Tuesday, May 22, 2007

Long story short about attracting women

Dear Carlos,

Another small mystery just happened recently. I've been picking up signal from a very hot young lady in my class. She is obviously single and gave me the "bedroom stare" a few times ;) We talked a couple of times, very briefly, but very happily :) A couple weeks ago, I sat right next to her and talk for a little bit, and said " let's get together and study for that test" She responded right away, "Sure!!:) I'll be here all weekend:)", I pulled out my phone and ask, "what's your number?". She again respond very quickly, like right after I said "number".

We stayed in class for a while, then I wrote on my notebook "This is so boring, blah, blah , blah :)" showed it to her, she smiled. Then I wrote "Our conversations will be 100 times more fun". Called her after class because it was a Thursday and we need to get together over the weekend. I ask her what time she want to get together and told her I'm available at 7:45 pm on Fri. She said, very friendly, "Can you call me back tommorrow when I have my calendar? I'm actually rushing to a meeting right now".

I called her the next day, got voicemail, left message, "blah blah blah, see if we can get together tonight". Haven't heard from her, so I called again at about 8 pm., got voicemail.

Saw her in class on Mon, before the test, I was quite mad inside but act very cool, gentle, and being a gentleman. Sat next to her, ask her how's her weekend, she said, "busy :(", I said "me too, I didn't get too much studying done.", She said with obvious signs that she is blowing me off,"that's too bad". Silenced for a minute, I then ask, "So did you get a lot of studying done", blowing me off again, she said "we'll see :("

From that point on, I totally ignored her because I think she is a bitch. We stayed there and study for half an hour, I did not even show signs that she exist. Been two weeks, I totally ignored her in class. I know she's been giving me a lot of looks lately, like saying, "Why aren't you looking at me?". I totally ignored her. She been checking me out a lot.

Anyhow, it's just weird because she came off as a very classy lady and seem to have manners. But it didn't turn out like that.

So, I think I went wrong on that one because I showed her I was more interested in her than she was into me. And I believed that's what threw her off...

Thank you very much, Carlos, I look forward to your genius answers :)

(Letter edited for length)

Yeah, your first instincts are probably right on with this one. You got caught up in the game of playing to her schedule, and that's not a good idea. You were buying into her frame (her reality) and then she lost attraction because you didn't have a cool reality of your own to offer her.

By purposefully ignoring her and treating her as if she's "hurt" you in some way, you're actually making things worse. A lot of guys think they're being coy and cool when they notice the other woman after she's done this, and they think they're doing it in a way that she won't see.

She does.

We all know when someone is paying attention to us. You can sense it.

Remember also that a woman isn't a bitch just because she wasn't interested in you, or she has the attention span of a ferret on crystal meth.

She's just being her nature. She's a feelings-chaser. That's just the way it is. If you make character judgments about someone based on whether or not they like you, you'll find that life will be very adversarial for you on the whole. If they don't like you, they just don't know you well enough yet. So what...?

Next time, drive up her attraction before you start setting up a time to meet with her. Think about it from her perspective: A guy walks up and talks to her, and right away he's trying to find a time to be alone with her.

Can you say,

And then you proceeded to call her and check in on her, which only makes you look ten times more desperate and needy.

Bottom line: You expressed way too much interest at the start. This is the common mistake with guys.

Start distributing your attention more and not getting hung up on any one woman. These principles are explained completely in
The Dating Black Book...

Download it HERE

alpha man | how to talk to women | approach women | dating advice for men


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