Sunday, July 29, 2007

I love it when Alpha Men win like this...

I have been using your materials for about 12 months with some success. Here’s a situation where they really paid off.

Around the first of the year, I met this beautiful brunette at a club I frequent and talked to her several different times before asking her out. She gets a lot of attention from other guys so it did not surprise me that she stood me up without even a phone call. However, it made me was angry that she did not have the decency to call and cancel and I wanted to chew her out the next time I saw her. However, I decided to hold my emotions in check and plan my next interactions with her. I saw her several times at the club over the next four weeks. When we noticed each other, I would just give her a nod and a slight smile but never going over to talk to her.

On the second Saturday in February, she came over to the bar and asked if we could go to a table and talk. We went to a booth in the back and made chit chat for a few minutes. I could tell she was waiting for something to happen (like a strong dose of verbal abuse) so I knew it was time to activate my plan. I said to her in a very calm voice “I have treated you with dignity and respect and that I deserved the common courtesy of phone call if you couldn’t or didn’t want to go out”. She apologized several times for standing me up and I told her in a magnanimous voice “apology accepted”. Now this is where it gets good. I had been thinking about this line for several weeks and now came the perfect time to use it. I said “What I’m really disappointed about is that I was such a poor judge of character”. This statement really got to her. The key here is that I didn’t directly say she lacked character, just that I was a poor judge of character. I know it only may be a subtle difference but, I think it mattered.

She apologized again and said she wanted to make it up to me and I asked her what she had in mind. She said “We should go out” and I said “and do what”. She said “I think a bed should be involved”. I couldn’t believe my ears. I just figured I was on a role and responded and with “yours or mine”. She followed with “Please take me home tonight”. I responded with “That will be a good start” (Notice I didn’t say yes). We had a great time and I left her apartment the next morning after she had fixed me breakfast.

When I was getting ready to leave she thanked me and said she would like to do this again sometime. I said that it was fun and that I would call her sometime.

I didn’t call and the next time she sees me (10 days latter) I’m talking to a couple of cuties at the club. She goes to the end of the bar orders a drink and waits. After about 10 minutes, I disengage myself from the two women and go speak to her. We have a fun conversation and she asks when are we going out? I tell her that I will be busy for the next few weeks and for her to give me a call. When we parted, I gave her a friendly hug and a small kiss on the cheek.

A week latter she calls and asks about going out on Friday night. I tell her I have plans on Friday and that it would have to be Saturday (I already had a date on Friday but didn’t tell her that). The reason I had a date on Friday is because I kept working on getting phone numbers and asking women out. We end up at my place and had another great time. Breakfast was a joint venture. The date on Friday went well also.

Some reflections on the experience:

• Keep emotions under control. Seeing that I was not upset about the matter must have intrigued her and is probably why she sought me out at the bar. Being patient and talking to her with a calm & collect demeanor about her lack of manners demonstrated confidence & leadership (I was holding her accountable)
• Be aware of her emotional state. I sensed that she was expecting an ass chewing with a whole lot of questions about why she stood me up. I gave her just the opposite. The lack of character statement tweaked her emotions because it made her realized she just might not be up to my standards.
• Develop a plan. I might have not gotten the opportunity to use it but, I was ready when the situation presented itself.
• Be persistent yet patient. It takes time and effort to get this stuff handled. I’ve gotten lots of phone numbers, had numerous dates and have even gotten lucky a few times. If I had given up, the above mentioned success would never have happened.
• Once you have hooked a woman or two, still keep plugging away at getting numbers and dates. It helps your confidence. Speaking of confidence, if things don’t work out with either of the two women, it doesn’t really matter because there are more in the pipeline.
• Start a journal and maintain it. Keep track of who and when you called and went out with and what happened. This helps you learn from your mistakes and prevents embarrassing lapses of memory.

Thanks for you help,


PS: The first woman is a 30 year old, fun to be with nine. The second one is a 25 year old, feisty, redheaded, eight. I’m a balding, 40 lbs overweight, 45 year old, DWM.


Oh, yeah...

Holy crap, dude... you are really using this stuff... And really getting the results, too, I see.

Not only this, but you also managed to isolate some very important points about success skills that you've been using.

1) Keeping emotions under control.

VERY important.

When you're not a ball of needy, excited nerves, you'll communicate an HONESTY about you that cannot be communicated with words.

2) Awareness of her emotional state.

A very key element to remaining very in-touch with a woman, as well as keeping her in a state of deep rapport.

3) Having a plan.

The plan you had allowed you to feel very relaxed when the time came to act. Knowing you're prepared gives you immense confidence.

4) Persistence without anxiety.

Definitely. The key is to keep on keeping on.

5) D.O.W.

For those of you who don't know what this means, it's simply my rule that you MUST Date Other Women. Don't just date one woman, or you'll give off that stinky vibe of desperation.

6) Keep a journal.

By tracking your progress, you'll have a better sense of the path you have traveled, and a greater appreciation for the effort you have put in along the way.

All great lessons in being more attractive AND more effective. These are all LIFE skills, by the way.

Learn how to better use them with the

alpha man | how to talk to women | approach women | dating advice for men

Thursday, July 26, 2007

Women Reveal Secrets On How Men Can Pick Them Up!

Hey guys,

A good friend of mine, Joseph Matthews, is releasing an amazing new interview series today called The Secret Files.

Basically, what he's doing is going out and interviewing actual women he meets about their love lives, and gets them to reveal all sorts of secrets about what works, and what DOESN'T work, when it comes to picking them up.

Really, this is a fantastic idea.

In addition to that, he's also offering a starter kit with tons and tons of bonus material. Not only does he include an in-depth interview with me, but also other big names in the business, such as best-selling author Neil Strauss and soon-to-be-on-TV Mystery, along with six other dating gurus. I believe he also has up to 10 special bonus reports as well. It really is a MASSIVE course he's giving away here.

And he's doing it cheaply too. Each month you'll get a new interview and special report delivered to you.

Check it out by going here:

alpha man | how to talk to women | approach women | dating advice for men

Wednesday, July 25, 2007

It IS about lifestyle...

I see so many more guys these days talking about "personal transformation" and living a fulfilling lifestyle...

And, yes, it's the message I've always had for you guys. I smile and shake my head when I see other gurus out there finally "getting" this and putting it into their blogs and newsletters like it's a revelation. For them, I suppose it is.

I'm going to say something controversial here...

"Pickup" is a dead art.


Deader than Elvis dead.

Why do I say this?

Because I've been on every part of this spectrum of searching for my male identity, and I can tell you with absolute certainty that when you confuse your sex drive with your passion in life, you will only be running along to catch up to your dick.

Don't confuse pickup with personal power. It's necessary as a skill, but you must learn the power of balance in the equation as well.

So do I believe that you should try to learn how to attract women more effectively?


Yeah, that's why I'm here ...

But it's not the only reason.

I'll show you a lifestyle that most guys only dream of, and it's one that you can believe in and manifest in your own life.

And the best part is that it takes less energy to create than the reactive life you've probably already been immersed in for far too long.

When you're stuck in the trees, you can't really see the forest.

Join me on the search. I have such sights to show you...

Go see my Wednesday Tip here:

alpha man | how to talk to women | approach women | dating advice for men

Tuesday, July 24, 2007

The Ghost Nation

There's a force out there that you should be aware of... it's called the Ghost Nation. I submit this article to you so that you can be aware of its existence, and how you may even find yourself pulled into its grasp without knowing.

Read at your own risk...


There is a generation of men fading from view. This is a global phenomenon but is particularly noticeable (if this is not a contradiction in terms) in the feminist countries.

 Men, who have been pushed to the margins in so many ways have simply elected to disappear. I would imagine that as many as one million men have disappeared ether partially or completely from view in the United Kingdom alone- meaning one in twenty or so of the native born male population. For the most part this disappearance has occurred anyone noticing particularly because it has consisted of a gradual fading form view rather than a dramatic exodus from the mainstream.
I call these men the Ghost Nation and would like to introduce the term to common use.
How does one become a citizen of the ghost nation? It occurs in many ways, very few of them are pleasant.

First of all one may become a member of the ghost nation by virtue of coming from a broken home. They have never seen either parent work and are told daily that men and boys are useless. As a result they never get the habit of work and drift around the edges of crime. Women coming from the same background have an option that is not available to men and this is to become pregnant. This ensures the basics of life and gives purpose.

Young men have no anchor whatever other than the gangs they may belong to and other groups of men they may hate. His is how young men come to religious fundamentalism, political extremism and violence- a life has to be about something and these men’s lives are about nothing at all.

These men are among the most dangerous beings upon the face of the earth. These are the men who make revolutions, a barbarian army within the city walls. They may create or destroy and have no place in the existing order of things and no loyalty to it.

I call these men the ghost army simply because they have no dealings with wider society and are thus invisible to it. They rarely vote and own nothing. At present their anger is purely destructive and tribal in nature- directed against other races and other subcultures such as followers of other music.

Older men are joining the ghost nation more consciously and for other reasons. We (for this is my group) have clearer moral guidelines and have rejected crime and parasitism. Nevertheless we have no place in the existing order of things. Some of us have lost everything through divorce and realised that marrying in the feminist world is simple slavery. We know that no matter how honest we may be the courts and legal system will punish every good deed.

Therefore we work at things that interest us. We become harder to control because we are no longer willing to work inhuman hours for a woman’s approval.

Gradually we extricate ourselves from everything we have been brainwashed to believe is normal. This includes consumer credit, expensive chemical sludge pretending to be food and that strange 19th century invention, the career.

Gradually we eliminate, point by point everything that ties us to the feminist state. This takes both economic and emotional form. Rather than let the media form our opinions for us because we are too tired to do anything else, we form our views actively on the internet.

Gradually, gradually we fade from view. We cannot even talk to people who are still within the system because most of them can only talk about their work.

The third group is those who are nearing retirement. They know they will be rich almost anywhere other than the feminist nations and therefore become free at the moment they are no longer needed by feminist society.

Have you seen yourself in these three groups?

Are you a citizen of the ghost nation?

alpha man | how to talk to women | approach women | dating advice for men

Sunday, July 22, 2007

Carlos in SF on Monday Night

Carlos will be appearing live here in San Francisco at OneTaste SF on Monday, July 23rd.

He'll be part of a panel on a discussion of "The Art of Authentic Attraction."

For information regarding this appearance, as well as getting your ticket to the event, please click here for more information:

OneTaste SF Carlos Xuma Appearance

alpha man | how to talk to women | approach women | dating advice for men

Macking on your Hair Stylist

Great work on the conversation program, Carlos! I feel much better prepared now to handle any conversation with confidence.
I have a couple questions on the same topic. I have a usual gal that normally cuts my hair (very hot), and she's not married. I have a pretty good rapport with her, but have never taken it anywhere outside of her "chair". (Yes, I'm aware she isn't necessarily talking to me out of interest, but out of the fact that I'm a customer.)
She's out of the country for a while though, and today I went to a new hair styist. TOTALLY HOT HOT HOT! I saw a huge rock on her finger though, so she's married. I don't normally go after married girls, but this time I may do it. She cut my hair and we talked a bit. I tried to use humor and energy to answer her usual "where you from" and "what do you do?" questions to be different from the other guys.
I would like to get a piece of this married gal. How should I go about attracting and getting somewhere with a married hair stylist? Like I said, I've never gamed married girls, so I'm quite sure things are different. For example, I couldn't take her in public for a "date" because it's a small town and someone that knows her may see her, etc.
I would also like to get somewhere with the one that isn't married. It's a different situation though than trying to pick up a girl that I walk up to in a store or something. I know I've got to bust through the barrier of "I'm just a customer". What's the best way to get a date with this girl?

This is a tough question for me to answer on many levels.

The first of which is that... well, she's married, dude.

I'm more concerned about your attitude, though. You've got a conflicting program running in your head that could be much more damaging.

You say: "I would also like to get somewhere with the one that isn't married," but that's not what you're asking me to do.

Also, when you say "I would like to get a piece of this married gal" it sounds to me like you're going after her solely for the sexual conquest.

The important question here isn't really about the situation. You see, I get hundreds of guys asking me "how to" questions about which technique to use in this situation or that situation, and it ends up showing me that they are not really coming from that grounded state of Alpha Self-confidence.

It's usually from a "what can I GET from her" mentality.

Guys these days aren't thinking from a "What can I bring into her life" perspective, and as a result, their underlying motivation sabotages them from the start.

You want to know what to do to "get" this hair stylist - the single one - that you desire?

1) The next time you call to set up an appointment, joke with her a little bit. Tease her a little for abandoning you when she left the country.

2) When you go in for your appointment, ask her about her trip. Get all the sensual details.

3) At the end of the appointment, tell her you've got a great <INSERT WHATEVER COUNTRY SHE WAS IN> restaurant that you think she might dig.

4) Don't offer to take her there. Instead, tell her that since she's been pining away for you all this time, you don't want her to think you're a nice guy by taking her out like that. Instead, tell her where to meet you for drinks - "and then we'll see what happens."

Will it work?

Sure. If you sub-communicate that this isn't really that big a deal. Or that it wouldn't be any big deal if she refused you.

But if you sense on the inside that you might have that horrible feeling of disappointment if she said "No," that you'd be embarrassed, heartbroken, and hurt, then you need to address that belief system first. Skipping this is the big mistake that too many guys make, and then wonder why they're still back with me working on their inner game issues months later.

Get your game solid right from the start.

Learn the real-world confidence that makes a man an ALPHA MAN.

alpha man | how to talk to women | approach women | dating advice for men

Friday, July 20, 2007

Loaning a woman MONEY?

Hey Man

I meet this girl at a Christmas banquet she lives about 150 200 miles of me or so, she and would like to build a relationship but the distance. The distance has been a issue, I don't fret over it. You know typical stuff, can't meet. Want to meet. When me or her are in each others side of town we can't meet. And if we could, we cant stay long enough, or what not.

We've only meet twice but that can be resolved. Because ironicly I'll be moving to college very soon which is in her area where I'll be living only a few miles from her. She recently went to see family in New England over the weekend I live down South. I'm assuming this has to do with this money issue. I texted her a bunch whoops and hollers like. (
Yeah! whoo! yes-yes! )

This evening which I've been in a vibrant mood lately. She text back: "what are you doing" then "can you please loan me some money" so the first thing I though was to pick your brain.

What do I do?...

Thank you Carlos

Let me tell you the
ONLY reasons I'd loan a woman money....

1) She needed a quarter for the tampon machine...

2) She was my COMMITTED and TRUSTWORTHY partner (i.e., steady girlfriend) and she needed my help...

There are two kinds of "loan" you can have. One is the incidental "loan" of some small amount that you fully expect to
never get back. It's really a gift, but calling it a "loan" makes it easier for her to stomach asking you.

Then there is the
LOAN of substantial money, which is a bit more of a commitment.

You see, if you have to ask me whether or not to loan the money to this chick, you've already failed my #2 criteria. If you have to ask, you have doubts - and then you should say

She sounds like a gold-digger or a user that's just trying to soak you for a little moola. If you've only been out twice, you're not in any place to loan this chick money - even if you're secretly hoping in your heart of hearts that she might feel like she has to do you once out of

But you know what that would make
her, don't you?

If she isn't coming out to see you and making a
significant effort to be with you, she doesn't dig you. You're just another person she can use.

Move on...

alpha man | how to talk to women | approach women | dating advice for men

Thursday, July 19, 2007

Carlos in Playboy Magazine

From The Playboy Advisor, p. 38 of the August issue:

CARLOS: "Shame on you guys! In May you told a reader who had asked his wife for a threesome, "You proposed, she declined. Forget it." As a professional dating advisor I tell men not to appeal to a woman's logic and reason but to approach her about their fantasies when she's in a sexually oriented state. When she's cold, a woman will default to her 'that would be slutty' programming, which prevents her from being adventurous." - Carlos Xuma, San Francisco, California.

Their reply:

"It's true that arousal lowers inhibitions, and that plus a little booze is how spontaneous threesomes occur. But here the encounter was being booked in advance. So even if a woman entertains the idea when she's "warm," she has to remain committed after she cools down."


True, but that isn't what happened with this poor chap since he didn't handle it correctly to begin with.

Not to mention this is an incorrect application of the "no means no" rule. I'd prefer to consider this a delay rather than a denial.

- Carlos Xuma

alpha man | how to talk to women | approach women | dating advice for men

Tuesday, July 17, 2007

Think about this for a bit...

You'll see a parallel between this situation and something you're familiar with...

alpha man | how to talk to women | approach women | dating advice for men

Carlos Live on Sports Talk Cleveland

That's right, I'll be appearing on the EXTREME Sports show this Saturday, July 21st, at 5:30 PM Eastern Time.

You can listen in live here:

Make sure you tune in ...

- Carlos

alpha man | how to talk to women | approach women | dating advice for men

Monday, July 16, 2007

Carlos Xuma's San Francisco Appearance

Carlos will be appearing live here in San Francisco at OneTaste SF on Monday, July 23rd.

He'll be part of a panel on a discussion of "The Art of Authentic Attraction."

For information regarding this appearance, as well as getting your ticket to the event, please click here for more information:

OneTaste SF Carlos Xuma Appearance

alpha man | how to talk to women | approach women | dating advice for men

Saturday, July 14, 2007

Sad state of affairs....

I just found this on I'm amazed at the way our news is being spun. See if you can identify the fallacy in the way this news item is presented:

Antidepressants most prescribed drugs in U.S.

Antidepressants are the most commonly prescribed drugs in the U.S., a government study says. Many psychiatrists see this as a sign that Americans are comfortable asking for help. Others see it as a product of aggressive marketing by drugmakers.


Okay, are those the only two deductions we can make from that finding?

Come on, America! Wake up!

We're being drugged into a stupor by our dependency on pharmaceuticals - the quick fix of our mental state.

YES, drugmakers are aggressive in their marketing.

, maybe we're becoming more comfortable asking for help.

But maybe, just MAYBE, it's a sign that we're looking for pills to solve our unhappiness and sad, consumer lifestyles when we should be seeking passion and purpose in our lives.

Get off the treadmill...

Stop being a hamster...

Start living your life.

Every single person who gets a prescription for anti-depressants suspects that there is another answer, one that involves character, a little pain of self-discipline - but popping a pill to solve your problems sure is a lot easier, huh?

Why deal with life when you can choke down a happiness cocktail?

This may sound like I'm going off on a rant here - and I am - but I really want you to think about what the media sells you. In this one very obvious example, you can see how the real problem is being ignored.

Now, to be fair, later in the article, they quote a doctor who says that too many people take drugs when they really need to be making changes in their lives."

A nice way of saying that we're ducking out the real work that needs to be done.

Someone somewhere will call this "blaming the victim," but come on... when do you take responsibility for your life? How long can you avoid owning your mistakes and start to wake up from the matrix?

I'm sure this entry will flag me as a dissident in some "homeland security" database somewhere, but oh well, that's life.

Speak up, even if your voice is shaking.

alpha man | how to talk to women | approach women | dating advice for men

Friday, July 13, 2007

The Smart Guy and the Dumb Guy Go Dating...

You mention the smart guy and the dumb guy. What is this theory entail? I have a Masters Degree in Information Systems and sometimes analyze things too much. What advantage does the dumb guy have over the smarter more educated man if any?

There is a smart guy in all of us that likes to get analytical and logical. Yes, it usually matches up with what I call the "engineer" mentality.

I was also an IT geek for a long time. I could diagnose a server issue at warp speed. I could configure a RAID array in a single bound.

I worked as a consultant in infrastructure and engineering of many different dot-coms and startups out here in the SF Bay area. Oh, those times were good, my brothers. Lotsa yummy lunches and dinners. Vendor gifts galore. Baseball games, football games.


Hey, the fact of the matter is, geeks rule the world. But the same skills that let you diagnose a routing problem on an IP WAN are not going to do DICK for you in a social situation. (And if you started having flashbacks to the last time you were working at the command prompt and had to do a traceroute, you are an UBER-geek, dude.)

Hard skills, black & white skills do nothing for us in the arena of social intuition. In fact, this kind of thinking will make it very difficult and frustrating for you because nothing is what it seems on the surface, and a woman's answer to your question will always be different depending on the day, the woman, the number of drinks she's had, etc.

The advantage a dumb guy has is that he's almost always NOT in his own head trying to pick apart the situation. He's not trying to deal in anything but the NOW, which is where all good and effective conversation is.

You have to let go of your hardcore analytical nature (as I had to) and simply learn how to appreciate ambiguity and uncertainty.

I believe that in the heart of most of the "engineer" guys out there is a little control freak.

Trust me, I should know. I was a control freak for a long time. It was only when I started letting go of this need to control and overpower the situations in my life that I learned how to be truly charismatic and attract women.

In fact, a great many of the "educated" people I've met seem to lack a comfortable spiritual and sexual edge. We all have a tendency to dive into the intellectual as an escape from learning the emotional.

Balance - in all things.

alpha man | how to talk to women | approach women | dating advice for men

Tuesday, July 10, 2007

Anger Management

Check this vid, homeboys...!

alpha man | how to talk to women | approach women | dating advice for men

Monday, July 09, 2007

Self-doubts and Rapport Building

Since the Belgrade seminar, my game has imroved a lot. I can go out at any time and get phone numbers and turn some of them into dates. I kiss most of the women on the first date.

Now, my biggest problem is flaking. I have been on a 2nd date with a woman, and on a first date with another women. I kissed both of them and the dates went well, both of the girls said at the end of the date "Call me" and "I'll call you".

I contact these women after 2 days, and one of them talks on the phone with me and we're having a good time (yet she makes exuses why she can't meet with me), while the other one didn't pick up my call or returned my SMS.

I don't understand what is going on. Everything went really well, and then they flake out.

I try to build rapport some women (I didn't do it with these 2 mentioned above) by asking your power questions like:

“Dream with me: Where would you live in the world if money were no object?”

Still, they look at me weird when I ask them these questions, and they never seem to answer them.

So, if this flaking is about rapport, can you give me some specific ways in how to build it?

Thanks from the Cobra Man! :)

Well, I'm not going into the whole "flaking" question again, since I've covered that to death in many previous letters. But I will talk a little about your last observation about rapport and how it's connected to what you're experiencing with these women.

First of all, when a woman makes excuses or is reluctant to meet with you, you either didn't get enough rapport going when you met her, or you are failing to remind her about the rapport you had.

Most guys get flaking because they don't leave a woman with the feeling that she simply
MUST see you again.

That's all it boils down to in the end.

Leave her with the feeling and desire to see you that
she can't ignore, and she will find you again.
Think from that point of view.

If your life depended on it, how would you make yourself so memorable that she would HAVE to see you again?

You see, if you put your back up against the wall, you'll get very resourceful, my friend. The key here is motivation.

Let me give you a real big
rapport-building tool...

When you're asking her a power question, like the one you mention above, and she doesn't respond, which one of you do you think is the 'weird' one in that situation?

Chances are, you feel it's
YOU, even if on an emotional level, you really know it's not. This moment of doubt you have in yourself must be wiped out and eliminated. You can't afford to let other people shake up your sense of calm and confidence in yourself.

When a woman throws you a curve ball by looking at you weird,
try looking back at her weird. Ask her: "Hey, you're not one of those women who doesn't like to think about the future, are you?"

Now how can she answer that?

That's right - it's a
loaded question. She has to either push herself completely into defiance ("Go to hell!") or she has to get back in touch with her self image and be congruent with herself ("Yeah, I like to think about the future...")

Don't give women a choice in the situation, either. When a woman resists agreeing to meet you, you blow right through it.

This is a technique you'll learn in my
Alpha Immersion program...

alpha man | how to talk to women | approach women | dating advice for men

Friday, July 06, 2007

Younger Women and Older Women


What is up man? Been a while (but if I'm not emailing all the time, as you probably know it means you've taught me enough to handle things on my own). However there's a realization I have had that I'd love to hear the explanation of Carlos Xuma style (since you're less about "game" and more about truth and understanding):

Why is it that younger women want to act like they're disinterested (or seemingly want to...have you noticed this??) when older women treat me like I am basically God's gift to women. OK Maybe I am overdoing it by putting it that way, yet I find older women aren't shy at all about voicing their interest, showing it, and are easier to seduce (older being typically 27-45...any older and I'd feel like it was one of my mom's friends)

Any tips (mainly how should I calibrate) to handling these younger gals?

I asked someone else this question and never got an answer, but what's up with when a woman (this happens a lot of places, but say a party, for simplicity) comes by and isn't necessarily talking to will get really close to your side where you're standing (happens also when posted at a club talking to a friend....or she'll just sit by you for seemingly no reason) and just hang out there?

It's when they really close the proximity to you and you almost
HAVE to acknowledge them (if she is attractive) or risk being seen as a wussy by her and yourself. Now don't get me wrong because I will act on the situation, yet I've even had a gal do this when she had a bf with her at the party ... I think this is a way of either flirting or some manner of non-verbal communication, as it seems to be a trend in my experiences.

Maybe I just want some validation for what I suspect, or enlightenment (you've always been good at this.) In any case I know it doesn't matter since we're the ones in control of the approach and interaction, it'd be good to understand this though to add to my arsenal of wisdom you've given me to use as recon in the field.

... Much respect.


Always remember
Occam's Razor.

"The explanation of any phenomenon should make as few assumptions as possible, eliminating, or 'shaving off,' those that make no difference in the observable predictions of the explanatory hypothesis or theory."

You may remember the paraphrasing of this in the movie "
Contact" where it's described as "All things being equal, the simplest solution tends to be the best one."

In other words, don't look for anything beyond the obvious if you don't have to.

If a woman purposefully enters your sphere of influence, you - as an
Alpha Man - now have permission to expand her happiness to new levels by talking to her.

There's always two ways to interpret any situation -
the way that benefits you, and the way that does not.

No one's reality is any more valid than your own, so I choose to interpret and enhance my life by making all events work
FOR me.

You should, too.

Yes, when it's intentional on her part, there is likely a desire on her part to meet you. Remember: Women will not actively take the initiative beyond aligning the circumstances. It's up to you to make destiny 'happen' for her.

If she were to walk up and talk to you, that would
A) go against her programmed gender role, and B) spoil her feeling of mystery and fate that you two should get together.

I once had a woman complain (on occasion) for 2 months that if she hadn't given her card to me, we never would have gotten together. It is
SO ingrained in a woman's mind that things should just 'happen.' (When I clarified to her that I was the one orchestrating the circumstances around her giving me her card, the complaints stopped. She was no longer "responsible." Crazy, huh?)

Younger women are still very caught up in what I call their "Disney Programming." She's still holding to a lot of the expectations of society, such as:

1) She's looking for her knight in shining armor who will sweep her off her feet so she can live happily ever after

2) She has no sexual desires of her own

3) Men are the ones looking for uncommitted sex

4) They must protect their image at all costs

5) If she doesn't resist you in some way, she's a slut

And many many more.

She very likely won't lose her programming until later in life... As a matter of fact, just about the time when her first divorce happens and she realizes that she was pandering to the social expectation placed upon her to appear "virtuous."

When a woman lets go of her need to please anyone but herself, she becomes true to herself, and a better partner for you.

So I agree that your biology will always drive you to want to mate (i.e., "
bang") younger women, but your ultimate happiness will lie in finding a woman that is self-aware and mature. In my book, no one should get married until they're either over 30, or reached the state I call 'Alpha Readiness.'

Just catch a woman before she's so negatively jaded that she no longer believes in relationships. :)

You guys will be happy to know that I am now dropping almost all of my other work in favor of creating a new program for you that is going to

You're going to learn some secrets of men and women that
NO ONE in the pickup community - or anywhere else - is telling you.


To get the best head start on my new program, you should make sure you've been
IMMERSED at least once.


alpha man | how to talk to women | approach women | dating advice for men

Wednesday, July 04, 2007

Success story from the trenches...

Here’s a success story I think you’ll enjoy. I was engaged to and lived for five years with a famous super model... How did I make it happen? This was 13 years ago, before your materials were available, so I was on my own. But being a confident guy, I instinctively went with alpha male indifference and a little “naughty boy” attitude. The hotter and more powerful a woman is, the more intrigued she is by a man NOT fawning over her. She ended up pursuing me, and of course, I let her catch me.

Here’s how it went. I discovered that she used to put a mannequin in the passenger seat of her car if she was ever driving alone, so that it would look like she had someone with her for security. She called him “Safety Guy.” So after she made it clear that she was interested in me, I found a card with Superman on the front and wrote this inside: “I have a confession to make. I may seem like just an extremely talented yet mild-mannered musician, but in reality, ever since my vasectomy, I – am Safety Guy! Oh sure, my voice is a little higher now and I get a little cranky once a month, but it’s worth it.”

So I killed two birds with one stone – I made her think of me as someone she could be freely sexual with by letting her know that I had a vasectomy, and I was cocky and funny about it at the same time. By the way, she’s about two inches taller than me too. Bottom line, as you know, deep inner game is the master key, expressed through confidence, alpha male attitude and everything else you teach...

Carlos, you create programs that I also think are the best on the market. Your programs are much more than just about being successful with women, they offer important over-all life skills. Learning to be an alpha male is crucial for success in all areas of life. I especially enjoyed your interview withy David DeAngelo.

- R., California

Now, in the interests of keeping this Alpha Man's privacy, I cannot include his name, but I can tell you that his story is true. And, having worked with him in other areas, I can tell you that he has embraced and embodied my philosophy of the Alpha Man to the utmost.

Love the example of how to joke with her and use humor.

If you are ready to take your game to the next level, your time is NOW.

You cannot put off changing. If your change can wait until tomorrow, or the next day, chances are it will never come.

Change must be URGENT.

You must find the need and the reason to change this INSTANT or you will never make that leap.

Get motivated to make your life what it needs to be.

Be the man you know you MUST be.


alpha man | how to talk to women | approach women | dating advice for men

Tuesday, July 03, 2007

When a girl likes a guy just as friends...

What does it mean that when a girl says that guy that she doesn't know, she has a crush on them, but guys that she does know, she likes them as friends.


It means there's more here to look at. You're looking at the situation from too high a level. Too general.

There are lots of situations with women that do not "mean" anything in and of themselves. It's PATTERNS that you should watch for. Sometimes a woman just likes the fantasy of a man better than the reality. (I'd bet any money that this girl is younger than 22.)

The phenomenon you're speaking of, however, does have some basis in the fact that women stay friends with guys they're not going to sleep with (for a variety of reasons which I've discussed before), and they invent romantic scenarios and superficial emotions for men they don't know.

It's up until she's actually met a guy that she can invent whatever fantasy she wants about him that leads to her having a "crush" on him.

But when she finally meets him or gets to know him, what typically happens?

90% of guys will mess it up by:

- Being too socially clueless
- Being too needy
- Being too obnoxious/arrogant
- Etc.

And it's usually at this point that she can safely take him out of fantasy mode and into reality mode... tossing him in the "Friends Only" bucket.

Obviously some guys manage to avoid this and do get somewhere with her.

What's that?

How do they do it?

You want to avoid this fate?

Learn how to be an Alpha Man

alpha man | how to talk to women | approach women | dating advice for men

Monday, July 02, 2007

REMINDER: Teleseminar on 7-9-2007

Just a little reminder for you all...

The Carlos Xuma Conversation Teleseminar is coming on JULY 9 at 6:00 PM Pacific Time (That's GMT -8 for you Globe-geeks out there...)

Here's the link for you to find out more and get the dial-in number.

Keep in mind that only 200 people will be able to dial in! After that, you'll have to listen in on the web. And we're giving priority information to the people who are ON THE CALL.

Be sure to use this page to submit your questions before the event.


If you don't ask a question, it might not get answered... So be sure to submit it!

alpha man | how to talk to women | approach women | dating advice for men

A Moment of Silence...

The world can bid farewell to the original Alpha Man ... at least in my world.

My father passed away this weekend at the age of 67. I always thought he had a few more years of piss and vinegar in him, but there's no arguing with Fate when he comes knocking at your door.

We didn't always get along so well, but he never wussed out in his life. And for that, I'm thankful.

If you get a chance, light a candle for the original Man that taught me everything I knew about being Alpha...

- Carlos Xuma

alpha man | how to talk to women | approach women | dating advice for men