Thursday, June 29, 2006

Here I am!

Well, guys.... I'm out here in Montreal with this fine group of gurus, and we're having a smack-down good time. (Me, I'm sleep deprived, but functional.)

Tomorrow morning starts the Cliff's List seminar here in Canada. Hopefully you're here.

I'll be posting updates and reports when I can.

I'll be on stage at 9:50, so I hope to see some of you guys out in the audience...

- Carlos

alpha man | how to talk to women | approach women | dating advice for men

Wednesday, June 28, 2006


Not a lot of guys are familiar with Bushido, or the Japanese way of the warrior. It is an Eastern form of the old code which we know as "chivalry."

I thought I'd share these virtues with you so you could familiarize yourself with it.

As I look back over the years, one thing that has made me attractive to women is partly my adherence to ideals. I firmly believe in a code of honor for every man, and if you don't have one, you're depriving yourself of one of the most effective ways to boost your self esteem.

I hope that you take the time and effort to define your own Bushido code.

Strength and Honor has been a part of my beliefs, and probably always will.

Seven virtues associated with bushido:

* 義 – Gi – Rectitude - Moral Uprightness
* 勇 – Yū – Courage
* 仁 – Jin – Benevolence
* 礼 – Rei – Respect
* 誠 – Makoto or 信 - Shin– Honesty
* 名誉 – Meiyo – Honor, Glory
* 忠義 – Chūgi – Loyalty

alpha man | how to talk to women | approach women | dating advice for men

Tuesday, June 27, 2006

Alpha Brutes...


How to you handle your ALPHA confidence when you know the other guy could defeat you in a fight ie. he is a very skilled martial artist - or more skilled than you are? Some of these guys you would be forced to back down from (right in front of your lady) or risk getting more than just a little hurt.

Possibly then, the lady might choose him over you???



First of all, let's be clear, this seems to me like a theoretical question. Instead of trying to prepare for a RARE eventuality like this, it's time to understand how to out-AMOG guys without having to resort to physical confrontation.

If he's a skilled Martial Artist, he wouldn't be putting you in that situation to begin with. Martial Artists don't generally pick fights unless they're pushed around.

There are MANY different avenues for handling aggressive guys without going to fisticuffs. The REAL Alpha Man knows that verbal disarmament is your first and best option. This will take care of guys in 99% of all situations.

The only time you need to respond with violence is when you're ATTACKED. Period.

If you are "called out" to fight someone over a woman, you didn't handle the situation correctly before that point.

95% of the guys out there don't have the balls to take it to a fight. They'll bluff and posture, and if you posture back with lame, grunting, pee-on-the-tree reactions, you'll get what you deserve. Never meet force with force. Always let the reed bend.

If a woman chooses him over you, you've just saved yourself the headache of dating a woman with a bloodthirst.

Count yourself blessed.

Now, don't spend one more minute preparing for a fear-based scenario like this. Start going out and just talking to women. We're talking about a very unlikely event. Instead, prepare for the interactions you have with the women. Much more productive.

If you'd like to see the best way to handle situations like this and retain your Alpha Status, check out the Alpha Man Immersion Program - How to attract women with your natural traits.

alpha man | how to talk to women | approach women | dating advice for men

Monday, June 26, 2006

A review comes in...

This just in... a couple of early reviews of the Alpha Immersion DVD set:

I am about half way on the first Alpha Immersion DVD and I am very pleased with it so far. So much fuckin information man! I love the captions along the way along with the presentation. I am also the type of person that is critical with what he reads and listens to ( a lot of phony stuff out there) and I can honestly say that most of the stuff you talk about is based on realistic perceptions especially since you say that things aren't ALWAYS that way and you seem very careful with the way you state things.

Unbelievable. You are the man. I love it so far. I will have a review for you once I finish watching it all. Thanks man.
                                                                                          Your loyal customer,


Hi Carlos,

Got your DVD's Friday finished the first disk last nite, when you say the the DVD's are packed full you did not lie. It is tough going in a good way. I cant wait to finish the set. I am listening to the mp3's while I am driving. I really enjoy what you have to say in your podcast's, newsletters and on the blog. I was a Natural than lost all my game when I fell for a chick and when it ended I became the biggest Girly-man in the world when I was around women I liked. Your views complement my view on life and women, I don't wanna be false, I wanna be the respectful guy I am and get the chicks. I love the slides and the no BS way you present yourself on the DVD's.

I got [another product] and did not enjoy it. I know all the best bits were cut out. with your DVD's everything in there. I am a huge critic of DVD's, Films and Television, because I work for a TV station here in Ireland as an Editor, so I know how things are done.

Carlos thanks for doing the DVD's. when I am finished these I have to get your Dating Black Book.

When I am finished the DVD's I am going to send you a Review. Just needed to tell you how good the DVD's are

Thanks Dude.


After working so hard for so long on that product, it's good to hear the validation that it was time well spent.

I think my Alpha Immersion DVD program will re-define the way guys look at pickup and attraction with women, and how they apply themselves to the Game.

I also believe that the format of the DVDs - with the use of the R.E.A.L.earn technology - will make it incredibly easy for you guys to absorb all the layers of information. (Go to the "instructions" on Discs 1-4 to read about how to maximize your learning with the program.)

Thanks for the endorsement...

alpha man | how to talk to women | approach women | dating advice for men

A review comes in...

This just in... an early review of the Alpha Immersion DVD set:

Hi Carlos,

Got your DVD's Friday finished the first disk last nite, when you say the the DVD's are packed full you did not lie. It is tough going in a good way. I cant wait to finish the set. I am listening to the mp3's while I am driving. I really enjoy what you have to say in your podcast's, newsletters and on the blog. I was a Natural than lost all my game when I fell for a chick and when it ended I became the biggest Girly-man in the world when I was around women I liked. Your views complement my view on life and women, I don't wanna be false, I wanna be the respectful guy I am and get the chicks. I love the slides and the no BS way you present yourself on the DVD's.

I got [another product] and did not enjoy it. I know all the best bits were cut out. with your DVD's everything in there. I am a huge critic of DVD's, Films and Television, because I work for a TV station here in Ireland as an Editor, so I know how things are done.

Carlos thanks for doing the DVD's. when I am finished these I have to get your Dating Black Book.

When I am finished the DVD's I am going to send you a Review. Just needed to tell you how good the DVD's are

Thanks Dude.


After working so hard for so long on that product, it's good to hear the validation that it was time well spent.

I think my Alpha Immersion DVD program will re-define the way guys look at pickup and attraction with women, and how they apply themselves to the Game.

I also believe that the format of the DVDs - with the use of the R.E.A.L.earn technology - will make it incredibly easy for you guys to absorb all the layers of information. (Go to the "instructions" on Discs 1-4 to read about how to maximize your learning with the program.)

Thanks for the endorsement...

alpha man | how to talk to women | approach women | dating advice for men

Sunday, June 25, 2006

Boring women....

hi carlos

I've been finding the last few months so boring dating wise, I've been going on a few dates with number of different girls, but whether I'm too selective, or I'm not meeting the right type i just don't want to see them again.

Its becoming very frustrating, placing so much effort in finding a decent girl, and all I'm getting are (to be frank), very boring women who like exactly the same things as the last girl I saw. Yes they're attractive, but when it comes down to it, the person on inside I've learnt means so much more, and yet where are these interesting characters?

The more different girls I seem to meet the more bored I've become, they all seem the same! and the only one that is a little more interesting, lives an impractical distance away. What am I doing wrong?




First, let's set up some ground rules:

1) Picky is GOOD. If you want a lasting relationship, you damn well better be selective. You don't want a woman that drains you or pushes your buttons at every turn. You want easygoing, attractive, and positive. Trust me on this one.

2) After years of bad cultural programming, it comes as quite a surprise that the quality of a woman really isn't what we thought. We imagined a princess, but she winds up being a bit of a pill. Women are cool, but not the be-all, end-all we were led to believe in fairy tales and movies. Unfortunate but true.

3) You're going to have to look beyond her looks if you want to find a quality woman out there. Men are far too hung up on appearance, and rarely find true happiness with the "hotties." The reality is that the women who have the most natural attraction have done the least amount of self-development. They don't improve themselves because they don't have to. (Yes, I'm generalizing here, but we all know this it mostly true. For women AND men.) Her looks are all she's needed to get her what she wants, and that's enough to coast on for quite a while.

The bottom line is that you aren't doing ANYTHING wrong. You're just learning what most guys do. Women that are attractive are pretty common. Someone worthwhile is always going to take time to find, just like anything else.

If you'd like to hear more about this in detail, I suggest you get a listen to the podcast from last week. I gave a much more thorough accounting of why this is happening...

alpha man | how to talk to women | approach women | dating advice for men

Friday, June 23, 2006

New Study...

Here are some findings from a study that you may find interesting...

Men Assume Sexual Interest When There May Be None
21:45:14 EDT Jun 16, 2006

FRIDAY, June 16 (HealthDay News) - Turns out men don't have to be living on Mars and women on Venus for communication problems to muck up dealings between the sexes.

Even when they're seated across a table from each other in a first-time, five-minute conversation, a man tends to sexualize a woman and incorrectly assume sexual interest on her part, new research finds.

"We initially got started on this research thinking if we could identify men who tended to over-sexualize women, we could then interview them (to learn why) and stop sexual harassment on the job and date rape," said lead researcher Maurice J. Levesque, an associate professor of psychology at Elon University, in North Carolina.

"We wanted to see if basically the macho-type guy was the only one who did this," said Levesque, adding the study showed that wasn't the case. "That variable - the socialization to be 'macho' - doesn't make a difference," he said.

Reporting in the new issue of Psychology of Women Quarterly, the researchers said that when a man meets a woman for the first time and they converse briefly, he's much likelier than she is to rate himself - and her - higher on sexual traits such as flirtatiousness. And he's more likely to think she's interested in him sexually, when she may not be.

In the study, 43 college men and 43 college women, ages 18 to 22, were paired with a member of the opposite sex they'd never met. They were told the study concerned "conversational smoothness." First, the men and women completed questionnaires about demographic information, and took a standard sex-role inventory to assess their scores of masculinity and femininity.

Next, each couple went to a room by themselves and sat in chairs facing each other across a small table. The researchers suggested they talk about college. Then, after the five minutes, each man and woman walked to a separate room to answer questions about their perceptions of their study partner, themselves and the conversation.

The men and the women rated themselves and their partners on personality traits such as extroversion, agreeableness, physical attractiveness, sexual traits and interaction behaviors. They were also asked if they thought the person they'd just talked to was sexy, flirtatious, seductive or promiscuous.

Men rated their women partners higher in sexuality than the women rated the men, said Levesque, who did the research while at the University of Connecticut. "It wasn't that men over-sexualized women only when there was chemistry," he explained. "Their ratings in terms of sexiness did not have a lot to do with whether she was extroverted, agreeable, or whether she behaved in particularly friendly ways."

"If he found her to be physically attractive, he would tend to rate her as sexier," he said, adding that other studies have found the same over-sexualization effect and that men give physically attractive women higher marks for sexiness.

Next, Levesque wants to focus on whether women are aware of how they are perceived by men. "These misperceptions may be contributing to situations, for example, of sexual harassment," he said.

Levesque doesn't know why all the men in the study seemed to over-sexualize women, but he speculated that "it's got to be something about socialization, that men are being taught in some way to view women as sexual objects."

The study findings are no surprise to Charles Hill, a professor of psychology at Whittier College, in California. He said the two chemical routes to sexual arousal help explain the study findings.

Testosterone, a hormone that both men and women produce, helps arouse both genders sexually, Hill said. But so does the hormone oxytocin, also in both genders. "Oxytocin promotes infant-mother bonding and women have a boost of it when ovulating, pregnant or lactating," he said. "But it also promotes emotional bonding to people in general," he said. "It may help explain why in the study that men rated women as sexy based on attractiveness, whereas women's rating of sexuality was correlated not only with attractiveness but also personality. There was an emotional component to how they rated" the men.

Based on his study and other research, Levesque offers advice for men and women who have brief encounters - such as meeting on the job, meeting in college classes, or meeting at so-called "rapid dating" events, in which men and women have four or five minutes to talk, then decide if they'd like to see each other again.

For men, he said: "Don't think every women you meet is attracted to you." This caveat especially holds true for men who think of themselves as sexy or sexual. "Men (in the study) who thought of themselves as sexy also tended to think of their partners as sexy and as interested in them." That may not be the case, however.

For women, Levesque said, the best advice "may be understanding that more often than not he is going to be thinking in sexual terms. You may walk away thinking the conversation went well or not and he may still be thinking in those (sexual attraction) terms."

Levesque offers additional advice for men: "Slow down on those thoughts. To evaluate whether the conversation went well, whether she was giving any signals of interest of not, be a little more driven by the data than just whether she is attractive, sexy and flirtatious."


The problem with this "study" is that it ignores the fact that we know how to GENERATE REAL attraction with women. You don't need to leave this up to chance.

At least, they'd like you to believe you need to "roll the dice" instead of take control of this.

R.E.A.L. Game is how you learn to use the REAL you to attract women. No more games and cheesy routines.

Get it HERE: Alpha Man Immersion

alpha man | how to talk to women | approach women | dating advice for men

Thursday, June 22, 2006

A note to the world...

I got this email from the guy I answered in my podcast last week. I think you should read it, because this is what I want you to watch out for when you get advice from other "gurus" out there.

- Do they listen to you?
- Do they give you a quality answer?
- Are they in it for the $ or for the help they provide to men?

I can only tell you where I stand on those issues, and this guy hit it right on the head:

Hey Carlos -

WOW! I just listened to the podcast, I can't believe you devoted that much time to my question. It was actually the first time I listened to a podcast. You know what? You're absolutely right, I do ROCK (it means the world to me that you said that by the way, now I know how you feel when guys write to you and say similar things). To be doing what I'm doing only after a month is absolutely something to be proud of, not be discouraged about. And it actually makes complete sense why I was discouraged, I didn't have a goal in mind when I went into the set.

There was a girl that I focused on but I just kept talking/hanging out rather than setting a goal of getting her number and then getting out or whatever other goal. I tried to do too much at once. The mistakes I'm making are absolutely vital to my growth. I am having so much fun with all of this, my attitude is 180 degrees from where it used to be. I have had some success since, 3rd base with a warm contact on the 2nd date, will probably go all the way next time. I was very content with 3rd base and played it perfectly with the push/pull because I know it will happen the next time we go out.

Also, you wanted to know about my buddy who got one of their guessed it, she never called him back. I went out with him again last weekend and sure enough, I got  discouraged again. He knows about all this material (because I've tried to help him) but he
will NEVER admit that he could use it himself. He has an excuse for everything. You're absolutely right, his attitude is contributing to bringing down my game. He sucks as a wingman. NEXT! doesn't apply only to women, he's out as my wingman. More learning from my mistakes, god I love this stuff.

I downloaded RSSRadio to listen as I currently don't have iTunes. However, I will download iTunes tomorrow so I can rate the podcast.

I ordered your DVDs this morning so I'm excited to start watching. Although I'd love to attend a seminar in person. I can't make the seminar in Montreal but if you ever have another one in San Fran, I could easily make it....

Dude, you kick ass. If you're ever in Denver, I'd love to go grab a beer with you.

What you said in the podcast means the world to me and is highly encouraging. Thanks again for your response.


I also want guys out there to realize from his previous field report that this reader was discouraged because it seemed his chump friend was getting "success" with the women he was having a tough time with.

Success is highly illusory. What passes for success is often just a lame attempt at saving face and doing what the rest of the flock is doing.

The key to his success is hidden in one sentence: " I am having so much fun with all of this"

Without that attitude, you will not improve in this area - or any area for that matter. Success depends on your having FUN above all else.

Don't be one of the flock.

Lead the pack!

Be a REAL Alpha Man...

alpha man | how to talk to women | approach women | dating advice for men

Wednesday, June 21, 2006

Who else...?


Hey, i've ran into this awkward problem with getting dates. A lot of the time the girl wants to know "who else is coming" when I set up a date. I think I make it pretty clear when I ask her that its a date, not a social hang out. But they feel the need to ask anyway.

What's a good way to respond to this in a non-wussy way which gets my point across????


If a woman is asking this question, she is obviously not getting the point that it's not a "get together." And if you are explaining it as a "date," there's a problem right there. First, you shouldn't have to explain it. Second, it should never have the appearance of a 'date.'

The problem is never at the problem. Meaning, the problem happened way before you got to the point of her asking who else is coming along.

Here are a few of the areas that need to be addressed:

1) Not enough attraction is being built with her.

2) Not enough trust/rapport is being built with her.

3) You're not taking the lead. You're getting into 'answering her questions' mode.

The first two are more than I can cover with you in this email. You need to read "The Dating Black Book" to learn the answers. Get it HERE

As for #3, you should be asking her questions right back:

"What do you mean 'who else is coming.' What do you mean?"

You need to find out why she's asking this. ESPECIALLY if it happens over and over.

Once you've found out why, fix it. And then ask her, "Why do you need someone else to come along? Are you afraid you won't be able to control yourself...?"

But #3 won't work for you until you find out where you're making an error in judgment about the whole "date" thing. Why not use the time you're with her to move things forward instead?

alpha man | how to talk to women | approach women | dating advice for men

Monday, June 19, 2006


A reader comments:

Hey Carlos,

  I never knew your mom past away man. Hey we've noticed how sometimes after a person greatest success, is a great failure, or low point. I think that was good part of it right there.

I just finished watching the video with all the interviews, and even though I haven't meet you personally, through your site, newsletters, personal e-mails, and e-books, I can see all those qualities that those men mentioned, such as professional, unpretentious, and genuine. They all glow from your work.

One thing that I noticed is that I love how you tell of your real life experiences, before you got to where you are, and where you are now. Being so, myself and others can confidently say that we can relate to you. That, and another thing that's important is how you present your work. It's well rounded, very general and broad, you don't focus on certain areas, you allow men to analyze many area's of there live, point those area's in the right direction, to make there life successful and stable for women to join and share.

Keep it up.

Thank you for what your done. Dating Black Book, Alpha Man...

For what you're doing- (R.E.A.L GAME).

And what's to come......

- Victor


I appreciate your comments more than you can know. And how appropriate that your name means WINNING. Your attitude screams "winner", not "whiner."

When I set out on this mission years ago, I knew that chasing women was important, but that there was MUCH more to the story. That's when I created the Secrets of the Alpha Man Program. A real-life primer on how to be a MAN first, and then the women will follow.

When you do it the other way ... chasing success with women to fill a hollow self-image, well...

I'm reminded of some words from "DUNE":

"Many have tried..."
"Tried and Failed?"
"They tried and died."

If you base your success with women on the wrong foundation, your integrity and self-esteem will die, too.

One of the things you'll notice is that:

1) I almost never whine about the competition, or dis them.

2) I don't brag about being the "first" or the "Greatest" or the "one and only" (even when I am :). I don't need to pump up my ego or be Mr. Salesguy. I just want to spread the word and unplug as many guys from the Matrix as possible.

3) I reveal personal details to you because I want you to understand that I'm not some "high and mighty" pickup artist. I'm just a man. And I feel I've got some valuable information to share with you.

That last one is important to me.

I don't mind showing you these things because I want you to understand what women are REALLY attracted to.

And that's REAL men.

- Carlos Xuma
Strength & Honor

alpha man | how to talk to women | approach women | dating advice for men

Friday, June 16, 2006

It's HERE! Finally!

Here's the secret to an unstoppable attitude that is guaranteed to get you more successful with women...

Step by step, you're going to learn how to make a MASSIVE change in your inner game in as little as 7 days.

No hypnosis. No devious mental games.

Finally you can be the REAL you - the YOU women really want.

Are you going nuts with all the programs out there that promise you how to be successful, but ignore the fact that you want to be genuine, not some clone of a pickup artist?

My name is Carlos Xuma. I think you all know me pretty well by now.

I've been teaching the best strategies for getting success with women (REAL success) for years now, and thousands of guys have used my programs and e-books to change their lives. Building confidence, self-worth, and success with the ladies.

When I first started out teaching guys how to become more successful with women, I had no idea how big this area would become. Thanks largely to books like "The Game" (soon to be a movie) and reality TV shows, the field of dating advice for men has grown at an unbelievable rate.

I'm incredibly excited to be a part of it, and to have helped so many men with getting this area under their control.

Earlier this year I made a big decision. I felt it was time to really create something for guys that would transform the way they think about this area. And I wanted it to come from their authentic personalities, not some fake scripts or "pickup lines."

I want to reveal something a little personal here.

The reason I got into this field of helping men with their attraction skills is because of my mom. She left this world in 2003 due to cancer at age 59. Far too young.

You see, I wrote The Dating Black Book largely because of all the help I'd given her over the years as she was dating out there. I know, it's strange to think that my mom plays a part in this, but it's true.

I had released The Dating Black Book just a year or so before she passed away. Since then, I've released several CD programs related to improving your inner and outer game with women, but I knew that somewhere inside I had something huge brewing that would shake up this community when it was released.

Well, that time has come.

Earlier this year I held the first Alpha Man Immersion seminar here in San Francisco. It was a big success, and this was where I unleashed the structure of my R.E.A.L. Game techniques for the first time.

I had a cameraman there recording it for me, and I took the footage (along with some other stuff I had on the shelf that I was waiting to release) and I created a 4 DVD set.

This DVD video program is the "something huge" - the "magic bullet" that guys everywhere have been asking for. My assistants all gave me a hard time, making sure I edited this thing right, and that we included a TON of information. I took months to make this project something I would be proud of.

Finally, the secrets of R.E.A.L. Game are here:

- How to use your real personality to get more women into your life ...
- Carlos' REAL openers - completely transcribed for you to use ...
- How to manage your fear and anxiety to build incredible confidence ...
- How to build attraction and rapport - and how most guys still mess this up ...
- Body language examples demonstrated, including how to touch a woman ...
- Dozens of exercises to raise your self-esteem and conversation ability...
- Proven closing techniques for you to improve your effectiveness 200%...
- How to use props and stories to gain a woman's interest ...
- How to condition your mind for success, and get rid of negative thinking for good...
- How to master the art of conversation with women ...
- How to test women ...

And I've BARELY touched on the total wealth of information you're going to get in this set. Really, you have to look at the index on the web site for all the details because this email would be HUGE.

And if that's not enough, I've even thrown in 10 (that's ten, dude) bonus extras (worth over $340) just to knock you off your feet.

What we've got is second to none, and it's finally ready for you to order.

But wait! Before you go to the link at the end of this email, I have to tell you something embarrassing.

When I placed the order to get these DVDs duplicated, I used my crappy handwriting to fill out a form, and my printing can sometimes really suck.

As a result, they made a mistake and didn't make me enough sets of the program.

No joke. I'm not trying to pull a fast one here. I got home today to find only HALF of the programs were received at the warehouse. I hope it's enough, but I honestly don't think it will be.

So, as of this writing, which I'm sending out on Friday, we have only 416 copies available right this second.

That's not much, I know, and I will order more. In the meantime, if you've received this blog post that means that you got preferred status to order the program FIRST.

Here's the link to the new program, where you'll find out the complete details on the hundreds of tactics and strategies - and dozens of exercises - in this 4 DVD video set.

No clever sales rap. Just go look at the Alpha Immersion Program

- Carlos Xuma

PS: I'll "sweeten" this package even more - I invite you to put all of the risk entirely on ME. If you aren't satisfied with this program for any reason, you can return the DVD program for a complete refund - and KEEP THE BONUSES! You cannot lose with this offer unless you pass it up.

PPS: These DVDs are just like the ones you get from the store or Netflix. They play in all DVD players, in all regions. Guaranteed.

alpha man | how to talk to women | approach women | dating advice for men

Thursday, June 15, 2006

I don't have to prove myself...

Other than price.  

I'm interested in both ~ but want to be prudent with my funds ~ so I would like for you to explain why your product is superior to [another guru's] dating program.  Just to give you heads up ~ I've already heard through an independent source that [another guru] is in the top five  ~ but not the No.1


Occasionally I get letters like this, asking me to "prove myself" in what I provide for men. As if I've got some clinching reason other than the scads of information I provide on my sites for you to invest in your future.

Women often ask me this, too. They say, "You're a dating advisor? What background gives you the ability to do that for others?"

Again, they are asking me to "prove" myself.

I suspect that people (especially women) are asking you to qualify yourself all the time. And I'll answer them the way I would anyone else that doubts what I have to offer.

And you'll find the Doubting Thomas type EVERYWHERE in life. Prove it, prove it, they say. "Because until you do," their REAL thought process goes, "I don't have to change or risk finding out that I'm wrong."

So I say:

As a rule, I don’t qualify my materials against other products out there. Our quality and reputation stands on its own.

If you’re interested, you are welcome to review the genuine testimonials from guys who have loved our Alpha Man program (and others) here:

And all of my products carry a guarantee, so you can’t go wrong.

Either you'll believe that these guys are really changing their lives for the better, or you won't. But I don't put myself up for approval for everyone that wants me to 'prove it.'

This is part of the Alpha Mindset that will also get you more women in your life. Take it from me. Don't get caught up in the game of having to justify yourself to everyone. Being put on the wrong side of this is the way to sink your self-esteem.

I live this every day. And you'll want to when you experience the world with a new view.

Don't be one of those people who tries to avoid change by demanding proof of everything first.

Put the wood in first to get heat from a fire. Not the other way around.

The proof is in the results.

alpha man | how to talk to women | approach women | dating advice for men

Wednesday, June 14, 2006

Those darn messages....


I met a girl a couple of weeks ago and we went out on a date that got pretty hot. I think her interest level is probably still fluid at this stage of the game. I wanted to bring in something unexpected and add that adventure to the mix today by calling in the morning to set up a spontaneous lunch date. She didn't answer so I left a message. My question is how to handle this scenario best.

I know that if I just say "call me back" that it gives her too much power and puts me on the waiting end but if I don't say something than there is a 0% for her to call back before lunchtime. I left a message (with a confident tone) like this "Hey, Jennifer - as it turns out today I have some free time so I thought I would call to see how your day is going and chat for a few minutes. I don't know what your schedule is like so call if you get the chance - if not I will call tonight 'maybe' or tomorrow night. Goodbye Jennifer"

Anyways, this is the best thing that I could come up with but I find myself running into this scenario often where I want to set up something spontaneous with a girl. Any idea on when I should actually call her back if she doesn't return my message if at all?



This is always a dilemma for guys once they realize how this sort of power play starts to arise between men and women.

It's important to be spontaneous with women, however, and you need to have a battle plan for this situation.

The key is to take it away just as fast as you offer it. If she answered, you'd offer her your little mini-adventure. If she doesn't answer, you leave her a message letting her know what she missed out on.

Here's what I'd do in this situation:

"Hey, Jennifer... Here I was going to offer you a wild little adventure to break up the monotony of your week, and you missed out... Well, don't kick yourself too much for missing out on it... I'll tell you more about this place later in the week."


And then, to make this really work, you better go there with another friend (male or female). When you talk to her, you can then be sincere when you talk about your adventure to this little lunch spot with your "friend." Don't tell her the gender of this friend. Wait for her to ask who you went with... then you say:

"Are you afraid I went with another woman? You're jealous, aren't you? That's so cute!" And simply don't answer her question.

The bottom line is that if she's not there, SHE missed out.

If you want her to call back, you must give her a reason to WANT to call back.

Curiosity often does the trick.

alpha man | how to talk to women | approach women | dating advice for men

Monday, June 12, 2006

They're starting to see through the Matrix!

That's right, gentlemen... it appears that more and more people are seeing through the contrived CRAP they put on television now...

Click here about this ridiculous show

And here for a similar response...

alpha man | how to talk to women | approach women | dating advice for men

Are You Stalking Me...?

My life has turned 180 since i found you, and I feel very lucky that I did! Because it was totally by accident... You helped me reconnect with my confident self, and I've had tons of success in all areas of life!!!!

I'm a lot like you in a lot of ways, and that's why it's been very easy for me to relate to 99,9% of what you write about in your books, talk about in your coaching sessions and podcasts... hey, I guess it's like that for a lot of guys, we're more alike than we are different in a lot of ways, but still.

Now, I am sure that I would have spent the next years trying to figure this shit out by myself, and would have been miserable about it too.. but now that I have this new found understanding, I basically got a head start, and I'm only 22.. I think it's absolutely remarkable what you are doing for us guys Carlos, letting us benefit from your experiences is truly a great way to make a difference in a lot of people's lives!

Imagine how you would feel being my age to have all this knowledge just presented to you, Imagine what you could have accomplished up until now, being the resourceful hard working type that you are... well, that's exactly how I feel now! I truly have a new found appreciation of life now, and I plan to make the most out of the time I have here.

On that note, one of my goals is to actually meet you and thank you in person for this.. and that's exactly what I'm planning to do, in the not-so-distant future...

You may be reading this and chuckling to yourself lightly, that this guy half way across the world whom you've never met before is writing to you in this way, but that's how much of an impact you have on people, and I just want you to know that!

I'll be seeing you... :-)



There are a few ways of learning something, but by far the best way is through someone else's mistakes instead of your own.

And I'd give my left nut to be able to go back in time and hand myself a copy of the Alpha Man program or the Dating Black Book. Imagine what high school would have been like with this stuff?

Just do me a favor and call before you show up on my doorstep. I'm a little freaked out by the number to guys that want to come meet me.

Hey, why not just show up at Cliff's Seminar at the end of the month?

I'll be seeing you all there... hopefully.

alpha man | how to talk to women | approach women | dating advice for men

Saturday, June 10, 2006

Brad is Wussing Out

Hey Carlos

I have noticed something immediately as result of reading your book.

I am big time James Bond Fan; Connery first, Brosnon second in the all time best bond list.  I also dig Thomas Crown's persona and identity. (Thomas Crown Affair)

It all begins in the mind with Bond and Crown; the way they carry themselves is awesome, you feel their power.

I have embraced a new belief and mantra, which is.  " I am already an Alpha Man (with the cape to match) and a natural because nature has programmed me this way from the word go".

Just by feeling the power of this incantation, my whole body has shifted into a new physiology.  This is not an arrogant posture but pure emotion which has shifted the way I carry myself. 

It's a new feeling for me and process;  my problem has been a lack of "belief in myself as man", due to a variety of issues which have been dealt with, now that I have your fabulous work to educate myself, I can see a better outcome.

I am already in a relationship,  but man, I am getting so many tests, left right and centre and just need some better strategies to deal with women's unpredictable nature.  My goal is is to enhance the way I communicate with women all round and to project my true identity as an alpha male. (I like Fj Shark who say's "nothing will affect your financial future more than your relationships with women)

Thanks Bro

Hope to meet you one day


Mike V


Is it my imagination but has Brad Pit allowed himself to "wussfied"  ? this guy is such a natural but something is not quite right with our bro Brad. what do you think?


Thanks for the kind words.

I get so many of these emails from guys each day who have discovered this personal realization for themselves that if I posted them all, I'd be accused of being some shameless self-promoter.

I think that all guys will eventually come to this realization, but it will take a LOT of mental re-programming to get it done right.

Remember that for each negative you throw into your brain, you need about 10 positives to counteract it. That's the horrible power of the dark side. Doing the right thing is not for the lazy.

Enough said.

Oh, and yes, you're right. Brad has gone the way of the wimp. He's kissing Angelina's arse, and mark my words if this one doesn't become another fly-by-night Hollywood romance. Then Brad will go on all the talk shows and cry.

Just remember him from "Fight Club" and all will be well...

I think I should send Brad a copy of my Secrets of the Alpha Man course... what do you think?

alpha man | how to talk to women | approach women | dating advice for men

Friday, June 09, 2006

Celebrate the One Year Anniversary

It's been out for a year now...

It hardly seems that long, but I've been producing the weekly podcast for you guys EVERY week now for over a year. We just celebrated the OFFICIAL podcast 52 last week, and I want you to play 52 pickup...

Go pickup our podcast HERE

Get the last two episodes in fact... I've been getting a huge amount of mail from guys telling me that these are among 2 of the best they've ever heard. In fact, I got a call from a magazine on the east coast that is interviewing me for an upcoming issue because he heard these and they "blew him away." (His words.)

Get it now, before I put up this Sunday's podcast which is coming soon....

Oh, and do me a favor to help me celebrate: Show your support of what I'm doing by posting a review on iTunes. Some jealous loser jackass named "anonymous" (gutless, too, I guess) posted a couple disparaging remarks about The Carlos. It would be nice to have some valid opinions expressed rather than one person's attempt to sully my name.

By the way, the David DeAngelo interview is out with Carlos Xuma. If you subscribe, you might be able to get a few of the remaining copies.

Now go get that podcast!

Go pickup our podcast HERE

Read what this reader has to say:


I wanted to send my congratulations on your one year podcasts mark.  I've learned A LOT through them. I usually take something from them to improve my lifestyle.  It made a money tight person like myself get the monthly audio and your Alpha Man program.( BTW, thanks for keeping the monthly audio affordable for us cheap guys.  It really has a greater impact on me than most CDs and restaurant meals I have).

The combination of your podcasts and products has had a huge impact on me and I just wanted to say thanks!

I just turned 33 and wish I had this stuff years ago!!! I have a great girlfriend who is a keeper for the last 3 years, so I'm not really in the dating pool. However, the podcasts, newsletters, the Alpha Forums, ebooks and your Alpha Man series can improve a man's lifestyle while enhancing an already great relationship. Some might call some of your stuff "rambling" but I always learn something through the Alpha Lifestyle rambles and often enjoy those talks more.

Thanks for not being one of those guys who just concentrates on selling pick up lines and rules guys want to hear. Stuff like that, to me, are like diet fads...they don't always yield long lasting change.

So, keep up the good work. No doubt your business will grow even more in the next year and thus impacting more men to drink that 6 pack of "Man Up".

I'll take a can and toast to your accomplishments.  Congrats again!


alpha man | how to talk to women | approach women | dating advice for men


Here's a good article on the topic of extroversion vs. introversion for you. I think that this is definitely in line with my experience of the "shyness" factor...

alpha man | how to talk to women | approach women | dating advice for men

Won't you get more confident when you get more women?

Hey Carlos, I just have a question about your answer in the last field report that's on your blog.

Here it is:

I may have been too harsh in my discussion of guys and one night stands. I don't have anything against them. What I don't want is a bunch of guys seeking ego improvement through notching their bedposts.

The thing that I don't understand is that I always thought that to improve your ego and your confidence is by getting with a lot of girls. But by your answer I believe that I'm wrong.So Carlos, can you help me understand so I can get on the right path.


This is a common misconception about how your self-esteem works.

You see, you can increase your self-esteem with "external" proof like this. By sleeping with a bunch of women, I can feel better about my attractiveness to the other sex.

Let's face it: Sometimes you need that proof on the outside so you can feel better on the inside.


If I get more women, I'll be more confident.

But I can't get more women until I'm more confident... which will then make me more confident, right?

That's the dirty cycle I'm trying to break. Why should you have to wait until you get good with women to improve your self-esteem and self-confidence?

But here's what I don't want you doing: Thinking that success with women will complete your world and this will make you a real man.

You see, getting women WILL increase your confidence and ego. But it is only a quick-fix.

Every single guy who has ever gone down the path of chasing women to validate his ego has found it sorely lacking, by my reckon. (I've been watching a lot of "Deadwood" these days, so bear with my lingo...)

You will never fill the void with a woman. If anything, a woman will only make the emptiness in you more apparent, or create some kind of co-dependency and unhealthy relationship.

So here's what I propose to all you guys:

Get yourself more successful and happy in your own life - at the same time as you are working on these skills.

One will reinforce the other.

The full battle plan for this is what I teach here: The Secrets of the Alpha Man

alpha man | how to talk to women | approach women | dating advice for men

Monday, June 05, 2006

Preach to the Masses

Yo Carlos!!

WHAD-UP MAN!!!.....

Just a little something that happened to me on mothers day..

I was at the mall with one of my homeboys shopping for my mothers day gift. As you already know the mall carries some decent female flesh. Now every time my homeboy saw a nice figured woman, not loudly, he would have some comment on them. Such as, "God Bless America!" or, "What you gonna do with all that!" I got so annoyed, that I told him to approach a particular female, or the next one that he came across. Of course he declined. I asked him why over and over just to see, and test his replies.

Some of his first answers were just him shrugging his shoulders. A worded answer he gave me, was that because of other guys he hangs out with, they all do the same thing. So he sort of took that from them, (not surprising.) One was that he doesn't know if he's interested initially when he first sees that person. Even if she's nicely shaped (looks), from this point is where I explained to him lightly your concepts, that you won't know for sure until you approach. And then from there, spend time to know the person( i.e. dates dinners etc.) Other than that your just assuming what that person is about.

Another reply he gave me was that he's waiting for the right opportunity and/or the right woman. I told him, that right woman will not just pop up and then things click. You as a man have to be out-going, and initiate what ever it is with a woman that you desire. Eventually he became a bit aggravated over some of the concepts I was reveling, (sort of going against his thinking.) It was kind of funny. To keep his cool, I put a big smile on my face, and I told him he was a good guy, and my friend (Blew his aggravation out the window, and managed to get him to laugh.) But through his aggravation you could see on his face that he knew what I was talking about.

The reason I told you about what happened a few weeks ago, is that I'm basically introducing him to your work and programs that you've created. Something that the men you teach practice, nothing new too your knowledge of course. I'll direct him to you, but on the road there to there I have some questions.

As I said I introduced him lightly to your concepts, should I

1. Go a little more in depth? Or

2. Just send him to your site. ( and get him listed on your E-mail list?

Thanks again...


It's true.

Most guys don't have the first CLUE about what REALLY works with women.

The problem with giving your friends advice is that they already think they know it all. I spoke about this recently in a newsletter and blog.

There's EGO and SHAME that they're fighting against. These are two potent forces when they're mixed in a guy. And they can totally destroy a man's success with women.

I'd bet that if you went up to a hundred men, 99 would say that they are doing well with women. Or "good enough." Whatever that is.

What you say in your letter is DEAD ON. Guys are too busy waiting for something to happen rather than MAKING it happen., and that's a guy's RESPONSIBILITY. We are MEN.

What? Don't like it?


Men DO. We don't sit home whining about how HARD it is out there.

WALK like a man. TALK like a man.

BE a man.

So, in answer to your question about this friend, I'd just point him my way. Often guys will try to save face more than they will risk improving or admitting that they could use some work in this area. By sending him to my materials, I'll take the action from here.

By the way, your handling of his insecurity and his lack of skills was a classic way to handle AMOGs out there. Just make it gentle and don't bitch-slap him with your success and he'll be more willing to look at it.

Ah, so much work to do.

By the way, if you are wondering what materials and programs I have available for you, you'll want to take a look at the catalog page at

You can find it HERE.

alpha man | how to talk to women | approach women | dating advice for men

Sunday, June 04, 2006


Hi Carlos

i just wanna say thanks for all the advice, the last few days have been something
short of amazing. after reading the stuff on the net and the newsletters my whole
perspective has changed and so many more women become options! when i woke up
today had 100% feeling in my stomach that i was either going get a number or give
mine. i seem to now have almost complete confidence in myself!

This morning i went to the gym for a good hour and half, then went into town
looking for a new pair of shoes, you know the normal male, efficient get-in,
get-out shop. walking into one shop i noticed a VERY attractive shop assistant.
So i was browsing the shelves it was to my great surprise that she walked up to
me like any good shop assistant would, asking if i needed help. it wasn't until
i'd walked out of the shop that i realized "i have got to see this girl again" so
i even went and bought a pen to write my number down (very sad i know but at
least i'd get a spare pen if nothing came out of it). Walked straight back into
the shop and very amateurly asked her her name, and placed the note in her hand
saying "here's my number, it would be nice to get in touch". then strode out
again. as i walked out, (by this time there was actually nobody in the shop but
her colleagues, about 5 i think) the shop erupted in laughter.

Whether this laughter is a good or a bad sign, i really have no idea, but i came
out with huge grin on my face and its stayed there all day. i would NEVER have
done this had i not read your stuff so thanks. now all i have to do is hope that
she calls. i know this is only a stupid act done purely on the spur of the moment
but i feel great, even if i have just crashed and burned, and if i have, i don't
care, because, now i am prepared to do it to literally anyone who i like, because
practice makes perfect.




Great job!

Remember that women often relieve tension with laughter. They weren't laughing at you, they were just releasing some of their anxiety.

EVERY woman in that shop admired your guts my friend.

Even I do. That was brave. Keep up the good work!

If you'd like to have this kind of success for yourself, then you can start by becoming an Alpha Man right here

alpha man | how to talk to women | approach women | dating advice for men

Geeks Rock...

Hey Carlos,

Here's an interesting question. I work in the IT industry and also have interests in the literary community. Outside of my relationships I began writing a 'blog' which has become quite popular among friends, family and a few extras I picked up along the way. I enjoy doing it as an exercise to keep my creative and writing skills honed.

The other day, one of my co-workers was ribbing me about my single status and said "The kind of girls you're trying to attract would never go out with a guy who has his own blog!". I know he was being an ass but it still struck a chord with
me... could he be right?

I am currently dating a girl who doesn't know about my 'online presence' and frankly could care less about the Internet in general. She's a sophisticated career woman who's said (when speaking about my career) that she likes guys who are just *a little* geeky. So far things with her are
actually going really well. But I am a little concerned about one of her friends 'Googling' me and sending her a link to my blog.

It's not that there's anything on there to be embarrassed about, it's just never really come up in conversation and it's not something I generally mention to people who wouldn't otherwise be interested. Part of me wants to shut it down rather than risk her judging me as a 'geek' because I have a blog and we don't really know each other all that well yet. Then again, she may not even care. This dilemma could apply to any interest though really - not just blogging. What do you think?


Think about it: It's all about SPIN.

I date women all the time, and I let them know about what I do for men. Now, can you imagine how that could be viewed? It's all in your attitude. If you try to hide this part of you, it will slowly erode your Alpha Attitude.

Instead, Bring it out in the open and make her want you BECAUSE you have a Blog.

Do not curtail your interests to avoid an assumption on her part. Instead, project it as a passion of yours, and demonstrate that it's not just a "Blog," it's your voice to the world.

Poeticize it. Make it sound lofty and ambitious.

Then tease her that she should have her own or she can't hang with geeky guys.

I bring up my geekiness all the time as a way to display vulnerability, and it's something I'll be covering very soon in the Advanced Audio Coaching. You should subscribe... :)

alpha man | how to talk to women | approach women | dating advice for men

Friday, June 02, 2006

Damage, Inc.

Dear Carlos:
I wanted to pose a question that I think is of interest to all men: First, let's face the facts: women can do lots of damage to a man -- false accusations of rape, false accusations of domestic violence, they can COMMIT domestic violence against a man, they can lie about taking birth control pills, they can get  man thrown out of his own house (if they live with him) through a  restraining order....the list goes on and on.

Is there a stance, an attitude a man can take with women to discourage these behaviors? Can he give the woman a message message, "You better not give me any crap, or crap on me? Please advise.

Best regards,
Denver, CO


Women can do a great many negative things to men. The best defense is a great offense, as it was once said. Don't get caught up in thinking that you are within minutes of this kind of reprisal from a woman. If you set the right precedent, you won't have this problem.

The attitude you must take is that of an Alpha Man. You communicate through your demeanor that any kind of misbehavior on her part is TOTALLY UNACCEPTABLE.

It starts by not letting little things go without letting her know that you notice them. When she makes a rude comment, you do NOT let it go by. It starts with the little things, so you have to be watchful and wary of them.

But first and foremost, she must understand CLEARLY that if she makes an egregious error in her behavior, she is GONE.

I've actually let women know this by explaining past situations (without making it sound like a warning) that I will break up with a woman who misbehaves or takes me for granted.

If you want to know how to communicate this attitude, your best resource is the Secrets of the Alpha Man program. Get it HERE.

alpha man | how to talk to women | approach women | dating advice for men

Of course I'm right

Hi Carlos,

I have ordered your books a while back ... I am married with children. But I read one of your emails the other day and it made me think of a situation that happened the other night.

I was out on a business night and I had been talking to an attractive girl from another company. She paid very little interest in my conversation and I was not overly concerned as I was not really in the game.
At this time someone from another company make a joke about how after seeing me in a photograph some other girl from his company thought I was really cute. All of a sudden this girl next to me who had shown very little interest was all over me and would not leave me alone. I assumed this was because in this girl's eyes my social value had gone up off the scale because some other girl thought I was cute. Strange how these females work but I believe you are right on the money with your insights.





Just goes to show you that women want what other women want. High social value turns a woman on.

Simple fact of life.

alpha man | how to talk to women | approach women | dating advice for men

Thursday, June 01, 2006

New Audio Coaching Available NOW

In case you didn't know, the brand new coaching session came out
late last night. It's Session 33, and it continues our third year
of providing you top quality monthly audio for you on the subject
of dating and improving your confidence with women.

Here's what you're going to learn in this session-

SESSION 33 - Advanced Audio Coaching - over 130 minutes of advice,
tips, strategies, and exercises:

CONSISTENCY - Have you ever wondered how to make your skills work
more consistently? You'll learn how to deal with your changing
moods, your energy level, how and where to get yourself more
consistent, the factors that impact your state, the ANTHEM method
of changing your state at any time, Carlos' personal example, Why
you can't wait for a good mood to come around, The Mirror
Technique, Your best friend, and more ...

DATE BEHAVIOR - How to use the date in the best way, What to watch
for in her behavior, The primary goal of the date, What she's most
concerned about, What you must show her if you want to see her
again, What you should NOT do on the date, Why you must be direct
with her, How to close the date, and more ...

EVOLUTION OF YOUR SKILLS - The paths of improvement of the
Attraction Artist, The uncomfortable start syndrome, Why most guys
aren't "naturals," What is holding you back, How naturals lose
their game, The Three Types of Attractive Men, What to avoid for
long-term success, How to evolve into a "natural" with women, The 6
Warning signs of falling into "nice guy" mode with women, and more

FASHION 2006 - Carlos covers the latest fashion trends, How to
interpret what you see in fashion, Why you can't wear what you see,
The spectrum of dress, Finding the right "look," The correct fit
for your clothes, The 10 Commandments of Style, Accessories to
have, What to never wear, How to set yourself apart from the pack,
why you must never try to set a trend, Body and grooming products,
and more ...

ALPHA ATTITUDE: MIND CONTROL - The 3 roles of your mind that you
must cultivate, How to control the inputs, What to avoid to keep a
positive attitude, The "girlfriend simulator" you MUST avoid, The
people you must avoid, and more ...

ASSESSING BARS AND CLUBS - Maximize your night game at bars and
clubs, How to read the 'vibe' of venues, the guide you need to
have, what to look for at each place you go, who to talk to,
handling the staff, Why you feel uneasy in these environments and
how to get comfortable, the two approach strategies for your
personality type, the reason you need to open mixed sets, How to
look like an expert with every woman you talk to, and more ...

EXERCISE: PARTNER DRILLS - The martial arts example, The essential
reason for practice, The penguin example of riffing, Role playing
and partner drill examples, How to do "bag work," The Riffing and
Banter drill, How to steer conversation, and more ...

E-BOOK EXTRAS : Motivational quotes, Carlos' recommended reading,
Forum review of dating locations, the "Oh sh*t!" moment explained,
the "high school" exercise, The 10 Commandments of Alpha Men, the
panic button tactic, and more...


There's a ton of great stuff in this month's session. And I always
sneak in a bunch of secrets that you won't want to miss out on.

Grab it now ...

You can get your subscription here:

The Audio Coaching subscribers have already downloaded their copy
of this session and are enjoying it now, AND bonus audio segments
every month that ONLY subscribers get.

Plus, you get an BONUS complimentary session if you sign up now -
and it's even LESS expensive to subscribe than getting it

You get the equivalent of four free sessions a year.


PS: Remember, as a subscriber you'll also get recordings of the
monthly teleconferences. You don't want to miss the incredible
inner and outer game information from these calls...


alpha man | how to talk to women | approach women | dating advice for men