Sunday, May 18, 2008

How quick to you want to respond to a woman?

Hey Carlos,

I love your material. I've read the Dating Black Book and I'm going through Approach Women Now - um, now.

So here's my question: How quickly do you recommend responding to emails and phone calls from women?

I've been trying to play it cool in terms of how quickly I respond to a few women I'm interested in. But I think I've been playing it too cool. Sometimes I don't respond by email or phone for several days after I hear from them. I was hoping that my aloofness would drive their interest - but I don't think it has.

I wonder if by not getting back to them in a timely manner I'm sending the wrong message - that I'm not interested in them. Also, perhaps I'm setting an example, basically showing that it's okay for them to be slow in getting back to me. At the same time, I'm worried that if I respond quickly I will come across as needy or overly-interested. (I'm at the computer all day long so I can respond to emails whenever I want.)

I often pretend I'm too busy in order to make myself seem more valuable, but this hasn't worked well for me so far.

I'd love to hear your thoughts on this.

Thanks a lot.


A lot of guys are hung up on the whole "How soon do I call her?"

After all, you don't want to call too soon and look needy. But on the other hand, when you realize that you've probably been doing this most of your life, you realize that another method is necessary. But then you end up going too far in the opposite direction and she loses interest.

I remember distinctly reading some other "guru's" advice about this where they said that you need to wait between 5 and 9 days to call a woman back.


No way. You only do that if you:

1) want to make sure she forgets you (because no matter how slick you were on that first approach, there are a dozen other guys she will meet between then and your eventual call, and

2) The more time that goes by is the more time she has to figure out why you two wouldn't work out.

In the absence of positive evidence, we all start to draw negative conclusions. I don't care how much of an optimist you are.

So here's the reality, from my keyboard to your brain:

Call her when it's time to call her.

A lot of guys want the whole "I'm so busy that you should be attracted to me" thing.

Here's a little news-flash...

(Whisper:) It has to be REAL.

Uh, yeah.

Pretending that you're busy is like pretending that you're a rock star. You'll be deluded, you'll look foolish, and you'll be hurting your game.

When you sit around waiting on a woman's call, you'll just be creating MORE neediness and desperation. That doesn't change just because you're pretending to be busy.

Here's a really novel suggestion: Why don't you GET busy for REAL?

That's how this works to make people more interested in you. If you're just playing Mr. Popular, you won't have the same effect on people.

Don't be a pretender. Be a REAL Alpha Man.

It works out much better for you in the long run.

Go out for the next 5 days, whether you have something to do or not. Start by creating a hive of activity in your life and let that be the fuse that lights the bomb of your social life.

It won't happen on its own, that much I can guarantee you.

So go light it.

And if you need to learn the skills to approach women and create this social life explosion, go look at my program for approaching women. I'll let you decide if it can help you out...

- Carlos

alpha man | how to talk to women | approach women | dating advice for men


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