Friday, January 18, 2008

Pre-Marital Blues...

Hey Carlos, what's up dude? Hey just want to say that you're stuff is so amazing it's ridiculous! My skill with women has gone up by so much, and so has my skills in other conversation as well. So my question is something that I've never encountered and never have seen before, so that's why I'm stuck.

I started college last fall and met a girl very quickly whom lives two doors down from me. She is one of the greatest girls I've ever met, I've dated a lot of other girls but she is better by quite a good margin. We click so well and do everything together. We've been going out for close to six months now. Sounds great right?

Well she has this thing about not having sex until she is married. We still do other stuff and while we are in the act she always says she wants it, but when I go to act on it she closes up and gets upset. It's really confusing, it maybe just a heat of the moment thing, but I know its on her mind all the time.

For awhile it was alright, but now I don't know if it's worth it. I have no plans of marrying anybody for like 10 years, but she is the kind of girl that if I was older I would consider marrying after more time. I could break up with her, but it feels like I'd be one of those guys who only thinks about sex like I'd be giving up something great over sex, it doesn't really feel right.

I don't want to break up with her because she's not for me, but this whole sex thing is really confusing. So I'm asking you because to me it's not really clear-cut, and I'm sure you've met a girl who doesn't want sex until she's married either. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

Thanks a lot for all you've done.

This is a very confusing area for a lot of guys because they don't understand why a woman would SAY one thing and then act another way. It seems inconsistent.

In a woman's mind, however, this is just the current emotional weather report. And it's subject to change at any moment. This is natural for her.

I'm not going to stomp all over this girl's beliefs, if that's what is really driving her decision.

However, waiting until marriage (unless it's part of her religion or a very well thought out philosophy) is a dated concept, in my opinion. It's a holdover from the times when men used this kind of social pressure to as a form of paternity insurance.

What she's PROBABLY doing is using this as a cover excuse for not wanting to appear slutty or immoral.

Remember: A woman is brought up and conditioned by society to appear virtuous and "good." Any threat to that image is going to be resisted. VIOLENTLY resisted, sometimes.

Even though it's the most hypocritical and ridiculous thing in the world.

But, as my buddy Mr. Sinatra used to sing, That's Life!

Again, in my opinion, you don't have enough experience or understanding to marry a woman until you're both past the age of 30. Probably longer.

If you have needs, they are not something to be ashamed of. You're starting to fall into the same social pressure trap, where you are more concerned with women's opinion of you than the reality.

Men who want sex and are not shamed and reduced to porn addiction are what women want. But men who are made to believe that they're "bad" or "dogs" for a healthy sex drive are also being misled. This is one of the dilemmas I discuss in the Secrets of the Alpha Man.

Men AND women both want sex. Women are just programmed to be hard to get, while men are programmed to be the chasers. This has its roots in evolutionary psychology, which you can also learn in my programs.
All you can do is assure her that your feelings are genuine (but don't go promising to love this girl or marry her just to nail it!). And then you see if she is really going there, or if she has this "prude" programming stuck in her brain.

If you need more than she's giving, remember it's not HER fault.

But it is your fault to keep going back to a dry well when you're thirsty and need a drink, if you know what I mean.

Don't blame her for not giving you what you want. Just move on. Let her know in very nicely stated terms that she's a great girl, you respect her decision, but you need physical intimacy.

Then move on.

Do it with a gentlemanly grace and humility that will not turn her into a vindictive beast. And you never know, she might be back later when she figures out that her social programming is a farce.

If you're genuinely concerned about her spreading vicious rumors about you, you can invent an excuse that makes sense.

Then move on and enjoy the best years of your life!

alpha man | how to talk to women | approach women | dating advice for men


Post a Comment

<< Home