Thursday, October 12, 2006

Dating a girl at work - is it good or bad?

I was involved off and on with this girl from work (I know first mistake). About 6 months ago we were seeing a lot of each other and we were sort of in that whole girlfriend/boyfriend mode of spending a lot of time with each other. I had suspicions that she was also flirting/seeing someone else here at work and to make a long story short my suspicions were confirmed.

I ended up leaving her alone and she ended up getting pretty serious with this other guy here at work. I took it pretty well buy not associating with her completely, however, given the fact that she works here, I have to see her. She's was seeing this guy exclusively for the past 6 months and I was also testing the dating waters and doing my own thing.

Fast forward to today, the relationship with the other guy who used to work here has fizzled out and we've been emailing small talk with each other and sort of have plans to "catch up". Our branch manager (a woman) is good friends with this chic and she likes the idea of us getting together.

I'm having second thoughts about getting involved with this girl again and this whole sitation is nagging at my psyche. I mean, she's a cute girl, independent etc... but I don't know if I've completely forgiven here for lying to me about seeing this other guy who used to work with us. On the other hand, I dont want to look like a childish little boy and not see her at all, just becuase my feelings were hurt.

I know I just need to increase my options so things like this wont be an issue in the future. This situation seems like it has drained my energy to the point that I don't even feel as excited about approaching/gaming women. You have any opinions on this situation?

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Charlotte, NC

I don't consider it a mistake to date someone from work, contrary to popular belief.

But dating someone you suspect can't HANDLE a workplace romance IS a mistake.

I've dated (ahem) many women at the places I've worked. Once I even saw a girl at a place where there were only 5 of us. Talk about potentially volatile.

But I always knew, no matter what happened *I* could handle the fallout. If I couldn't, then my sorry butt had better not be jumping into an office romance, right?

(This is the concept of "self-control," gentlemen... Know thyself.)

Now in your situation you have every right, though, to have some concerns, but as long as she didn't treat this guy in a way that you would find disrespectful (or downright scary), you have nothing to lose by practicing with her.

My recommendation, though, is more about YOU.

You need to learn the fine art of letting go. If you're holding on to this bitterness and resentment, it will probably color any relationship you try to have.

I'm also concerned when you tell me that you're putting so much thought into this situation that it "has drained my energy to the point that I don't even feel as excited about approaching/gaming women."

Dude, that's way too much. Why do you feel this way?

Situations don't drain you - it's all the emotional investment and mental energy you're putting into this.

I suspect there's too much thinking going on here, and too little acting.

A common mistake that guys get caught up in (particularly introverted guys like myself) is that they become so attached to their internal world that they fail to fully participate in the outside world.

Read that again. That applies to almost everyone, really.

Get in gear and start meeting some women that may not be convenient to hit on. (Meeting women at work is a convenience factor - no approach is necessary.)

Go meet women in parties. Go meet women in bars. Go meet women online.

Go learn how to approach women anywhere RIGHT NOW by clicking here

alpha man | how to talk to women | approach women | dating advice for men


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