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QUESTION FROM A READER:

I’ll ask you a question about Alpha man behavior, especially since you are a martial arts
instructor. I’ve joined a martial arts school recently and have taken about 5 classes so far.

If a guy that is a real hot head gets in your face, insults you, and raises his voice at you, should
you automatically fight him? Should you match his tone of voice, and get pissed yourself, throwing
insults back at him, and pushing him in the chest, which is the almost universal form of male
aggression leading to a fight? Or try to deescalate the situation verbally?

That is definitely showing disrespect, and I know that disrespect is totally unacceptable. I need a
better idea of when to entertain the idea of fighting, and when not to. I’m thinking that if I try to
verbally talk him down, he may think I am a wimp and afraid of him, and totally lose respect for me.

I know that if I got in some guys’ face, he’d prolly want to kick my ass. I also know that fighting
has repurcussions, but I want to know how to get and keep respect, even when a dude tries me like
this.

______________________
CARLOS XUMA ANSWERS:

The first thing your Sensei should teach you is that non-violence is the best measure.
Remember the words from Kung-Fu, that TV show from the seventies:

“Avoid rather than check. Check rather than hurt. Hurt rather than maim. Maim rather than kill. Kill
rather than be killed. For all life is precious, nor can any be replaced…”

The only time you fight is when A) you have no choice, and B) You know he’s going to throw a punch.
Then you strike FIRST.

The only way you get experienced at B is by feeling out people’s energy, and it’s not something that
most can do. They’re leading very insulated lives (insulated emotionally) and prefer the blind
aggression to the real deal.

Remember that Martial Artists tend to be driven by ego more than ability. They put themselves in
harm’s way far too often because they just got their “blue” belt or some crap like that, and they
endanger themselves and everyone around them.

The best approach is learning how to verbally disarm someone. I teach my students this, and my
Sensei taught me this as well. You have to learn how to talk someone down out of their rage inspired
moment of assault.

Why?

Because if that jackass has a shim or a knife on him, or even a gun, you know that no karate in the
world can stop a bullet. You might be able to disarm them of a weapon, but don’t count on getting
away without bloodshed.

That being said, you do not escalate verbal confrontation. You have to tame your anger and learn how
to VERBALLY SPAR. You have to learn how to manipulate conversation and defuse these guys.

You learn how to defend yourself physically… so it stands to reason that you better learn how to
defend yourself verbally, too.

The way that you show that disrespect is unacceptable is by not accepting it, but not by throwing
punches or returning in-kind.

You simply say something like, “Now why would you say something like that? I thing you’re a pretty
cool guy. I don’t understand why you want to disrespect me like that when we’re having a perfectly
fun conversation here. Why is that?”

Watch how Richard Dreyfuss does this in “Stakeout.” He talks down a drunk angry guy with just a few
confidently placed actions and words.

__________________________________
QUESTION FROM A READER: SORT OF…

Here’s the first email from this guy:

“I disagree with your definition of a Alpha Male. The term represents the ancient archetype of the
leader of small tribes and family’s from our caveman days.

It isn’t some nice guy running around in modern society. And for you to say he lacks aggression???
WTF Carlos. That is totally erroneous. Look at the history of the alpha male as being the most
aggressive of males. That is why nature selected him to lead and dominate.”

And here’s his second email:

“what your portraying is a Real Man not a Alpha male. You should rechange your email to reflect
this. Your list of criteria has nothing to do with the real archetype of the alpha male.

Who was agrgessive, clever, cunning, vicious and most of the things you said a alpha male was not.

Player_Supreme”
______________________
CARLOS XUMA ANSWERS:

I get this a lot.

There are a lot of guys who love to challenge my expertise and knowledge. Apparently, in their
little village, they’re the experts on this sort of thing.

The interesting thing is that if someone knows so much about a topic, why do they spend so much
effort to poke holes in someone else’s work?

Answer: EGO

Too much insecurity and time on his hands.

But I want to address what he talks about because there is some confusion here.

First of all I’m redefining the Alpha Man. (DUH. That’s why I capitalized it. And the term is Alpha
MALE when referred to in scientific terms.)

The Alpha Man is aggressive, but not overtly and not in a warlike, animal fashion.

You see I’m not trying to elicit men to revert to primal behavior here.

I’m trying to get you guys laid. Not in a gang war.

BIG DIFFERENCE.

Some guys just don’t get that while we are MEN deep inside, we have EVOLVED.

That means that downright aggression is going to be viewed as BAD.

This doesn’t mean that I’m not willing to fight for what I believe in. In fact, I think that most
guys out there would rather avoid a confrontation. But you have to learn how to use that anger and
aggression to FUEL your forward progress.

Am I making sense here?

Good.

Let’s move on.

Now, he does have a point that the ARCHETYPE has these traits. Again, I’m not going to waste my time
(and yours) by beating this example to death. Even though we need to emulate some of these caveman
behaviors, we don’t need to actually get big foreheads and drag our knuckles, now do we?

(If you’re interested in what archetypes are, I suggest you study a little Carl Jung. He studied
that there are symbols and examples in our lives that are standard, no matter what culture you are
from. It’s interesting stuff. Might even make great conversation on a date.)

Now as for other Alpha traits, I never said that Alpha Men (again, not “Male” – I’m referring to a
MODERN Alpha) were not clever or cunning. In fact, in my e-book I explain this very thoroughly. The
one trait a modern Alpha Man MUST have is the ability to out-THINK his enemies. Muscle is no longer
the rule of the day.

In fact, it never was.

If brute force were all we needed to assure our survival, we’d never have gotten any smarter. It
just so happens that intellect and wiles are much more important than physical power.

The true Alpha is able to manipulate social situations with ease.

That’s why more women are Alpha than we might give them credit for.

So what you have here is a misunderstanding, probably.

This guy thought I was referring to the ideal Alpha Male, not my own modern Alpha Man. He probably
was busy with this encyclopedia looking up all this great new terminology.

What he should have been doing was reading MY book… 🙂

If you want more Q&A, I suggest you go check out my Blog right now. I’ve got a ton of new
information there for you, and it’s updated pretty much every day.

But before you go, let me ask you something…

Are you looking to develop a few of the skills that you need to attract women? Not a ton of tricks,
or magic hypnosis phrases, just a few core skills. I’ve got ’em.

They’re not complicated, either.

I cover this and many other topics in my e-books and audio. If you’d like to learn more about how
the REAL players get the women, you can download the information right away.

If you want to get that kind of understanding and control over your love life, you need to read my
e-book. And you can get the benefits of my best e-books, RISK FREE for the next 90 days.

Get my books, the audio, read them and hear me explain the strategies, and then put it to work for
you right away.

I’ll be back with more advice soon …

Send this link to someone who can use the information. Help spread the word!

Just found out about this entry from BG, reprinted here.

Essentially, guys, keep in mind that C&F (Cocky and Funny) is not the be-all end-all of stimulating
female attraction. You know that I preach a balance of teasing and learning how to calibrate to
women.

So be careful about following anything too closely to the word. It’s the SPIRIT of the words.

Read this:

BG writes:

Watch out for the Double Your Dating eBook guys. There’s some advice in there that’s
simply false, incorrect, incomplete or confusing.

For instance:

David DeAngelo says to not touch a girl when you meet her. Act distant. This is hard to get for
wussies!! A 10 knows you want her. Be a man, show her that you’re not afraid to touch her.

David DeAngelo says to stay cocky and funny all the time (throughout the first ten dates or so).
What the fuck!? “Never drop that social mask, because she’ll see the wussy”. For AFC’s this might be
true, but not being C&F doesn’t equal being a wussy.

Just be relaxed, try to make a connection, create a comfortable situation where the two of you learn to trust each other. That’s rapport!

Staying on C&F is just lame and can come across as: insecure, ‘too cool for her’
(over-qualification), or coming across as a jerk who’s actually not interested in her. C&F can blow
you out.

There’s one post where I am in a club.. And I’m looking for some girl, because I’m leaving and I
have to ask for her number. So I walk around, spot her on the dance floor, but I’m too afraid to go
up to her, because she had already spotted me.

I actually thought that going right up to her would come across as NEEDY and desperate! Haha. And that’s what I learnt from DYD.. So it actually turned me into a bigger wuss on some areas.

Guys, this is a story that EVERYONE should read. Not just because this guy has found a solid path to
Alpha through the Secrets of the Alpha Man course, but because of what he talks about with today’s
world.

Women ARE getting more dominant and aggressive. They’re starting to take on the male role, and who
could blame them with most guys failing to fill it. Meanwhile, women walk around with this
gold-plated-pussy syndrome that just irks the crap out of me. They honestly believe, guys, that they
are entitled to special treatment because most guys will gladly hand over their balls just to get a
slice of action.

Every letter I get from you guys really affirms that we have to get the Alpha message out there to
as many guys as possible. I’m already brainstorming some incredible topics for the audio coaching
and the podcasts… Stay tuned…

Read his letter, and tell me if you don’t find this story all too typical, unfortunately….

—

Hi Carlos,

thanks for your letter and free ebook. I found the information quite insightful and informative. I
found your take on how men are becoming more feminine and women more masculine right on the money.
there is been a definite shift in the roles men and women are playing in today’s society. I myself
have noticed whithin the past few years I’ve taken a more feminine approach to life. Unfortunately,
without all the advantageous benefits women consistently experience.

There is a very entertaining movie that touches on the shift you mentioned called “Roger Dodger”
it’s about an almost cynical “alpha male” trying to teach his younger nephew how to score with women.
There are moments in his dialogue where he foresee the eventual decline of the male species based on
the current road we’re heading.

I’ve looked around lately when I go out and have noticed this to be true.. Women today are so cocky
and arrogant almost as if there sole mission is to tease men. I’m considered a very good looking man
, athletic shape, successful quick witted and even women I would never consider dating act as if I’m
not good enough for them. Up until I read your information I wondered what exactly happened out
there. I couldn’t put my finger on it.

About 5 years ago I was seriously involved with an extremely beautiful, intelligent (physics major)
exotic dancer, she looked like Pamela Anderson although curvier in the hips, firmer and a smaller
waist plus she had these unbelievable real dd breasts and big pouty Angelina Jolie type lips.. hot
women would stare just as long as men.. a reflection of the true physical phenomenon.. talk about an
ego challenge. I handled it perfectly for about 3 years, constant roll on the floor mutual laughter,
best friends, an engagement, intelligent life conversations, extremely satisfying multiple orgasmic
sex-she was a squirter.

but the decline occur when our small arguments escalated by the way we handled confrontation. she
handled confrontation by avoidance. It chipped away at me as I found that as she ran I passionately
chased wondering why she was running. I found myself in the feminine role questioning her feelings
and demanding some emotional availability.. it crept up on me and before I knew it I was a total
wimp. I’m surprised I didn’t have a period. After I awoke from the nightmare she was history and I
had lost everything including my home and business(bad investments, shift in my industry)

The experience has left an undeniable scar. Now as I rebuild myself (I liken it to superman going
back to his arctic fortress to luckily find one last crystal to rebuild himself with) I find myself
not knowing where I fit in. That is until I’ve read your information, Just the other day after
reading your seduction book/offer I went out that night and attracted 5 women’s attention. They
we’re certainly aware of me. Lately I have felt like the guy is just there, that night I felt like the
MAN out to have a good time.

I haven’t “re”mastered your techniques yet but I will take my power back thanks to your insight and
selfless guidance.

Thanks Again

M – Newport Beach

The Houston Press has an interesting article on pickup… Check it out:

—

Keeping Score
Get a girl in record time, then get another one
By Craig Malisow

Well, some people try to pick up girls / And get called asshole / This never happened to Pablo
Picasso — Jonathan Richman, “Pablo Picasso”

We’re upstairs at the Red Door when Bashev sees his target: four girls in a flurry of tight pants
and spaghetti straps. They’re hot babes. HBs.

It’s a warm Friday night, and the Midtown rooftop is packed with well-dressed, attractive
twentysomethings. Beautiful people in the know go to the Red Door, and the owners ward off everyone
else by not even having a sign.

Before I know it, Bashev’s in the girls’ midst, and I think, What is he doing? A solo sortie like
that takes guts. But Bashev’s been studying fast-seduction for three years. He told me earlier he
doesn’t usually try to pick up girls (“to sarge”) with wingmen, but I offer my services anyway. If
we run into a pairing that includes an ugly girl (UG), I may have to — in fast-seduction lingo —
jump on the grenade.

Bashev decided earlier to use one of his favorite stories. If a girl asks what the 24-year-old does,
he’s not going to say he’s an engineering grad student at Rice. He’s studied hypertechnical concepts
at Amherst and the University of Massachusetts, but big freakin’ deal: Women don’t like the
“ultra-rational” mind, he says. They like the unpredictable.

He spends most of his time in class, bogged down in technical studies. He once worked on a project
titled “Automated Synthesis of Numerical Programs for Control, Simulation and Animation of Virtual
Robots.” Women don’t want that dude, he says. They want mystery, romance, fun.

Bashev once took a girl he liked to his computer lab at school, where he deconstructs algorithms and
multivariable calculus. He wooed her for a semester with linear algebra and software design
methodology. Unbelievably, she split.

So that’s why he’ll get women to ask what he does, whereupon he’ll point to his shoes and casually
say, “I’m a foot model.” Tonight, I’m to be his colleague, a model of the posterior. He doesn’t
expect them to really believe it; it’s just supposed to distinguish us from the endless succession
of cheeseballs who drop the same tired lines.

Bashev is tall and lean, with short light brown hair and a friendly Bulgarian accent. So he should
have an edge, but by the time I work up the nerve to actually say something like “Yes, you heard
correctly; I’m an ass model,” a girl with long black hair has already shot him down. He didn’t even
get to his foot-model spiel. So he just opens with one of her friends. He asks if she thinks
American reality shows are really real.

The first girl looks at me, rolls her eyes and says she doesn’t care in the first place. I just
stand there and do a really good impression of a dude who has nothing to say.

Bashev’s not a bad-looking guy, but he’s not getting anywhere. In the parlance of fast-seduction,
these girls have just demonstrated the bitch shield. It’s kind of like an electrified razor-wire
force field they activate to fend off idiots at places like this. It doesn’t mean the girl’s a
bitch. It means she’s acting like one to protect herself from the silk-shirted vultures who want to
talk about their Beemers and Bulovas.

A genuine pickup artist (PUA) can penetrate the bitch shield through sheer wit and charm. But
Bashev’s not an official PUA, and pretty soon we’re treated like we’re invisible. The girls
eventually form their own continent and drift away to a table. Bashev smiles, shrugs it off. He’s
just getting warmed up. There’s plenty more sarging to take care of. I head to the bar while the
lazy lion of the Serengeti surveys the scene.

—
I like the intro line about “reality shows being real.” That’s very use-able.

The rest of this is available at their site…