDER! Give my friend here a drink! Dirk? Is that your name? Give Dirk here a drink on me!" And he turns the guy towards the bar. "It was great seeing you. And you can get this shirt at ANY Target, my man! It would be tough on your budget, I know, but you could wait for a sale." Gives a cheesy smile and laugh. Turns to his date and winks with a real smile.

Did you get that?

He didn't care about this other punk's universe. He wasn't wallowing in self-pity over getting "picked on."

He took a cocky and disarming sense of humor approach to things.

He didn't sulk or concern himself with how disrespectful this guy was. He just turned the situation around and had some fun with it.

No woman wants a man who can't stand up for himself. It's pitiful.

That woman was right for not wanting to see him again. He had no balls. Can you imagine him in bed, asking permission to do everything, or sulking when she makes some comment about slowing down?

I don't feel sorry for the guy, honestly. I only hope he learns from what happened.

First of all, he should have my Alpha Man Program. It would never have gone this bad if he did. The honest truth is that she was already making up her mind in this direction before this incident probably, and this was the finishing touch.

Second, yeah, I'm sure he's a "nice guy" and there are a million women out there going "Awwwwww!" But no matter what they say, they aren't attracted to him either. He'd just be the recipient of pity.

An Alpha Man stands up for what he wants in life. This woman made the right decision because she knew he wouldn't have the stones to protect her when it came down to it. Even if he had gotten up and tried picking a fight over her, that would have been 1000% better than sitting in silence.

For those of you guys out there who want to know how that whole "cocky & funny" thing works, this is the best way to learn - from the master himself - Bill Murray.

A perfect example of how a cocky, weird looking guy attracts hot women. And not just in the movies.

Yeah, Bill's an Alpha.

alpha man | how to talk to women | approach women | dating advice for men

Pictures from the book signing event in San Francisco

Just thought I'd post a few pics from the book signing last night.



1) Me and Ross Jeffries...


2) Style, AKA Neil Strauss talking about the book...



3) Goofy faces with Ross...



4) More book signing...



5) Me and Neil ...

It was a great time. I'll fill you in more in this week's podcast.

alpha man | how to talk to women | approach women | dating advice for men

Wow!

I just got back from the book-signing event at Books Inc over here in SF. It was the appearance of our man of Style, Neil Strauss, promoting his new book "The Game."

It was a BLAST talking to the guys that showed up. I even had a chance to meet the grandaddy of it all, Ross Jeffries, who stopped in to talk a little. It was a lot of fun. Thanks again to you guys who came out to say hey, including the guy from the forces (Semper Fi!) I appreciate your effort in coming to make Neil's event.

(I'll be posting pictures of me there with all the other guys soon...)

When I see the people I influence and help, it only re-affirms that I need to keep going and keep making it work for all of you.

I wanted to let you guys also know that Neil is a class act and a great guy in the community. His book is awesome, and you need to get it. NOW.

You can get it through us for a discount at this link:

The Game

And when you're done with that, you'll get more great stuff HERE


PS: I also want to thank Thundercat for his efforts... thanks, man...

alpha man | how to talk to women | approach women | dating advice for men

KATRINA LEAVES ALPHA MEN ALONE

Just a note from a survivor of the Katrina devastation, who also happens to be a subscribing Alpha Man...


I SURVIVED HURRICANE KATRINA!!!

thanks carlos, your alpha man series helped me thru a scenario of no work, communication, or electricity... everybody was shut down from baton rouge louisiana to mobile alabama and north to jackson, ms..

chris
louisiana

Glad to hear he's alive and kicking...

Hopefully things are going to be on the mend there. I'll be sending in the contribution this week. I'm sending it to Habitat for Humanity's relief program.

- Carlos

alpha man | how to talk to women | approach women | dating advice for men

DATING ADVICE EMERGENCY:

Carlos,

Hi, I have a question for you and the advice you give will mean a lot. I started reading your book a couple of years ago and I won a girl over using your advice. We have dated since then but now we have had a break-up. The situation looks grim to me and I have some dubiety about rekindling anything but I am sure you have heard this thousands of time: I want her back.

The main premise is that she dearly loved me but I took advantage of her, I was not there when she needed me and I sometimes tried to induce her to change. She did live in Texas close to me but she moved to Louisiana early this summer to be with her mom for a few months. Over the last couple of weeks I have noticed that she had not been calling much.

I called her on Sunday night and asked what was going on. She told me that she met someone and that we are over. The next day she wrote an email thrashing me for everything that I have done to her. Carlos, I agree with her. I was wrong and I tried to tell her that. I want to make amends and move our relationship up. Our current status is that she won't take a call.

I tried calling yesterday before lunch but I know that calling any further is obviously a mistake. It took this mess for me to see what she really has to offer. I was just really stupid and didn't see it before. Interestingly enough she is dating one of the New Orleans evacuees.

Do you see any wiggle room for me here. Any advice would be great. She sounded like she was just very angry in her mails and she wanted revenge. Yesterday she wrote in one of the mails "Robert, dammit, I have to do this". My current plan is to send a handrwritten letter (no other contact) to tell her that I am sorry, I was wrong, and that I think she is doing the right thing by taking bold steps to make a change.

I really don't know what to do next. I was planning on proposing soon but I never told her and one of her chief complaints was that I didn't want to make a commitment.

What do you think?

R
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CARLOS:

Do not have any further contact with this woman. You're starting to slip into obsession over your guilt.

You did what you did, now move on. You can't fix the past by "making it right" again. This is the path to your own self-destruction.

And I'm not over stating it, either.

Don't call her. Don't write her. In fact, never contact her again. There is no way you will recapture her heart like this.

If you continue on this path, your attitude will slowly slide into whipped-dog mode faster than you can cry along with "Fried Green Tomatoes." Your next step is that she'll be taking a restraining order out on you. Stalking is the next step, dude. And you're very close to that point.

This is how stalkers are created. Obsessive self-redemption and having some "point" to prove.

LET IT GO!

You learned your lesson. Now get rid of the guilt, because that will cripple your attitude in the long run. I've seen guys literally wither up and turn into a shadow of their former selves because they didn't reclaim their balls and get back to feeling good about themselves.

Here, get this RIGHT NOW. I'm not kidding. It's the one thing you can use to revive your flagging self-esteem. I consider your email an EMERGENCY situation.

Go here NOW: CONFIDENCE WITH WOMEN

alpha man | how to talk to women | approach women | dating advice for men

Poll Results:

Question: How long did you stay with your last girlfriend?

Answer %

1-3 months 24
4-6 months 18
6 months to a year 22
Over a year 35

Interesting... over 75% of guys stayed with their last girlfriend for longer than 3 months.

alpha man | how to talk to women | approach women | dating advice for men

CRAZY CHICK DATING ADVICE:

Hey Carlos, when a you meet a girl, or woman who when you go out on your fi