Should you be 'cocky and funny' all the time?
Hey, I have been reading your newsletters and have found myself in a bit of a bad situation lately. I am one of those attractive dudes that always has good luck with the ladies (at first) but problems start showing up with time and relationships.
I have been dating a girl for 6 months now but the last week with her has been a living hell. Before I get to something more specific let me say that when I met her I was extremely cocky bordering arrogant with humor thrown in. She has complained about me being cocky since about the first week.
Now, I hear time and time again how she wants to know where she stands and that she loves me regardless of my being cocky. She tells me that she would like a "nice" Stan instead of a cocky one. I quess I need a biiiaaatch slap from you because today for the first time in 6 months I sent a long e-mail (not mushy - but just a bit too revealing). I hope that I can be forgiven for this Alpha Man sin.
I am also finding it harder to be away from here-losing some touch with my inner game. I am getting a big case of oneitis and I need that slap. It is just so tempting to buy into her consistent discloser saying that it would be easier to be with a "nice" man. However, her ex was extremely dominant to her (almost abusive) and she stayed with him for 10 years.
She has also talked about her dating history and all of the "nice" guys were flushed by her. So my problem is that she says that she wants to know where she stands in the relationship and that my cockiness is the reason for all of the fighting.
At what stage of the relationship does a man ease up (if at all)? We have been fighting (a lot) and I would like to break the cycle and just have a dating situation that is more fun and light like it used to be. Carlos I am also curious about this.
This girl has confessed her love for me almost on a daily basis (between the fighting) but I have slipped up a few times and told her that I loved her back. Yes, at first I told her "you everything that I never thought that I wanted" and she loved it but now it is just "I love you too". Danger Will Robinson Danger. Can a man that has got the girl keep her even after a few wuss attacks (long letter, one too many calls, I love you, etc.).
Any suggestions on recovery?
First of all, you guys are thinking WAY too black & white.
I never told you that you couldn't tell a woman how you felt ... just not in the first 10-12 dates at least!
The most common mistake is this:
- Boy meets girl.
- Girl likes boy, but plays it cool
- Boy likes girl, but is drawn in to infatuation for her because she's the rabbit and he's the hound.
- Boy goes overboard and starts pulling "Rom-Com" (romantic comedy) moves, like telling her she's his destiny, and trying to CONVINCE her to like him rather than SHOW her why she should.
- Girl loses interest because he wasn't enough of a challenge, and failed all the "needy/clingy/desperate" tests she put in front of him.
- Boy becomes despondent and heartbroken. Stalks woman until restraining order goes into effect.
Okay, so the last one is an add-on of mine, but you'd think this was the end of 90% of the promising early date situations out there.
Look, after you've been seeing someone for more than a few months, it's okay to let her know that you love her or care about her. Just don't gush and come across like a weepy, overly sensitive wuss. Be a man about it!
Tell her your feelings, but do it in a way that shows you don't care if she feels the same way. THAT is how you tell a woman you dig her. So she understands that you're in charge of your own reality.
If you leave her wanting for too long, she's start to get nervous and test you even more because she's getting NO reassurances from you. That's not so good.
We do what we do as Alpha Men because it's the right model for today's modern masculine man. NOT because we're trying to manipulate and control someone out of their insecurities.
Being cocky all the time is annoying.
Yeah, that's the truth, all you big fans of "cocky and funny." It can be downright grating on a person's nerves to have this constant mouthy, cocky routine running non-stop.
Cocky and funny, or tease-to-please as I developed and enhanced it, is only effective as a SPICE. Not the main dish.
You do it every so often to build up some playful sexual tension. Don't go crazy with it.
If she remains difficult to be with when you're a more calm individual (meaning that it looks like she needs the constant conflict to stay interested), you really should consider moving on. This is not a person you can be with over the long term.
Look, it sounds like your calibration is all off on this area, and I want to put you back on track. I filmed my Alpha Immersion seminar and included all kinds of detailed information on how to get women by understanding true social dynamics.
If you find yourself confused by all these strategies and pickup tactics, you need to learn how to apply REAL Game.
Get the Secrets.