Wednesday, May 23, 2007

Field Report - and understanding what you're doing right and wrong...

Hi Carlos,Love your stuff. For an older dog like me, with more years behind me (36) of clueless bad habits than probably a lot of your clients, it's been a longer trek to get onto the right road, yet things are happening now. However, a couple of things.First, I don't really seem to be satisfied.

Once you get past the "must have a woman" attitude, and take on board what you spell out, you realise there are so many women out there you shouldn't want to know. And as you pointed out in one of your recent e-mailers, one night stands aren't really that satisfying. So how do you square the circle between the principle you espouse, namely the truism that education + action = results, with that old saying, "It'll happen when you least expect it" - which, to be fair, too seems to be one of life's truths?Second, I love your recent response to the McDonalds/Milano's manager problem. Funnily enough, this happened to me only yesterday.

I got off the tube at Bond Street, one of London's most expensive shopping streets, and this lovely girl with quite stunning hair just happens to walk before me, out of the station. Being on a downer recently, and simply needing the sport, I watched her enter a department store and decided to follow and watch her. She went to all the make-up booths, and while asking about cosmetics it was obvious she was just cheekily trying on all her favourite make-up, getting ready for a Friday evening on the tiles.

A-ha, I thought, there's my cue-in. She then goes to check out some clothes. I approach. And very coolly simply say, "Hello, you caught my eye back at the tube station and I couldn't resist following you in here." I gestered that I wasn't a weirdo, which she got - then I went for it. "Can I ask a question: is it normal for girls to enter department stores and try on the make-up?" She cracked up laughing. I then asked if I could take her for a drink? She showed me a hand with no ring (I only really thought about it afterwards), and said she had a boyfriend. "What a shame." I hung around for a few moments more, and with a big amile walked away.She sincerely wished me a good weekend.

Now, I know where I went right. Just doing it, and being cool as a cucumber. And I know where I went wrong: i) not teasing her a little longer before asking her out; ii) not calling her on the nothing being on her finger; and iii) not giving her my number. On the last point, my thinking is, for another day, because it may be too much for a girl to be put in the situation I put this one in (even though deep-down she has to be impressed), I should give her my number, pre-empting her with these words: "Now, as I know girls never call boys, I'm perfectly happy giving you my number. Let's see."

Overall, the problem isn't the lack of balls - when you see a girl who fires you up, you just have to go for it! It's the lack of tools (not nervousness, just wherewithal) to open up the space in time and play for a little longer before going for what you want - her number. How can you teach your mind to find new resources when you're in this kind of situation, or just chatting with girls generally.
Your thoughts are welcome.

Again, you're a top man. You've made a difference out there.

All the best,Daniel

Great breakdown, Daniel. You bring out a very important point... it's the fact that instead of being excited at the opportunity to walk up and let this sexually exciting woman meet you, most guys are secretly dreading this. Mostly because they just don't have an understanding of why that situation is so terrifying for them. (It's not what you're thinking!)

The next time a woman tells you she has a boyfriend, you keep right on going. She's just making sure you know her situation before you lead her down the path she's willing to follow. And sometimes she throws that out there to keep you at a certain distance - so you won't run her over with Rico Suave pickup games on her and make a fool out of both of you.

She just wants to control the start of the interaction and feel
SAFE in it.

After all, why would a woman show you a hand with no ring on it, and
THEN tell you this story?

Because she wants to stay in control.

As for giving her your number, you only do that when she's so into you that you have to push her off you because her drool is staining the plush velvet of your new suit. A woman has to be WAY into you to call you, so don't even bother if there's a question about 1) the amount of attraction you've built, or 2) the amount of rapport and trust you've got. You're just mentally masturbating by handing her your number, not to mention setting yourself up for disappointment.

You're right that it all boils down to the guys who
WILL versus WON'T approach her. Most guys won't approach a woman, and therefore they just get the runts of the litter. The guys who pursue and actively engage their targets GET THEM.

Survival of the fittest, my brothers.

Now if you want to learn how to approach women anytime, anywhere, you need to take a look at

alpha man | how to talk to women | approach women | dating advice for men


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