GOING OUT ON THE TOWN:

Hi Carlos,
I wanted to give a big thanks to you for all the great advice in your newsletter and on your podcast. I recently purchased the Dating Black Book and it has helped enormously. I plan to purchase the audio sessions very soon.

So here is my deal: I'm a good natured, relatively good-looking guy who always seemed to get into relationships when I was either introduced by a friend or when the girl showed interest first. Now I have the confidence to approach and follow through without that huge cloud of fear hovering over me.

Since using your program, I've been able to meet girls in my area but usually in bars and clubs that I feel comfortable in and when I'm with my friends. But I'm going out to LA next week and need to know how to meet girls in a completely new area where I don't know anything about the surroundings.

On top of that, I do have some fear about looking stupid going out by myself without any wingmen around. Can you help?
Lou

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CARLOS:

Well, the only thing that's different about the two situations you're asking about is this:

Familiarity.

That's it. Your confidence is always higher with a place you're familiar with.

You don't need to know anything about the surroundings.

In fact, when I go to a new location, I feel totally liberated from my usual self-image and I find it even easier to make friends and get women.

The answer here is that it's all in your head.

All you need to do is spend one night going to a few places in the area where you're staying. Just hang out for a while and get comfortable there. Imagine it's like your living room.

How would you behave if it was a party in your living room?

So why not act that way and relax into it?

And going out alone is so much better sometimes, because you control the entire schedule.

You need to break down your beliefs about these situations and understand why you feel the way you do. Once you can see that there are just as many reasons to feel the opposite way, and you can attach some emotional impact to those reasons, you'll have no problem.

Wherever you go, there you are.

So get used to it.

Comfort is simply an illusion created by familiarity.

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