Wednesday, October 25, 2006

How to be the jerk that women love - just stop being the wuss they hate.

Carlos, I met this girl on myspace a few months back. I tried to get a number from her after a few good emails. She responded that she was hesitant to giving her number out. Most girls are very difficult to get there numbers. If you do happen to get the number they never answer the phone. I ended up talking with her for almost 3 months.

YES I KNOW! That is a big Carlos Xuma NO NO. I have yet to meet any women I felt were attractive, had a good personality, and flexible. I felt this girl was so I pursued. I got her number and tried to set up a first meeting a few times, each time she was busy.

On the third attempt she cracked and we had a group date. Carlos, I felt the date was going very well and even did some kino. Heck I even friended her friend, who was cheering for me as I shot. We all bowled and left to say our "good byes" after about 2 hours. I gave her a hug, no kiss, I didn't feel comfortable trying that with her friend and my friend around us by her car.

However, I had planned a kiss was going to happen on my second date, if it happened. I called her 2 days after our "date" and it rang to voice mail. I left a message saying "Hey Erin this is Jim I'll try you back later". No response. After a day or 2 of seeing each other on AIM I finally had written to see what was up.

Here is a dialog from that chat, I think I handled it well. It is listed below. I don't get what these woman expect or even want. It really makes me want to turn back into "prick" mode, I was never on "friends mode" being a prick and I still got laid. What is the deal?

I am 5'6'' tall with a smaller frame/build. I feel like I have a disadvantage already because of this. Girls seem to like the taller guys....say 5'10 and bulky, especially initially. I am trying to over come this but it really pisses me off. I should have followed Xuma principals and cut her off after the 5 email when she wouldn't give me her number. Now I have months worth of emails of wasted time. I won't be repeating this mistake again.

J: hey lil miss "busy"
HER: hey
J: whatcha doin
HER: getting ready to go to bed actually
J: oh....
J: well ill let u go
J: ttyl
HER: ok but I want to let you know about my feelings
concerning the other night... I felt more of a freind connection with
you than anything else, no romantic feeling s really, I know you probably
don't want to hear this now, but I want to be honest with you and not
lead you on
J: it's no big deal....probably better off that way anyhow
J: :-)
HER: why do you say that?
J: which part?
HER: probably better off that way anyhow
J: lol
J: why do u ask...where just friends anyhow ;-)
HER: ?
HER: ok
J: have a good night.....
J: oh....
J: and good luck with "everything"
HER: ? why do you put quotes around that?
J: meaning the different levels of life
HER: career and school?
J: of course and some
J: i am not bitter if thats what ur thinkin....i know aim lacks
HER: yea
HER: i know
HER: ok, well I'll let you go
HER: have a good night
J: later
HER: bye


Yep, the big mistake here was perpetuating it and chasing a woman for so long without getting attraction started earlier. Pursuit is not bad - but pursuit to the exclusion of all others, or pursuit that invests you so heavily, is BAD.

I recommend you do swing the pendulum a bit over to the prick side. I think what you may think of as a prick is actually closer to the assertiveness you need to attract women. I detected a little too much sensitivity in your interchange on IM. (I'm also wondering how old this girl is.)

Group dates = always bad.

That night was doomed as a "let's just be friends" (LJBF) night before it began because you agreed to a situation that put you in a one-down position, and the women KNEW it.

A group date is just another way of saying "We're never going to be more than friends, but I'm going to give you false hope and mislead you. And later on I'll claim that I'm doing you a favor by cutting you off." They're clever, aren't they guys?

You need to jack up the arrogance and "prick" ish behavior a bit more so that you can feel the other end of the spectrum better. You need to be the jerk women love.

And it's not about your height. Tom Cruise is 5' 7" and is (regardless of his freakish behavior) an ALPHA. Big time.

Tommy, (not related to Mr. Cruise), a "bad-boy" that you guys will be seeing soon at seminars and on a new DVD, is a shorter guy too (Maybe 5'8"?). But you'll catch the drift of his attitude when you see my interview with him.

Height is always overcome by ATTITUDE. Stop playing the "physical flaw" card. That's a weasely way of trying to duck responsibility for your own development. EVERYONE has a flaw that would kill a relationship. It's what you do to compensate with your confidence that saves you.

And no matter what a woman says to you, consider an alternative of how to bust her chops about whatever she says. Tease her. Seduction starts where the Nice Guy ends.

When she said: "it's no big deal....probably better off that way anyhow"

No no no.

Try this:

"What? You're calling off the marriage? Jeeeez, I had a tux all prepared already, too. That's it, I'm reporting you as a runaway bride. Geez, girl, get over yourself. :)"

But in reality, at this point, she already knew you were way into her. You're sub-communicating this to her on many levels. I give you this example of playful banter to start you thinking a different way and using new conversation skills you need to develop.

Start thinking like a guy who is more playful. ALL THE TIME!

Go ahead, GET PISSED OFF! Channel that energy into change. It often takes disgust to finally make the change you need.

You need to swing the pendulum WAY over for a while.

Don't fear the extreme - embrace it.

And making the mistake is fine, as long as you LEARNED from it. If you repeat this again, I'll disown you, because you'll be demonstrating what I call "un-coach-ability." If anyone comes to me and tells me they had a failure after they deliberately did not follow my instructions and strategies, I usually cut them off. But I know you, I like your spirit, and I want to save you from what is nothing more than human weakness.

So what's your plan now?

It's time to get ALPHA, my boy. ALL of this could be avoided if you just fully absorb the ALPHA mindset that I show you in

alpha man | how to talk to women | approach women | dating advice for men


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