Wednesday, May 30, 2007

Article on Beta Males...

Here's an interesting article sent in by an Alpha student. His question was about what I thought of this information.

Well, before you go and read it, here are my first impressions:

1) They are basing their judgment about what women find attractive by what TV and Movie characters are behaving like. BIG mistake. Television reflects some elements of our culture, but very little of reality.

2) These are people we're choosing to LAUGH AT, not marry. If you want to see what women want, observe them in the real world as they marry men of Alpha power, status, and confidence. Not low-brow idiots that haven't got a clue.

3) The media likes to play on our sense of what's "new" and "different." They want to throw you these bones as bits of speculation. But that's all they are.

Be clear about one thing: Women of quality (and the ones that will ultimately make you happy) are attracted to dominant and assertive, confident Alpha Men.


Here's the article link:
Don't let them confuse you.

Don't be fooled.

The path is clear.

The Alpha Man is your best destiny.

alpha man | how to talk to women | approach women | dating advice for men

Tuesday, May 29, 2007

For those of you in the SF Bay Area...

I'm going to appear at the "OneTaste" retreat here on 7/23/2007. Here's the skinny:

ConnectEd., at OneTaste Urban Retreat Center, is a collaborative network emcompassing the realms of sensuality, connection and purpose. The OneTaste/Sensual Visionaries series is part of ConnectEd. which highlights experts in their field through the format of a moderated panel.

July 23rd's panel features Authentic Relating, for people who want deeper connections to themselves and others in the sensual realm. The esteemed guests are Travis Decker of AuthenticSF/AMP, Carlos Xuma, the author of 'The Dating Black Book' and more TBA.


1074 Folsom St
San Francisco
(415) 503-1100 or
[email protected] to register <>

Hope to see you there!

alpha man | how to talk to women | approach women | dating advice for men

Monday, May 28, 2007

How to handle women who are unreliable...

I think your Alpha Man programs are great even for men that are quite successful with women.

I’ve never had much trouble with women but I do hit a sticking point every once in a while. I have this one woman that I have a situation with that I need an opinion on. I met this woman many years ago when she was a cocktail waitress in college. We did not date and did not really get to know each other then. Years later I ran into her again. I immediately approached her and had a date set within a few minutes. We had a nice date and she made comments on a few things we should do with each other. Like she was trying to insure a future date.

Several days later when we talked on the phone she mentioned things she would like to do with me. I assumed she was interested. Since then I have twice set up dates with her only to get a cancellation. She always has an excuse that sounds legitimate. The last excuse she put me off saying she was extremely busy and that next month would be better for us to make plans.

I know that I should blow her off and move on, but sometimes I want to stay in the game just to see what happens. (She is also pretty hot.) I have a suspicion that she has a boyfriend and it is not working out so good for her. I think she is trying to keep me on the side so she will have something to fall back on. I feel like I need to call her on it but I also do not want to step out of bounds if her excuses are legit. Also if I need to call her on it I would like to hear your opinion of how you would do it.

Carlos, I will tell you this about
your programs. I have 3 nephews and when they are old enough I will buy each one of them your programs. There is no sense in them having to fail at something just because they have not been educated.

Keep up the good work brother.


I think your analysis is probably pretty accurate. Women love to have guys on the line as fallbacks and groupies for them so they don't feel disconnected and socially undesirable.

Actually, the best thing you can do is to do the following:

1) Just mentally dismiss her as a serious contender. Don't "call her on it," because it will NOT make her more likely to grovel for your attention.

2) Tease her every time you see her for being a flaky chick. Make sure she knows you think of her just as a silly little brat girl. The less seriously you take her, the better.

3) Continue to set dates that are convenient for YOU - Never rely on her to follow through. Always double up the plans.

4) Have fun testing and trying out techniques on your new groupies. Once you remove attachment to outcome with them, you are then free to leverage them as test subjects as you see fit. Not for abuse or manipulation, but to better understand Social Dynamics.

This is
the universal plan for women that flake on you regularly. She can be a groupie of yours and provide great social proof for you, so let the little flakes hang out in your shadow. Just forget that they're back there until they take action to be a part of your life.

Remember that a woman will only want to be around you to the degree that she feels
you make her feel good. Being a dick or calling her on her flaky behavior may set some level of posture, but that's only attractive if she's used to being catered to and pampered. Even then, it doesn't always work. You cannot DEMAND respect - only command it.

Don't let her disrespect you in any way, but recognize that
most women don't view flaking as bad. It's just a way of life.

And I'm glad you're passing along my information to your nephews. We need all men everywhere to become
Alpha Men - students of the NEW sexuality of men...

Get the Secrets of the Alpha Man ...

alpha man | how to talk to women | approach women | dating advice for men

Saturday, May 26, 2007

Woozy kisses after hours... what can you remember?

Hey Carlos,

Here's something I bet you can answer.

Saturday night I met a girl, someone with whom a friend had been trying to set me up for some time. So my friend talked me up, then first I met the girl's roommate and I guess she was impressed with me, then I met the girl and we chatted it up for a long time, nice pleasant chit chat. Overall I think there was some pretty strong attraction on both sides.

Towards the end of my stay at that bar, I was starting to get pretty drunk, and we met up outside the bar. I deemed it a good moment to go in for the kiss, and she sort of balked and I ended up kissing her neck. But I went in again a few minutes later and sealed the deal--as far as I can remember there was no resistance. We agreed to meet up sometime, and I got her number.

What I'm struggling with is if I went overboard by kissing her within a short time of meeting her. She didn't return my call last night, but there could be other reasons for that of course. (And yes I do realize that it's good to keep the alcohol intake at a reasonable level, the circumstances were what they were.) Some of the details were hazy, but I'm pretty sure I didn't say anything lewd.

But what I really hate is being in this position where I look back, trying to reconstruct the night, and wondering if I did something wrong. I am worried that I might have come off as too aggressive.

Is a girl typically going to be turned off by a dude who assertively goes in for the kiss early on...even if it's a confident second effort after a rebuffed first attempt?

Youre the man Carlos--



Pop goes the cork on that one, dude. I think all men out there should take note that the glasses of "liquid courage" you're taking in are really a way for you to not develop the social skills and confidence you'll need to have when you're sober.

Liquor ain't quicker, dudes.

Look, I love to drink on occasion, and maybe a lot of drinks. (Not nearly as much as I used to, though...) However, the reality is that if you want to avoid those "What did I say?" or "What did I do?" moments, you have to limit your intake. Alcohol is just a way to lower your inhibitions, but it rapidly becomes a liability to effective social skills.

I can tell you this: If you went in for the kiss and weren't sure you were going to get it, then it was your fault, and you shouldn't have tried.

It's incredibly easy to tell if a woman is ready to be kissed. You'll see her looking at your lips, you'll get a lot of kino, yadda yadda. If you can reach over and touch her hair without her pulling back, that's also good. My personal test is simply to tell her I have a secret for her, and when she asks what it is, I motion for her to come close so I can whisper it to her. I watch her reaction very closely. Her body language will give it away whether she's ready for more.

It sounds like you got the kiss you were looking for, but now you're getting hung up on the fact that you weren't doing X tactic or Y tactic correctly. Given your state at the time, you probably won't ever really know. Chalk it up as a learning experience.

Next time, setup something for you two to do together so that she has a reason to answer her phone later.

It's less about what you do and more about what she has to gain later on from your interaction that determines whether or not your next date or meeting will happen.

Think about that one for a bit...

alpha man | how to talk to women | approach women | dating advice for men

Thursday, May 24, 2007

I am a threat to most men...

Something I've noticed out there in the social strata is that I'm considered something of a threat in most of my social circles. A threat to the guys, that is.

Why is this?

Well, it comes from what other men feel when they're around a guy who commands the attention of the social structure in which he's inserted.

So my next sticking point is to not be so obvious with my social skill. I think the guys that find themselves most successful in the long run understand that the best game is the game that no one sees. You must be transparent and effortless in execution. (Note that I did not say "perfect" in execution.)

And, I guess you'd say that my social skill should always include a degree of tact that does not allow other guys to feel intimidated.

Every guy goes through this, especially when the other guys see the other women becoming attracted to you and they get jealous and start tooling you. It's human freaking nature, man. Get used to the pressure.

So, not only are you responsible for how others perceive you, but you're also responsible for how others see you through other people's reactions to you.


You bet.

But a lot of fun when you get the hang of it...

alpha man | how to talk to women | approach women | dating advice for men

Wednesday, May 23, 2007

Field Report - and understanding what you're doing right and wrong...

Hi Carlos,Love your stuff. For an older dog like me, with more years behind me (36) of clueless bad habits than probably a lot of your clients, it's been a longer trek to get onto the right road, yet things are happening now. However, a couple of things.First, I don't really seem to be satisfied.

Once you get past the "must have a woman" attitude, and take on board what you spell out, you realise there are so many women out there you shouldn't want to know. And as you pointed out in one of your recent e-mailers, one night stands aren't really that satisfying. So how do you square the circle between the principle you espouse, namely the truism that education + action = results, with that old saying, "It'll happen when you least expect it" - which, to be fair, too seems to be one of life's truths?Second, I love your recent response to the McDonalds/Milano's manager problem. Funnily enough, this happened to me only yesterday.

I got off the tube at Bond Street, one of London's most expensive shopping streets, and this lovely girl with quite stunning hair just happens to walk before me, out of the station. Being on a downer recently, and simply needing the sport, I watched her enter a department store and decided to follow and watch her. She went to all the make-up booths, and while asking about cosmetics it was obvious she was just cheekily trying on all her favourite make-up, getting ready for a Friday evening on the tiles.

A-ha, I thought, there's my cue-in. She then goes to check out some clothes. I approach. And very coolly simply say, "Hello, you caught my eye back at the tube station and I couldn't resist following you in here." I gestered that I wasn't a weirdo, which she got - then I went for it. "Can I ask a question: is it normal for girls to enter department stores and try on the make-up?" She cracked up laughing. I then asked if I could take her for a drink? She showed me a hand with no ring (I only really thought about it afterwards), and said she had a boyfriend. "What a shame." I hung around for a few moments more, and with a big amile walked away.She sincerely wished me a good weekend.

Now, I know where I went right. Just doing it, and being cool as a cucumber. And I know where I went wrong: i) not teasing her a little longer before asking her out; ii) not calling her on the nothing being on her finger; and iii) not giving her my number. On the last point, my thinking is, for another day, because it may be too much for a girl to be put in the situation I put this one in (even though deep-down she has to be impressed), I should give her my number, pre-empting her with these words: "Now, as I know girls never call boys, I'm perfectly happy giving you my number. Let's see."

Overall, the problem isn't the lack of balls - when you see a girl who fires you up, you just have to go for it! It's the lack of tools (not nervousness, just wherewithal) to open up the space in time and play for a little longer before going for what you want - her number. How can you teach your mind to find new resources when you're in this kind of situation, or just chatting with girls generally.
Your thoughts are welcome.

Again, you're a top man. You've made a difference out there.

All the best,Daniel

Great breakdown, Daniel. You bring out a very important point... it's the fact that instead of being excited at the opportunity to walk up and let this sexually exciting woman meet you, most guys are secretly dreading this. Mostly because they just don't have an understanding of why that situation is so terrifying for them. (It's not what you're thinking!)

The next time a woman tells you she has a boyfriend, you keep right on going. She's just making sure you know her situation before you lead her down the path she's willing to follow. And sometimes she throws that out there to keep you at a certain distance - so you won't run her over with Rico Suave pickup games on her and make a fool out of both of you.

She just wants to control the start of the interaction and feel
SAFE in it.

After all, why would a woman show you a hand with no ring on it, and
THEN tell you this story?

Because she wants to stay in control.

As for giving her your number, you only do that when she's so into you that you have to push her off you because her drool is staining the plush velvet of your new suit. A woman has to be WAY into you to call you, so don't even bother if there's a question about 1) the amount of attraction you've built, or 2) the amount of rapport and trust you've got. You're just mentally masturbating by handing her your number, not to mention setting yourself up for disappointment.

You're right that it all boils down to the guys who
WILL versus WON'T approach her. Most guys won't approach a woman, and therefore they just get the runts of the litter. The guys who pursue and actively engage their targets GET THEM.

Survival of the fittest, my brothers.

Now if you want to learn how to approach women anytime, anywhere, you need to take a look at

alpha man | how to talk to women | approach women | dating advice for men

Tuesday, May 22, 2007

Long story short about attracting women

Dear Carlos,

Another small mystery just happened recently. I've been picking up signal from a very hot young lady in my class. She is obviously single and gave me the "bedroom stare" a few times ;) We talked a couple of times, very briefly, but very happily :) A couple weeks ago, I sat right next to her and talk for a little bit, and said " let's get together and study for that test" She responded right away, "Sure!!:) I'll be here all weekend:)", I pulled out my phone and ask, "what's your number?". She again respond very quickly, like right after I said "number".

We stayed in class for a while, then I wrote on my notebook "This is so boring, blah, blah , blah :)" showed it to her, she smiled. Then I wrote "Our conversations will be 100 times more fun". Called her after class because it was a Thursday and we need to get together over the weekend. I ask her what time she want to get together and told her I'm available at 7:45 pm on Fri. She said, very friendly, "Can you call me back tommorrow when I have my calendar? I'm actually rushing to a meeting right now".

I called her the next day, got voicemail, left message, "blah blah blah, see if we can get together tonight". Haven't heard from her, so I called again at about 8 pm., got voicemail.

Saw her in class on Mon, before the test, I was quite mad inside but act very cool, gentle, and being a gentleman. Sat next to her, ask her how's her weekend, she said, "busy :(", I said "me too, I didn't get too much studying done.", She said with obvious signs that she is blowing me off,"that's too bad". Silenced for a minute, I then ask, "So did you get a lot of studying done", blowing me off again, she said "we'll see :("

From that point on, I totally ignored her because I think she is a bitch. We stayed there and study for half an hour, I did not even show signs that she exist. Been two weeks, I totally ignored her in class. I know she's been giving me a lot of looks lately, like saying, "Why aren't you looking at me?". I totally ignored her. She been checking me out a lot.

Anyhow, it's just weird because she came off as a very classy lady and seem to have manners. But it didn't turn out like that.

So, I think I went wrong on that one because I showed her I was more interested in her than she was into me. And I believed that's what threw her off...

Thank you very much, Carlos, I look forward to your genius answers :)

(Letter edited for length)

Yeah, your first instincts are probably right on with this one. You got caught up in the game of playing to her schedule, and that's not a good idea. You were buying into her frame (her reality) and then she lost attraction because you didn't have a cool reality of your own to offer her.

By purposefully ignoring her and treating her as if she's "hurt" you in some way, you're actually making things worse. A lot of guys think they're being coy and cool when they notice the other woman after she's done this, and they think they're doing it in a way that she won't see.

She does.

We all know when someone is paying attention to us. You can sense it.

Remember also that a woman isn't a bitch just because she wasn't interested in you, or she has the attention span of a ferret on crystal meth.

She's just being her nature. She's a feelings-chaser. That's just the way it is. If you make character judgments about someone based on whether or not they like you, you'll find that life will be very adversarial for you on the whole. If they don't like you, they just don't know you well enough yet. So what...?

Next time, drive up her attraction before you start setting up a time to meet with her. Think about it from her perspective: A guy walks up and talks to her, and right away he's trying to find a time to be alone with her.

Can you say,

And then you proceeded to call her and check in on her, which only makes you look ten times more desperate and needy.

Bottom line: You expressed way too much interest at the start. This is the common mistake with guys.

Start distributing your attention more and not getting hung up on any one woman. These principles are explained completely in
The Dating Black Book...

Download it HERE

alpha man | how to talk to women | approach women | dating advice for men

Monday, May 21, 2007

Great time at Fort Mason...

For all of you who weren't able to be here in San Francisco last night, we had the ever-illustrious David Shade here presenting to the crowd of over 100 local lair and pickup artists, as well as yours truly - Me.

It was a great presentation, and I have to say one of the least controversial David has ever done (that I've seen), but FULL of insight into what it means to integrate your sexuality in an effective way with women. Really, some of the points are just priceless. It was great to meet his current girlfriend as well.

I stayed around afterwords and did a little Q&A informally with some of the guys, and networked a little with Lance Mason (Pickup 101), Diego Garcia (, and a few of the other locals.

As a matter of fact, Lance and I had just wrapped on an interview I did with him yesterday afternoon that you guys may be able to get access to later on. In Lance's words, it was one of the most unique he'd done, and he loved the questions I asked - so you guys know you're going to get the goods on this one.

I'll have a picture of myself with Diego and David up later on the site for you to see sometime in the future.

I'll probably also have an interview with David as well...

Stay tuned...!

alpha man | how to talk to women | approach women | dating advice for men

Sunday, May 20, 2007

Using clever bits from television to attract women...

Often I see in movies or on tv shows, men and women will flirt with each other by making an animal noise, like maybe when they are passing one another in an office or something. The guy will make a "grrrrrr" type noise as a way of flirting with the woman. It is quite common to see this in pop culture. Know what I'm talking about? Is this a good way to flirt with women in the real world?

Cute concept. Yes, you can take many of these pop culture references and do something more with them to give your game a little 'juice.'

There's a cute little ad that "Axe" uses (the men's shower products) that uses the reference to 1970's porn with the whole "Bow-chicka-bow-bow..." I used that a little over the last week, but not to open the conversation. It was merely used as a tool to joke and have a little fun with as we talked. Every few sentences I'd look at her and go, "Bow-chicka-bow-bow!" It became our cute "in" joke.

The problem here is that if you don't do it congruently and with a little implied "wink" to the reference, the person you're doing it to can think you're a bit strange. Let's face it - this is the REAL world, right? What works in a commercial won't work in the same way, no matter how clever it looks on the screen.

So the answer is a qualified "Yes."

IF you can pull off the playfulness. This is something that you have to be very confident and congruent with or it won't work. You also have to have spoken with this girl at least once before as well.

I'm thinking of the scene in Spider-man 3 where Tobey Maguire is plugged into his "venom" persona, and he's walking down the streets of New York, pointing finger-guns at women and being all goofy. He doesn't get a lot of positive reaction on this, even in the movie, and that's pretty true to life.

You can't possibly be taking yourself seriously while doing this, and that's the attitude to use...

alpha man | how to talk to women | approach women | dating advice for men

Friday, May 18, 2007

New Alpha Man stuff

Guys, I realized that in order to fight the good fight and get the good word of Alpha Manhood out there to the masses, I needed to give you a way to do that. I've just created a shop online where you can get a few logo shirts and cool stuff with your declaration of Alpha-ness.

It's here: Alpha Man Shop

Now, I want to make this stuff relevant and useful to you, so here's what I'm doing. I'm requesting all you guys write in with cool phrases for the front of the shirts that you can wear out when doing approaches and meeting women. A couple of my ideas:

"Ask me about my Alpha Lifestyle..."
"Pain is the sensation of wussy leaving your body..."

But I want to include some cool ones that you guys come up with as banter items. The idea here is that if you wear a little "chick bait," the ladies are going to start doing the approaches just to find out what the shirt is all about.

Wouldn't you like to have women walking up to YOU for a change?

Trust me, it's a whole lot nicer than having to approach her all the time.

So send them in here: Email Carlos

And let me know your ideas for cool T-shirt sayings. The guys who come up with phrases I use get a FREE shirt!

How's that for a thank-you?

Get busy...

- Carlos

alpha man | how to talk to women | approach women | dating advice for men

Tuesday, May 15, 2007

Here's a very controversial article on why women still need men...

I spotted this little gem of an article that every man should be required to read. This explains much of the evolutionary psychology regarding the relationships between men and women. The more I read, the more convinced I am that most people today are a bit deluded about just how much of our emotional development is nature, not nurture.

Oh, and when Dr. Neave apologizes for sounding sexist, I think it's just a softener so that women don't brand him a heretic and try to have him discredited. :) Information like this isn't sexist, but it's interesting to see how scared so many educated men are to put their information out without softening it up for the female audience.


Sorry, but women are dependent on men

We live in an age in which women have earned complete independence. So do they need men at all? According to Dr NICK NEAVE, an evolutionary psychologist from Northumbria University, not only do they need men, they are fundamentally programmed to depend on them. Here, Dr Neave, 41, explains his provocative thesis:

You're a successful woman with a job to die for, a fabulous home and a supportive husband, but do you ever get the urge to check his mobile phone for love messages? Or his bank statements for intimate meals a deux that you didn't share? And do you lie awake at night worrying how you'll cope if the worst happens, your fears are proved and your husband walks out?

Don't worry. Your suspicion is only natural. At the risk of sounding extraordinarily sexist, I'm convinced that women, even in the happiest of relationships, are programmed to worry their men are going to abandon them.

And they're terrified - in a way that most men find it frankly impossible to imagine. What's more, if their forebodings come true, women are more inclined to forgive an affair than a man if the shoe is on the other foot. That's not because they're nicer, more easygoing individuals. It's simply because their primeval urge to hang onto a male provider is so strong.

Women in the 21st century may boast that they are truly independent for the first time in our social history. They may tell themselves and each other that they don't need a man. They can even start a family on their own thanks to IVF techniques.

But, while feminists may argue this proves women have finally kicked off the shackles of dependence on men, I'm afraid they're wrong.

In evolutionary terms the huge cultural changes over the past generation amount simply to the merest blink of an eye. It could take another 10,000 years for women to change their thinking.

Quite simply, women are preprogrammed to feel dependent on men. Even today women may be richer and enjoy all the trappings of success but, deep down in their psyche, they fear they can't survive alone.

These women may be shooting up the career ladder and earning more than the men in their lives, but when it comes to relationships men still hold the trump card.

As an evolutionary psychologist, I study patterns of behaviour dating back to the first human societies, and constantly analyse evidence that demonstrates the key differences which have developed between the sexes since men were hunter-gatherers and women were child bearers.

Females are smaller and weaker than males so, in prehistoric times, women and their offspring were prone to being the victims of predators, and violence.

They needed the support and protection of men who didn't just have brute force but also had social status in the group, either through their sheer physicality or the strength of their personality.

That's why women still look for a mate of higher social standing.

If a woman had a relationship with a socially dominant male, she would immediately get greater access to resources because her social standing would be elevated, too.

As we shall see, modern surveys consistently show that women today ape those inherent characteristics by looking for partners who are socially dominant and have the respect of their peers, paying close attention to how men interact with, and are treated by, other men.

Men have a different reason for choosing a mate. The caveman needed to be sure he was raising a child who was genetically his. The best way of doing this was to secure a mate and guard her so she didn't get the chance to stray.

A man's natural instinct may be to have sex with a different woman every day, but to safeguard his relationship (and secure his progeny), he has been forced into a pattern of monogamy. don't even realise what's happening. When couples meet at speed-dating evenings, typically a man will judge a woman on her looks and youth. His priorities are whether she's healthy, interested in sex and can give him children one day. He doesn't care how much she earns or her social status.

Typically, however, a woman's first question will be: 'What job do you do?' It sounds a friendly overture, but what she really wants to know is his social position and earning capacity. Is he an industrious, hard worker, capable of providing for her and their children?

Because of his power, even the ugliest politician on the planet has women lining up to go to bed with him. Were he the local rat catcher, his love life would be a good deal quieter. As American statesman Henry Kissinger put it: 'Power is the ultimate aphrodisiac.'

One might argue that it's only natural for today's women in their 30s or 40s to feel dependent on a man. After all, the vast majority were raised by mothers who by and large didn't have careers and were forced to rely financially on their husbands.

Yet study after study proves that today's women in their 20s are just as insecure. In a recent study, two American researchers, John Marshall Townsend from Syracuse University and Gary Levy from the University of Toledo, presented women with photographs of men.

The first group, described as doctors, wore designer ties, smart shirts and sported Rolex watches. The second wore plain shirts and Swatch watches and were described as teachers. The third group wore Burger King uniforms.

Women repeatedly picked doctors as potential boyfriends - even though many of the men in the third category were actually more handsome. Quite simply, to women a man's looks are less important than earning power and social standing.

In another study, male and female medical students were asked to pick their ideal mate from a selection of careers. The majority of men chose nurses. Women, however, picked hospital consultants. This demonstrates that, although every bit as financially successful as their male colleagues, these young women still feel they need men to confer power and social standing to a superior male.

It's no surprise to me that another study this year by sociologists at Virginia University found that couples are happiest in traditional marriages run on old-fashioned gender lines, where the man is the main breadwinner. The report showed conclusively that women who worked were more dissatisfied with their husbands than those who stayed at home.

One of the experts, W Radford Wilcox, said: 'Regardless of what married women say they believe about gender, they tend to have happier marriages when their husband is a good provider.'

Happiest of all were women whose husbands brought in at least two-thirds of the household income, regardless of how much they helped with domestic chores.

In short I suspect women will never feel truly comfortable earning more than their men. The need to rely on a man is driven by such a deep-seated biological urge, I cannot see it ever being eradicated completely.

Only last week, a survey by the Skipton Building Society concluded that many women who are the main breadwinner hold it against their partner for contributing less to the household budget than they do.

While those women might like the material rewards of their high salaries, they also dislike the financial responsibility - perhaps reflecting the inbuilt genetic imperative to rely on someone else.

It is that instinctive need to rely on a man which makes women so afraid of abandonment. Perhaps that is why women are more attuned to their partner's moods and curious about tiny aspects of his life. And they are much better than men at spotting liars.

Evolutionary psychologists are convinced that these are in part throwbacks to a woman's need to maintain her relationship at all costs.

It's completely irrational for women, who can earn as much as men, to have a terror of being abandoned. Even if she can't work, the welfare state means she's not going to starve. Yet it's a real fear for many women. We have anecdotal evidence of women lying awake at night worrying how they'd cope.

Women are terrified of abandonment. They fear a drop in status or social standing that might come with divorce in a way men - who are driven by very different priorities - simply don't understand.

Even extremely wealthy, successful women have these vestigial anxieties which bear absolutely no relation to the reality of their lives, but are throwbacks to caveman society.

Ironically, although men actually fare less well after divorce and are often less happy, women typically are more frightened of living alone.

Men find it extremely hard to forgive an affair. This dates back to early man's horror of unwittingly raising another man's child. However, women are predisposed to be more tolerant of affairs. It comes down to brutal economics. The thought of your husband having sex with another woman may be devastating. But even worse is the prospect of him pouring all his financial resources her way.

Quite simply, women are so programmed to feel dependent that their subliminal urge to safeguard the home often outweighs the fury of being sexually betrayed.

Terror of being abandoned even drives the beauty industry. Eating clinics report a four-fold rise in the number of middle-aged women seeking help for anorexia and bulimia because they're desperate to look slim and youthful. These problems were once the province of teenage girls.

And while women may claim they are having cosmetic surgery and Botox treatments purely to feel better about themselves, I believe the reason is much more complex. Women are driven by a primeval urge to keep their men by looking youthful and fertile.

Sexist? Maybe.

True? I fear so.

alpha man | how to talk to women | approach women | dating advice for men

Monday, May 14, 2007

What to do when you become a little angry at women...

Hiya Carlos, this is Alek from the Belgrade seminar.

Personally I used to have little success (big AA, not trying much), then got some success, then got misogynistic, then had a big period of pausing and depression.

Now having recovered from that depression period. I am back on the fast curve, and so is my friend. Now, the more women we're meeting, getting numbers from, the more misogynistic we're getting.

All those ideas of "WOMEN are such c*nts!", "Why can't they appreciate more of what we do" "It's so fucking EASY for them fucking women" "all they do is show up, and get whatever they want, and we have to do all this work". We even get images of verbally and *EVEN* physically putting down women. All they do is complain about how men don't get it, and mock men for being "clods". All I want is some "RESPECT". It's ok to not want what we men are offering, but at least be respectful about the role we men are playing.

Got any tips? :)

I think Billy Joel said it best:

"Then she'll carelessly cut you
And laugh while you're bleedin'
But she'll bring out the best
And the worst you can be
Blame it all on yourself
Cause she's always a woman to me..."

Blame it all on yourself, because she's just being her nature. You must be better than your nature AND hers by acting based on principle and honor rather than emotional reaction, or a desire for results.

You see, right now, you're placing the blame on someone else's behavior. You're presuming that it's their fault for being who they are. Women in every culture will take advantage of the benefits that suit them, and you should be taking advantage of the benefits that suit the men.

Sometimes the burden of self-awareness is a lot to bear...

But what is the alternative?

Give up?

Stay angry at something you can't change?

Do we get mad because "it always gets me wet when it f*cking rains!"

Oh. Poor you. Go buy an umbrella.

"But the weather won't appreciate that I've bought the umbrella! I want to be respected for spending the money to use that umbrella!"

Do you see how nutty this sounds? So why should we expect this from someone who has no idea what it's like from our side? A woman can be as oblivious to your efforts as the weather is to you.

Let's get back to the reality here. It's NOT so easy for women in most all other areas. You may think that having men that they can have support them is a great break, but really it just obligates them to men rather than allowing them to lead.

YOU get to lead! You get to choose your path in life! You get to take on the world and chase your passion and purpose!

That beats the crap out of waiting for guys to approach you in a crowded and smokey club, right?

When you get angry and lash out, it's just showing poor emotional control. You need to get back to understanding your own personal power and strengths. You're in a pit of desperate desire for affirmation outside yourself. That's why you can't be happy. You've given control of your happiness over to someone else to either affirm or destroy.

How crazy is that?

alpha man | how to talk to women | approach women | dating advice for men

Sunday, May 13, 2007

Should you break up with her or not?

First of all, I have to say that your Dating Black Book is amazing! Its all so true, but never so well expressed and clarified! Its probably the best source of information around, not just for dating, but getting your priorities right, and I think that every guy should at the very least buy a copy. You see the funny thing is, that my friends actually laugh at me for buying it... the suckers!

Anyway, I'm in an interesting situation right now, which I think you might be able to help me in: the break up. Here's my situation:

Ok, i've been going out with this girl for about nine months, now. The truth is that I'm regretting letting it go on for so long. I really feel a need to break up, and its been building up for sometime now. However, I really want to let her down in the nicest possible way, without ruining her life. The reason I say 'ruining her life', is simply because at the moment we're both have about 1 month until our A-level exams (yes I live in England by the way) and I worry that the emotional trauma of breaking up from such a long relationship ... may have an effect on her results. This I really would not want to be responsible for!

However, I'm frankly bored, and feel she is becoming too needy, trying to restrict what I do, and who I see, and this, like everyone else, I don't like. Do you think I should leave till after the exams, and stay tolerant for [a few] more months, or break up as soon as possible? As you can see, I'm finding it very difficult to decide.

Thanks again

AC in the UK

Well, first of all, congrats on taking a step towards your own self-development. You're right for laughing at the friends who would laugh at you.

Remember what I always say: "
The people who would discourage you from your dreams are the ones who have already given up on their own."

First of all, I do not suggest you traumatize this girl during your finals. But on the other hand, I'd be willing to bet she's a lot more resilient and tough than you imagine. You may think you're going to ruin her horribly, but you'd be amazed how quickly women rebound from heartbreak and keep on keeping on.

I can't tell you when precisely to do this, but if it's only another month, you should use the time to both your advantage to figure out how you might spot her kind of personality in the future, and how you can help her to understand her own behavior, etc. You can always make this time work for you. (Just be careful of sticking around just because you've got nothing better. That's the Loserboy path.)

Boredom is one thing -
potential abuse or psychotic behavior is another situation completely. If there's ever any question of her mental state or potential to harm you, you leave right away. No hesitation.

But mildly passive-aggressive behavior is pretty harmless in my book.

Just follow the break-up rules I detail in the
Dating Black Book and you'll have no problems moving along. You don't need to burn bridges, either.

alpha man | how to talk to women | approach women | dating advice for men

Saturday, May 12, 2007

How to change your life ... or change the world.

I got this email from a student of mine, and I wanted to share it with you in the hopes that it will somehow help all of you to understand that this path we're on is so much more than just "pickup" or "seduction." I think few guys realize just how much of a lifelong journey it is, but also that it can transform you in ways that you had no idea at the start.

Read his progress report...

Hey Carlos,

I'm still heavily into training in martial arts. It's a lifestyle for me. But much other deeper things for me as well that come with incredible unexplainable benefits! (Remember this began by your advice in email, and your
Alpha Man Program.) Anyways you know I've always had more emotional baggage, but also many more unbelievable trials than most men FYI... I now tell myself "what past?... Switch and think about my goals, feeling the confidence surge once again.

You also in the book urged me to get in shape, so I did. "Hell think about what Navy SEALS go through," you said, and I took my intensity that I had in my years in the Navy actually aspiring to be a SEAL and now well, I'm using the
Alpha Body Language that you teach with my new physique, confidence, and determination in ways that commands attention. And when their eyes lock on mine I always give them a humble look and smile, even if a slight one as I walk past them in a dominant manner. I am chatting up more and more strangers. People are starting to greet me when we used to have an uncomfortable silence. I am close to needing your new communication program with all of this chatting.
But what it is like now from doing the Alpha exercises is I feel angry inside, but it is no longer directed at others. Before I used to have manson-lamps instantly when I came near others. I was scared of violence. I had been a victim in my ghetto neighborhood of many assaults as a child...having a beta stepfather who actually was physically, and verbally abusive, sat at home watching tv all day while my mom worked at a job she probably hated. In fact I know she did. But without going to deep, I was a defeated man inside. I knew how to fight and was close to violence/on edge. Guys backed off of my eye glares, and my response to women's looks was too intense. It really scared them off and made them uncomfortable.

Now I train myself to respond to people as above. My self-esteem is really rising as I do the Alpha Exercises. I'm finishing the Alpha program for what seems like the umpteenth time, but I need IMMERSION. Constantly. Always something to relearn. And refine.
I am a R.E.A.L. Man now. I even pause, think, and THEN speak now. I observe my social effect on others. They like having me around at work. Wanting me on their team, talking to me to the point I have to cut them off, and vice versa, but I'm not practicing ending at the right time, before I wear out my welcome. :) Again, because you began my path as a warrior in the martial arts (I study several at a time, and always will. Once the first set is done, I begin the next.)

I even plan on going out tonight. Cinco De Mayo! Oh man I'm already cool without any alcohol. When I have a couple drinks tonight I am going to be going. I know I can defend myself now, I am humble, I trust in the goodness of others again by taking the risk. They are 98% of the time great.

Inside I feel the anger that I saw my previous dream gals, and passed them up because I was a pure wuss. You put me on a path of growth through your advice, programs, and e-books. I am a serious student of yours... Using everything, I said NO MORE to my baggage. Dumped off shyness. I do think of those women I let pass me by before, and I just work out like crazy and constantly improve myself. I even have goals now. And I march toward them daily.
What I am trying to say is you have changed my life, allowing me to leave behind problems once and for all and begin to enjoy life, love everyone, befriend them, yet set the interaction boundries.


Co-worker (That I am helping cause I did the other areas work already): "Take that lot off."
Me: "I will if you say please."
Co-Worker: "Please."
Me: "Thanks" (I reward others in different ways for doing the things I want)

I know my value and is GREAT. I know what my weaknesses are and am humbled by them, but know no one is any better than me, for they TOO have many weaknesses. I accept them in myself and others. I however focus on the VALUE I have while I correct the weaknesses constantly.

Thank you Carlos. I have written enough. Time for me to stop typing this, and go enjoy life. You do a great work for us men. Keep it up. You are changing lives.

- Mario

(P.S. And it's not just about women, over even sex. Hell I really don't even want it until I find a woman worth staying with and will say no even if she's not proven herself to be what I am looking for in a woman. I've even got women at work attracted to me, but I am careful with that. You rock, I'm out!)


That's what I'm talking about, brother...

When you feel the power of how you can turn your life around with a fundamental shift in your beliefs and your focus, you'll discover all the things that are possible.

Most of us run around with a very limited view of our scope of impact on this world. It's all collapsed down to the space our bodies take up, but no more than that.

Move up to the next level of thinking. Take your world and your experience to the next level, where you realize that a single person can make all the difference in the world.

alpha man | how to talk to women | approach women | dating advice for men

Friday, May 11, 2007

Can you ever stop self-improvment?

As you know, I've been working vigoriously on my inner game the past 2 years and I actually started going out the begining of 07 but decided to stop because I felt I wanted to work on myself still some more... I have achieved soo fuckin' much man, you dont know. I have tons more autonomy right now (remember when I told you I was working on my independence) and feel terrific overall. I have developed the inner power to work on my thinking and I'm much more in touch with myself now.

Basically, I feel pretty good but there is always more you could work on in terms of your thinking and emotions. I mean when and how do you know when to stop? I definitely feel like I could go on forever and I know that my thinking will never be perfect, but maybe you could give me some advice that could help me out.

For instance, when did you decide to stop working on yourself in terms of your thoughts and perceptions and just decide to start working on the physical things in your life (like working out, going out and building your social circle, etc etc)? Your advice would be greatly appreciated, thanks man.


You know, that's a good question, and the answer lies in how we handle the thought process behind it.

First of all, congratulations on getting your life together. Not many guys will take the steps forward to improve their circumstances. They'll wallow in excuses (based in ego) and generally avoid improvement because of their fear of losing their identity, or that by working on themselves that they're somehow inadequate now.

You see, life is not black and white. And even though we as guys would love to just take on ourselves as a project and just complete it so we can move on to other things, it doesn't work that way.

This will either make you very excited or very scared, but:

You will be working on self-improvement your whole life.

That's not a bad thing!

What's important is that you're on the path.

I know it's a tired cliche, but it's not the destination. People are always hoping to finally "arrive" at some better place in their lives, and they end up missing out on the

Yes, you could go on forever, so that's why you have to learn how to appreciate the moment you're in. Life is nothing more than a collection of present moments that you either paid attention to and savored, or missed because you were too busy trying to get to the next one.

The fact is that I have not stopped working on my thoughts and perceptions. I still work on it every day. You ask this question of when to stop one thing and do another as if working on your inner self can't be done at the same time as your outer self.

Welcome to
your world! A do-it yourself project with no end date.

alpha man | how to talk to women | approach women | dating advice for men

Wednesday, May 09, 2007

Girls who flake at the last minute...

I got flaked on yesterday one hour and thirty mintues before a date by her brother calling me up on her cell phone and telling me her mom took her "out of town" and she was really sorry she couldn't make it.

The whole thing seemed fishy to me...

So, I did what I thought was the alpha male thing and sent her this email:


I can honestly say that never happened to me before now. What a way to drop a hint.

But if for some crazy reason that was serious i'd like to know what day next week you'd like to try for it again.

Otherwise I just don't have any room in my life for someone treats me so badly like you just did.

You could of at least told me that yourself... and you could of told me a lot sooner and before I was almost out my door...

Whatever happened to just using the word "no"? :-P

I figure the more I stand my ground the less of a chance she'll flake on me in the future. I want to know if you'd handle this situation any differently...



Well, you might think that she won't flake on you in the future, and you're partially right. She won't flake on you because
she very likely won't want to see you again.

You see, any woman that feels that she's going to have to face a negative opinion of herself or negative experience when she deals with you will simply

Think about it - do you make it a point to hang around people that make you feel uncomfortable? Nope.

That's why
demanding respect like this rarely works. Hey, if you need to do this to muster up a little SELF-respect, go for it. But don't think it's going to have the result of making a woman more attracted to you just because you 'put her in her place.'

1. Never rely on a woman to follow through if she's never been out with you before. Double up. Smart guys don't gamble on unproven stocks.

2. The excuse was lame. If it was true, she should have called you.

3. Never expect a woman to "say no." She will do whatever makes her feel the best about not having to go out with you if she doesn't want to go out with you. For her, that's flake.

4. Ignore the incident and get on with your life. When you react to flakes, you're telling the world that you don't have much social exposure and experience (
EVERYONE gets flaked on, my friend.) And you're also saying that you take things like this WAY too seriously, probably because you have a lack of options in your life.

alpha man | how to talk to women | approach women | dating advice for men

Monday, May 07, 2007

Are you a Girly man? Or a MANLY man?

I found this article that I think you guys would enjoy:

Girly Girls and Girly Boys: The Ancestral Roots of Man-Think versus Fem-Think
June 22, 2004

by Kent Bailey

California Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger's recent comments about "girly men" have caused a virtual epidemic of hissy fits among liberals, Democrats, and feminists. Gay and lesbian advocates are absolutely beside themselves, and the leftist media is aghast that Arnold's audience lustily applauded his colorful rhetoric and that most of America applauded him as well. Many see his refusal to apologize for such a mighty breach of PC etiquette to be a modern profile in courage. In fact, a large-sample poll by MSNBC revealed that Americans supported his non-apology by a margin of 3-to-1.

Most will see this humorous non-event as a mere blip in the ongoing drama of American politics, but I infer a much deeper meaning. Schwarzenegger's comments implicitly touches upon one of the grand questions of the new millennium- that is, what have been the effects of girlish thinking, or fem-think, on American culture and even Western society over the past fifty years? We all agree that the past three generations or so has been the era of the female, and perhaps now is the time to ponder the assets and liabilities that come with distaff incursions into all areas of American life.

My approach is to first look back into the primeval mist of the evolutionary process that gave rise to the quite different but complementary entities of human maleness and femaleness. Sex differences were already heavily shaped and extensive by the time of mammals and primates, but the finishing touches for human beings came during the one to two million years our ancestors spent as hunters and gatherers.

In my 1987 book on Human Paleopsychology, I emphasized the ancient psychology of the hunter male who was naturally inclined toward male bonding, problem solving in male groups, intense competition with other males (especially regarding females), intense and often violent competition with male strangers from other bands and tribes, exceptional lust for attractive females, extreme possessiveness regarding "his" females, and a weak capacity for parenting and domestication.

This is not a particularly pretty picture overall, but primeval man was a good leader and provider for the group, an inventor of complex hunting and food-processing technology (e. g., stone tools), and the preponderance of evidence suggests that he was the inventor and maintainer of culture in the broadest sense. He was also the definer and enforcer of moral principles, which centered on behaving appropriately within his particular "cultural" group. The thinking processes associated with these various activities we might call man-think.

The gatherer female led a rather restricted life compared to the leisurely off-time of the adult male between hunts and the adventurous, dangerous, and group-focused experience of the hunter in the field. Not only was she restricted by the reproductive demands of menstruation, pregnancy, child-bearing, and child-rearing, but the role of the gatherer was repetitive, geographically delimited, and less cognitively challenging than the technological demands of hunting. Nevertheless, the gatherer probably contributed quantitatively more to the tribe's food provision and social stability than the mercurial hunter who might return after weeks with little more than a smidgen of protein.

Now, if the experience of hunting helped to condition the qualities of man-think, then what were the analogous qualities of fem-think associated with the process of gathering? First, females were highly dependent on male support, protection, protein provision, and political leadership. Historically, there are very few instances where females have exerted political leadership over males- in either pre-modern or modern social groupings- except where males themselves imbue "goddesses" with supernatural powers (e. g., the Stone Ages Venus's.) Even, then, however, there is little to suggest that women ruled over men in everyday political affairs in the natural world.

Second, the gathering female rarely- if ever- competed against males, but she competed vigorously against other females for the best males, the best provisions, and status within the group. In this competition, the tongue was the weapon used to gather support to one's side, to denigrate, peripheralize, and demoralize the opposing side, and, in general, control one's destiny. In the immediate and socially intense gathering environment, we might assume that gossip literally filled the air.

Third, the experience of pregnancy and motherhood greatly augmented the dependency of females on the hunting males, on other females in the group, and on tribal resources in general. The Paleolithic mother was exquisitely dependent on others, but she was bringing new life to the group. Ancestrally, the role of motherhood was a bitter sweet syndrome involving the inconveniences of pregnancy, the pain of childbirth, and the demands of child-rearing balanced against the cosmic social significance of being the life giver.

Fourth and most important was the process of forming reproductive pair bonds, mateships, or "marriages" in ancestral hunting and gathering environments. In most primate species, males leave their home group in search of mates and then establish residence within the "bride's" family. In humans and chimpanzees, however, it is the female who must leave the safe home environment and then integrate herself into the "groom's" often strange and threatening family and tribal configuration.

I suggest that this phenomenon goes to the very heart of female psychology and the dynamics of fem-think. Upon entering a new, strange, and possibly dangerous new social environment, the female gave up her old culture for a new one and her survival was predicated upon doing so quickly and skillfully. Under duress, she was required to give up her family culture partially or completely, and to essentially "become one of them." We see that the Stockholm syndrome, cultural relativism, and "going with the cultural flow" have ancient roots indeed on the distaff side. The survival credo of fem-think throughout history has been, "Tell me what to do and I will do it if you promise to be nice."

In the world of fem-think, one does not develop, defend, or maintain a pre-existing culture, but one, instead one relies upon the three "A's" of survival in a strange camp- appeasement, adjustment, and adaptation. I am not aware of women, as a group, ever going to war to repel invaders, to protect the integrity of a pre-existing culture, or over matters of moral or theological abstraction. All of that is men's work premised upon the principles of man-think.

I suggest that a small cadre of the intellectual left intuitively understood this over fifty years ago and they brilliantly conspired to co-opt the feminist movement and its girly girls and girly boys into the war against men, man-think, religion, and the Western way of life. As in ancestral times, females readily integrated themselves into this new "culture" and embraced it as their own. Feminized males jumped on the band wagon as well. There was never a thought of defending four thousand years of Judaic-Christian history or the grand traditions of Western civilization. In my view the results have been devastating culturally, and a mighty victory for the cultural left.

alpha man | how to talk to women | approach women | dating advice for men

Sunday, May 06, 2007

Do you LOOK like a nice guy?

I have the Dating Black Book and Alpha Man [programs]...

Everything is good. I have learned so much from your work. Thank you... I have really changed. I am light years from where I was a few months ago. Lots of confidence. Lots of numbers. As many dates as I can handle. It has been terrific...

I am 40 and I have been dating alot of girls that are younger than me. I almost think I am flying in a "No fly zone". These girls are all 33 to 38. I think they all want to get married. I am recently divorced so I am not getting remarried any time soon. I don't tell them that.

I do the teasing which I have mastered with your help. All the Alpha Man stuff. I think my problem is my looks. I have a babyface so I look alot younger than I am. I have dirty blond hair. I have 2 kids.I look like marrying material. I am tall 6'6". I look like a Dad, Husband. I just read "The Rules", and I know I am in battle with them. They are following these things to a T.

I need your help. Although, I look like a nice sweet man, I need to come across as BAD ASS. My looks do not support this. I need more meanness. Trust me I am pushing these girls around and not being a wimpy 'nice guy".

What do I do? Am I in the wrong age group? Maybe I should just be focused on Divorcees.

If I am not clear, please feel free to ask me some questions.

Master, What do I do?


The first thing I'd do is to lose the attitude of "in a battle with them." You're not. You're just falling victim to assuming that a particular author's take on men and women is the common or prevalent one. In fact, by viewing yourself as being "in battle" you lose a lot of the frame you need to attract women, because you feel like an adversary, not someone they can feel safe with.

Step #1: Get rid of the adversarial approach.

Now, as for looks...

Step #2: Get a little 'Bad' in your image.
There is a way to look baby-face-bad-ass. I was talking about this with some guys in Vegas this weekend, as a matter of fact.

The key is to leverage your image in such a way that you maximize your assets, but provide something to contradict this baby-face. What you'll end up with is something immensely mysterious and alluring to women.

I recommend something that offsets your younger looks. Try growing in 2 days worth of beard. I regularly skip a day or two of shaving (mostly because I use an electric, and that tears up your face) and it gives you a more "rugged" look.

Go out and get some clothes that you would never have worn before. Something tough.

Then wear it and LIVE it.

Too many guys suffer with their current image, solely because they never dared to see themselves in any other way. You need to break out of this self-imposed comfort bubble and become a fully realized man.

You aren't your clothes, or your car, or your job.

Step #3: Start thinking and talking more like a bad-ass.

Then start to examine your attitude and see where you're still acting like this image you have of yourself. It sounds to me like you're really still identifying with your external appearance and it's undermining your efforts to be this tough guy.

Drop the "push around" routine and just come from a core of bad-ass. Try imagining yourself having gone through a comic book nightmare and you ended up looking like Marvin from "Sin City" (Mickey Roarke.)

How would you act then?

How would you behave if you couldn't talk?

Your persona is whatever you want to be in the moment.

YOU choose.

alpha man | how to talk to women | approach women | dating advice for men

Saturday, May 05, 2007

He gets it! He GETS it!


A woman is a woman. After using a lot of the techniques [in the
Secrets of the Alpha Man] I'm finding a lot of women responding the same way. They're pretty much helpless against it. I find myself useing these techniques on married women right in front of their husbands sometimes and I wonder if these men even have a clue to what is going on.

I also view celebrities different now as well. I look at them and think to my self, if I was in their pressence; they are no different then the women I meet and seduce in my town. They're still just women and have the same responses as the rest of them.

This is an unbelieveable power. If I just knew how to get a ticket to one of Heffner's party's.

I say to anyone else out there studying this material, to take it slow. Stay dedicated to this stuff but realize that after spending a couple years on this stuff that you'll be amazed at the changes in your life.

YES! You get it my man.

This is when the switch in your head flips and you see the social reality that's out there. The matrix is clear. You see the code.

All that goofy metaphorical crap.

It IS an unbelievable power, but so few guys will be able to really understand it because of their own self-limiting beliefs.

"I'm not good looking..."

"I'm too old..."

"I just don't understand women..."

Or the ones that seem like healthy self-esteem but are really just excuses parading under their ego:

"I don't need help with women! I'm doing fine!"

"What? You need a program to get women... heh! Let ME tell you about women..." (as you realize this guy has been sleeping with women that you find completely unacceptable.)

"You either know this stuff or you don't. You can't learn it!"

Lame. Lame

Learn the Secrets.

Earn the power over your own life. It's not just about women... That's what separates Carlos Xuma from the pack of guys that just fill you up with techniques you think sound great but you know you'll never use...

I'll show you how to make a better
YOU that will attract hot women.

Get the
Secrets of the Alpha Man.

alpha man | how to talk to women | approach women | dating advice for men

Wednesday, May 02, 2007

Here are some classic first "date" mistakes - and how to fix them...

I am a happy customer of your products, and I have already purchased [several] products the last few year...

What did your products gave me ? Quite simple : When I first bought your Seduction Method, I was a shy guy , with no previous success with women. 6 months after buying your books, I have kissed my first woman (at 25 !!) and I have (happily) lost my virginity (it is never too late !). In the following years, I have had some very nice successes.Those are the facts. Less tangible (but real for me) is the target of the Alpha Man you have given me. It is still a project in work for me, and I make some progress. It is a slow process, since I have to overcome a 25 year bad "conditioning" (sorry, "education").But I am patient.
Before asking you the questions, I have to describe a bit how I see myself : before turning 25, I was what must be called a "sissy guy" : afraid of everything, never speak up, shy, "too nice" with women,... At 23 began a 2 years of unemployement (due mainly to a reserved personality), I have strongly reacted, and changed the way I was seeing myself and the world radically, nearly overnight - the trigger was a small self-help book. I was more optimistic, the fears disappeared, I was willing to do mistakes in order to progress...

Results : 3 months later I was moving to Germany, to my newly found job. Now, this personality change did not last more than a few months : less than one year later, I was back to a lesser version of myself, still better than before, but just a part of what I could be. This "burst" of confidence came a few more times, each time with real results, but never lasted more than 2-3 months. I call now these moments "
Alpha Moments" (term inspired from your books) since they seem to fit your description of the Alpha Man.
I just come back from a first date with one of the girls met on Thursday (we are on Sunday), and I had a mild result : a kiss, but not really a passionate kiss. I have the feeling that this woman is afraid of something - maybe she was burned in a previous relationship, or maybe I have made a big mistake. In addition to that, the date did not run as expected, since I have made several mistakes :

- the place I wanted to take her to was closed, and I did not have a back-up plan. Bad planning from my side

- I have improvised and found a nice bar in the neighbourhood. But it was a "bar date", followed by a "restaurant date", therefore not as funny as it could be.

- Conversation was not optimal: we have spoken about "classic" things, such as family, work,... We have also spoken about her problems (well, she spoke and I listened). Conversation eventually died out.

- the date was too long : 4 hours - and I have paid for everything, including a meal. She has really not a lot of money, so it was OK from my side, but I cannot help feeling a bit used.

Despite all my mistakes, I was partly sucessful with the first kiss - it just lacked passion, and I am annoyed by that.

So my question is : is there a way to salvage the situation, or is it a lost cause ?

I thank you in advance for the time you will be willing to spend on my letter.
With best regards,


Wow, you guys know how to fill up an email. I had to cut out a few of this reader's questions because it was just too long. (Keep it short, guys. No one wants to read a manifesto.)

Great job on improving your attitude and lifestyle with my materials. You're understanding some of the core attitude and inner game elements. Now it seems that you probably need to do a bit of reviewing, though, so we can get your techniques for handling women on track.

Yes, there are quite a few errors made here, but nothing you couldn't have corrected along the way.

Let's review it....

1) Yes, you realized your error in not having a backup location in case of a change in plans. An Alpha Man has several backups to ensure that he looks competent and intelligent. Line up at least 3 or 4 restaurants, and KNOW THEIR SCHEDULE. Easily fixed.

2) Improvisation is the essential skill of the Alpha Man. There's nothing wrong with a "bar date" followed by a restaurant date. In fact, you should always start this way. I do. That way if the woman is not sufficiently entertaining and interesting, I can end it there with no further obligation. I only take a woman to dinner who has demonstrated that she is interesting and fun to be with.

Look, guys, you need to be screening women
OUT, not desperately trying to get her into bed. I've turned down more women than I've approved of. This is a critical attitude difference between the average guy and the Alpha Man.

3) The conversation is up to YOU.

YOU decide what you want to talk about, and you ask questions related to that. (I think you need my
Alpha Conversation & Persuasion more than you think!)

Conversation doesn't "die out." You just lose your mojo and let it die out. A conversation is like a fire. You control it with how much kindling you use. When it starts to die, you stoke it and add more wood. SHE is the fireplace, and you are the guy helping things along.

Don't talk about her problems! Oy! That's the worst thing to focus on. I think it probably went negative because you let that thread of conversation keep going. I did this once in my past, letting a woman ramble on and on about how her life wasn't going so well, instead of showing her just how f*ing fantastic it would be with ME in it.

See the difference?

4) 4 Hours? Holy crap. The first time you meet a woman, I want you to remember one thing:

It's human nature to not want something that we're overwhelmed with, and you overwhelmed her.

You say you feel used? Uh, that's because you
WERE used. You just got suckered on the path that millions of guys do every day - paying for the "date."

Why would you want to bet a wad of money on a woman that has not demonstrated herself to be an asset to you and your life? Stop setting up "dates" and start scheduling meet-ups with women that give you a chance to find out about each other, not impress her with your ability to spend money.

Don't get me wrong - when I've got a woman in my life that I love and appreciate, I will have no problem paying for things for her. But I'm not going to do that until she's already ponied up a little effort of her own to impress me.

Now, the kiss was simply her way of saying, "I'll do this and not have to see this guy ever again if I want to." Maybe it sounds mercenary, but many women have no problem dealing with the after-date-kiss as their repayment for your generosity. He paid for dinner; she pays with a kiss. And she doesn't have to deal with the awkward task of telling you that you just didn't light her fire.

Live and learn!

Move on, and do the next one right. You've just learned several valuable lessons that you can now correct and improve with the next women you meet. Don't waste this learning!

Remember the saying: "Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me!"

And if you'd like to learn how to
keep conversation going, know exactly what to talk about, and even how to revive a failing conversation, you need to learn Alpha Conversation & Persuasion techniques. Find out more HERE...

alpha man | how to talk to women | approach women | dating advice for men

Tuesday, May 01, 2007

This is sick, but very real.

The amazing thing I found about this story was that 80% of the customers are women.


Couple busters' thrive in Japan

Fri, 02 May 2003
After months of loneliness and emotional distress, 28-year-old Tomoko decided to get even with the man who dumped her.

She went to private detective Takashi Kobayashi to ask him to break up the relationship between her ex-boyfriend and his new, younger girlfriend.

Following her request, Kobayashi, also known as a "couple buster" started a breakup operation by setting a trap for the new girlfriend.

"We started gathering information about the girlfriend including her workplace, hobby and the friends she hung out with... And we learned that she went to a kickboxing gym sometimes after work and we decided to send a male operative to the gym," the 30-year-old bespectacled detective said.

The male operative in his 20s approached her there to start "communications" and one month later they started going out.

"She is cheating on her boyfriend. What we are planning for the next step is to create a situation where the boyfriend will bump into her and our operative. The breakup of his relationship is just a matter of time," the detective said.

The operation has so far cost Tomoko (not her real name) one million yen ($8 300).

On average, Kobayashi said breaking up a couple takes a few months and costs around two million yen, including contract fees, and transportation and accommodation expenses.

"With that price, you can buy a nice Japanese car," Kobayashi chuckled, adding that the contract does not guarantee a breakup.

"We had a case in which a single woman in her early 30s had asked us to break up the marriage of her lover and his wife. We sent several male operatives to the wife but nothing worked. Eventually, the client broke up with the man and gave up the operation," he said.

Kobayashi said 80 percent of his clients are women. He receives around 15 emails and 30 calls a day.

He decided to expand his regular private eye work into the couple-busting business after seeing a 2001 TV drama series on the profession.

However, veteran detective Kiyoshi Hiwatashi from Japan Private Service said he had launched his breakup business years before the TV-induced boom.

For Hiwatashi, the idea came from the casual remarks of wives who had asked him to investigate their husbands' extramarital affairs.

"As a detective, I investigated many cases involving (husbands') infidelity. But when I presented evidence to my clients, they told me they did not need it. I was confused," he said.

Instead, many wives asked Hiwatashi if he knew anyone who could go one step further and end the relationship between their husbands and mistresses.

"They told me they would have been really glad if I had done that. So I started to," he said.

The success ratio of Hiwatashi's breakup business ranks top in the industry at more than 90 percent. He fielded 1 816 breakup requests in 2002 from 630 in 1999.

But Hiwatashi stressed his firm does not take clients like Tomoko who want to destroy a relationship out of revenge.

"We only handle cases with legitimate reasons" such as marital infidelity and domestic violence, he said, adding the firm would normally charge a client 2.4 million yen for a three-month operation.

The firm employs more than 440 detectives and operatives who specialize in couple-busting work, including 25-year-old Mariko.

"A recent client of mine was a single woman who wanted to break up with her jealous boyfriend. She tried to end it many times but he didn't go," said Mariko (not her real name).

So Mariko approached the boyfriend and lured him into dates at fancy bars and restaurants.

"Creating the first encounter with a target is an easy part. You can do that by exchanging email addresses at a bar or giving him a letter asking to meet for a coffee," she said, brushing her shoulder-length silky black hair.

Another surefire tactic Mariko used was to "lose" her mobile phone deliberately and ask her target to ring it to help her find it. In that way, Mariko got his phone number, which was automatically recorded in her mobile phone, and made sure he got hers.

Mariko then contrived a situation where she and the client confronted the boyfriend together to accuse him of "infidelity."

"The act was all pre-meditated between me and my client. Only the boyfriend was totally out of the loop," she said. Mariko also repeatedly told him she would never sleep with him until he broke up with the girlfriend.

When the man finally left the client for Mariko, she also stopped seeing him because her job was over.

"I disappeared as far as he was concerned. There was no way for him to track me down because everything he knew about me was a complete fiction," she said, adding she threw away the mobile phone she used on that job.

Mariko said her work had taught her that men are fragile creatures in constant need of women's caring and warmth.

"Men are lonely and always seeking their ideal women who are deeply caring and loving. When I act the ideal woman at work, most men are falling for me and telling me that I am their angel and goddess," the agent said.

And Kobayashi said his work had shown him an unpleasant side of the female psyche.

"The depth of female jealousy is so deep that it sometimes makes me depressed. Women are like snakes because of their manic attachment to their men," he said.


alpha man | how to talk to women | approach women | dating advice for men