Friday, April 28, 2006

It's not your fault...

Hi Carlos,

I listen to your Alpha Male CDs on my iPod regularly, and when I can I refer to the EBook. However, I'd appreciate some additional advise which you could perhaps use as a "Hot & Cold" case study some time in the future.

I've been after this girl at work. It seemed to be going very well. So well in fact that I was on the verge of asking her out for coffee/lunch/drinks date as I was certain she was waiting for to ask her. However, something seems to have happened. When she flew back to Sweden over the Easter weekend break to visit her family, I asked her to bring me back some Swedish cheese for me.

I was going to use the cheese and an excuse to take her out to lunch when she got back to the UK. However, she came back today and she's gone ice cold on me. In fact she's completely blanking me out. I don't know what I've done wrong.

Appreciate some advise. Thx - M



In Carlos' book, as long as you're doing SOMETHING and not just sitting on the sidelines, you're doing great. You're in the field, and you're using the material, which is 90% of the game.

Now, the only thing I can think of that may have busted your game is that you probably didn't act soon enough.

Remember that women are subject to 'buying temperature.' This means that you must strike while the iron is hot. When you start seeing some attraction, you must escalate immediately.

Also, remember that as an Alpha Man, you don't need an 'excuse' to ask a woman to lunch. In fact, this is already the wrong frame.

By trying to line up these things (which is not necessarily bad, just not helping your Alpha Attitude), to create this perfect 'ask her out' situation, you are telling yourself that you must have a reason to ask her out.

In fact, the only reason you need to ask a woman out is that you're in the process of improving your quality of life, and you think she might be a good addition.


Right now you're telling yourself that 1) things need to be a certain 'way' to ask her to do something with you, and 2) she is still on a pedestal (i.e., more important than you), and so you must treat her as a delicate and fragile flower to get her to be interested in you. Get rid of these frames.

Now for the nice portion of this review...

You probably didn't do a damn thing wrong. There is and always be an X-factor with women. This means that you may end up doing everything right and she still flakes, or finds some other dude to jump because he moved in fast and was there at the right time.


Just don't kick yourself too much over it.

Get over it.

And move to the next target.

The only woman that matters to you is the one that's meeting your needs by giving you fun and enjoyment in your life, or the NEXT one.

Oh, and you can still work on this one. Just don't let her attitude reflect in yours. If she's cold, you joke with her and bust her chops for not being a warm and caring woman.

And then you move on.

A woman -  IN NO WAY - presents a disruption of your mental state.

alpha man | how to talk to women | approach women | dating advice for men

Tuesday, April 25, 2006

Pickup the Doc....

Hi, Carlos,

How can I approach and number close a woman doctor?

I have been treated by this fabulous doctor in her clinic. Everytime I tried
to talk pick up lines to her, I do not know how to start, because she seems
dead serious in her work and busy, and keen to move me out her room so that
she can see the next patient. So what should I say/

T from Hong Kong


Start right there by busting her chops for being so serious.

She's going to be wrapped up in her work, so you have to break her "business like" state and turn it into something fun for her and you. Otherwise, she'll use her professional shield as a way to stay distant and uninvolved.

"Wow, you're so serious all the time. I'm beginning to worry that you're too wrapped up in your work. You ever do anything fun? Or do you just go home and read obscure magazines on funky diseases of the armpit?"

I cover this pretty thoroughly in my Approach Women Now program.

alpha man | how to talk to women | approach women | dating advice for men

Monday, April 24, 2006

The Lipstick Test

I published this a long time back, but it got lost in the archives. So, I'm putting it up here again for you guys who like to have a routine or two up your sleeve.

WARNING: When I used this on women, a significant portion were aware of this. But it doesn't have to blast your game away, just roll with it. If she's aware of it, nod knowingly and then say, "So what are you hiding? Show me your lipstick."

alpha man | how to talk to women | approach women | dating advice for men

What would you do if you had your choice of women?

Hi Carlos,
I came to you while surfing on the net for some ways to "get HER back". I bought your books (The Dating Black Book and Alpha Man) your cds (alpha and approach) and ... I ordered the advanced audio coaching... I studied and practiced, studied and practiced and... got girls, many.

In only two months I was with three, crazy time. Now I have one, sort of official, and another, just for the great sex. In that crazy time I had my ex ex again in just for a ride. I was just too excited with your tactics that I pushed it a little!!!

(I think you should tell guys to be careful [because] it's easy to exaggerate with your stuff and overdo it).

And in this crazy storm of multiple girls and sex I thought it might be a good idea to have HER in (HER is the one that send me browsing the net to get her back and made me meet you). I called her just to put her between the others... in the right perspective let's say, and try out your tactics with HER as well. 

Well we met and.... straight to bed.... (and she didn't even want to see me a few months back because of what I had done to her!).  Carlos, I had and still have a strong passion for her and love her and wanted to marry her. I left her because she's filipino (I'm Italian), and her uncle was watching close our relationship in a menacing way (if I hurt her I hurt you!) and my parents freaked out because her mum was my mum's helper.

I left her out of FEAR, and of the the serious commitment I was assuming while dating her... She was teared to bits, and then, when she stopped crying after weeks, I freaked out, literally... I did everything I could to ger her back, but in the wussy way, until I found you and started being ALPHA again.

That's why I was in the single arena again and looking for gals.... I had a lot of girls before, I got girls, and my game had a quantum leap since I met you and read your stuff. It was just the wussy parenthesis when I wanted to make it up and have her back, because I felt my decision to leave her was dictated by FEAR of what might be....

Now I want to leave one of the girls I am dating because she's a bit old for me, she's 39 I am 34 (should have stopped before but she was extra cute and adoring). 

Carlos. I would just like to get HER off my mind. What should I do? get back in the relationship and see how it works out, no fear? Maybe we marry and that's it.

Or get back in the dating scene to find one that really can replace her? Hold on to this last one, adoring as she is for some more time? She's not asking anything and I am starting to develop feelings for her. But I definitely don't want to marry her, especially for the age issue and her background, which, ironically, is the same as the filipino girl, only she's italian! Now it's 4 months we're together.

God bless you



WOW, man. I guess my books and audio should come with a warning that "Using these products will give you a crazy and successful love life."

You've got what I'd declare a GOOD case of one-itis. That's where you're hung up on one woman for all the right reasons.

Most guys are caught up in one woman because of their scarcity mindset, but there's another mindset you have to watch out for. It's called the "maximizer" mindset. While it's not always negative, it's also not always positive, too.

A maximizer is the person who shops for the ABSOLUTE best deal on something, and is constantly second-guessing their decisions. They spend more time going after the best decision they can, rather than one that's good enough.

When men do this with women, we learn that the only good relationship is the NEXT one. We always think there's something better around the corner.

However, if you 'definitely don't want to marry' her, and you said that twice, then I suggest you move on. IF that's what you're looking for.

There's also nothing wrong with just having a relationship with someone, as long as they understand where you're coming from.

The point is that you now have that choice.

Just remember my saying: Don't bother going down old roads; they still lead to the same place they did before.

Also, if you want to get her off your mind, go find a new woman with whatever qualities you're looking for. Don't think that you're going to make things easier by falling back into a relationship to relieve your aching heart.

Work through it.

alpha man | how to talk to women | approach women | dating advice for men

Saturday, April 22, 2006

Long Distance Agony

Dear Carlos, I met a very cute girl online from Peru and we e -mailed each other but we have to use a translator to understand each other. I was planning on making the trip to see her but thought "how can this work when we would have such a difficult time relating b/c of languages differences.

"I am scared on failure and don't want to suffer a bad experience b/c of that. We do talk on the phone and used the web-cam
but the language difference and an age difference of 21 years. She seems very sincere .... She would take a step back and learn some language first before making a trip. Wanted to know what you thought.

Thanks, M



My gut feeling is that this girl is looking for a ticket to ride over to the U.S. of A.

And right now, fear of loss (which is fear of failure) is not a frame you should have when entertaining a situation like this.

You have a lot of strikes against you...

1) You're thousands of miles away. Intimacy and relationships are not built over this kind of distance. I don't care what anyone else says.

2) Your age difference is HUGE. Do you want a woman for the weekend or a lifetime? Well, you better have more in common with her than your internet connection.

3) You're not even speaking the same language. Literally. You can't form an intimate bond without having something in common. And right now you might as well be from different planets.

Of COURSE she seems sincere. She's looking to upgrade her status from Peru to the land of Milk & Honey. She'll give you an Oscar winning performance. I'm not saying she's lying or may not be into you, but ask yourself what's wrong with the guys in her neighborhood?

If you're interested in this woman, have her take a trip to come see you. She can arrange for the travel, you will provide her with food and a place to stay. (Could be a hotel, too.)

If she digs you, she'll come see YOU.

And I really think you need to read my Dating Black Book. I address this specific situation and explain why you have to be careful with long distance relationships.

alpha man | how to talk to women | approach women | dating advice for men

Friday, April 21, 2006

It's coming...

Remember... long after all the 'techniques' and 'lines' have been exposed out there, one thing will endure - your REAL inner game. No one can take this away from you, if you're a REAL Alpha Man.

Watch for the DVDs on creating a lifetime of success ... coming soon right here.

- Carlos Xuma

R = Relaxed & Resourceful

E = Effective & Energized

A = Authentic & Alpha

L = Lifestyle & Lasting

alpha man | how to talk to women | approach women | dating advice for men

DVD Details

For those of you who are eagerly anticipating the DVD set that is currently in production (and there are a lot of you as evidenced by the emails I've been getting lately....)

Here's the skinny:

4 DVDs covering:

- Body language (visually demonstrated)

- Kino (visually demonstrated)

- Exercises (a lot of them)

- Theory

- Approaching and Openers

- Fashion tips

- Alpha lifestyle tips

- Conversation tips


The set will contain mostly footage from the last Alpha Man Seminar, along with some special footage just for this set. I haven't completely finished the editing process, but it's getting VERY close.

Watch the skies! It's coming!

PS:  And to those ladies who wonder if the posts on this blog are real -- they most definitely are... And you know who you are... Now stop hijacking my REM sleep!

alpha man | how to talk to women | approach women | dating advice for men

Wednesday, April 19, 2006

Field Report From A Student... How to Approach

Here's a little field report from a student who is using all the great stuff from my Approach program. Read a little about his success:

"Hey Carlos!  
I wanted to give you a small update on my progress along with attitude adjustments from studying your material. By the way, thanks for the teleconference file,  was interesting. Approaches are starting to become more and more easy for me these days.
I went shopping at a fairly close Asian Supermarket this evening. This is a popular store because of the hard to find products they sell.  (Lots of BABES) always visit this store.  Of course mind you, I am shopping too .. for food and maybe practice my developing skills while I'm at it.
I noticed a tall, fairly good looking blonde looking through the sushi. I move in next to her pretending to be doing the same thing . (Its easy to pretend and be shopping at the same time) So as I'm looking, I turn to her and say,   
"you know, I have never been a sushi expert, do you have any recommendations?"
This very simple approach turned out great results because,  
I sounded sincere without it seeming like I was hitting on her!  She went on and on for at least 3 minutes about what she though was good.  My only bad mark was that I didn’t number close.  
I moved on in the store.  Noticed this fat, balding, rude guy making his Japanese girl friend look like an ass in front of everybody in the isle.  He was standing in the isle saying, no no no ... that’s not what I told you I wanted!  making a big scene.
He went on through the store while she was looking for what this chump wanted. I walked up next to her and asked,  
"wow,  you seem to know a lot about this aisle.  Can you tell me a good candy to choose from?   Basically I built her up a little after getting embarrassed.  She acted like I was a hero for doing so.  SO Carlos,  my point in all of this is that you have a master formula to get the girls.  I'm still working on the approach phase.  I know these reports will make you proud in the not too distant future!  
Keep up the good work!"


Yeah, buddy! Good work!

If only all the guys knew how easy this is...

Actually, you CAN know. Check out my Approach Program...

alpha man | how to talk to women | approach women | dating advice for men

Tuesday, April 18, 2006

Look Who's Playing the Player

I am 32 years old, still single and though women have told me with shaking heads that they don't understand it because I am 'very attractive', I understand it very well.

I lack confidence and I get the sick to my stomach at the thought of approaching women I find attractive. That's the key, really. I have no trouble at all approaching unattractive women. I can waltz right up to them and make funny quips, witty comments and I often find myself on the receiving end of flirtation and affection from the most unattractive women in the room. That's not really what I find most troubling though...

I recently had a situation where I ran into a girl I had once been really attracted to and it turned out she was now divorced. She was a few years younger than me and not quite as far down the road to 'settling in'. I have a house, a career etc. and she's a musician, an artist and spends more time playing in clubs than entertaining with friends at dinner parties (which in my thirties, living in a small town has become my social life). Aside from that we have a lot of common interests and a great rapport. She's also extremely hot.

Anyway, this particular night I had it going on, charming conversation which she was visibly enjoying and we were 'catching up'. Out of the blue, a 'pretty boy'-type in his early twenties, very immature and drunk frat-boy turns around, sees her, puts his arm around her and buts right into the conversation with demeaning remarks about me. He was 'faux-joking' but does it in such a way that it sounds like guy-to-guy ribbing (normally reserved for close buddies).

He then physically spins her around so their backs are facing me and starts introducing her to his friends. I am left standing outside the circle looking like a chump. It should be noted that he's much more good looking than I am - in a Brad Pitt vs Jean Luc Picard sort of way and so were his buddies. I had only met he and his buddies that night when we were introduced by a co-worker. Everything about them shouted 'players' and she seemed to be eating it up.

This is not the first time a girl has been whisked away from me by a more aggressive suitor who gambled (correctly) that I wouldn't risk looking like an ass by causing a scene or saying something.

What should I have done?

- If I said, "Excuse me, we were having a conversation here..." I look like an ass because he was playing it as though we were 'buddies'. Not only that but she was obviously digging the added attention.

- If I push my way into his circle and try to play frat-boy, I look like an idiot because I'm just not the type.

- If I tap her and say, "I'll talk to you later, I guess", he's also won.

In an instant he moved every piece on the chess board and left me with no moves but to walk away. I never saw her again that night but rumour has it she left the 'martini bar' we were at with he and his buddies for a local college-age dance club.

I am enjoying the few recent podcasts I've heard - great insights. Keep it up!



Ah, yes. How classic this is.

I'm not making light of your situation, only nodding my head at the frequency that I hear this story.

Guy meets girl. Guy fails to escalate or demonstrate his Alpha Man traits (confidence, sexuality, etc.)

And guy fails to attract woman. Instead, she goes for the guy that actually jump starts her battery.

Women want Excitement.



All of which you are not giving her.

And, Frat boy did.

So instead of kicking the dirt, pouting and getting defensive about Frat-boy's behavior, it's time to find the parts of it that work and put them to work for YOU.

You don't have to be a jerk to attract women, but you have to be more assertive than you probably are right now.

Don't mistake assertive for aggressive. They're NOT the same.

I will tell you something that this AMOG probably spotted: He smelled your submissiveness.

Oh yes, he did.

Just like a pack of wild animals cruising through the jungle looking for prey..

I mean, I'm sure you're a very nice guy.

But you are probably aware that Nice Guys do not finish first. No matter what Hollywood or any well-meaning women who have told you otherwise have said.

You see, those women that told you that they "don't understand it" really DO understand why you're not getting the women you ought to. Somewhere, under the surface, they sense that your nice-guy tendencies do not make them feel gut-level attraction.

The bottom line here is that you need to get my Secrets of the Alpha Man program.


Because that's where you'll learn the mindset you need to handle these situations.

You see, there are an infinite variety of ways you can present yourself to a woman, and most are communicated underneath the surface. It's subtext, as I call it.

If you don't have the REAL game underneath, working in your attitude and your confidence at the level that communicates the right things about you, you'll get blasted by other Alphas out there that can sense your attitude.

By practicing and learning how REAL Game works, using the best parts of who you already are, you'll be able to feel relaxed and resourceful (the "R" in REAL) enough to handle these guys easily.

Get the REAL Game here...

alpha man | how to talk to women | approach women | dating advice for men

Monday, April 17, 2006

You should have a look at this...


Our phone conversation was a SMALL investment that made a HUGE difference to my dating game. In my case, approaching women is something a lot of guys would like to improve upon, and I'm no exception. Once you put the "how to" in the proper perspective, the fear or nervous feelings went away! This hindrance totally messed up my game many times. Now it's gone and I approach women every day with, lets say, positive results!!  
Guys, hesitation is the killer. If you stop to think about it, more likely then not, you wont do it! Then if you do after you wait,  your unfriendly companion Mr. Nervous will follow you over talk to her, and you don't want him tagging along to mess up your presentation!
Carlos, my building blocks started with your Dating Black Book. Then the monthly Audio Sessions. Once heard about your phone conversation offer, I had to jump on it! What sets you apart from the other Dating advice gurus out there is the fact that not only is your heart and soul into what you teach, and care about each persons success, but unlock the keys to what turn women on! And it WORKS! Your one gifted individual! I can't thank you enough!
David in Portland Oregon.   


Guys, I had to post this, because the reality is that between the DVD project, new seminars, and new information that I'm working on, I'm probably going to discontinue this very soon.

There is NOTHING more effective than learning from someone who has been there, done that, bought the T-shirt, and has been washing it for years...

An old mentor of mine once said, "Find the guy out there doing what you want to be doing, and then wear his doorstep out. Get every last bit of information you can from him... pick his brain..."

This is a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to get in on the ground floor of something very cool and life-changing.

Are you going to pass it up?

Take a look at the Phone Coaching ... right now...

alpha man | how to talk to women | approach women | dating advice for men

Sunday, April 16, 2006

Make it Fun

After the teleseminar I asked you via email "How do you make cold approaching fun?"

Also, I'm going over the Approach Program again and on the first part of CD #1 you stated that cold approaches are one of the most intimidating things a guy can do and at the end of CD #1 you stated you need to make this fun or you'll burn out.........Just curious?......How do you make something intimidating fun?

I'm a level 3 approacher. (CARLOS: Note that this is explained in my Approach Women program) 

Cute girl in the elevator......No problem. I got her name and rapport during the 20 seconds I had. Next time we ran into eachother in the elevator she was happy to see me and I continued....unfortunatley all I had was another 20 seconds. Girl at the front desk at the gym............No problem. Hot girl at the Tony Robbins seminar....No problem. Bar/Club......I don't like it. It's like two armies ie(men vs women) getting ready for war. The last time out I did 8 approaches and all sucked. Something about these places gives women ADD. I've had success too, but am I having fun? No. Seeing an attractive girl across the store and approaching her. Will I do it? Yes. Is it fun? No. Same for a coffee shop or Happy Hour.

Like many of your clients I'm looking for that solid girlfriend, but I personally do NOT know anyone who's in a relationship that came about from a cold approach. I've become friends w/ a very attractive MARRIED woman who I made out with in a Nightclub. I did everything right and it was a cold approach. After we got done dancing she ambushed me w/ a kiss to the lips which lead to the makeout, so that was a confidence booster for sure.

We were both there for a mutual friend's B-day and I believe she regretted her behavior. Kinda like let's just forget about this ever happening. But who know's? I'm attending the happy hour that she organized and she set the date to fit my schedule. I will not pursue her though, but she's really hot and I'm hoping she has some hot friends she could introduce me too.

Anyway, I know you have a lot going on, but if you happen to have anything to share on my ?'s then that would be great.

- A



A lot of this is subjective. No one can be sure what you find personally fun, but you should look in yourself and find ways to make it more relaxed for you to do. If all you have is anxiety, you have to lower yourself to the place where you don’t have anxiety and start there. Don’t start with an already anxious and dreaded activity. You have to begin where you still feel some comfort, and then build on that.

For clubs, it might make more sense for you to go there and deliberately NOT approach women. Talk to guys. Make friends with the staff and bartenders. Make the location feel comfortable first.

Here’s an example of making it fun: Let’s say you can barely make eye contact without feeling weird...

Put pennies in your right pocket. As you walk down the street, transfer one from the right to the left for each girl you make eye contact with, or smile at. Whatever game you can make of it, all the better. I’m sure you can find a way to make it fun if you put your mind to work on HOW, rather than why NOT.

I know plenty of people that got together and got married from cold situations. It is real. Why not make that an opener for you in the bars? “Hey, ladies, have any of you or your friends had a long term relationship with a guy you met in a bar/club?” Make it a fun study experiment. Then build on it.

And if you're reading this right now and want to know how to get your Approach started right, take a look at this: Approach Women NOW

alpha man | how to talk to women | approach women | dating advice for men

Saturday, April 15, 2006

Didn't we know this already?

A Scottish study proves that women are much faster at deciding about men than the reverse. But I think this is mostly true for the demographic they studied, which was the group going to a speed dating event. Still, I think the findings are valid and suggest what we already know...


Men, you have 30 seconds to impress women

HALF of all women make their minds up within 30 seconds of meeting a man about whether he is potential boyfriend material, according to a study on speed-dating.

The women were on average far quicker at making a decision than the men during some 500 speed dates at an event organised as part of Edinburgh Science Festival.

The scientists behind the research said this showed just how important chat-up lines were in dating. They found that those who were "highly skilled in seduction" used chat-up lines that encouraged their dates to talk about themselves in "an unusual, quirky way".

The top-rated male's best line was "If you were on Stars In Their Eyes, who would you be?", while the top-rated female asked bizarrely: "What's your favourite pizza topping?"

Failed Casanovas were those who offered up hackneyed comments like "Do you come here often?", or clumsy attempts to impress, such as "I have a PhD in computing".

About a third of the speed dates were actually over within the first 30 seconds, but there was a marked difference between the sexes with 45 per cent of women coming to a decision within 30 seconds, compared with only 22 per cent of men.

Professor Richard Wiseman, of Hertfordshire University, said: "Men are often accused of being shallow and judging women very quickly.

"However, this evidence suggests that women may make up their minds much quicker than men. It suggests men have only a few seconds to impress a woman, thus emphasising the importance of their opening comments."

The study also found that women were twice as picky as the men.

However, both the top-rated man and woman of the evening had a 100 per cent success rate, with every one of their dates wanting to meet them again.

Conversation topics were also assessed. Only 9 per cent of pairs who talked about films agreed to meet again, compared with 18 per cent who spoke about the subject found to be the most suitable for dating: travel.

It is thought women's taste for musicals clashed with the male liking for action films, while talking about "great holidays and dream destinations" made people feel good and appear more attractive to each other.

A total of 70 pairs of people agreed to meet again and they will be tracked over the next few months to see how they get on.

"If there were ten of them together [in three months], I would be amazed, but maybe we'll get a wedding out of it. That would be nice," Prof Wiseman said.

alpha man | how to talk to women | approach women | dating advice for men

Friday, April 14, 2006

So what can you do about where you are?

There's a saying: Wherever you go, there you are.

You can't escape yourself. Which is all the more reason you should be working to make yourself the best person you can.

A long time ago, I was riddle with self-doubt and low self-esteem. I'm here to tell you that you can turn that around. Completely.

180 degrees.

Listen to my friend Matt explain:


"Carlos ... Your [Alpha Man] CD’s truly are a fantastic product. The advice is so real and to-the-point. There is no B.S. which is so refreshing in this overly commercialized world. Further, everything on there is totally accurate. Admittedly, I came across your product by accident when I was searching the web and came across your product. I had never even heard of the phrase "Alpha-Man" before.

"When I purchased the product in late 2004, I was of the mentality: "If I buy this can you guarantee that it will work?"


"To that end, I did purchase it, and once I began using the CD’s I was introduced to a whole new world—it was sort of like the Matrix. When I began implementing the strategies into my game, it took a little time and some effort, but within six months I had eliminated most of the "nice guy" beta qualities I had lingering in my sub-conscious. The bad thoughts that creep into one’s mind from time to time come back, but I have learned to take action and act on the positive."


Matt's letter is typical. I get calls and emails and letters from guys all the time that quote the same thing: when they started to work on themselves, making themselves a higher quality man, more character and integrity, they found success with women.

You KNOW the nice guy thing doesn't work, right?

If you're still not sure why, read this: Secrets of the Alpha Man

alpha man | how to talk to women | approach women | dating advice for men

Wednesday, April 12, 2006

Field Report and Lesson

Hey Carlos,  

I wanted to give you an update regarding some approaches Ed and myself performed last night.  First I have to tell you,  It has really stoked my game to study your material.  The monthly Audio coaching sessions, the personal phone conversation, dating black book and so on.

In Martial Art terms, I’m far from a black belt in the Game of getting the Babes,  but I see the end of the road coming for me. The more I study your work and PUT IT INTO ACTION, the more confident I am becoming each and every day.

Ed,  my wing man … The fact that he is willing to go out and practice your teachings qualifies him to hang with me. I can use other wingmen but I’ve taken a personal interest in helping this boy out.  He’s really a good kid.

We invited one of our acquaintances to go with us to the Clubs last night. His name is Martin and has a twin brother.  Both spend WAY to much time at home and not going out …  making the people at eHarmony richer every month (Which I have no inclination to do)

And why should I, seriously, when I have you, O Master of the Game  : )  

Ed drove his car and Martin and I followed him downtown to the Barracuda, a popular club here in the Portland area. So Martin started asking me,  Dave, what provoked you to start studying these Dating Strategies?

I basically told him when my marriage plans with a girl I have known for 4 years fell through, I decided to expand my social circle. Whether some guys want to admit it or not, there are people out there with more game and can learn from them.
So he started asking me what I thought went wrong with a girl he was trying to start a relationship with at a local upscale restaurant. After hearing his story,  I felt like I was you, Carlos,  sitting next to him giving him the advice I had learned.

He seemed surprised. So you intend to approach girls tonight David?  That’s what its all about Martin, I replied!  Ha!  

So once we got in, we sat down and immediately we spotted two girls standing at a table by the Dance floor. Ed liked one of them. So off you go Ed … remember,  TED  ( Target, Engage, Disengage )
Martin wanted nothing to do with this….  Not even be a wing man or back up. He said, I’m just here merely to watch you guys.  

So he walks up to them ….  We noticed the convo going smoothly. Martin said to me as he watched Ed go up to them … I can’t believe he did that!  

I replied to Martin,  well buddy, its not as hard as you think once you break the ice. In fact,  Carlos, since you know one of Ed’s strengths is approaching people, I nicknamed him, “ice breaker”

So he came back to our table after about 3 to 4 minutes and we asked for a report. He gave them your “Cheater story” as an opener. Well, all didn’t go completely smooth in his close. He invited them to come over to our table and the girl he liked replied, sure we’ll come over! But never did.   
For times sake I don’t wish to describe what I think he did wrong, but now it was my turn. 3 girls at a table.   
Off I go.  Carlos, this place was so noisy! Hard to walk up to some girls and explain some detailed story…  fighting the noise and possibly the impatience of girls with me trying to talk over the music.  
So I walked up to them indirectly and said …   Hi ladies, can you help me out with a little debate my friends and I are having back at the table? We’ve been discussing the popularity of Elvis and the Beatles. You can be a fan of one, or the other,  but not both, and I would like a girl’s point of view.

Now this was interesting. Three different reactions.  They all gave me their opinion. One was very bubbly and her eyes expanded talking to me. The other was warm and friendly, and the third, was a little cool.

So the one who seemed to have the most interest explained you can be a fan of both. She had great answers. Well one is a solo performer, the other a group,  so on and so on.  

So while the conversation was hot or, the energy high, I disengaged. “I have to get back to my table but it was great talking to you,  thanks. I went back to our table and told the boys if they liked, the energy was on the good side and if they wanted, we can invite ourselves to their table.   Martin froze up and didn’t want to …  so I left it at that and made the point of how easy it actually is to approach girls. I know I could have gotten further with the right people. Ed is always willing. Martin the party pooper wanted to go get breakfast.


The reason I wanted to include this for you guys to read is because it exemplifies the difference between the men who succeed with women (and life) and those who don't.

Even the most unskilled will reap immense rewards from studying this stuff, but only if they WANT to.

Martin will not do this until he bottoms out and realizes that his state of denial is the biggest thing keeping him from success.

Or he may just become attached to this powerless identity, because it allows him to feel safe and comfortable. He doesn't have to change. He can go on letting life rip him off.

He can keep on losing a little longer...

The best thing you can do is to PUT IT INTO ACTION.

If you'd like to start winning - with women, and everything else in life - take a look at the Secrets of the Alpha Man.

alpha man | how to talk to women | approach women | dating advice for men

Tuesday, April 11, 2006

Why do guys love blondes?

In my Podcast this week I asked the question about what it is we love so much about blondes...

My theory is that it must be something genetic or evolutionary in origin.

Here are a few theories...

Love the BBC...

BBC NEWS | Education | What is it about blondes?
A team of scientists is seeking volunteers, to try to discover the gene that gives some people blond coloring.

BBC NEWS | Health | Blondes 'to die out in 200 years'

Natural blondes are an endangered species and will die out by 2202, a study suggests. -

VERY innovative, insightful journalist, writes a lot
about genetics - Steve Sailer: "Why do gentlemen prefer blondes?" - National Post ... home page. See also Steve Sailer's article "The Blonde Wars". Blondes have more fun. Gentlemen prefer blondes. If I have only one life to live, ...

alpha man | how to talk to women | approach women | dating advice for men

Monday, April 10, 2006

Yes, you can come back from the friends zone...

Hi Carlos,

I just wanted to thank you for helping me out. I wrote to you back in January about an old friend that I began seeing again, but who only considered me as a friend. You even mentioned me on your podcast, to my surprise.

Anyway, I took your advice, which was to move on and concentrate on other women, and I've rarely seen or spoken to her this year. Well, she called me Wednesday about getting together after a month of silence and a no-show for our last date. Following your ALPHA MAN principles, I told her I won't accept that kind of treatment from her and she apologized profusely.

Just before our date, she called to ask if she could bring her son along. Rather than giving in (which I would have done before), I said "no" and that it had been too long since I'd seen her alone. I made a very nice but simple meal and kept things low key, dinner and a DVD. She was complaining about being sore from working out, which I teased her about all night long.

Well Carlos, this woman who "never imagined" me as a boyfriend and who I had barely heard from in months spent the night and I couldn't be happier. Without applying to my life what I learned from the ALPHA MAN, I wouldn't have broken free from the "Friends Zone" and connected with a woman that's
meant a lot to me for years.




Doesn't that just ROCK?

Or, as Peter Griffin would say, "Freakin' Sweet!"

I love hearing about this when it happens, because it just goes to prove that this WORKS.

I don't need to hear it much anymore, but I know you guys may have a tough time believing in what really does work with women.

Yes, I know that I say never to try this, but that's exactly how she'll come around if she's ever going to.

It's by letting her go, and then getting over her, that you'll create the attitude and aura of a man she wants to get with.

If you want this kind of ability, then I suggest you also look at the Secrets of the Alpha Man program.

alpha man | how to talk to women | approach women | dating advice for men

Saturday, April 08, 2006

When She Giggles...

This question actually happened to me a while back when I was on vacation at the beach. I was at the hotel swimming pool, & a group of 3 somewhat cute gals that I didn't know were sitting in chairs on the other side of the pool from where I was. We were the only people at the pool at the time. When I took off my shirt & got in the pool, they kinda giggled & smiled a little bit to each other. I'm almost certain the giggling was because of me, because of course 3 gals are gonna look at a guy when he undresses like that & I was the only guy there. I lift weights, run, & do martial arts, so I'm somewhat on the buff & fit side, but on the slim side as well (5'10, 170).

It wasn't like they broke out in full belly laughs or anything, I just noticed they giggled a little bit. Not sure how to interpret it. Don't really care all that much, but I'm asking because another situation came up yesterday that reminded me of this. This kinda fat guy was in my store bending down looking at tools, & 2 cute gals were standing with me as I was cashing their checks. The guy's jeans fell down revealing about 8 inches of his ass crack, & the girls busted out laughing. The guy turned around & saw them & pulled his pants back up. This whole thing got me thinking about how girls react when they like a dude's body vs. how they react when they don't like it.

If a group of gals you don't know is hanging out at the same pool you are, & they giggle when you skin down & get in the pool, is that a good thing or a bad thing? I know that in my guy thinking it would be a bad thing, but in a lot of things chicks are just the opposite of what a guy would think.



Ah, yes... when girls laugh. It sounds like a Fox TV special... "Tonight, right after When Alligators Attack, we'll take a look at the most bruising ego event: When Girls Laugh."

I wish I could say that was all joking, but it's not. I can think of nothing more bruising to the male ego than female ridicule.

This all started back in high school when a girl might giggle or laugh, and we guys were mostly too insecure and anxious to walk up and say, "So, ladies, what's got you laughing?"

As with everything I preach, I want you to realize that it all comes down to how willing (and secure) you are to call things as you see them. To confront situations WHEN THEY HAPPEN.

You see, most guys will watch something like that, not know what to say, and fail to act. And they'll keep on doing this until they figure out a solution to the dilemma.


What Would Carlos Do?

I'm glad you asked...

I'd first realize that no matter WHAT the hell they were giggling about, it couldn't affect me negatively in any way that mattered.

Then, I'd be curious.

You see, the insecure guy would think, right off the bat, "Oh, no! I must look strange/silly/weird/whatever..." and immediately lose confidence. He has no core to his inner game, and so he will fail immediately.

The Alpha Man would walk over and say, "Hey, ladies. I just wanted to see what was happening over here. Did you hear a good joke? Share!"

All with a very relaxed, non-offended manner.

What I'm trying to get you guys away from is interpreting things.

That's for those guys with weak frames.

Alpha Men don't care what someone else thinks it might mean, or even what they're thinking. He comes from his own reality, where he makes a situation mean whatever the hell he wants it to.

If you come from a strong enough frame, even if they were laughing AT you, you could turn it around with your confidence and poise. You'd be able to assert yourself over their weak little giggly school girl frame in about a minute.

Instead of me trying to convince you or over-explain this, why not sit back for a moment and close your eyes... imagine yourself there in that situation, and what would you do about it?

How would you feel?

What would it matter if they were laughing at you?

Could you hold your ground?

Would you run away and cry?

Would you be able to smile, walk over, and expand your frame over them?


What Would You Do?

If you want to know more about these frame skills, take a look at the Secrets of the Alpha Man.

alpha man | how to talk to women | approach women | dating advice for men

Friday, April 07, 2006

This is How it is for Men and Women

This is pretty funny, but as with all humor there is a lot of truth...

Click here:


alpha man | how to talk to women | approach women | dating advice for men

Thursday, April 06, 2006

The Golden Goose

Dear Carlos:

I want to say that your book is great and that it shifted my paradigm on men/women relationships, the way I see things now are much clearer and I'm finally able to perform better in the "dating" arena.

My question is the following: I read your book and my approach on relationships in general is the short term approach (the road to friendship is paved with dinners and gifts), and it gives you more options, you have more freedom of choice. However, I'm having issues with a sort of long distance relationship (180 miles).

We're f*ck buddies, however on the first and second date I didn't get to nail her although I had her naked inside my bed and all and I went up to 2nd or 3rd base, she made me wait, signal that she wanted me for something more serious or maybe its her policy just not to get remorse or she values herself . On the 1st date however it wasn't that much of a challenge I kissed her when we went out clubbing and on the second date I had her naked in my bed (that was a day after).

Thing is that I don't see her every two weeks, were together for about 3 days and have good sex, I even stay at her apartment don't do stuff that are considered boyfriend/girlfriend things, although we never talked about qualifying our relationship as boyfriend and girlfriend and that's the way we present ourselves to others, too. I met her about a month ago.

I get rumors from this "friend" that introduced her to me, that another buddy of his goes out with her and f*cks her, although this guy is not very trustable and lies in general. I don't know if this girl is a "player" for real, and I should probably desensitize myself and just limit myself to f*ck her, if this rumor comes to be true. I think relationships should start with lust and then see if it advances to something more serious, just as you insinuate in your book.

I have no actual way of verifying this although this probably shouldn't be bothering me and should have more of a life instead of draining my energy in this.

I hope you can give me some good advice, I really don't know how to handle women players, if she really is so, all I can say is that the sex is real good and every time I want it she never denies me, she even brings me breakfast to bed and all.



Well, I need to point something out here. Your terminology has me a bit concerned. Not that I'm a prude and I don't know all about locker-room terminology and talk, but let's be honest - it's not just about 'nailing' her, or f***ing her. It's about the shared experience. If it becomes all about your own sexual gratification, then some other issue is present which really has nothing to do with the sex. It's now about power and control issues.

But let's not quibble over such things. I think I hear where you're coming from. And, I can even read between the lines. Just like every other ape-man that walked this planet, you're finding that it's not so easy to just have booty-calls in the middle of the night. You actually start having FEELINGS for this girl.

Huh. Go figure.

You see, when you say you "shouldn't" have these feelings, that means you do, and it's already too late. The barn door can't be closed after the horses have left. You're already emotionally involved, even if it's only driven by your jealousy and insecurity.

Just keep on the way you have been, and make sure you have your own extras on the side. If you haven’t mutually agreed to have a monogamous relationship, then you need to just enjoy what you’ve got. Don’t cut open the Golden Goose.

What will inevitably happen (if you’re doing your job right) is that she will ask you to make things more serious. This is the way it should be, and you can’t be the one to make it so. To try and pin her down will probably make her run.

However, you should always be practicing safe s*x, just in case.... right?

Watch her behavior. If she’s a ‘player’, you’ll notice it in her personality...

By the way, I never say that it has to begin with lust, though I can understand that interpretation. What I say in my e-book is that you must start with a strong chemistry element to ensure that she gets interested in you. Most guys try the wimpy, wussy method of trying to be 'friends first,' which does not work the way you'd like to think it would.

If you don't know why, read HERE.

PS: Women will always make you wait for one of those two reasons. More than likely, it was her slut complex. Once you established trust, then she felt safe progressing further. Hopefully you both can find out if that trust is warranted.

alpha man | how to talk to women | approach women | dating advice for men

Wednesday, April 05, 2006

Ten Times Zero is Still Zero


How can I tell how serious things are? I think she's at least interested but how can I tell how interested she is. She always gives me the 3rd degree about every woman I mention, especially a female friend of mine who she references always.

When I ask her what her problem is with me and other women she'll say she doesn't care and that she's just joking but others times she's dead serious and once said "sorry if I care about you talking to other girls",

Do you think me knowing these other girls really bothers her or is she just joking? Like I mentioned before she calls me every day and keeps me on the line sometimes for over an hour and on V-day she even called me from a friend's house after they had class just to say hi and got mad when I didn't wish her a happy v-day (which is one of the most corny days of the year in my opinion) but lately it's been difficult to set up a date with her because we've both been so busy.

Basically what I'm wondering is A) Based on the information I provided how interested do you believe she is and B) How should I handle her jealousy?




Her jealousy is not your problem unless it’s a constant insecurity. And if she acts like this a lot, she’s got self-esteem issues that will be an issue for you later on.

You can tell how interested she is by how many times you get together with her and have a fun time. If that’s still zero because of her ‘schedule’ then you have nothing.

Act, don’t sit back and try to interpret everything.

Jealousy doesn't mean shit if you're not actually having something happen between you two. It's her little imaginary drama camp in her head where she gets to validate her own shortcomings.

Jealousy is a common reaction of the insecure. And we're all insecure about something.

The question is how much?

Offspring said it best: "Yeah she's got issues, and I'm gonna pay..."

You only address this ONCE with her, and you say: "You know, I choose to spend my time with you. I've got no feelings beyond friendship with these other women, and you know it. So let's get past this B.S. and talk about what's really bothering you."

Let her know in no uncertain terms that this constant feeling of jealousy is unacceptable, and she needs to find a resolution.

Remember, some people just want to wallow around in their own negative feelings because it either validates their low self-esteem, or it's the only entertainment they have.

And when it's time to find a woman with better issue-management skills, here's the manual on how to do it:

The Dating Black Book

alpha man | how to talk to women | approach women | dating advice for men

Monday, April 03, 2006

Why You Need to Unplug...

I saw this on a blog recently and I thought you should read this, too.

Many of you are aware that I'm no stranger to pop culture and media, but I hate broadcast television in almost all its forms. I'll watch television shows, but only after they've been released on DVD. I HATE commercials and the insidious way that television controls our society.

Hate may sound powerful, but it's damn close to that.

Not to mention, Television just stops you from living a REAL life. Unplug and achieve your own goals, not live vicariously through other imagined events.

Anyway, here are some observations you might want to consider:


I conclude that television is an extremely effective and powerful way of controlling, manipulating, and distracting the American people. It works in three very basic and obvious ways:

1. Making you the passive observer of current events.

When you watch television, you become a passive observer of news. When this happens, your cognitive processes slow down, and you absorb information before you have a chance to process it. In this way, television makes your brain a soft and squishy sponge, perfectly willing to internalize all the misinformation that is propagated to further somebody else's agenda. When you become an active seeker of news (as you are when you browse websites, read newspapers, or talk to other people) you are more likely to question and analyze the content before believing that it is true. If your co-worker tells you that the guy in the next cubicle is stashing weapons of mass destruction under his desk, you are likely to ask for proof; but if a TV news anchor tells you something similar, you will probably go on thinking that it is true.

2. Making you a consumerist whore.

Even if you turn your set off during commercials, you are still constantly being bombarded with advertisements on a very subconscious level. You can't buy the things that you need to make your life better, but television is extremely successful at convincing you of the exact opposite. Your husband will not love you more if you cut your hair like Jennifer Anniston, there is no difference between a Hyundai and a Mercedes, and there is nothing in the world that will make you look like an underwear model.

3. Distracting you from the real problems.

Television is able to distract you from the real problems (in your life, in the world) by either presenting you with irrelevant and superficial problems that will divert your focus, or by providing enough instant gratification to make you forget about your drab and wretched life. Someone on television tells you that two guys in San Francisco want to get married, and you are so distracted by this attack on your ideals that you conveniently forget that there is a war, in which many innocent people are dying. Or you spend your evenings watching attractive people doing exciting things, and this escapism prevents you from facing reality and making positive changes in your own life. (By the way, there is nothing wrong with seeking entertainment, but television creates a routine of dependency that inadvertently results in a state of false complacency).

alpha man | how to talk to women | approach women | dating advice for men

Sunday, April 02, 2006

Cliff's List Seminar!

By the way, I'll be one of the speakers at this Summer's Cliff's List seminar in Montreal. If you weren't aware of it, there will be another big seminar to learn all the best stuff in the community about dating and attraction.

Here's the official notice:

If you missed it or were there in 2005, you've been waiting a
year for this announcement and here it is.

The Cliff's List Convention 2006 is now ready for you.

32 confirmed Celebrity PUA Guests (plus 3 tentatively confirmed)
and counting. Surprise guests to be announced.

BONUSES: Early sign ups benefit from a 50% discount AND get a FREE copy of
the DVD product that will be made. Stay at the Convention hotel
at the Convention Discount Rate and get special reserved seating at the

See the growing list of guests and get all the details and sign
up NOW at:


So get signed up for this event RIGHT AWAY. It will sell out. And you'll kick yourself for not getting in on this huge event.

Don't forget that I'll be on David DeAngelo's interviews with Dating Gurus. My interview should be out in June, and will have some awesome new stuff I created just for his interview. Watch for it soon...

alpha man | how to talk to women | approach women | dating advice for men


I don't know what it is, but when I first came out to school, there was a lot of nice weather and I must have approached countless women and sparked attraction. When it got to be winter, I really didn't have any desire to do any approaching whether it be indoors or outdoors. Now the weather is getting nice again and I feel a lot better about myself. I feel like I really have an urge to do some approaching and I feel I will. Have you ever experienced this? Is this really due to weather, ya think? How can I make it so I don't have this "seasonal" problem anymore when it gets to be cold again?



This is called S.A.D. - seasonal affective disorder, and it's common.

alpha man | how to talk to women | approach women | dating advice for men

Saturday, April 01, 2006

New Audio Session 31

Just in case you aren't on the mailing list, I wanted to let you know that Advanced Audio Coaching Session 31 is now available ...

Here's what we're covering for this month's session:

* VITAL LIES - How neurotic styles and games work, how you overcome your defensive armor, Blind spots in your awareness - and how to avoid them, what your character armor is and why you must watch out for it, how we avoid revealing our faults, the double-bind dilemma that women use, mixed messages, the fear of success and failure, why Emotional IQ is more important than real IQ, and more ...

* THE MISSION - Mission to improve your Approach Skills: Baselining your approach skills, How to identify your discomfort, how to lower your anxiety, how to find a step you can take approaching women, finding a common starting point, how to dissect and dispel the fear, identifying your anxiety, How to quantify your next steps and adjustments, and more ...

* FIELD REPORT - THE "W" - We review a field outing to the "W" bar in the XYZ hotel of San Francisco, How to take control of the interaction, how to demonstrate value, How women will handle the conversation, How to handle subtle AMOGing, Getting the conversation intimate, Simplicity of the approach, Recognizing when you're "in", and more ...

* ONE-ITIS - What One-itis is, How to know if you have it, ways to counter it, Abundance mentality, The one factor that will kill any relationship, The D.O.W. cure, Dividing your attention, how to use enthusiasm and sincerity, What you must have to be successful in any dating situation, Why you must avoid the "trickle," Why field work is essential, Exercise - Scarcity identification, and more ...

* INTRODUCTION TO ONLINE DATING - Learn the critical basics for online dating, which women use online dating, Why women use it, why you must avoid the no-fly zone, how to create an interesting profile (with written example in the mini-e-book), Statistics of onine dating, What most women and men are doing wrong, what to watch out for with a woman's picture, how to add spice to your profile, how to test your picture, why you can't use a form letter, how to ensure she responds to you, and more ...

* ATTITUDE OF DEATH - The one scarcity attitude you must get rid of, and how to get rid of it, the way to handle insecurity and self-protection, why you must risk to go forward, how to bait her out with vulnerabilities, what you must know about a woman's approach anxiety, the common trap of misunderstanding and how to avoid it, how to handle resistance, and what you MUST do on every encounter with a woman, and more ...

* ROMANTIC CHALLENGE - The obstacles between you and her that you must create, why women love challenge, The "Lost" example, Delayed gratification and why it's necessary, what barriers represent to a woman, why a woman doesn't respond and what you must do, what flirting really is and why you use it, and more ...

* UNIVERSAL APPROACH STRATEGY - Why conversations fail with women, Keeping the conversation fun, How women communicate differently than men, what you must give a woman in conversation, the best compliment you can hear from a woman and what it means, The "bookends" of your approach that will remove approach anxiety, why most openers don't work, why you run out of talk and find that uncomfortable silence, what most guys never do in conversation, handling the timing of the approach, where approach anxiety comes from, how to use ATC correctly, controlling the conversation, and more ...

And a whole bunch more...


"Everybody learns differently, but by reading the e-books and then listening to the Audio coaching sessions, I feel it has dramatically increased my becoming more of an alpha man. I'm increasingly becoming aware of why I never got chicks in the past and I'm able to correct it and get better results. I learn so much from these and your other products. It's well worth the price." - C.W.

Keep in mind that I'm also offering 5 bonuses with any new subscription, and you can download this at the Advanced Audio Coaching page.

alpha man | how to talk to women | approach women | dating advice for men