Friday, December 30, 2005


You stated in The Dating Black Book on page 23 that the reader should never ever tell of the advice given to him, to the female(s) in in his life.

Lets say this man has decided and in now in a marriage, would he be correct according to you to tell his wife even vaguely or jokingly about the this or any of the programs even with enough trust in that marriage?


There's nothing to be gained by revealing this to a woman. If you do, she'll feel like you're being "false" or manipulative, or lose trust for you.

Just keep it to yourself. Let her enjoy the benefits without any of the confusing chick-logic that will get in her way of enjoying you.

Honesty is fine and necessary in the course of a relationship, but discretion is the better part of valor...

And remember what Rose said in the movie "Titanic" - "A woman's heart is a dark ocean of secrets..."

alpha man | how to talk to women | approach women | dating advice for men

Thursday, December 29, 2005

The audio teleconference is on for tonight!

I've mailed out details of the call to the lucky participants. Remember that it's first call-first served. We're overbooked, so you need to sign on by 7:00.

Looking forward to an informative session...


alpha man | how to talk to women | approach women | dating advice for men


It has been known for many years that sex is good exercise, but until recently nobody had made a scientific study of the caloric expenditure of different sexual activities. Now after original and proprietary research they are proud to present the results.

With her consent....................... 12 Calories
Without her consent.................... 187 Calories

With both hands........................ 8 Calories
With one hand.......................... 12 Calories
With your teeth........................ 85 Calories

With an erection....................... 6 Calories
Without an erection.................... 315 Calories

Trying to find the clitoris............ 8 Calories
Trying to find the G-Spot.............. 92 Calories

Missionary............................. 12 Calories
69 lying down.......................... 78 Calories
69 standing up......................... 112 Calories
Wheelbarrow............................ 216 Calories
Doggy Style............................ 326 Calories
Italian chandelier..................... 912 Calories

Real................................... 112 Calories
False.................................. 315 Calories

Lying in bed hugging................... 18 Calories
Getting up immediately................. 36 Calories
Explaining why you got out of bed immediately......816 Calories

20-29 years old........................ 36 Calories
30-39 years............................ 80 Calories
40-49 years............................ 124 Calories
50-59 years............................ 972 Calories
60-69 years............................ 2916 Calories
70 and over......................... Results are still pending

Calmly................................. 32 Calories
In a hurry............................. 98 Calories
With her father knocking at the door... 1218 Calories
With your wife knocking at the door.... 3521 Calories

alpha man | how to talk to women | approach women | dating advice for men

Tuesday, December 27, 2005

Hey man,

I've got a guy problem....

Today at school he said to me, "Neil, what's up with your attitude lately, man? You're getting cocky, and no one likes a cocky guy, especially girls. I'm just saying this for your own good. I suggest you take my advice." He said this in front of all the top-girls of our school at the lunch table. I just said quietly, "Whatever."

Now every time I walk past him he'll say, "Lose the cockiness, Neil." and he'll make sure he says it right in front of a girl. That time I told him to shut up. The next time, in class, he said, "Don't get cocky." in front of another girl and I told him that time to mind his own business.

Now, I look at myself as a fun, laid back, confident 18 year old. I do have my cocky streak, every now and then, but who doesn't? I've received few notices where the girl says I'm cocky, but in a playful way (where I can tell she likes it).

This guy I'm dealing with is known to be extremely aggressive and likes to fight to resolve things, even though he's short and scrawny. I started working out a couple months ago and I've been gaining a lot of muscle. I'm tall and I used to be super-skinny, but now I'm pretty built. I carry myself in a confident manner and express good body language.

What do you have to say here?



Oh, yeah. You got yourself a problem, all right.

First of all, this guy is what we dating advisors call (and this is a highly technical term, so please use it carefully) a punk-ass bitch.

He's messing with you. Pure and simple. He's trying to out-alpha you, and every time you let him get away with it, he's undermining your status in the eyes of the women around you.

Oh, don't be fooled. Some women will even tell you, "Don't let him get to you," but that's a lame consolation prize. Subconsciously they want you to stand up and show him you've got a pair.

So how do you do it?

You can do it one of two ways:

1) You beat him like a drum, so hard he wakes up in another timeline. While brutal, it would get the point across to him. However, there are some punks out there that are not silenced by a good beating, and start to bleat like a stuck pig, not terribly afraid of another lip-fattening encounter.

2) You bust his game wide open.

(Oh, there is another option, it's just not one I'm going to list. It's where you obey him and stop being cocky. Then you lose in every way imaginable. Don't even go there.)

Option 2 is your preferred route, because you'll get much further blowing out his game than you will any other way. And you don't want women sympathizing with this toad.

Verbal aikido (or verbal 'ju-jitsu') is something I work on with my students in handling these guys. I've even got a section of my Alpha Forum dedicated to sharing tips and strategies for this.

You see, every time you laugh him off without putting him in his place, you're losing a little face, because punk-boy is testing you and insulting you, and you're not responding, which makes you look like a pussy.

Cut back into him a little. Push back (verbally, not physically.)

"Shut up" and "Mind your own business" don't cut it. You need to turn him around with some solid verbal game.

Get your game face on and plan for the next encounter, because you know it's coming.

Your success in these confrontations boils down to the strength of your frame. Manage it!

And get my Alpha Man program so you can learn the specific methods of handling these guys...

alpha man | how to talk to women | approach women | dating advice for men

Sunday, December 25, 2005

Merrrrry Christmas!

And happy holidays!

I'm sitting here in my secluded cabin get-away from it all here in Lake Tahoe, CA. *(I'm pirating my neighbor's wireless connection... shhhh!)

I wanted to take a break from the rat-race and come up here to clear my head, prepare for 2006. I'm big on planning, and I've just put together a roadmap for the next year that will be incredible. I'm trying to hold back on my jazzed-up language, but I am really excited.

For those of you who know hints of what I'm up to (through listening to the podcasts and the Advanced Audio Coaching), it's going to be cool.

I got a lot of well-wishers sending me emails of holiday cheer, and I wanted to thank you all! It's so cool to know that I'm having this positive effect on you guys.

This coming year is going to be awesome... and every one of you Alpha Men is invited!

Stay tuned... things are REALLY going to rock...

-Carlos Xuma

PS: The new podcast is available... go grab it!


alpha man | how to talk to women | approach women | dating advice for men

I'm not writing back to win anything, only because I'd like to credit you. I am a bit late in the game. I am in my fifties and I have struggled with shyness, fear, and nice-guy syndrome all my life. It has always been difficult for me to get the women I want. As a metaphor, I was not the star football player, I was the trombone player in the band ... need I say more?

Anyway, your material is the most substantial and usable inner game stuff I have come across since I stumbled upon the online seduction circuit a few months ago.


Thanks, J!

You'll find that I try to do something that not everyone does in this field ... stay sincere and true to myself.

Someone said of me that I don't "beat my chest" and I'm not about to start.

And that's the success secret that I want every man to enjoy - staying true to himself. Be yourself better than any other man can be.

This stuff is all for you guys, so you can live the lives you always dreamed of.

alpha man | how to talk to women | approach women | dating advice for men

Saturday, December 24, 2005


been enjoying ur newsletters

i have a ques tho... what is this girl in this IM chat with me trying to say? Does she like me or what?

(IM chat text followed in the original email)


Who knows...

Who cares?

Get off the computer and get together with her and find out.

This will improve your results 1000%

You can’t seduce a woman on the computer...

Because your typing is already showing the laziness of the IM chatter.

Get my e-books and learn how to REALLY get women.

alpha man | how to talk to women | approach women | dating advice for men


I liked your podcast on 'There's no such thing as trying'.

I am curious during your "journey" with getting good at pickup, if
you ever had the fear of not reaching where you are today in life
with respect to women.



But the difference in outcomes between getting it and not getting it was that I acted in spite of the fear...

alpha man | how to talk to women | approach women | dating advice for men

Thursday, December 22, 2005


Hi Carlos,

You doing a great job. I have got a ton of great results from your advice. It has even worked all the way on a couple of girls. I listen to all your newsletters, read your Dating Black Book and your Alpha Male series.

I have a question, recently I have been overlooked by several girls, who I interact with once in a while. They are stereotyping me and over looking me.

My problem is they think I am an eighteen year old kid who lives at home and just likes to joke around in life and talk big. I am really a 22 year old, who graduated college, started my own corporation (that now runs on its own with out my having to be there) so I work as creative director in an advertising agency. I bought my own house and drive an 05 BMW M5. I am very athletic and in great shape. I have never drank, so it even makes me look younger.

Their problem is that they just look past me because they assume things about me based on my looks and my easy going attitude, and I am modest even though it doesn't sound like it in this letter.

Once girls find out about the true me they look at me in a different light and my teasing is more effective because they look at me as confident man and not as a joking around college kid.

Here are some examples of what I am talking about.

I went to this party at an older girls house. She said she was looking for a roommate and picked me out of everybody and asked if I would be interested because she said I looked like I could use some help so I could move out of my parents house. I teased her about why she needed a roommate and how she was just trying to use me for my body, to be her hero, and she told me I just didn't understand and I would so day when I was older and could afford my own house.

Other examples are when I drive around in my car people think its my dad's. I went to lunch with a girl that works near my office and she would always want to drive. So I would let her. Then one day I laid down the law and made her ride with me. She loved my car and told me that she never wanted me to drive because she assumed I had some civic or some little car and she would rather ride in her Audi A4.

I just gave your materialistic examples because they were the easiest to explain. Obvisouly a true alpha doesn't need to impress girls with things or accomplishments nor do they waste time on girls who only value these things, but I need to find a way to show more of my true confidence in short time periods.

So how do I get around this so I can attract girls and seduce girls that I have limited time with?



Great job "going all the way" with my material.

You're always going to have a hurdle with appearances. It sounds to me like you've probably got boyish features, and you probably could use a makeover to project more of the image you want to project.

Keep in mind that people make decisions about you based on appearances, and they do this very quickly. If you're still wearing jeans and a t-shirt, maybe with a baseball cap, you're going to send a radically different message about your lifestyle than you would with some classy pants and a dress shirt.

First recommendation - Grow some facial hair. Work on your sideburns. And generally get your appearance more in line with an older version of you.

YOU define the world you live in, not these women. If you are letting them get into your frame and your reality, that's YOUR choice.

So let's be straight here - you're probably still giving off a young guy vibe to these women. Just because you're cocky with them doesn't mean you're going to attract them all to your scoundrel personality. To them, you look just like a cocky kid.

Social calibration is needed for all situations. Just because you learn the strategies doesn't mean you'll get the results. You have to spend time interacting and calibrating, as well as getting the feel of social dynamics.

Next Step: Start with more sophisticated conversation. Then learn how to reveal these things about you in conversation without bragging. (Review my programs while you're at it.)


HER: "Well, you'll understand when you live in a house of your own..."

YOU: "Have you seen my house?"

HER: "Uh, no..."

YOU: "So you don't really know what my situation is?"

HER: "UH, no...."

YOU: Nodding and smiling. "Be careful of those assumptions."

It's your reality, dude. These women are shaking yours, so you need to realize that you might be a little insecure over the material aspects.

Then, I suggest you use some of that money to get yourself a good fashion makeover with someone that's got a good idea for spotting your "look." That will help you project an "older" and more established vibe.

Until then, persist with a stronger frame in your interactions with women. It's your job to help them to where they finally "see you" the way you are.

An Alpha Man would settle for no less.

alpha man | how to talk to women | approach women | dating advice for men

Tuesday, December 20, 2005


I have a question about what seems to be the dreaded "Let's keep in touch" and/or "call me sometime" remark at the end of a first meeting. The last 4 girls did that and all ended up blowing me off.

I even had one girl who I met at a Tony Robbins seminar who I spent some time with ask me to go running with her and she reinforced that request a day later and even asked me for my schedule a few days later on the email....only to blow me off. I suspect she was seeing someone else and he won her over. There were hints from my conversations with her and she was a "9" on my scale and probably most other guys scales. Hell, I personally saw her get hit on 4 times. I also had another girl who emailed me after the meeting saying she had a lot of fun....only to blow me off...So just like you say "NEXT".

Anyway, I'm pretty sure I'm behaving the right way on these meetings and keep in mind they are cold contacts, so maybe that has something to do with it.

Last week I had a first meeting I met from online. She's cute and it seemed like we had a little chemistry. At the end when I hugged her goodbye she said..."let's keep in touch and call me sometime" and it seemed like in a not so genuine manner (No, it's not my current conditioning:-)).

I just smiled and laughed inside. Just thinking wow where did I hear that before. I left her a voice mail two days later just saying It was good meeting you and yes, I would like to keep in touch, so what I'll do is call you next week......

It would be nice to see her again, but I decided NOT to call her. First, I don't NEED to see her and 2) If she wants to see me well she has my email and phone #. I'm not that frustrated, but a little burned out on this certain BS behavior.

Hey man, if it was not for your materials I'd be tearing my hair out like I used a year ago. Would you call her? Have you experienced what I'm experiencing? ie multiple girls saying they want to see you again only to blow you off.

Your feedback and advice as always is greatly appreciated.

Blow-offs are inevitable. Don't worry about them, or focus on them. Just work right past them. Your attitude is right on about this, man. If they don't want to play in your pool, NEXT!

Let me give you an analogy:

Ever drive through a parking lot and have to go over a ridiculous number of speed bumps just to get to the other side?

I do. In the parking lot where my studio is, I regularly stop over at a food place that's about a 1/4 mile away. But there are over 14 speed bumps if you follow the front of the plaza. It's like off-roading through a minefield.

I dread that journey, even in my Jeep.

It becomes something you dread and you avoid. So instead of dreading this, I chose a different path through the center. I go the longer route so that I only hit 2 of them.

And now I'm happier.

But any day now, they could throw in 10 more speed bumps on my new route. And I'd just have to learn to live with it.

The moral of my story?

The only way to improve your blow-off ratio is to understand one thing very clearly: Women are flakier than a 3-day old croissant.

If you improve your game up-front, you can improve your hitting ratio. But you will always have women that don't pan out.


Start increasing the numbers so that you get more successes and the flakey dames are forgotten faster than you can say, "Write down your phone number."

Ignore the speed bumps, or avoid them COMPLETELY.

I've gone through many women doing the blow-off thing. And if you pay attention (which it sounds like you're able to now that you know what to watch out for), you'll discover that you know when they're going to do this to you if you watch for the signs.

The key is to TURN UP THE HEAT as high as they can stand it during the first meeting. You need to create an exciting and sexually stimulating interaction with her, full of intense fun that will have her squirting pee if you're doing it right.

I'm serious here!

Get her so amped up about the interaction that she simply MUST see you again. That's the best way to avoid blow-off.

In other words, don't just meet her for coffee, even if that's what you're doing on the OUTSIDE.

You have to make it THE most stimulating coffee date she's ever had by teasing her, making her laugh, making her think, and giving her a ROCKING emotional ride with you.

I'll bet that even though there was some attraction going on, things didn't move along quite as well as they needed to on that meeting of yours.

I'm going to cover more of these skills in the next few Audio Coaching sessions. We're going to cover storytelling and other strategies to turn the most boring and mundane situations to your advantage. It's all about escalating the sexual tension until it's unbearable. You'll either have her jumping YOU for the kiss, or she'll have to leave to escape it. And if she does, good riddance.

So the key is to not let the blow-offs rattle you. 90% of all chicks do this, and it comes with the territory. The best you can do is to keep AMPing up those interactions you have when you do meet with them.

Oh, and don't ever let a woman get away with the insulting phrase of "let's keep in touch." Bust her balls on it a little. And keep in mind that it's a dead giveaway that she's not interested. If she were, she'd be telling you when she wants to see you again...

alpha man | how to talk to women | approach women | dating advice for men

Sunday, December 18, 2005


Ok, getting numbers is easy, but the first meeting is giving me a bit of trouble...

My usual routine when first interacting with a girl I am interested in is to introduce myself, tease her, and use some push/pull techniques, which works like a charm in drawing her interest, and I get her screen name and number.

A few days later I contact them, and build rapport with them over the internet, but it doesn't seem to work so well when I suggest meeting up at so and so's to have coffee etc. I almost come off a little too cocky over the internet and I think this is a problem. Should I avoid talking online before getting to know a women really well?

Or sometimes if I call a woman and we hang out, then start to talk online, I think they get the wrong impression and things go sour. It's as though teasing over the internet is too complicated.


And if I call them for the meeting they seem to flake out. What am I doing to kill the attraction when I first call or instant message her?


Stop going backwards with women.

By reverting to "instant messaging" you're ruining the chemistry. Stop using the internet to interact. This is where you're going wrong.

After you've met a woman in person, every meeting after that (with a few exceptions for phone) should all be in person. THAT is where you deepen the sense of connection.

Rapport and attraction are not built from watching letters appear on a screen. They come from direct, face-to-face interaction where you can physically touch another human being.

A woman will only meet with a guy that they feel they have something to gain with. A guy that they feel INVESTED in.

Think about it from her perspective: What have you done to make her want you?

Because if she isn't hot and bothered over you, she's not motivated to keep seeing you. Plain and simple.

alpha man | how to talk to women | approach women | dating advice for men

Friday, December 16, 2005

AMOGs, Conflicts, and Seminars:

Wussap carlos! First off, let me thank you for all the kick ass advice you provide for us guys on your pod cast every week. I also have a copy of your alpha male
book and I love it.

I was wondering if you were going to throw any workshops or in-field workshops anytime soon. If you were planning to I would like to know what they will cover and what they will be about. I was hoping that besides covering dating and women that
you will cover how to be more socially presentable at parties, conventions, or at work.

I was also hoping that you would also cover AMOG tactics. I read from your book that you teach martial arts and I am very interested in how you handle AMOGS or assholes in the club trying to start a conflict with you or your women and how to effectively handle such a situation. I also practice marital arts but I have never been in such confrontations and I would like to use my wits and verbal martial arts instead of any physical violence.

Let me know, peace.

Well, truth be told, I am planning for a seminar here in San Francisco in the early part of 2006. (Which - for you guys who are screaming out "that's next year!" - is actually right around the corner.)

I'll be sending out a notice to the Seminars mailing list very soon, so make sure you're on it. We'll be doing classroom and an in-field workshop doing approaches and talking to women.

AMOGS aren't generally a problem for me. The reason is that AMOGs show up when they think they've got something to prove by blowing out your game. I can disarm almost any person in just a few seconds, and I'm not talking about physical disarming. You only have to keep your wits about you and use a little conversational Aikido (martial art of turning your opponent's energy against him) to avoid 99.99% of all fights.

Having the confidence that I CAN handle these situations leads to having a calming effect on my interactions with these kinds of guys, which then lowers the grunt-factor quite a bit. I don't feel threatened, so I'm able to convey a cool, suave personality to the woman.

Some guys think that AMOGs are being Alpha, but they're really not. They're just pesky annoyances to swat away with your sense of self-confidence. An AMOGs game is easy to bust because it's so transparent.

Social skills are really what all this dating and seduction material relates to. Ultimately, your social skill is your primary determinant as to how successful you'll be in life.

If you'd like to learn more about social dominance and being a REAL Alpha Man, take a look at THIS....

alpha man | how to talk to women | approach women | dating advice for men

Wednesday, December 14, 2005


Dear Carlos. Its J here ... I've been subscribed to your mailing list for a long time, (probably around 3 months)

When I got your "welcome to a better life" email again, I was touched. I knew I had to inprove my life, and do something more than just mooch off of emails and podcasts. So tonight, after I got home from my school band concert, I told my mom to take a look at your program. For some background info, my parents have always been real evangelical lutheran types - very peaceful, very nonviolent, and very non-conflictal.

After about a minute of looking at , she turned away from it disgusted. She gave me crap about how she was totally turned off by this guy and his talk about "seduction" and then told me about how seduction is using women for sex and hurting their feelings. She went downstairs to get my dad and see what he thought about it, and on the way back up I heard her say "women get it on with men because they feel cared about."

Anyway, my dad came up and he read it... about halfway through he just kept saying "go on" "ok, go on" really quickly, I don't think he was reading it at all. He told me about how it was very superficial, asked if you had any special qualifications like as a psychologist or anything.

When I told him about this one pdf you sent in an email once, he explained to me how that was a case study, and unless there was a study done on a large group of people with a test group and a control group, there was no proof and incentive to have anything to do with this program or advice. This reminds me of your one podcast where you talked about the man standing around the fire saying "first you give me some heat, then I'll give you some wood."

Do you have any ideas of what I can do in this situation? If I can't get this ebook, is there anything else you'd reccomend for me?



AH! This kind of letter always inspires me.

First of all because you're smart enough to want more for yourself, even being just a young man, but also because I LOVE IT when I shake the establishment.

Let me start by saying that your mom isn't wrong. She's actually correct. Women DO get it on with men who they feel care about them. (As it should be.)

But she's neglecting something VERY important:

A woman WON'T get it on with a guy who can't start up a sense of attraction and desire in her.

She won't get it on with a guy who isn't a REAL man.

Interesting that your mom didn't finish reading the page. She's quick to make a snap judgment based on the word "seduction," but the truth is that women want sex just as much (and I believe MORE) than men. The other truth is that I don't condone ANY kind of mistreatment of women. But I realize she wasn't willing to read that far.

Dig deeper here. If your mom could look back in time (and be honest), she'd tell you that there was something very attractive about your dad initially, and that had nothing to do with his caregiving. It was whatever his Alpha traits were that spiked her desire.

It was about sexual tension.

(Man, I feel gross talking about someone's parents like this. Almost as if I'm talking about mine. :)

Your mom either felt that sexual desire ... or she settled for a provider that would give her the best shot at raising a family.

Sorry, sports fans. I call 'em like I see 'em. And you'd be amazed to know how many:

- sexless marriages
- marriages of convenience
- marriages where one or both partners cheat
- lives without fire or passion

there are in this world right now.

Of the 113 million married Americans, some psychologists estimate that 15 to 20 percent of couples have sex no more than 10 times a year, which is how the experts define sexless marriage. And even couples who don’t meet that definition still feel like they’re not having sex as often as they used to.

How's that for information from an "expert?"

Did that help you get a woman interested in you? No. It was rational rhetoric. A great fact to know to realize that you better choose very carefully when you decide to marry. Because most people do NOT.

There are many "experts" that tell you that you should supplicate and treat a woman like a queen (which she doesn't want, by the way), while sending her roses and expressing your "true feelings" for her.

Quick question (and I DON'T want an answer on this) ... Are your parents still "getting it on?"

If they are, it's because there is still some sexual tension between them. And even though relationships evolve, the cold hard truth is that without sexual tension and, yes, a bit of CONFLICT, there is no real passion or desire.

Reality Check:

After thousands of years of study, not one "expert" or psychologist has been able to define the things that make women attracted to men.

But isn't it interesting how there are certain men who still get women? All the time?

Do they have a magical power?


Do they have a mind-control drug?


They have ABILITY and SKILLS that you don't. That's all. And if you watch them at work, you'll see that they're NOT doing what the conventional experts would tell you to do.

But the most important detail is this:

How many of those egghead experts is able to consistently arouse sexual interest in a woman?

Who are you more willing to listen to, a guy with a degree (oh, and I do have one, but not in this field - Thank God!) or the guy who is doing what you want to do, and getting the results you want to get?

This is an ART you're learning, not a science that you get a degree in. (If it was, don't you think they'd have a class called "Attract Women 101" offered in school?)

One of my mentors from days past used to say, "If you want to make a lot of money, study the guy that has a big pile of it. Not the bankrupt stock broker selling you his lame advice. If he's so smart, how come he's not rich?"

If you knew your parents when they were still all a-flutter with love mojo, you'd realize that they are no longer the same couple they once were.

Every single woman I talk to about the subject of attraction agrees:

Women want men who act like MEN, not the guys today who are afraid to be masculine.

EVERY woman I talk to agrees on this. Guys are getting pretty wimpy.

Why do you think women are so frustrated?

It's because we're men for a reason, guys... When you soften yourself up and supplicate, you betray your own identity. You don't turn a woman on by being more like a woman.

Be a man, and be proud of it.

If you want to know what your reason for being a man is, look HERE.

I would never encourage you to disobey your parents. Only you can make the decision that's right for YOU. It might be time to grow up and think for yourself.

"All truth passes through three stages. First, it is ridiculed. Second, it is violently opposed. Third, it is accepted as being self-evident."

Arthur Schopenhauer
German philosopher (1788 - 1860)

alpha man | how to talk to women | approach women | dating advice for men

Tuesday, December 13, 2005


I've been listening in on the Podcast for over a month now. I must say all of your advice is sound and eyeopening. I've gotten tips off other websites in the past and they all beat around the bush when it comes to actually giving the customer advice. Your Podcast alone has ten times the advice and no hassle. No playing around. Straight facts, great analogies, and to the point advice for guys out there (Like me) who need just a little bit of help when it comes to women.

My question is this:

I'm a junior in highschool and I must say I'm a bit of a geek. I take engineering programs, play Xbox and PS2 nearly all the time, and I am in every band program in the school. I am definetly the definition of "geek".

Somewhere in my past I've picked up the nasty reputation that I am a so-called, "Player". I will admit when I was younger I had a bit of a crisis with girls where I asked out a different girl just about every week or so. Now please, understand that I didn't just walk past a girl and immediately ask her out. In 99% of the cases I knew the person well and had a good friendship with them. Well as you can imagine my whole situation just spiraled out of control until I arrived where I am now. No girlfriend, no prospects, and no idea how I got here.

I sat down with couple of my good girl friends (friends that are girls, not dating partners) and asked them why no girls seemed to be interested in me. Everyone of them put my episode of asking out girls on a whim as one of my main problems.

Well, I have been thought about this for over two months. Then I found your podcast. Well, things started to clear up and I do see that that "episode" is one of my problems when it comes to me asking out girls. It seems that they all think that "He doesn't care about me because he asks out every girl he sees".

There is just one thing I cannot grasp.

"How I fix this mess and get back into the dating scene..."

I was wondering if you had any advice that might help in my plight against my bad reputation. I know its not my main problem though. Hopefully if I can get past this reputation as a guy that just asks out every girl that he sees, I might be able to solve other like "Being able to talk to girls" and such.

*Please note: This episode happened two and a half years ago. I would have thought it would have been forgotten by now. Obviously not*

Thanks Carlos,

I really love the Podcast and I am hoping to buy Alpha Man soon too. I love your work. Keep it up!


Look, your reputation is something that will follow you, but YOU can make it what you want.


How do you overcome this stigma of the guy who asks out all the women?


Be more selective!

You don't have to ask out every woman around you. In fact, it's a good idea to not spread yourself around so much. You lose mystery and allure.

From now on, be social and curious, and let the women who are interesting rise to the top of the cream. They will when they see your social value.

Sometimes you can create a problem with too much of the right attitude, such as being easygoing and finding it easy to ask women out.

But as I'm sure you're aware by now, asking women out is not the right path.

You must have her attracted and invested in you before she will be interested in another meeting.

Start getting more women out in social situations where you can demonstrate HSV (High social value) and then you'll find yourself in a better social situation.

Women need to feel unique and special enough to warrant your interest, otherwise you're just like the other 5,432 guys who picked up on her this week.

So put the X-box down and start getting out with your friends more. Become more socially loose and you'll find that my strategies become MUCH easier to implement.

I suggest you get my Alpha Man program right away and start to cultivate that inner confidence and Alpha attitude sooner...

alpha man | how to talk to women | approach women | dating advice for men

Sunday, December 11, 2005


As I work on becoming an Alpha Man, there's always one fear that has been consistent. Other guys. Physical violence. I mean I will speak my mind mostly, but I am afraid that my fighting skills aren't to par. Take for example having to put my twin brother who I've reunited with after 10 years (or his friends) in their place when they get drunk and beligerent. He is former Army and trained to kill, and in hand to hand.

With guys like this running around (and you never know who they are) or your everyday street punk who has something to prove, how can I realistically remedy this. I know you suggest taking up self-defense, but wouldn't it take a very long time to get good?

How do you deal with these kind of creepy guys? Overall as a martial arts instructor how long do you think it'd take to become efficient in self-defense? Hope you could shed some light on this (even if it is only a clearer way of stating what I've heard before.) Thanks.


You can never be too careful.

First of all, my “Duh” solution is to NOT be around people like this when they are drunk & belligerent. It’s never necessary. If your brother insists on this behavior (and endangering your life) then you need to sit him down and have a little intervention on his behalf, before he ends up in Leavenworth.

As far as becoming proficient at self-defense, it will take a good 6 months or so to start to grasp some solid fundamentals. If you have some natural ability, maybe shorter. But there’s always an “X-factor” that you can’t predict. (And remember, all the karate in the world can’t stop a bullet.)

Start a program now, though, with the understanding that it should not lure you into a false sense of comfort. The longer you wait, the longer it will take for you to get good.

Remember, the translation of kung-fu is "time-energy." Meaning that anyone can have kung-fu if they apply the time and effort necessary to develop a skill.

But I say that avoidance is the best self-defense there is.

The only good Alpha Man is a healthy, breathing one.

By the way, do you want to hear more about our holiday special ... ?

It's only available through December, and then it's gone...

Get ALPHA in 2006!

You can get it HERE

alpha man | how to talk to women | approach women | dating advice for men

Friday, December 09, 2005



First off, let me tell you I've read your stuff in the past couple of days and I'd say it's got to be the best out there. I'm pretty close to buying your dating book, and I really respect alot of what you have to say about women.

I'm in college, 22 years old, and I've been talking to her for a while and I know she likes me, but she has a boyfriend. When we first started talking earlier in the fall, she didn't mention to me she had a bf until about two weeks in, so I was pretty hooked. Anyways, we kept talking on and off all of the fall, but I'm getting pretty frustrated with the whole boyfriend thing.

I think I've decided to take your advice and just not talk to her anymore and pursue other women. She told my buddy, "I would sleep with him if I didn't have a bf." I'm not going to be back at school but twice during the next couple of months to see some friends. Should I call her to meet up with her and play with her to try and pull her closer towards me or should I just keep going down my current path of not talking to her anymore, I haven't called her at all since(Nov 20th). I'm just very unsure of what to do, thanks for advice,



Wait a second, you're convinced my stuff is the best, yet you "think" you've decided to take my advice and start seeing other women...

Dude...! C'mon!

Here's a pal-to-pal mercy slap.... WHAP!

Stop “trying” with her. Remember Yoda? “Do or do not. There is no try.”

It sounds like you're "trying" in every sense of the word. Trying in thinking, trying in doing.

Trying instead of DOING.

Stop attempting and commit to accomplishment. It's what separates the average frustrated chumps of the world out there from the guys who get laid.

Stop calling her. Wait for a week or two. Then call her out of the blue and get her out of the house and doing something fun. Then, hit her with some of my attraction strategies.

Push through the barrier, because if she would “sleep with you” w/out her boyfriend, then she will sleep w/you when she’s still seeing him. It just takes the right approach and Alpha Attitude.

And get my book!

“Close to” doesn’t cut it if you want to get the goods on this girl... You could be “close to” her forever, and still be strangely alone tonight.... And the next night... And the next...


alpha man | how to talk to women | approach women | dating advice for men

Thursday, December 08, 2005


I will be hosting a FREE live teleconference seminar on 12/29/2005 at 7:00 PM Pacific Time. The seminar will be about 1 hour long.

The topic of discussion for this call will be the use of Kino (touch) with women. You'll learn some new tips and strategies for using your body effectively in your interactions with women. We'll also have my guest lady advisor, CJ Chandler on the call to answer questions and provide comments.

I anticipate that the call reservation list will fill up within a few hours, so please sign up NOW to be sure you have a spot and don't miss out on this great opportunity.

Reserve your place HERE

Remember, this is a free seminar. The only thing you pay is long distance charges to our conference center in Iowa. (International callers are welcome, too.)

And even if you don't make the guest list for this call, we'll be holding more calls in the future.

alpha man | how to talk to women | approach women | dating advice for men

Wednesday, December 07, 2005


People often ask for an explanation of "Marketing" when it comes to dating.
So, here it is:

You're a guy and you see a hot woman at a party. You go up to her and say, "I'm fantastic in bed." That's Direct Marketing.

You're at a party with a bunch of friends and see a woman. One of your friends goes up to her and, pointing at you, says, "He's fantastic in bed." That's Advertising.

You see a woman at a party. You go up to her and get her telephone number. The next day you call her and say, "Hi, I'm fantastic in bed." That's Telemarketing.

You see a chick at a party, you straighten your tie. You walk up to her and pour her a drink. You say, "May I," and reach up to fix her hair, brushing your hand lightly on her arm, and then say, "By the way, I'm fantastic in bed." That's Public Relations.

You're at a party and see a hot woman. She walks up to you and says, "I hear you're fantastic in bed." That's Brand Recognition.

You're at a party and see a woman. She eyes you, but you talk her into going home with your friend. That's a Sales Rep.

Your friend can't satisfy her so he calls you. That's Tech Support.

You're on your way to a party when you realize that there could be hot women in all these houses you're passing. So you climb onto the roof of one situated near the center of the block and shout at the top of your lungs, "I'm fantastic in bed!"

That's Junk Mail.

alpha man | how to talk to women | approach women | dating advice for men

Tuesday, December 06, 2005


Carlos first of all thanks for helping men out, your newsletters are great and you are doing a heck of a job.

Carlos i need your advice here. I have been talking to this girl over the instant messenger, got her phone # and I have been talking to her for a few months now. I have talked to this girl about almost every topic imaginable and I feel that we get along really well. She said that she likes it when we communicate and talk about different topics. I also heard that if you engage her mind and not focus putting moves on her that I can get almost any girl.

Last night over the phone I told her a dirty joke, I thought that it would make her laugh. I think she took offensive and it seems to me that she thought that I only care about sex and nothing else. That is complete bullshit i thought since I have spent all this time engaging her mind and finding out everything about her. She told me she isnt looking for a relationship or casual dating. My gut feeling is that she isnt only focused on getting sex but i might be wrong. How do i find that out?

If a girl says that to a guy does that mean friends forever? should i tell her that i want to become her friend and that i am not looking for a gf right now? IF we become friends can we still end up as a couple?

I heard a lot of women complain that guys only care about sex, so does that really mean that they would prefer men to become friends with them first and then show sexual interest? or not show it until she does?

Carlos, I would like to take this girl out this weekend but im at a loss for words, how can i fix the situation? I appreciate your help once again.


Uhhhhh.... sorry, man.

That thing about turning her on through her mind is only applicable if you're also generating some sexual tension along with it. Women aren't turned on by your knowledge of fine cheeses and art.

They're turned on by thinking that you could eat that cheese off her firm buttocks while painting her in the nude...

Big difference. There has to be a sexual charge to the conversation.

And that interpretation you made from what she said about guys only wanting sex is one of the biggest destroyers of Men's sex lives. Absolutely.

That woman wants sex more than YOU do. I can almost guarantee that (unless she's damaged goods.)

When a woman says stuff like men only want sex, it's a kneejerk statement that has nothing to do with her inner reality. Most guys hear this and make the catastrophic mistake of believing women. I made the same mistake.

It really means that she's frustrated with guys who are typical, not that they want sex.

This is something I clear up completely in my Secrets of the Alpha Man program.

I'm really concerned about the questions here, because they are missing some CRITICAL points that must be understood to go any further with her. As it stands, things aren't going very well for you based on the things you've told me.

The big problem I'm seeing is that you're relying on the newsletters to give you the understanding of the correct mindset, and that's not going to be enough for you, dude.

You really need my Alpha Man program.

Stop standing on the sidelines, afraid to take a risk. Put some skin in the game.

I'll show you how this game is played.

Get my programs and start winning like these guys have been...

alpha man | how to talk to women | approach women | dating advice for men

Sunday, December 04, 2005



I have ordered the CD's and am eagerly awaiting them. I have downloaded the ebook and digested it and begun going out approaching women in bars on the street and in clubs.

One opinion opener I used last night was "Hey Ladies I have only got a minute as I have gotta get back to my friends. I need a quick female opinion, Who should pay on a first date the guy or the girl"

I opened around 5 sets of girls. However on the 5th set one of them was rather rude and said "Are you stupid or somting the guy should pay ?"

I looked at her and smile and said "Wow you look so cute when your angry" and moved on.

How would you deal with a girl who is acting rude in a situation like this ?.

Secondly I am comfortable with using "Excuse me are you young single ?" on the street. I approached 20 girls. It was a mix of giggles, smiles some women just ignoring me and walking away. Is this being rather too direct? One girl replied or gosh you have caught me off guard, sorry, and she walked on. How should I have dealt with this ?




You don't even have the complete Approach program yet, and you're already opening with an 80% success ratio.

But the troubling part is that you came to me to look at how to salvage the 20% that don't matter.

You’re focusing on the only set that responded badly. There will always be a set that won’t work. You just had 80% success. The glass is really HALF FULL!

As for the way I react to these women, well it's to forget them as soon as I talk to the next woman who does respond.

You will never win them all.

As for the woman that walked on, you should have followed her and built comfort to regain her trust.

Be a little more persistent next time.

Or just approach another woman and let it go.

I personally favor the latter of those two options...

A big portion of your attitude, though, is being communicated by your focus. If you care too much about the results you get, you're focusing on her reality and accommodating her frame. You should be more concerned with projecting your own confidence and value.

Perhaps next time you can persist beyond the opening line and think up a few responses past the opener. Remember, your game has to go deep as well as wide.

alpha man | how to talk to women | approach women | dating advice for men

Saturday, December 03, 2005


Use this one, but only at your own risk! :)
Yes, this is meant to be funny...

Dear increasingly attractive woman:

I came very close to making a pass at you today. While I have not been attracted to you for the majority of time I've known you, I find myself desiring you more and more the longer I go without any sex or female companionship. Your annoying habits are easier to ignore, your odd features seem to blur, and your shitty attitude more closely matches my air of pathetic desparation.

Let's face it: neither one of us is really a catch right now. "Nearby" and "available" are really the only qualities we have to offer anyone, so why not just admit it and give in to the first guy who comes along- me. I assure you, my darling, right now I am halfway seething with mildly erotic desire for you.

I fantasize about taking you in my arms, pulling your body close to mine, and whispering in your ear, "You'll do for now." Think of the hours upon hours of vaguely satisfying sexual activities we could engage in!

Think of the amazing substances we'll ingest in a failed attempt to drive off feelings of dissapointment and resignation! Think of all the magnificently sexy people we'll imagine we're with! (full disclosure: I'll be thinking about some of your friends) I honestly believe it could be the greatest relationship either one of us has ever settled for.

Though I missed my chance with you today, I am certain we will be together someday, my momentarily acceptable love bunny. Probably when I'm drunk.

alpha man | how to talk to women | approach women | dating advice for men

Thursday, December 01, 2005


This was sent in by Jack, one of the Alphas out there... I think everyone should relate to this. In fact, I think it would make a powerful story for doing approaches in the field.

- Carlos


"I never quite figured out why the urges of men and women differ so much. And I never have figured out the whole Venus and Mars thing. I have never figured out why men think with their head and women with their heart.

FOR EXAMPLE: One evening last week, my girlfriend and I were getting into bed.

Well, the passion starts to heat up, and she eventually says 'I don't feel like it, I just want you to hold me.'

I said 'WHAT??!! What was that?!'

So she says the words that every boyfriend on the planet dreads to hear... 'You're just not in touch with my emotional needs as a woman enough for me to satisfy your physical needs as a man.' She responded to my puzzled look by saying, 'Can't you just love me for who I am and not what I do for you in the bedroom?'

Realizing that nothing was going to happen that night, I went to sleep.

The very next day I opted to take the day off of work to spend time with her. We went out to a nice lunch and then went shopping at a big, big unnamed department store. I walked around with her while she tried on several different very expensive outfits. She couldn't decide which one to take so I told her we'd just buy them all. She wanted new shoes to compliment her new clothes, so I said lets get a pair for each outfit. We went onto the jewelry department where she picked out a pair of diamond earrings.

Let me tell you ... she was so excited. She must have thought I was one wave short of a shipwreck. I started to think she was testing me because she asked for a tennis bracelet when she doesn't even know how to play tennis. I think I threw her for a loop when I said, 'That's fine, honey.' She was almost nearing sexual satisfaction from all of the excitement. Smiling with excited anticipation she finally said, 'I think this is all dear, let's go to the cashier.'

I could hardly contain myself when I blurted out, 'No honey, I don't feel like it.'

Her face just went completely blank as her jaw dropped with a baffled 'WHAT?'

I then said 'Honey! I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a while. You're just not in touch with my financial needs as a man enough for me to satisfy your shopping needs as a woman.' And just when she had this look like she was going to kill me, I added, 'Why can't you just love me for who I am and not for the things I buy you?'"

alpha man | how to talk to women | approach women | dating advice for men