Thursday, December 07, 2006

How to win a girlfriend back... when you get your confidence back.

Carlos, I've been listening to your podcasts and reading your blog for over a year now. A question I have for you is this: what advice to you have for good looking guys who have troubles with women? I ask because I once fell into this category, but fixed it to a good extent about a year ago, based a great deal on the advice you give.

Of course it comes down to a lack of confidence. Yet even now, having been in the same relationship for over a year, I find that my confidence is sometimes higher and sometimes lower, and I take steps to correct it when it drops. I ask for advice on what, if anything, good looking guys must do differently, much for myself but also for my friend. Women I know find him very attractive, and he sometimes finds a woman by the end of the night, but overall he is dissatisfied with how he does, and having been there, I feel for him.

I relay much of what I read from you, but I'm wondering if it takes something different. Confidence, acting immediately, focusing on several rather than one person (a big problem in this instance), framing himself in a "test her" mindset – these are all tips I give. I once read either from you or David D'Angelo that very good looking guys must cut back on the "cocky and funny" lest they intimidate or actually insult the woman, coming off more easily as arrogant. Do you have any thoughts on these matters?

By the way, I am a great evangelist of yours. By following your advice to "be a real man" – gaining and expressing deep-seated confidence – I was able to win back my girlfriend over a year ago, after several months of on-and-off, and overall very beta behavior on my part.

Now I know that you say it's a bad idea to expend energy on one you lost, but the ironic (and obvious) thing was that once I became my own man, not hers, and exhibited a true alpha mindset, that things have worked out quite well ever since. I believe that when both people know they have options, yet choose the one they're with, the relationship is founded on a very rare level of confidence that makes things just great. It keeps attraction high on both sides and maintains the chase, which in many relationships ends fairly quickly.

I still read your material to perform maintenance on myself and my relationship, making sure I don't fall into the whipped category with my girlfriend, or into the beta category with my male friends. Perpetual thanks for the advice!

- Mike

First of all, what you say at the end is what I've been saying all along, and it's nice to hear it from someone who's actually taken the advice:

"Ironically, if you are to ever stand a chance of getting her back, this is the only way to do it. Only by demonstrating the ability to get on with your life will she ever find you attractive again."

And there it is, in black & white.

You used the advice and strategies in my programs and you got results. You got her back.

I've done the same with women in the past. It was a path I had to travel to learn my own power as an Alpha Man. But most of the time you'll hear me recommend that you don't get caught up in winning a woman back because guys tend to lose their posture when they do it. They do it to "get the woman," not to "improve as a man."


Now, on to your question about how to handle things if you're a good looking guy.

Yes, you must realize that looks DO make a difference, but not in the way that you might think.

Most intelligent women over the age of 26 believe that a good looking guy is a "player." (Even younger women are conditioned this way, but they get over it faster.) That is something you have to get past right away, and it does hold you back. So, ironically, you're better off being average looking than really good looking.

The best approach for a good looking guy is to be VERY down-to-earth. Be cool, but lay off the cocky behavior. Anything even remotely cocky will be looked at as arrogant. And it's much easier for a good looking guy to overdo it and over-qualify himself. The woman gets such a strong "vibe" from him that she gets intimidated and disqualifies herself.

She already knows your looks give you a genetic edge over the competition, but now she needs to know you're a TRUSTABLE guy. Not a 'player.'

For those of you out there reading this right now that aren't good at calibrating to this "Alpha Man" ideal, I have something that you will find LIFE-CHANGING.

You don't have to go to one of my bootcamps.

You can simply just get the home-study course of the same Alpha Immersion program I use to train my students (and instructors) in the field.

It's my latest DVD product, and I just got some in stock this week.

Again, the reality is that if you're only reading the newsletters or listening to my podcast, you need more. It's like meeting up with a group of people who just attended to a seminar, and you can sort of understand what they're discussing - BUT you don't have the same foundation they have from attending.

Take a look at the Alpha Man Immersion Program HERE.

alpha man | how to talk to women | approach women | dating advice for men


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