Wednesday, March 26, 2008

This is How You Handle Fear And Procrastination - and Low Confidence...

This week, I'm inviting you into a conversation. You get to listen in as I explain a situation from the inside out and you get to hear things from the inner voice that you might


Just when it seems that I have a little success with women, I get a few numbers but nothing comes from them, I fall in to my old pattern of fear and procrastination.

The alpha rule "abandon the desire to possess women" is almost impossible for me to realize. I read it and try to just focus on me, and not give to much thought to the women who I see. but a very short time after I start feeling discouraged like I'm never going to be able to get a women in my life.

My whole life is suffering because of the time and thought that I'm putting into my pursuit of women.

I need help bad I'm on the verge of complete mental breakdown.



You're on the right path!

"Huh? Carlos, are you heartless? Can't you hear this guy's cry for help?"

Yes, I can. And I can tell you from experience that he's about to realize something that most guys will never figure out, mostly because they never reach this breaking point of despair.

"What is that?"

Well, unfortunately, most people aren't able to make the real change they want in their lives unless they are able to find something that is so difficult to overlook, so challenging, that it gives them something to push off from.

"Push off? What do you mean by that?"

It's like floating in a pool. If you're just paddling around in one direction, you'll find it very hard to put on the brakes and come to a complete stop in the middle of the water. To do this, you have to physically flip yourself around, and then start swimming like mad to overcome your momentum and start going in the new direction.

It can be hard and frustrating.

But if you've ever watched a swimming competition, I'm sure you've seen swimmers turn around at the wall when they're ready to start their next lap. What do they do? They use the wall to push off from to get going. Imagine how long it would take if they were to try to turn around in the middle of the pool.

This is just like the process of change.

When you try to do it on your own - without a big motivating reason - you'll find yourself flopping around out there in the water. Which is frustrating, and usually kills all your enthusiasm. As a result: no change.

But if you've got something that's really kicking your ass - like a totally frustrating event that is driving you completely nuts, NOW you've got some real jet fuel for your change.

You've got something to push off from. And any time you lose that motivation, you just think of that event and your teeth start to grind and your fists clench, and you remember that you're not going to be tooled again. You get motivated all over again.

"Okay, I get it. But what does this do for our friend, R.G.?"

Well, this may be one of those defining moments that pushes him to finally take action on something that he's thought of as "optional" for a long time.

The irony is that the solution to this problem he talks about is within his grasp. In fact, it's SO close that it's next to impossible for him to see. It's kinda like having your sunglasses on your head for a while and forgetting they're there. You get used to the sensation, so you don't think to look there.

"Okay, you got me. I'm dying to know what it is...?"

I won't leave you hanging.

It's simply not to try to deny to yourself - or others - that you want women. That's like trying to deny you want air. You'll come up gasping either way, and you'll just look silly.

You can desire women all you like, and look healthier and more stable for it.

This really isn't the problem, though...

It's the inner game of what you're telling yourself about your "not-getting" women.

For a lot of guys, this need to have a woman in their life consumes them because of their desire to have a woman and get sex pushes out all other thoughts, and it becomes a desperate obsession with them to pursue. Then, each perceived failure to get a woman gives them permission to get a little more mad about it, and to turn some of that emotional energy into intense FRUSTRATION.

This feeling grows and spirals out of control quickly because there's nowhere else to put it.

"Huh? I get what you mean about the whole frustration thing, 'cause I know I feel that a lot. But what is the solution? I don't see it in what you're saying..."

The solution is to have more than one outlet for this frustration so that it doesn't consume you like the fuse on one of those Acme bombs in a Wile E. Coyote cartoon.

Did you ever notice how he was so consumed with his pursuit of the Road Runner that he would overlook every other option available? I mean, if he could mail-order stuff from Acme, why the hell didn't he just order some take-out?

It was because his obsession was beyond his control. He only had ONE place to put his attention and focus, and he had no tools to find and divert all that useless frustration.

"Okay, now I'm seeing it. You're saying that R.G. should find the tools to put him back on track in the rest of his life before his mad desire to possess a woman turns into a self-destructive obsession...?"

Hey... that's pretty good.


That's exactly it. And you really hit it on the head that it's a desire to POSSESS a woman, which can never really happen. This need becomes so strong because there's a space inside that is not being filled right now, and the biggest disappointment is when you finally get a woman and discover that it can't be filled by her.

"This is why an Alpha Lifestyle is so important, right...?"

NOW you're catching on! By learning the Alpha Man skills that build a man up from the inside, make him confident - quickly, and give him a sense of passion and purpose. And it doesn't take a hundred visits or a year of therapy and counseling.

"This might sound like a silly question, but do you teach these Alpha Man skills?"

Of course, I do. I'm the ONLY one teaching guys this stuff. And you can find out more about them in a second, but let me finish this thought...

"Please go on..."

I've shown guys everywhere EXACTLY what to say - which is the most common thing a guy asks me - 'What do I say when I walk up to a woman?'

I've shown guys everywhere how that works, and I've seen guys everywhere get more information from just about every guru on the planet, but almost none of them use the "opening" lines we gave them.


Because they're not really looking for what to say. They're really looking for the hidden magic words that will capture a woman's attention, and they don't believe that they are capable of finding them.

They have no evidence, and need to borrow some confidence.

And that's what an opener from someone else gives them. A bit of borrowed confidence.

But that's a topic for another day.

If you want to get out and approach women RIGHT NOW, then just walk up to a woman and say this:

"Hi, I just saw you from over there and I knew I had to come over and say hello. My name is __________. How are you doing today? What are you up to?"

There is nothing about that opener that will not work. It's virtually perfect for response rate and results.

How do I know this?

I've used it for YEARS, and it has never failed me.

"But Carlos, that's not complicated enough! I need something tricky and REALLY clever, because that's what women are looking for, aren't they?"


NO. Not at all. In fact, the more you try to be Mr. Clever Guy, the more likely you are to crash and burn.

If you find that you're looking at those words and wrinkling your nose, thinking "that couldn't work for ME..."

Ask yourself WHY this is...


Because hidden in there is an insight that will probably change the course of your life with women - if you find it.


"Ahhhh! I hate cliffhangers, Carlos! Give me more!"

(Yeah, I hate cliffhangers, too. If you want more information, you can go here to get more: CARLOS XUMA'S CLIFFHANGER ESCAPE CHUTE)

alpha man | how to talk to women | approach women | dating advice for men


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