Wednesday, January 16, 2008

How do you stop the game playing?

Carlos Xuma's Dating Advice for Men: How to Stop the Game Playing...

> Many guys feel that their ability with women is often
> ruined by having to play a bunch of social games
> along the way.
> Some of them are avoidable, and some are not.

If you're in a hurry:
To find out how I deal with "social games," just click this:

Hey Carlos,

I've been going out the last few weeks and meeting
people as a way to improve my social ability. I try
to get out at least two times a week to meet new
people, get some phone numbers, meet new women, etc.

Something I've noticed is that there is a lot more going
on in conversations than just the words. I mean, when I'm
talking with people (men, women, whoever) I find that
they are always playing this kind of tug-of-war with me
for control in the conversation.

Women like to play it for certain things, and guys want to
play it for power and status.

What's your take on this?

Can I get past the games?

- J

You know, if there's one thing I hear all the time, from both
men AND women, it's "Why do we have to play all the

And you're right, men and women both play different kinds
of games with others. But surprisingly, they both want and
need a certain level of "ego-stroking" in their games.

The reasons we play games are nearly infinite, but they
all track back to some very common needs as human beings.

For one, we all need APPRECIATION.

Think of how much work you go through in life just to squeak
out a little appreciation or acknowledgment from other people.

It's really amazing when you think about it.

And the funny thing is that we all want this appreciation so
much that we hold it back from others, because we're so
starved for it.

And then what does this do? Yep, that's right. It creates this
universal shortage in the amount of pats on the back or
compliments given out there in the world.

And the less there is, the less people give, and the spiral
goes down and down and down....

That right there is a game all of its own. Have you ever
caught yourself doing that? I know I have.

(I just created a program about this, by the way. You can go
see it here: )

You may already know that I'm a martial arts instructor, and
we are known for being critical and very stingy with praise.

In fact, there's a joke about it that goes like this:

Q: How many martial arts teachers does it take to screw in a

A: Five. One to screw it in, and four to tell him how he's doing
it wrong.

(You guys that take martial arts will probably relate to that one
quite well...)

These games we play all come from our inner needs and
emotional desires. And sometimes games just come up
because of the differences in approach between people.

- Some people are confrontational... but most are not.

- Some people like to talk about themselves... but some prefer
to be more discreet.

- Some people like to approach women directly... and some prefer
to do it more indirectly and cautiously.

There are good social games, and there are unhealthy and BAD
social games.

Now, as far as social games are concerned, there's one thing
I've noticed as being true in almost every interaction I've studied.

In fact it's pretty much a universal rule, and one that's been backed
up by studies everywhere...

It's this:

The person with the best social skills and ability to handle social
games is the person who typically gets what they want.

AND that person is also the one who gets more success in life
in all the ways we typically think of as "REAL" success.

More happiness, more friends, better love life...

It flows together because there is one thing that is FOR SURE:

You MUST deal with other people. And you can't reprogram them
to turn their "game playing" switch off.

So you must develop options.

Now this newsletter could go on forever on this topic. So what I
did was to write up 3 of these "game playing" personalities for
you. These three are the most dangerous types that play the
games that are NOT healthy.

That's why you have to see them coming and know how to
handle them.

You can go read this report here:

I'll be back with more advice soon ...

Your friend,

- Carlos Xuma

PS: If you have any problems, just copy and paste this link in your
Web browser to read more:

alpha man | how to talk to women | approach women | dating advice for men


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