Raise Your Standards


I’ve been teasing, doing the dance, and being a little naughty. I’m also mysterious. I use everything you’ve written
about. The thing is that I’m a very good looking guy and my humor may spice things up for the girl, but it’s getting
boring for me.


I’m naturally funny, charismatic, and charming. I can’t seem to communicate to a girl without being turned off by how excited they are and the uninteresting conversations I have out of feeling bad for their stupidity that comes out from their self-doubt and excitement. They start moving real fast and fidgeting around me, yet they want to keep talking to me and finding out about me.

I feel like my looks put girls in awe, because they just stare at me like hawks. I’ve been getting secret admirer
emails and phone calls, saying “you seem to be a very nice person and I wish I could get to know you better.” Maybe
that’ll give you a good picture. What do I do? Please reply, as this is probably my most important email. I feel kind of stuck.

Thanks man,





So you have women that are attracted to you… You’re gaming them just fine…

And now you’re bored…

While every guy out there lights a candle and prays for you, I’m going to tell you that maybe it’s time to – RAISE YOUR STANDARDS!

You’re obviously working on women that do not challenge you. I’ve found that this is often a problem for guys that get
this stuff down after one of my ebooks or the Alpha Man course, and then they get that empty feeling inside.

The cry out to the heavens “Is this all there is? Is there no more???”

What an existential crisis they must be going through.


Here’s a prescription for you, and I think it will help you get through your crisis of faith here:

1) Realize that most women aren’t very challenging once you’ve got your shit together. You see through their canned acts and tests and it’s easier to start being the man you always suspected you were. No need to supplicate or worship them. Just be the Alpha and take the lead.

2) Move up to a higher class woman. Find a rich chick with DD implants and lots of disposable income, as well as a yacht and a Lear jet. Call her your sugar mama. Then send me a monthly support check.

3) Get plastic surgery and make yourself real plain looking so you can feel that electric thrill of attracting women
again with a challenge to overcome. Seriously, stop crying to me that you get all the women you want because you won the genetic lottery and learned how to attract women from my books. (You aren’t 100% “natural.” 🙂 Don’t identify with your looks, because one day they won’t do you anything and you’ll have to stand on quality of character and ability. That’s where you can really shine, if you want.

5) Start deciding what it is you want out of life.

That last one – #5 – I am dead serious about.

Inevitably when guys set their sights on winning women over, and then they learn how the game goes, and they get some easy success. They start to sabotage themselves.


Because they thought this was THE ultimate goal. To attract women and get laid. And when that gets easy, they start to lose faith and motivation.

You see women inspire men to dare to accomplish great things.

And when they realize it means we don’t worship them anymore, they try to distract us from finishing them.

I’m kidding… sorta.

What you have to do is find a noble goal that will challenge you, besides women.

If you set that as your primary achievement in life, you’ll always be disappointed.

Trust me.

Love them, lead them, make them happy they’ve got you, but don’t make them your be-all end-all.

Even women don’t want that.

Stay Alpha,
– Carlos Xuma

Alpha Man Behavior


I’ll ask you a question about Alpha man behavior, especially since you are a martial arts instructor. I’ve joined a
martial arts school recently and have taken about 5 classes so far.

If a guy that is a real hot head gets in your face, insults you, and raises his voice at you, should you automatically fight him? Should you match his tone of voice, and get pissed yourself, throwing insults back at him, and pushing him in the chest, which is the almost universal form of male aggression leading to a fight? Or try to deescalate the situation verbally?


That is definitely showing disrespect, and I know that disrespect is totally unacceptable. I need a better idea of when to entertain the idea of fighting, and when not to. I’m thinking tha if I try to verbally talk him down, he may think I am a wimp and afraid of him, and totally lose respect for me. I know that if I got in some guys’ face, he’d prolly want to kick my ass. I also know that fighting has repurcussion, but I want to know how to get and keep respect, even when a dude tries me like this.



The first thing your sensei should teach you is that non-violence is the best measure. Remember the words from Kung-Fu, that TV show from the seventies:

“Avoid rather than check. Check rather than hurt. Hurt rather than maim. Maim rather than kill. Kill rather than be
killed. For all life is precious, nor can any be replaced…”

The only time you fight is when A) you have no choice, and B) You know he’s going to throw a punch. Then you strike FIRST.

The only way you get experienced at B is by feeling out people’s energy, and it’s not something that most can do.
They’re leading very insulated lives (insulated emotionally) and prefer the blind aggression to the real deal.


Remember that Martial Artists tend to be driven by ego more than ability. They put themselves in harm’s way far too
often because they just got their “blue” belt or some crap like that, and they endanger themselves and everyone around

The best approach is learning how to verbally disarm someone. I teach my students this, and my Sensei taught me this as well. You have to learn how to talk someone down out of their rage inspired moment of assault.


Because if that jackass has a shim or a knife on him, or even a gun, you know that no karate in the world can stop a
bullet. You might be able to disarm them of a weapon, but don’t count on getting away without bloodshed.

That being said, you do not escalate verbal confrontation. You have to tame your anger and learn how to VERBALLY SPAR. You have to learn how to manipulate conversation and defuse these guys.

You learn how to defend yourself physically… so it stands to reason that you better learn how to defend yourself
verbally, too.

The way that you show that disrespect is unacceptable is by not accepting it, but not by throwing punches or returning in-kind.

You simply say something like, “Now why would you say something like that? I thing you’re a pretty cool guy. I don’t
understand why you want to disrespect me like that when we’re having a perfectly fun conversation here. Why is that?”

Watch how Richard Dreyfuss does this in “Stakeout.” He talks down a drunk angry guy with just a few confidently placed actions and words.

How To Approach A Woman in Foreign Land


Hi Carlos,

I live in Rome, Italy. What happens here is that girls are really difficult as a result of the fact that all guy are really aggressive, they literally don’t let them breath. Once a guy knows a girl here he literally jumps over her – tries to kiss her aggressively right away, hugs her etc. As a result girls are really distrustful and as soon as you try to tell a girl anything she runs away, expecting that the next thing you will do is “grab” her and not let her breath. 


I’m a foreigner here so I’m not like this. How can I approach in such an “anomalous” situation, how can I communicate to a girl that I just wanna know her, that I will not jump over her like everybody else does? 

I’ll appreciate any advice

S.G., Rome



Great question.

Usually this isn’t as much of an issue overseas because the women are women, the men are men, and everyone is comfortable in their roles.

Here in the US, we’ve got all that baggage. Women trying to be men. (The “have it all” syndrome, where they end up with nothing they want.) Men trying to be women. (The “listen to women and believe they really want us to be sensitive” syndrome.)

Women are always open to men who can learn how to communicate with them the way they respond to. Now you’ve got a couple alternatives.  You can try to overcome their thick hides. (Not recommended, way too much effort.)

Or you can slip in under their radar.


Here’s what I’d do:

Get a bunch of cards made up with a single Italian phrase on it. “Voiglo conoscere te meglio…” My Italian is a little rusty, but I was trying to say: “I want to know you better…”

Then say, “Scusi, chiamo e?”  Or, “What’s your name?” Dont’ do it with a slick Mediterranean attitude. Just look confident but reserved.

Tell her you didn’t want to interrupt her day, but you suspected that you might be able to help her find some good conversation.  You’ll have to find a demeanor that’s less intrusive but still holds an air of confidence.

You might even find a way of asking a fairly non-intrusive question, like what the time is or where a good gelatoria is. From there just keep talking. Once you assume the right balance of interest and controlled distance, you’ll do fine.

Don’t tell me that ALL the women act this way, either. You just have to slip into another mode. They will pick up on your energy and read it, so you just have to find a more laid-back approach.

I’ve been in Roma, and the women aren’t THAT scared… 🙂


Stay Alpha,

Carlos Xuma

Online Dating from Hell

So I was looking around this morning online and I found this guy’s personal ad. I’ve removed any incriminating evidence, but it serves to show you how NOT to create a personal ad. Take a look at this:

Mr. Nice Guy

Hello there. I am looking for someone who has been through some stuff and has learned to appreciate life through experience. I am available for a number of things. Friendship is great. I do look forward to having a partner in my life. Not into drama or games AT ALL. I am very active. I love the outdoors, working out, yoga and nature. Kids are great too. Bye for now.


I’m a XX year old white man from xxxx. I consider my appearance to be very good looking. I am 5’10” tall with a cut build. I have brown hair, sky blue eyes and a fair complexion.


My ideal match:


The ideal setting for a first date:




What I like to do when I’m not at work:


Where I see myself two to five years from now:


If I could change one thing about myself:


Final thoughts:




Now, in case you haven’t noticed, this ad screams “nice sensitive guy” from a mile away. In no way does he involve the reader in the passion of his life, or the excitement. I don’t care if he likes Yoga or Monster Trucks. He’s got to really stop saying “I” this and “I” that, and address what SHE is interested in.


This is the cardinal sin in 90% of all guy’s personal ads online. They look like a third grade essay.

And, if you didn’t know it, wouldn’t you have guessed this to be a WOMAN’s profile? Well, it’s not. It’s a man’s.

So learn from this and start injecting some fierce emotional excitement in your personals.

Hell, start injecting it in your LIFE. And every time you meet a woman. THAT is what will move her. Not a lame profile.

How to get a girlfriend…

Okay, guys… it’s time to really crack the whip on this…

You need to get over and start reading my Blog. It’s important, because you’re missing out on a lot of information if you don’t.

Did you know about our new Podcast? Regular weekly advice on AUDIO that you can download now?


Add it to your newsfeed reader, too, and you’ll see the updates as I post them. There are a ton of free newsfeed readers out there, so grab one.



Hey Carlos,

Your Blog is one of the most greatest ideas that you came up with other than your “Women Understanding Wisdom” (WUW another one for you), my question is how do I recreate my online profile? And how do I change it from Boring Needy Wuss to Deserving Alpha Man?

Here’s my profile:

About Me: “I’m very intelligent, down to earth, very liberal, and adventurous. I am very strong physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. I always stand up for what I believe in and fight for what’s right. Also I am very trusting and loyal and respectful. Another great trait about me is I’m very bold and not afraid to be who I am. Personally I’m what women are looking for in a real man known as Mr. Right. I have a wild side (I’m a bite of Bad Boy/ Adventurous and Dare Devilish) known as the “MAN” that your mother has warned you about. But hey, we both know you never listen.


You are looking for: Looking for a girl who has a similar personality like mine, but other different unique qualities as well. Some whose confident and independent (not y and superficial), responsible, down to earth, very liberal and open-minded, strong and sensitive, and very respectful to people and men with a good heart.

Most important she’s very simple not shallow and and high maintenance. Someone who appreciates the finer things of life and honors values. Also has morals and integrity and is very confident in herself. To very honest, I like Asian women (with beautiful hands and sexy Feet) nothing personal nor disrespectful to nobody, that’s just what I like. But if you your the type of girl (regardless of what walks of life your from) who has what it take be my mate, and satisfy me “intimately”. I’ll be open too changing my mind.

My idea of the perfect first date: is a very romantic peaceful walk on the southern California / Hawaiian beach coast (or any beach wherever we are). Where we are laughing and talking with each other, and just having a great time with each other.

My perception of an ideal relationship: Where me and my mate are always happy and enjoy being with each other. Going out and being in the great outdoors of doing things and when her and I at sitting on the sofa and cuddling with each other and romantically sweet talking and talking dirty to arose each other. With teasing and physically touching each other and making out. 

What I’ve learned from my past relationships: Never assume that people that you like is going be what you want them to be. Always take it slow and get too know them before you have feelings for them.

Please give me helpful advice to this list of 5 and examples to this profile, your Antiwuss-Bitch-Slapping is greatly appreciated.

Guidance Needed,

C.J.D., NJ



Ah, well then, let me administer the stinging slap of bitch-dom.

Here’s a rule I want you playa’s out there to remember: Don’t be afraid to scare away the women you don’t want.

Sounds kind of obvious, but you’d be amazed how many guys are trying to create the profile that wins them all. Or they go into this with the idea that they can avoid offending anyone.

Life is hard. Wear a cup.

As I like to say.

So, when writing your profile, write it with the person in mind you want to read it and go, “Hey, that’s cool…”

Write with your audience in mind.

Now, let me clear something up right now:

No matter how much or how clearly you write what you WANT in your profile, you will have tons of women read it and THINK that’s them – or WANT to think that it’s them.


In other words, saying what you want doesn’t get you what you want online. It’s not like making a grocery list. You’ll get women who are 20-30 pounds overweight who haven’t seen a gym since sixth grade writing you, even though you asked for someone who you can “workout with.”

It never ceases to amaze me what I used to get all the time. It got so bad I almost wanted to start writing:


Kinda harsh, but come on, man. What part of “athletic build” did you not understand?

So, with that in mind, here’s the way you need to construct your profile:

Make it FUN. 

Just go crazy with it. Have a blast. Don’t worry about getting all specific about your description so that you get the perfect woman. The fact is that the woman that will match you will probably not really match her own profile after you get to know her.

Sad truth.

So what you have to do is just inject your profile with a bunch of fun stuff that she’ll latch on to and go with.

You see, you want the kind of woman who responds to a fun and offbeat profile. (At least I hope so.) You want a woman with a sense of humor and adventure.

And that kind of woman WILL respond to a more laid back and less specific profile.

Face it – you’ll probably end up screening out most of them on the phone anyway, so why try to do too much unnecessary work in your online information? It doesn’t work, so you might as well cast a wider net.

Plus, when guys state what they want in their profiles, women actually LOOK to exclude themselves based on their INTERPRETATION of what you said.

And we know how well they do that.

And remember that you can’t TELL her you’re this or that (such as a “bad boy…”)

A real bad boy would never SAY it.

Instead you must SHOW it. With your words and your cocky attitude.

Try this:

“So if you’re the kind of girl that likes eating fruit off the tree, or off the stomach of a really close buddy, or you just like to lick your fingers and pretend, I won’t tell… Or maybe you’re the kind of girl who’s daring enough to jump in a cool lake on a hot day with her clothes on … So why are you still reading this? Send me an email! The worst thing that could happen is that you fall madly in love with my dimples and start stalking me. Wait, on second thought…”

See how that works? I just totally riffed that off the top of my head, and I’m sure it shows, but it’s unique and it doesn’t scream out NEEDY WUSS. It stands out.

Now all you have to do is come up with some of these on your own. It’s not hard. Just sit down and start typing some experimental stuff into your computer.

Remember, if it doesn’t work, you can always revise and change it. Nothing is permanent in cyberspace.

Are you looking to develop a few of the skills that you need to attract women? Not a ton of tricks, or magic hypnosis phrases, just a few core skills. I’ve got ’em.

They’re not complicated, either.

I cover this and many other topics in my e-books and audio. If you’d like to learn more about how the REAL players get the women, you can download the information right away.

If you want to get that kind of understanding and control over your love life, you need to read my e-book. And you can get the benefits of my best e-books, RISK FREE for the next 90 days.

Get my books, the audio, read them and hear me explain the strategies, and then put it to work for you right away.

I wrote them in a simple, easy-to-use format that ANYONE can learn. Nothing is complicated, and there’s no dumb hypnosis routines to learn. Just the stuff that will help YOU get more success with women.

 THE DATING BLACK BOOK – This e-book set covers the dating scene, from meeting women, to your best attitude, to strategies, to how to touch women, to driving up their attraction, to dumping them when you need to move on. Looking for a woman? This book shows you the BIG picture.

Put this link in your browser to download it:

 SECRETS OF THE ALPHA MAN – This e-book and CD coaching covers your inner game, from meeting women, to cultivating complete confidence, to life and success strategies, to understanding what the winners and Alpha Men in life have that you can have, too. Looking for a better lifestyle and inner confidence, as well as more women? This book shows you a map to a more successful LIFE.

Put this link in your browser to see all the great stuff in this set: www.alphaseduction.com

 ADVANCED AUDIO COACHING – And if you’re like most guys that love to hear advice and audible examples of things to learn by, and you want new and fresh tips every single month, The ADVANCED AUDIO COACHING is something for you to get.

Each month we go into loads of detail about every aspect of dating and seduction. From what to say to what to wear, to what to cook, to what to do when it’s time to close the deal. Every session is over 100 minutes of top-quality digital audio that you can download and listen to right away. No waiting for a CD to ship!

You can even get the complete first year (over 21 hours of audio) in a special deal at the site…

Put this link in your browser to check it out:

I’m in this to help you, educating men to do better in their lives in the one thing that has eluded us for thousands of years – SUCCESS WITH WOMEN.

Is there ANYTHING more important?

Remember life is too short, and death is too long.

Don’t wait until your heart is broken before you take steps to learn how this game is played.

Get the information on how to improve your dating life TODAY. Make the changes you need to make to get the love, bedroom action, and relationships that you want and DESERVE to have.

I’ll be back with more advice soon …

This is the year for you to get successful with women!

Stay Alpha,

 – Carlos Xuna

How confident guys attract women…

I asked my “buddy” (Who will be known as “C” here) if she’d explain more about this guy at her work that the ladies enjoy. You’ll be happy to know that it’s not because he’s a hottie… Read what she has to say about Bret:

“Bret is a man who oozes confidence. I am not talking about that horrific, cocky, obscene strutting that some insecure men delude themselves into thinking is impressive. What I am speaking of, is a man whose character is clearly defined, in an unassuming, resolute manner.


Ya know the thing that’s so refreshing about Bret is that he is the consummate gentleman. I love that he rushes ahead of me to open a door, or offers to give me his seat in a crowded meeting. Chivalry my friend, is alive and well!

I ran into Bret today at the office and he came over to say hello. He looked me up and down and smiled. He often compliments me on how I look and today was no different.

Two things I notice when we chat, he is always attentive and he often stands fairly close to me. I wonder if he has used his ‘charm’ to compensate for his physical statue. He is a rather large man.

I would much rather be in his company than the tall, dark, handsome, arrogant, self absorbed jerk I had to deal with this week. I actually had to tell this guy that I would not conduct a multi-million dollar transaction with him because he was an arrogant jerk. What a waste!”

See? Women will actually avoid a guy who’s good looking when he’s got the wrong attitude… This, my friends, is where all of us players are going to take over the world.

Long Distance Make Over

Question from a reader:

I need help with a girl whom am seeking to restart our old relationship, please help me?

About mid-1999 we started a relationship which lasted for about a year. For my part, that was our first relationship then. Anyway, about April 2000 I left for Hungary to continue my education and she left for England and we still continued our relationship till after the easter season of 2001.

Before that, we kept in close contact. I visited her during the Christmas break of 2000 and must admit that was one of the best highlight of our relationship. However, early 2001 she wasn’t replying my email messages as often as she used to which got me concerned. To make it worse, I was having a conversation with her on the internet and some guy all of a sudden was talking on her behalf.


As a result of this, gave her a visit to spend the easter with her, but turned out that she wouldn’t fancy me visiting her at home or calling her apartment. That made me come to the conclusion that she probably doesn’t fancy me as she used to so I broke up with her(but very recently she told me on one of our phone calls that my judgement were wrong).

With that said, It has been almost four years since we’ve been separated without any calls or mails between each other. I have to say though I have had two relationship during our separation but it not like I had with her. We are now keeping in touch again and she has written stuffs like (I’m still thinking of you) in her emails, I for sure wouldn’t mind starting all over again.  

By the way we are both students and we are both not financially fit at the moment to pay each other a visit.

Any advice on how to go about this far distance makeover.



Whoah there, nellie.

I understand all the history you’ve got with this girl, and that there may (or may NOT) be some feelings again that have come up, but the one thing you can’t ignore is this – REALITY.

The REALITY is that you can’t see each other in person. You told me you’re students and you can’t make the trips because of no money.


That right there seals your fate. You can’t start up with her again through email or phone. No matter what the other gurus out there might say. You can’t attract women or get a girlfriend when you’re far apart. That’s not what women want.

If you have no in-person contact, all you’re going to do is work up your fever pitch about being with this girl until you do something foolish to relieve the pressure, like relocate, or start selling drugs to get her near you.

Until you get near her again, here’s what you do: Get a girlfriend where you are!

Don’t waste time waiting and hoping to get a woman that wasn’t really all that great to begin with. Did you forget that she had her other boyfriend handling her emails to you? What a chicken-shit thing to do.

Remember this: The memory is always better than the reality. 


Stay Alpha,

Carlos Xuma

Calibration Coaching

I was just thinking the other day about how my friend Greg attracts women all the time, and I was
mentally comparing what his approach was from mine in terms of why we’re successful. We’re both good
at chatting up women just about anywhere, and we are both fairly successful at getting more than our
fair share of … well, let’s call it female attention. We talked about this for a while, and then
it hit us both like a bolt of lightning…

Even though he and I were different in appearance, different in style, different in dress, etc., one
thing was actually the same. We both understood some principles of attracting beautiful women that
involve “calibration.” Flexibility for the situation.

So I got home and started recording some topics having to do with this area that I think will help
you guys understand how to adjust your approach to various situations.


Oh, and I got a lot of questions about certain activities you can do to really increase your comfort
level with women. So I decided I’d reveal an exercise I once used to get myself over my fear of
women. It’s called the “Poll” and any guy can use it. It really rocks. You can use it for cold
approaching women on the street, or even in a bar or club.

Not to mention I am also covering how the concept of social proof works with women (and people in
general) and how you use it to demonstrate your own superior social value (SSV) with women. SSV is
something I’m going to cover more in the next couple months, too. (I even threw in a ton of examples
of how to use negative hits effectively.)

So, rather than get long-winded here, I’m just going to tell you that Session 22 is HERE, and you
guys are going to LOVE it. I am going in-depth in these concepts and many more.

Get it here

Take a quick look at the great stuff we’re covering in a few of the tracks in July’s Session-

Session 22 includes:

–    CALIBRATION – How to adjust your approach for the various levels of women (classic “10” scale),
what’s happening when she won’t call back, how to compliment, and WHO to compliment, the GPP
complex, as well as what to expect from women at various levels of attrativeness…

–    THE 2 LEVELS OF ATTRACTION – Emotional vs. Sexual, how much chemistry you must have versus
trust, what happens when you over involve her emotionally, why a woman slams on the brakes, how
negative hits work, and how you can use them effectively, with 8 examples of application

–    EXERCISE – The Poll – How to double and triple the number of women you meet with your own
research, removing expectation, why it’s critical to memorize introductions and phrases, getting
yourself empowered, Ten Example questions for your poll, how to score yourself, the most important
way to express your interest in her, and tips on how to NEVER approach women on the street (chances
are you’re making these mistakes)…

–    INFLUENCE – SOCIAL PROOF – How social proof works, the need for validation, examples of
sociological motivations of people, how a woman is motivated by social proof, Public compliance vs.
private acceptance, when social proof works the most …

–    SELF-DISCIPLINE – What it is and how to develop it through action, application with your own
goals, working your phone list, examples of goals, the one critical ingredient to your motivation –
and why you will fail without it …

–    AFTER THE SEX – How to choose your path after you’ve achieved your goals, qualitative vs.
quantitative criteria, how to setup expectations, why relationships develop you faster, why men lose
their game in long-term relationships, the two decisions you must make for each woman you date, and
the reason guys don’t want to date more than one woman even when they know they should…

Just in time for your holiday weekend, you can see the COMPLETE table of contents, and download the
July session here

Stay Alpha,

– Carlos Xuma

Alpha Isn’t Bad

There are a lot of guys out there sending conflicting information regarding what it is and isn’t to be “Alpha.”

As in “Alpha Man” or “Alpha Male.”

Let’s start right off by saying that “Alpha” behavior is NOT bad.

It is NOT what you see animals doing in their nasty time in the zoo.

It’s NOT attacking a tribe and killing all the young, or any weird stuff like that.

Look, “Alpha” just means the dominant male (and sometimes the female) in a group.

It’s the one that is most likely to procreate and get its genes into the next round of the “Keep the species alive” game.


So it really does make sense to get successful with women if you think about it like this. If you don’t find a woman to mate with and create little teeny versions of you, then it all ends with you.

Do you deserve to have your genetic legacy carried on into the next generation? I hope so. And more importantly, I hope you believe so.

So don’t listen to a lot of this garbage and double speak out there regarding “Alpha Men” and what they should or should not be.

Here are a few things an Alpha IS:

– Clever/smart/cunning
– Ambitious
– Excited
– Honorable
– Dominant (not aggressive, but demonstrating superior social skills)
– Stable
– Fit (healthy lifestyle)
– Curious
– Balanced
– Natural

Now those are the things that make up a good lifestyle. In my e-book set “Secrets of the Alpha Man” I cover these, as well as the real-life exercises required to succeed in life.


Carlos Xuma Interview

Clifford: Carlos is the “guru” behind Dating Dynamics, Seduction Method and Alpha Seduction

Carlos, thank you for agreeing to do this interview with me and now could you please tell a little about your history with women, and your background.Carlos: I grew up in the Northeast, in Upstate New York. And the first thing I remember about girls was liking them – a LOT. I got started at a very early age, too. My first real crush was in kindergarten with a girl in my class named Julie. My mom even helped me pick out a gift to bring in to school for her. Of course, the thing sat all wrapped and ready in the book rack under my chair while I worked up the guts to give it to her, fearing the awful possibility of her rejection. Julie never did get that gift. Sorry, babe. That pattern of serial crushes on girls kept up for me for a while. I first got laid when I was only 12 years old. Her name was Ann, she was 15, and she’d had a crush on me for a while. I’d held off on “dating” her, which only made her more interested. I remember that she told my friends she wouldn’t “do it” with me until after we dated for a month. We did it the next afternoon.imagesIt wasn’t long after that I was sleeping with every girl I could get my hands on. What I was doing at the time (but didn’t realize) was being a real ‘scoundrel.’ I would sleep with a girl, and then move on to the next one in a few weeks or so. I was a self-interested “jerk,” just like the ones women complain about (but keep going back to.) My selfish attitude communicated my non-neediness, as well as my social value. I just kept being self-interested and treated women like *I* was the prize.

In a nutshell, my attitude was this: “Oh, you’re going to sleep with me. And if you don’t, I’m just going to move on to a woman who will. And then it will be YOUR fault. Oh, and you’re not just going to SLEEP with me. You’re going to do all the nasties I want, too. Now get naked.”

Still, the seeds of my setback to a “Nice Guy” were planted in my early twenties when I started reading a TON of self-help literature. I started with the usual Anthony Robbins material, Wayne Dyer, Napoleon Hill, etc., which were fantastic for my entrepreneurial spirit and desire to grow and achieve. I’ve always been fascinated by human motivation and drive.

I also wanted to know more about how this thing called “love” worked, and how to have a successful relationship. Unfortunately for me, I also started reading every book under the sun on relationships by all the female (and male) authors and pundits. I started believing in this “ideal” that these people perpetuated, which was arguing against our emotional nature. What I started believing in was this “pure white light of love and acceptance”, all this “California New Age” bullshit that they said you could experience if you explored and confused your inner child enough.

WHAM. My game started going right down the toilet.

I stopped making women attracted to me the way I had been with my ‘scoundrel’ attitude, and I started believing I’d been doing wrong to them all that time, and that men were “bad.” I became something of a male feminist. (Ugh, I cringe thinking back on this.) I acted the complete role of the nice guy, from buying them flowers to writing love letters.

After several heart wrenching ordeals with a few of my long term relationships (yeah, they dumped me), I knew I had to get back on track.

I actually started with a short book that was on the back shelf of a small bookstore (as most good information usually is.) The book was “How to be the Jerk Women Love” by F.J. Shark. It wasn’t exactly a new bible of getting women, and it had so many printing flaws that I imagined this was published by someone in a basement somewhere after a hard drinking binge. BUT this book started me understanding that women are not attracted to LOGIC. They are attracted to certain behaviors that evoke their EMOTIONS. And while the tactics in this book weren’t all spot-on (like always borrowing money from your girl and having centerfolds on your wall), the principles held up. I knew there was much more strategy to find and use.


So after a few more years of experimenting, getting back on track with my dating and sex life, and looking into a ton of other stuff out there, I knew I could write my own book using my experiences and insights. Combining my analytical ability with my writing skills, I had no doubt that guys would want this information. I first came out with “The Dating Black Book” about two years ago. Then “The Seduction Method” came out six months later. I’ve been providing regular advice and strategies for men in my monthly audio coaching. And just this month I released my most recent book and 6-CD series, “Secrets of the Alpha Man.”

My highly analytical nature led itself to “figuring out” women and our interactions to understand what this thing of sexual attraction was all about. I’m one of those guys who just has to know how things work, whether it’s mechanical or social interaction.

Lately, my experiences as a Martial Arts instructor has led me even deeper into the dynamics of what makes a man an ALPHA. It’s a term that’s been over-used and abused, but there is so much to learn by studying what kind of men women have desired over the eons. I just worked on molding this definition for the modern man.

We’re in a genuine crisis in our society as far as gender roles, and my mission is to turn this situation around for men (and women). The Nice Guy Syndrome is destroying the success of men everywhere, and it’s time to put that to an end.


Clifford: One thing I have noticed from the last few interviews I have been doing is that each person (not that this is a revolutionary realization) has their own particular style of seduction. What this means is that each person has found the path doing what they do to achieve success. I think you’ve explained what you were doing as a teenager, but now that you are an adult what do you do to create attraction that might be different from other guys or that would define your particular method or methods.

Carlos: I’m more of a sniper than a “sarger” if you know what I mean. I used to just go after women as they came, but now I find more fun and challenge in being a hunter. I find the target that interests me and I shoot to kill. More like Valmont from “Dangerous Liaisons.”

Each woman is a case study, and has a puzzle to getting her particular “kill shot.” And I believe most guys are really looking for more than temporary successes. The challenge eventually comes when he wants one good woman instead of many.

But I think the differentiation is that I’m targeting keeping the 80/20 rule in mind. 80% of guys are barely surviving out there in the seduction world, running around without a clue but what their moms told them.


80% of success is in only 20% of the skills, and they’re very easy to learn, and almost all of them come as a result of having a full and confident lifestyle. I also hone in on the importance of living an Alpha Lifestyle BEFORE you go out and look to pickup and seduce.

In the case of seduction, however, the 80% is probably more like 95% of guys who are not very skilled at the nuances of dating and seduction, but you know what I mean. I also believe firmly in using skills that are NATURAL rather than complexly orchestrated. The architecture is the same, but it has to be flexible enough to adapt to each guy’s personality. Techniques are fine, but ATTITUDE is EVERYTHING.

Keep it simple. No trance words, no cleverness until you get the foundational understanding, beliefs, and skills. There’s no lasting success in life without a true feeling of good self-esteem.

Clifford: How about some specific examples of what you think about, how you prepare yourself to “snipe”, and what may go on between you and some of your targets. If you can, please walk through the process that usually results in your having a success with a woman.


Carlos: I’ve gone through a LONG and intense process of cleaning up my inner game over the years. One of the things that my breakdown in skills has taught me is that the most important thing is your belief in your own value.

If you go out on a “date” or meet a woman out somewhere, she wants to believe in you. Most people aren’t strong leaders. Women, however, are looking for leaders to follow, which equates to your value as a man. Your social rank defines your value in most ways. (Yes, there is a whole subculture of socially reclusive people out there, but even they are still attracted to a certain set of attitudinal traits.)

The more you believe in yourself, the more you will act independently of a woman’s perception, thus driving up your value in her eyes. After all, what kind of man doesn’t need her approval? The kind of guy that SHE needs approval from. That’s what draws her in. Her belief that he is more powerful than she is.

Now, I’ve long since grown tired of the “singles” scene here in San Francisco. I used to work the bars and parties there pretty hard. Lately, however, it’s become much more interesting to find the challenging targets and use my sniping ability with them.


First of all, let me say that I find almost ALL women attractive in some way. Femininity and everything about women is something I adore. You have to if you’re going to stay in the game for a long time. You can’t run around with the typical male anger syndrome. You know, the one that’s pissed because women appear to control the sex, and since you’re not getting any, it must be the collective fault of all women. (This kind of anger is more common than most people think. Not necessarily to the level that causes men to be violent rapists, as the media would have you believe, but enough to sabotage a lot of guys from getting the sex life they want.)

I really don’t prepare for sniping. I just keep my eyes open for a woman that fascinates me enough to keep around. Here’s an example:

Every Halloween here in San Francisco there’s a huge celebration in the Castro district. It’s a big party in the street with everyone dressing up and having a wild time. There are parades, freaks, bands …. You name it. Thousands of people go every year. I’ll probably be there again this year.

Last year I went down to enjoy the party (alone, since my friend had backed out at the last moment). I had a couple beers, and went walking around, seeing the sights and having fun. (I was dressed as an army guy, so no face disguise was involved.) I spent a good amount of time watching for people – not just women – who might be cool to hang out with.

I went to a dive bar to grab a drink and some food, and I spotted a couple of women dressed in some rather lame costumes, but they looked like they might be fun. They seemed less “bimbo” and more intelligent and challenging. I walked over and said hello and said I was going to be their host for the evening. They pulled me right into their conversation, and as it turns out they were in from the East coast to come to the party. I decided I liked one of these gals enough to see what we could do.

Now, to make a long story short, through the use of fun conversation, NOT zoning in on her with freakish attention, and constantly changing our locations as much as possible, I was tongue-tied with her within the hour and she kept grabbing my ass. The rest I’ll leave to the imagination.

BTW, The tactic I mentioned above of changing locations as much as possible is a way of simulating multiple dates with the same woman. Your rapport with a woman increases exponentially with the number of locations you go with her, so why not do more in the same night? This is how you get the effect of 2 or 3 dates in one night.


Now, my internal process is simply this:

1) I use my own personalized mental preparations. I no longer stand in front of a mirror and chant “You are special!” the way some self-help guys would have you. After enough time of reinforcing your belief system, it only takes a quick recollection of a past success to put your mood and beliefs in the frame of a lady killer. Anchoring is an NLP method that I’ve modified to fit my own mental makeup.

2) I EMOTIONALLY believe that being ALONE is a worthy alternative. That will allow you to pull the plug at your own discretion and not feel as if you were the loser in any interaction. I have a mantra that goes, “I’m better off alone than with the wrong woman.” I’m super comfortable being alone and in silence. (i.e., no television or music on to distract me from my own thoughts.) This way there’s no pain of loss to avoid.

3) I’m RELAXED. Most guys don’t truly understand the necessity of shedding their nervous excitement around women. Sure, in some cases it can be flattering to the woman you’re talking with and it can energize you, but it also communicates all the wrong things about you. I’ve learned how to stay relaxed and comfortable in the most trying situations with women. Even if I’m crashing and burning HORRIBLY, I still can smile inside with the knowledge that it’s never the end of the world. NEVER.


4) I KNOW MYSELF. I’m totally aware of my own defense mechanisms, and what triggers them. By knowing how I’ll react in situations and being aware of them, I can then avoid any panic or nervousness. I took the time to build my self-discipline and self-awareness to a level where I no longer use the excuse “I just couldn’t help myself!” (Which is a common excuse among guys who can’t be bothered with introspection and building their self-control.)

5) I take TOTAL responsibility for any success or failure, and I’m aware of which situations are not under my control. Knowing what is in your sphere of influence versus your sphere of control is crucial if you’re going to be happy in life and manage your stress levels effectively.

Every guy out there needs to spend a little time figuring out his own mechanisms and what drives him. Do not – I repeat, DO NOT – get into the game of therapy or over-analysis, or any number of today’s touchy-feely, be-in-therapy-forever solutions, but become adept at figuring out why you did what you did – WITHOUT JUDGMENT. The closer you get to this ideal, the stronger your game will improve.

5) I take TOTAL responsibility for any success or failure, and I’m aware of which situations are not under my control. Knowing what is in your sphere of influence versus your sphere of control is crucial if you’re going to be happy in life and manage your stress levels effectively.

6) A few misses with women does not equate to total failure. In other words, I don’t have to win them ALL. This need for men to never screw up is another kind of insecurity. It’s as if they fall apart if just one woman didn’t seem to approve of them, or they were unable to get her number.

7) Constant interaction and exposure to women. This is one thing that keeps you in the game, even when your game isn’t going the way you’d like. Just don’t become reliant on women for friendships. Then you slip back into that nice-guy trap.

8) Seek qualified external feedback. If you have a friend with GOOD judgment (and that’s tough to come by) you need to latch on to that and use it for all it’s worth.


This then leads to a VERY simple plan of action to take my internal game EXTERNAL:

1) I target the kind of woman I’m interested in. Usually attractive (7+) and intelligent. I can’t stand dumb chicks, unless sex is the only goal. The woman I want is a factor of my own taste, of course, but she’s gotta have a brain. And a nice body – hey, I’m not kidding myself. B-cup boobies and an ass that won’t quit is a ticket to happiness in my corner of the universe.

2) I approach. I don’t hesitate for a second, because that’s when that voice starts up in your head to discourage you. Just walk over and find the words. Fail sooner to get to success.

3) I develop some rapport. I’m friendly, but I put a little dose or two of humor, teasing, and maybe a little C&F. (Beware the use of Cocky and Funny as a cure-all. Once again, it’s an over-used and frequently misunderstood part of seduction.)


4) I close for a phone number, email, or next step. A next step can be an immediate drink, coffee date, whatever, given the current circumstances.

5) I review what did or did not work in each of these encounters, modifying my approach, and staying RELAXED. This is the habit of sharpening your saw (for those of you familiar with Stephen Covey.)

Now, one thing I do that many other seduction coaches typically don’t is that I try to use the latest methods to meet women. Guys don’t yet know how to effectively mine the Internet or Speed Dating for so many good encounters. 95% of the guys at these things are AFCs, which makes it so much easier for practicing your game. It’s a great conversation simulator, too, allowing you to really break yourself out of the fear of talking to women. After you go through 4 or 5 women in an hour (sometimes many more) you find your rhythm and groove with them. I always coach guys to try new and different methods.

Sarging at clubs and on the street is intimidating to some guys, and the budding seducer needs an “entry-level” method of meeting women that allows his confidence to build.

I believe in using as many different methods to meet women as you can. Bars, parties, friends, speed dating, personals, Internet, cold walkup, you name it. I call these multiple streams of dating income. If you work 3 or 4 of them to a decent level of aptitude, you’ll be a rock star. Your confidence will skyrocket. It’s guaranteed, but so few men actually work it. They’ll try once or twice, come up with an excuse to not try again, and think they’ve got it all figured out. The ones who get laid don’t stop. They’re relentless. (Without being stalkers.)

Clifford: How do you motivate yourself and do what you need to do? When guys are starting out to learn to improve what they are doing with women, most inevitably come up against a learning curve which results in a lot of failures and frustrations. The motivation to continue sometimes is hard to come by – what suggestions do you have about this? Further, when guys get somewhat successful, they often also come up against plateaus or sticking points that seem insurmountable – what advice can you give to the more advanced guys to break through these more difficult barriers?

Carlos: A lot of guys make the same common mistakes with women. Most of the time, these mistakes are simply an extension of their own insecurities.

For example, I was talking with a gal I met on-line the other night, and she said what we already knew, which was that women can pick up on a man’s insecurities in a MICROSECOND. This girl could read them in the profiles that guys put up on-line. Sure, they realize fully that they have their own shortfalls, but that’s WHY THEY NEED MEN. I’m not some caveman here, but the reality is that there are very DEFINITE gender roles in our world, and men are neglecting them. One of the primary things men provide for women is STABILITY and direction. And THAT is why our confidence is essential. We have to be confident enough for TWO people.


So here are some of the inhibitors from climbing that learning curve you mentioned:

1) Inadequate relaxation. Guys have to learn how to calm down and take things easy. They’re way too uptight about immediate gratification. Their interactions are completely shadowed by the “please approve of me” need. Even players can come across with this, and it’s obvious to the more intelligent women out there.

2) Too much anger. Most guys are pent up with every kind of emotional constipation you can imagine. They’re pissed because women control the sex. They’re pissed because they can’t “understand women.” They’re just plain pissed off about a lot of things. But we’ve been told that we must be “in touch” with our anger.

I propose that you use your anger as FUEL. Men need anger, but we need to use it constructively. Anger is the 104+ octane in your car that propels you to your goals. It’s the red-hot chili pepper jammed in your sphincter to get your ass in gear. Your powerful emotions are your motivation when all else seems hopeless.


3) OBSESSION. Guys (especially “nice” guys) tend to become too easily focused on just ONE woman. This happens with 90% of all the guys I counsel, and it’s the most easy to overcome. You see, guys have been brought up with this mistaken belief in dating just ONE woman. (Let me tell you that a woman is nowhere near as monogamous as she’d have you believe.) The worst thing you can do is to focus all your attention on one conquest. To paraphrase Princess Leia from Star Wars, “The tighter your grip, the more women will slip through your fingers.”

Even advanced players get too obsessed sometimes with a particular result or image. You have to be flexible. Seduction is a highly fluid situation.

4) Loss of FAITH. I’m not talking about spiritual or religious faith here, but I’m sure it could be just as applicable. You have to have an overriding belief that EVERYTHING WILL WORK OUT RIGHT. If you have this, nothing can stop you. But most guys give up their belief too soon and lose hope. Realize that all the best guys have plateaus and even dips in their game. It’s inevitable. To quote from a great line on the Sopranos: “There will always be both good times and bad times in life, and all a man can do is try to find his pleasures along the way.”

5) Giving in to habits instead of holding to a higher standard. If there’s one thing I hear too much of it’s this lame-ass excuse: “I just HAD to call her right away”, or “I couldn’t help myself.” Bullshit. You’re just failing to take responsibility for your NOT doing what you know you need to do. Poor self-discipline. Most guys SAY they want something, but they’re not really willing to pay the price to get it.

6) Breaking through barriers is almost always about developing a new ABILITY. That’s it. When you come up against a situation that challenges you, that’s the message. You need to develop a new skill. You have to be livened by the challenge. Don’t get all depressed and angry. Let the challenge fire you up to a new level of achievement. This is the stuff that MEN are about, after all. Overcoming and conquering. This is something that women don’t really experience the way we men do.


I developed a few basic methods to overcome these hurdles. Now, these are my personal internal methods and beliefs, and you have to cultivate your own. But they’re basic, and anyone can adopt them. They start with the internal processes I talked about above, translating into a game plan of action, both externally as well as within my head.

For example, it’s very important to apply the correct EMOTIONAL meaning to any circumstance. Recently I’ve been doing a lot of “research” with on-line dating. One of the things I’ve noticed is that the women who post profiles are overly cautious, as well as flooded with attention. It’s a seller’s (i.e., women’s) market there, and guys have to work fairly hard to get noticed in the right way. Chicks just peek out at the guys from behind their safe little keyboards, so you have to know how to draw them out of their insecurities and fears. And be able to do that in email. (I’m a pretty good writer, so I’ve been fortunate enough to come up with many methods for this.)

I’ve had a few email “conversations” evaporate when the women just appears to flake and disappear. This is, of course, inevitable. It says nothing of my ability or skill with women. Here’s how I reframe the experience:

“I know she’s getting a million emails a day. Chances are she just answered someone at random, and it’s likely that she’ll find that guy is a dweeb. If she hasn’t hooked up with a dweeb, she’s probably just playing with the fire.

“I don’t play with fire – I TAME it.


“If she didn’t pick up on my Alpha status, that also means that she’s probably a beta chick.

“She’s also likely to NOT be a woman I’m all that interested in, so she just helped me by sorting herself out early.


I just bypass that mental hangup that a lot of guys develop about “the one that got away.” For some reason, we want to convert the ones that resist us the most. Men are very motivated by challenge, just as much as women. I see this even in players.

And the one thing most guys don’t realize about reframing (or re-defining) an experience is that they must really BELIEVE in what they change the meaning into. It does no good to go through an experience, such as not getting a woman’s number, say to yourself “It’s okay, it doesn’t matter,” but you still have that sinking, disappointed feeling inside that just eats at you. This is where most guys fail to take their game forward. Lack of emotional intelligence.

You have to defeat the EMOTIONS of your unhealthy interpretation. It’s not enough to WANT it to mean something different. You see, emotions add the charge to your thoughts, and THAT is what conditions you.

Men don’t understand their own emotions enough to condition themselves correctly. Men AVOID the negative feelings, while women want to feel ALL the emotions (negative and positive), but they tend to get addicted to the ride, not the desired outcomes.

This is where I propose that all Alpha Men out there must work to raise their emotional intelligence as high as possible. It’s the most critical skill for a man who wants to make lasting, positive change in his life.

Clifford: Thanks Carlos, for taking the time to explain your ideas and experiences for the guys. Perhaps you can take a minute and mention a product or two of yours that you think would be very valuable for the readers here to get.

Carlos: I appreciate the time and opportunity to share the information, Cliff. I know there are a lot of guys out there hungry for information on seduction.

Best of luck to all the guys out there,