THE ULTIMATE EMAIL FOR ONLINE DATING:
Use this one, but only at your own risk! :)
Yes, this is meant to be funny...
Dear increasingly attractive woman:
I came very close to making a pass at you today. While I have not been attracted to you for the majority of time I've known you, I find myself desiring you more and more the longer I go without any sex or female companionship. Your annoying habits are easier to ignore, your odd features seem to blur, and your shitty attitude more closely matches my air of pathetic desparation.
Let's face it: neither one of us is really a catch right now. "Nearby" and "available" are really the only qualities we have to offer anyone, so why not just admit it and give in to the first guy who comes along- me. I assure you, my darling, right now I am halfway seething with mildly erotic desire for you.
I fantasize about taking you in my arms, pulling your body close to mine, and whispering in your ear, "You'll do for now." Think of the hours upon hours of vaguely satisfying sexual activities we could engage in!
Think of the amazing substances we'll ingest in a failed attempt to drive off feelings of dissapointment and resignation! Think of all the magnificently sexy people we'll imagine we're with! (full disclosure: I'll be thinking about some of your friends) I honestly believe it could be the greatest relationship either one of us has ever settled for.
Though I missed my chance with you today, I am certain we will be together someday, my momentarily acceptable love bunny. Probably when I'm drunk.