Sunday, October 15, 2006

Gift giving, when do you call her, and connections with women...

Hello Carlos - further help and advice needed...

After four weeks I finally got the date, and it went very well. The girl's a babe, but there's a whole load more. In all that time we never actually spoke. She never picked up my calls or replied to any of them; instead she kept to texts. So I busted her chops that way, plus hooked her in by getting her to supply me with an idea I could use for my film script (she genuinely gave a killer idea, perfect for the dialogue I was looking for, and definitely something I couldn't have come up with myself).

Anyway, so we meet up, and something immediately told me (intuition) that she isn't happy in her job (legal recruitment). She was astounded I picked up on this, and was so frank within less than five minutes of our first meet, and she kept coming back to this throughout the evening. I got that so right! Then as we talked about careers and stuff I had an idea...

Everything went perfectly well, the kiss and all. So the next day I post her a copy of "The Alchemist" by Paulo Coelho. Now before you say anything about sending gifts and stuff, this book is a treasure to give to anyone, and my attitude is that if she reads it and never sees me again I'll have done her a huge favour - this book is that good!

The point: she would have received this today (Friday), and I was itching to text her, wondering if she'd received it. But something nagged me not to, and I re-read all your pointers on patience and self-control.

As ever, it all made sense, and no further contact was made by me. So, if I leave her with the book over the weekend, DO I call her OR text her on, say, Tuesday?

But, further, what do you reckon on her need to control things through texting and not answering phone calls? I have some theories: either she likes the control, or so many men have been too impatient/too strong with her that this is some sort of patience test she needs to give fellas?

It's fair to say I like this girl. Lovely to look at, and seemingly (I understand the connotation) a real connection was made between us.

Your thoughts please.



You're at what I call "Stage 2" of the stages of awakening to the reality of attraction between men and women. This is the "First attempts" stage.

At Stage 1, you realize that there is another way to generate attraction with women. You're "awakened" and now you can start to unplug from the Matrix and begin again.

Now at Stage 2, you are in a place where you are ready to use this information and put it to work. However, the one thing you don't have at Stage 2 is overwhelming belief.

This is the real fuel for change that will keep you going, even when you have no results. Because a lot of guys wake up, start putting the information to work, and when the first dry spell hits, they run for cover - and usually revert back to their ineffective ways again.

Usually just because those old ways are comfortable - not because they actually WORK.

But when you get results, the way you are, D, you can now reinforce the right behaviors.

Now you get into the next stage, which is taking the results and overanalyzing. You realize you have the ability to steer this ship, but you don't want to mess it up (probably sensing that your new faith is a bit shaky.)

So you left her with a gift. I've given things like this, not out of need, but out of a desire to give a woman happiness. It's a man's role to give to women. We like to do it, and we're good at it, but we often use it as a crutch to push her towards feelings of obligation.

Some guys think that all you need to do is give (compliments, gifts, etc.) to get a woman attracted to you. Lucky for you reading these strategies, you know better.

After you give a gift, the next thing you must do is

Let go of the fact that you gave her anything. Let go of a need for appreciation.

All these needs taint your generosity and put you in scarcity thinking.
("I can only give so much, so I better get some results from this!")

If you need a result, you'll almost always be unhappy. But if you need nothing in return, you will never be disappointed. And often pleasantly surprised.

You made the last gesture. Let her make the next one.

If she doesn't come forward with her own appreciation, you need to figure out if that means that she's

A) Manipulating in some way,
B) Possibly a bit overwhelmed with the gift (she might not be ready for your generosity), or
C) A Taker, not a giver. You should cut this kind of woman loose quickly.

Call her when you feel like you normally would, but don't do it just from a need for validation or to calm your insecurities.

Call her when you actually want to
TALK to her. Not when you need some kind of proof or evidence.

Make sense?

If you sense a need from her to control or manipulate the situation, then perhaps you should stand back a good distance and decide if this is the association and relationship you want right now.

If you need more understanding of the Rules of Attraction and how it all works, take a look here at
the Black Book that will turn your dating life around...

alpha man | how to talk to women | approach women | dating advice for men


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