The Golden Goose

Dear Carlos:

I want to say that your book is great and that it shifted my paradigm on men/women relationships, the way I see things now are much clearer and I'm finally able to perform better in the "dating" arena.

My question is the following: I read your book and my approach on relationships in general is the short term approach (the road to friendship is paved with dinners and gifts), and it gives you more options, you have more freedom of choice. However, I'm having issues with a sort of long distance relationship (180 miles).

We're f*ck buddies, however on the first and second date I didn't get to nail her although I had her naked inside my bed and all and I went up to 2nd or 3rd base, she made me wait, signal that she wanted me for something more serious or maybe its her policy just not to get remorse or she values herself . On the 1st date however it wasn't that much of a challenge I kissed her when we went out clubbing and on the second date I had her naked in my bed (that was a day after).

Thing is that I don't see her every two weeks, were together for about 3 days and have good sex, I even stay at her apartment don't do stuff that are considered boyfriend/girlfriend things, although we never talked about qualifying our relationship as boyfriend and girlfriend and that's the way we present ourselves to others, too. I met her about a month ago.

I get rumors from this "friend" that introduced her to me, that another buddy of his goes out with her and f*cks her, although this guy is not very trustable and lies in general. I don't know if this girl is a "player" for real, and I should probably desensitize myself and just limit myself to f*ck her, if this rumor comes to be true. I think relationships should start with lust and then see if it advances to something more serious, just as you insinuate in your book.

I have no actual way of verifying this although this probably shouldn't be bothering me and should have more of a life instead of draining my energy in this.

I hope you can give me some good advice, I really don't know how to handle women players, if she really is so, all I can say is that the sex is real good and every time I want it she never denies me, she even brings me breakfast to bed and all.

E

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CARLOS SAYS:

Well, I need to point something out here. Your terminology has me a bit concerned. Not that I'm a prude and I don't know all about locker-room terminology and talk, but let's be honest - it's not just about 'nailing' her, or f***ing her. It's about the shared experience. If it becomes all about your own sexual gratification, then some other issue is present which really has nothing to do with the sex. It's now about power and control issues.

But let's not quibble over such things. I think I hear where you're coming from. And, I can even read between the lines. Just like every other ape-man that walked this planet, you're finding that it's not so easy to just have booty-calls in the middle of the night. You actually start having FEELINGS for this girl.

Huh. Go figure.

You see, when you say you "shouldn't" have these feelings, that means you do, and it's already too late. The barn door can't be closed after the horses have left. You're already emotionally involved, even if it's only driven by your jealousy and insecurity.

Just keep on the way you have been, and make sure you have your own extras on the side. If you haven’t mutually agreed to have a monogamous relationship, then you need to just enjoy what you’ve got. Don’t cut open the Golden Goose.

What will inevitably happen (if you’re doing your job right) is that she will ask you to make things more serious. This is the way it should be, and you can’t be the one to make it so. To try and pin her down will probably make her run.

However, you should always be practicing safe s*x, just in case.... right?

Watch her behavior. If she’s a ‘player’, you’ll notice it in her personality...

By the way, I never say that it has to begin with lust, though I can understand that interpretation. What I say in my e-book is that you must start with a strong chemistry element to ensure that she gets interested in you. Most guys try the wimpy, wussy method of trying to be 'friends first,' which does not work the way you'd like to think it would.

If you don't know why, read HERE.

PS: Women will always make you wait for one of those two reasons. More than likely, it was her slut complex. Once you established trust, then she felt safe progressing further. Hopefully you both can find out if that trust is warranted.

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