I've had many guys
write to me to tell me that they were afraid they'd get arrested if they
were even seen flirting with women in a store or other establishment -
even while the woman was obviously flirting back and having fun.
(I think this fear is very common, and it holds a lot
of guys back from approaching women during the day. I know it used to really
make me feel weird when I starting hitting on a woman.)
Well, to help you out right now, I want to give you some
of my favorite strategies for flirting with women that you can put to work
for you wherever you go.
First of all, I want you to know that the term "flirting" is really
just chick-speak for "pickup." Guys talk about "picking up" on
girls, and women talk about "flirting" with guys.
It's a subtle difference in language and terminology that you need to understand
so that you don't risk turning off a woman. Women love to flirt, but hate
the thought of being picked up on - which connotes fun and playfulness.
Pickup, on the other hand, is serious and sex-oriented,
which turns women off.
The next thing you need to be aware of is that we are
all born natural flirts. Just watch kids when they're playing. Watch their
body language and their facial expressions. Watch how they roll their eyes,
and how they use the tone of their voice to get their way with adults, as
well as other kids.
They are EXPERTS!
You were once, too, and all you need to do is tap back
Now, the rules of flirting with women:
RULE #1)Flirting is always acceptable in a humorous tone.
If you get serious,
a woman is going to turn off and tune you out. Be cool, relax, and make
it all playful.
RULE #2)Flirt to GIVE, not to get.
Outcome thinking sabotages your results. When you create a situation where
you have to get a result from something you do, you no longer feel fun.
All conversations where someone wants something from the other person inevitably
RULE #3)Flirt for your own FUN.
If it’s not fun, you won’t keep doing
it. Self-reinforcing habit. You must have a positive motivational reason
to flirt, or you'll feel like it's just another chore and you'll stop
I was at the best buy the other day buying a movie,
and the cute cashier asked me: “Can I see your credit card real fast?”
So I literally pulled it out of my wallet and slid it back in about a split
She laughed and her body language changed instantly. Now our interaction
was no longer just business. And I did that because I'm Italian, and we just
LOVE to bust people's balls like that.
Flirting with women and teasing are practically the exact same thing.
RULE #4)Flirt with EVERY woman, child, and small furry mammal you encounter.
Flirting is an attitude that comes through in your
vibe. If you only approach attractive women, you'll just create a mental
barrier for yourself, and more anxiety when you find a woman you "really" want
Flirting is about creating an abundance mindset. The more abundant you feel,
the less you appear needy to a woman.
Now, HOW do you get started?
Here's my 3-step formula for flirting with women:
Step 1) Indirect Question - Ask her something about wherever you are, and
keep it situationally relevant.
In other words, if you're in a coffee shop,
you need to ask a question that relates to fact that you're both in this
Step 2) Use a sassy comment - Sometimes called "Cocky & Funny",
Here's what I like to use. I call it the "Duh" question:
"Do you think they serve the drinks really
Then she usually answers me with, "Uhm, yeah..." And after she
looks at me like I'm from another planet, I smile, wink at her, and say, "You
didn't really think I was serious, did you?"
And the teasing has begun...
Then you have a playful conversation.
And finally, the last step in flirting with women is this:
Step 3) YOU leave the conversation first.
When you're the one to control the ending of the
conversation, your confidence will go up ten times more than if she tells
you, "I've got to get going."
So don't let her get the drop on you.
Create what I call the Sacrificial 20: Leave with nothing
after you've talked with the first 20 women you flirt with.
No phone number, no nothing.
After you leave behind your old scarcity mindset, and
when you feel like women are abundant, you can start to go a step further...
but not until then.
What I see is that guys will argue for - and give all
their power over to the belief that is holding them back - their own fear
of flirting with women and talking with women...
Arguing for your limitations sounds a bit like this:
- "But... I think that women are scared of
men... they don't want us to approach them..."
- "But ... what about the women that just want
us to approach to get compliments from us?"
- "But ... I think that women are just being
polite when guys approach..."
- "But what about...?"
- "But... But... But..."
And the list goes on and on.
If you want to, you can keep giving your anxiety more
and more power by finding reasons to believe in it even more... KEEP coming
up with those "Buts."
Or you can accept that arguing for your enemy is what's
really holding you back, and just agree to not fuel it with any more of
Can you imagine how that would change your perception of the fear?