Sunday, May 13, 2007

Should you break up with her or not?

First of all, I have to say that your Dating Black Book is amazing! Its all so true, but never so well expressed and clarified! Its probably the best source of information around, not just for dating, but getting your priorities right, and I think that every guy should at the very least buy a copy. You see the funny thing is, that my friends actually laugh at me for buying it... the suckers!

Anyway, I'm in an interesting situation right now, which I think you might be able to help me in: the break up. Here's my situation:

Ok, i've been going out with this girl for about nine months, now. The truth is that I'm regretting letting it go on for so long. I really feel a need to break up, and its been building up for sometime now. However, I really want to let her down in the nicest possible way, without ruining her life. The reason I say 'ruining her life', is simply because at the moment we're both have about 1 month until our A-level exams (yes I live in England by the way) and I worry that the emotional trauma of breaking up from such a long relationship ... may have an effect on her results. This I really would not want to be responsible for!

However, I'm frankly bored, and feel she is becoming too needy, trying to restrict what I do, and who I see, and this, like everyone else, I don't like. Do you think I should leave till after the exams, and stay tolerant for [a few] more months, or break up as soon as possible? As you can see, I'm finding it very difficult to decide.

Thanks again

AC in the UK

Well, first of all, congrats on taking a step towards your own self-development. You're right for laughing at the friends who would laugh at you.

Remember what I always say: "
The people who would discourage you from your dreams are the ones who have already given up on their own."

First of all, I do not suggest you traumatize this girl during your finals. But on the other hand, I'd be willing to bet she's a lot more resilient and tough than you imagine. You may think you're going to ruin her horribly, but you'd be amazed how quickly women rebound from heartbreak and keep on keeping on.

I can't tell you when precisely to do this, but if it's only another month, you should use the time to both your advantage to figure out how you might spot her kind of personality in the future, and how you can help her to understand her own behavior, etc. You can always make this time work for you. (Just be careful of sticking around just because you've got nothing better. That's the Loserboy path.)

Boredom is one thing -
potential abuse or psychotic behavior is another situation completely. If there's ever any question of her mental state or potential to harm you, you leave right away. No hesitation.

But mildly passive-aggressive behavior is pretty harmless in my book.

Just follow the break-up rules I detail in the
Dating Black Book and you'll have no problems moving along. You don't need to burn bridges, either.

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