All posts by Carlos Xuma

The Average Joe

QUESTION FROM A READER:

Just got your newsletter on being too good looking. You say if you’re that
handsome not to joke so much about it. Well, what if you’re the average Joe?
Is it cool to talk yourself up in a joking way with girls by telling them
about you amazing good looks even though you know it isn’t true? I mean,
isn’t that what makes it funny?

_____________________
CARLOS XUMA ANSWERS:

Look, dating women is one thing. Learning how to ATTRACT WOMEN is another.

If you’re an average looking guy, your best bet is to do just what you said. (I cover this in the Dating Black Book e-book.)

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Joke about your “devastating” good looks with a woman. You have to do it in a way that is:

A) Not self-deprecating, meaning that it doesn’t look like you’re putting yourself down. Alpha Males never insult themselves.

B) Make it clear that you don’t take yourself that seriously.

One way you can accomplish both of these as a pickup line would be this:

“Hey, I know you’re looking to replace Katie Holmes as Tom Cruise’s fiancee, but I’m much better looking. And more talented. Did I mention that I kiss better, too? Uh, not that I’ve kissed Tom or anything.”

Jump on the chance to joke about your looks. Average guys actually have a BETTER chance attracting women -especially hot women – because you can sneak under her radar.

Taking Pictures

QUESTION FROM A READER:

Hey Carlos,

About sending pics… what exactly do you mean “no nudes”? I recently photographed this amazing gal, semi – nude, but in a quite “artistic” way… just showing the back, no tits or anything. Does it qualify?

Also, it would be great if you’d post something on the “taking pictures” thing. I try to do it often, but my successes are some 50%. I know how to compliment a woman on her body (without actually telling her and being wimpy), and i get the results (photographic and otherwise), but i still think i miss something. I think that photos is a great tool we can use anytime. Of course, the photos are always “art”. Doing some Photoshop work on them, black and white etc.

PS
Thanx for everything!

DH
Greece

______________________

CARLOS XUMA ANSWERS:

Well, let’s say this – No naked boobies or butt or bush. (3 B’s.) Everything else that’s tasteful and won’t get me an R-rating by the MPAA is fine by me.

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And if you’re getting 50%, you’re doing good. Most women are very sensitive about getting their picture taken.

Why?

BECAUSE PICTURES DON’T LIE!

Think about that for a minute or two.

Oh, and I just finished up an interview with Thundercat. I’ll be sending you guys more info on how to get hold of it – along with some other great stuff – very soon.

The TEASE – Part 1

A lady “companion” of mine (she hates the term “buddy,” so I’ll be discreet here) wrote this treasure to give you guys an understanding of what will attract women. Remember that this is from a woman’s point of view. Note HOW she writes this as well as WHAT she writes.

This first part will show you some of what women want:

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It’s no mystery that men are easily turned on to a woman’s physical attributes. Women on the other hand, are often more turned on by the sexual tension that leads to sex. Of course, women are turned on to physically impressive, handsome men. But listen carefully gentlemen; you do not have to be gorgeous to attract women. You do have to be sexy, confident, and mysterious.

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Sergio Garcia is a perfect example. I guarantee you it’s not his golf swing that attract women to him! And it’s not his physique; he’s not even handsome! What makes Garcia so alluring is his sexy, stormy, masculine magnetism.

Speaking of sexual tension, I recently went back to attend my high school reunion.
A guy I have known since the 4th grade approached me the moment I walked in the door.
David and I definitely didn’t hang out together in high school. He told me, the night of the reunion that “I was in the cool group,” and he had always been afraid and too shy to approach me.

Not so on this night. David immediately brought me a cocktail and told me that he had fantasized about me for a long time. I was a little taken aback by his boldness, and I confess somewhat intrigued. I had always liked him, because what he lacked in physicality he made up with his great sense of humor. He actually looked rather handsome this night in his dark well-fitted suit. David had obviously been hitting the gym; that young insecure lanky boy he once was, was nowhere to be found.

This was the first reunion I had ever attended, and having traveled the furthest, I received a lot of attention. David never lost sight of me; he would make his ‘rounds,’ and then come and find me. Anytime I was talking with another guy he would come and take my hand, and either take me out on the dance floor or introduce me to someone I undoubtedly had forgotten…

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As the night started to wind down a group of us decided to get together and go find something else to do. This is a big city – somehow we ended up at a Diner. As there were approximately 25 of us, the chairs were pushed very close together. David made sure I sat down next to him. Before we even ordered our food, David slipped his hands under the table and began to caress my thighs. He kept his hands in contact with my body the entire time we were there. I marveled a bit, that he was able to eat, drink, and carry on conversations with one hand very occupied.

The sexual tension was intense, and it was even more exciting that no one
at the table was aware of what was ‘going on’ under the table!

Before I knew it, my two girlfriends I was sharing a suite with had called a taxi. We got back to our suite at about 4:00AM. Sleep eluded me, so I slipped into a hot bath and mused over the evenings events. I would have never thought in a million years I would have been attracted to David.

The next day I received 3 calls from guys at the party. David was one of them and the only one who held my interest. My flight left the next day; it was a long trip home.

Online Dating from Hell

So I was looking around this morning online and I found this guy’s personal ad. I’ve removed any incriminating evidence, but it serves to show you how NOT to create a personal ad. Take a look at this:

Mr. Nice Guy‘s personal ad
Hello there. I am looking for someone who has been through some stuff and has learned to appreciate life through experience. I am available for a number of things. Friendship is great. I do look forward to having a partner in my life. Not into drama or games AT ALL. I am very active. I love the outdoors, working out, yoga and nature. Kids are great too. Bye for now.

I’m a XX year old white man from xxxx. I consider my appearance to be very good looking. I am 5’10” tall with a cut build. I have brown hair, sky blue eyes and a fair complexion.

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Essays

My ideal match:
mY IDEAL MATCH IS SOMEONE WHO HAS ENOUGH IN COMMON SO WE FEEL LIKE WE ARE SPEAKING A LANGUAGE WE CAN BOTH UNDERSTAND. lAUGHTER IS A BIG PLUS. aTTRACTION IS DEFINATELY IMPORTANT(ON SEVERAL LEVELS.

The ideal setting for a first date:
i WOULD LIKE TO GO FOR A HIKE IF THAT FEELS GOOD TO BOTH OF US OR MAYBE GO FOR A CUP OF TEA OR COFFEE. i THINK LOADING IT WITH ROMANCE OR EXPECTATIONS IS TOO MUCH ON THE FIRST DATE. i WOULD LIKE TO BE COMFORTABLE ENOUGH TO REALLY SHARE SOME PIECES OF WHO WE ARE.

Work:
mY WORK IS GOOD ENOUGH. i HAVE A VERY FRUITFUL BUSINESS. HOWEVER, I AM TRAINING IN SOME OTHER FIELDS THAT ARE CLOSER TO WHAT I WANT TO DO IN MY LIFE. I AM INTERESTED IN BODY,MIND SPIRIT WORK. NOT JUST NEW AGE HEALING. ASK IF YOU WOULD LIKE TO KNOW MORE ABOUT THIS.

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What I like to do when I’m not at work:
i EXERCISE. I AM TRAINING TO BE A YOGA TEACHER. I LOVE THE OUTDOORS AND IT’S MANY VARIATIONS. I AM A DAD. I HAVE A BEAUTIFUL BOY. I HAVE BEEN A SINGLE DAD FOR A LONG TIME.

Where I see myself two to five years from now:
I PLAN TO BE DOING WORK THAT MAKES ME SMILE MORE DAYS THAN NOT. I HOPE THAT I HAVE A PARTNER IN MY LIFE. FAMILY IS IMPORTANT TO ME. CONTINUING TO SLOW DOWN IS IMPORTANT TO ME.

If I could change one thing about myself:
PAY BILLS BEFORE THEY ARE IN PILES.

Final thoughts:
i DO NOT HAVE THE TECHNOLOGY TO PUT MY PICTURE ON HERE (I DON’T KNOW IF I WOULD ANYWAY} SO IF YOU WANT TO SEE WHAT I LOOK LIKE LET ME KNOW.
_____________
CARLOS XUMA:

Now, in case you haven’t noticed, this ad screams “nice sensitive guy” from a mile away. In no way does he involve the reader in the passion of his life, or the excitement. I don’t care if he likes Yoga or Monster Trucks. He’s got to really stop saying “I” this and “I” that, and address what SHE is interested in.

This is the cardinal sin in 90% of all guy’s personal ads online. They look like a third grade essay.

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And, if you didn’t know it, wouldn’t you have guessed this to be a WOMAN‘s profile? Well, it’s not. It’s a man’s.

So learn from this and start injecting some fierce emotional excitement in your personals.

Hell, start injecting it in your LIFE. And every time you meet a woman. THAT is what will move her. Not a lame profile.

How To Get A Girlfriend

QUESTION FROM A READER:

Hey Carlos,

Your Blog is one of the most greatest ideas that you came up with other than your “Women Understanding Wisdom” (WUW another one for you), my question is how do I recreate my online profile? And how do I change it from Boring Needy Wuss to Deserving Alpha Man?

Here’s my profile:

About Me: “I’m very intelligent, down to earth, very liberal, and adventurous. I am very strong physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. I always stand up for what I believe in and fight for what’s right. Also I am very trusting and loyal and respectful. Another great trait about me is I’m very bold and not afraid to be who I am. Personally I’m what women are looking for in a real man known as Mr. Right. I have a wild side (I’m a bite of Bad Boy/ Adventurous and Dare Devilish) known as the “MAN” that your mother has warned you about. But hey, we both know you never listen.

You are looking for: Looking for a girl who has a similar personality like mine, but other different unique qualities as well. Some whose confident and independent (not y and superficial), responsible, down to earth, very liberal and open-minded, strong and sensitive, and very respectful to people and men with a good heart.

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Most important she’s very simple not shallow and and high maintenance. Someone who appreciates the finer things of life and honors values. Also has morals and integrity and is very confident in herself. To very honest, I like Asian women (with beautiful hands and sexy Feet) nothing personal nor disrespectful to nobody, that’s just what I like. But if you your the type of girl (regardless of what walks of life your from) who has what it take be my mate, and satisfy me “intimately”. I’ll be open too changing my mind.

My idea of the perfect first date: is a very romantic peaceful walk on the southern California / Hawaiian beach coast (or any beach wherever we are). Where we are laughing and talking with each other, and just having a great time with each other.

My perception of an ideal relationship: Where me and my mate are always happy and enjoy being with each other. Going out and being in the great outdoors of doing things and when her and I at sitting on the sofa and cuddling with each other and romantically sweet talking and talking dirty to arose each other. With teasing and physically touching each other and making out.

What I’ve learned from my past relationships: Never assume that people that you like is going be what you want them to be. Always take it slow and get too know them before you have feelings for them.

Please give me helpful advice to this list of 5 and examples to this profile, your Antiwuss-Bitch-Slapping is greatly appreciated.

Guidance Needed,

C.J.D., NJ

______________________
CARLOS XUMA ANSWERS:

Ah, well then, let me administer the stinging slap of bitch-dom.

Here’s a rule I want you playa’s out there to remember: Don’t be afraid to scare away the women you don’t want.

Sounds kind of obvious, but you’d be amazed how many guys are trying to create the profile that wins them all. Or they go into this with the idea that they can avoid offending anyone.

Life is hard. Wear a cup.

As I like to say.

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So, when writing your profile, write it with the person in mind you want to read it and go, “Hey, that’s cool…”

Write with your audience in mind.

Now, let me clear something up right now:

No matter how much or how clearly you write what you WANT in your profile, you will have tons of women read it and THINK that’s them – or WANT to think that it’s them.

In other words, saying what you want doesn’t get you what you want online. It’s not like making a grocery list. You’ll get women who are 20-30 pounds overweight who haven’t seen a gym since sixth grade writing you, even though you asked for someone who you can “workout with.”

It never ceases to amaze me what I used to get all the time. It got so bad I almost wanted to start writing:

“ALL FAT BROADS NEED NOT APPLY.”

Kinda harsh, but come on, man. What part of “athletic build” did you not understand?

So, with that in mind, here’s the way you need to construct your profile:

Make it FUN.

Just go crazy with it. Have a blast. Don’t worry about getting all specific about your description so that you get the perfect woman. The fact is that the woman that will match you will probably not really match her own profile after you get to know her.

Sad truth.

So what you have to do is just inject your profile with a bunch of fun stuff that she’ll latch on to and go with.

You see, you want the kind of woman who responds to a fun and offbeat profile. (At least I hope so.) You want a woman with a sense of humor and adventure.

And that kind of woman WILL respond to a more laid back and less specific profile.

Face it – you’ll probably end up screening out most of them on the phone anyway, so why try to do too much unnecessary work in your online information? It doesn’t work, so you might as well cast a wider net.

Plus, when guys state what they want in their profiles, women actually LOOK to exclude themselves based on their INTERPRETATION of what you said.

And we know how well they do that.

And remember that you can’t TELL her you’re this or that (such as a “bad boy…”)

A real bad boy would never SAY it.

Instead you must SHOW it. With your words and your cocky attitude.

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Try this:

“So if you’re the kind of girl that likes eating fruit off the tree, or off the stomach of a really close buddy, or you just like to lick your fingers and pretend, I won’t tell… Or maybe you’re the kind of girl who’s daring enough to jump in a cool lake on a hot day with her clothes on … So why are you still reading this? Send me an email! The worst thing that could happen is that you fall madly in love with my dimples and start stalking me. Wait, on second thought…”

See how that works? I just totally riffed that off the top of my head, and I’m sure it shows, but it’s unique and it doesn’t scream out NEEDY WUSS. It stands out.

Now all you have to do is come up with some of these on your own. It’s not hard. Just sit down and start typing some experimental stuff into your computer.

Remember, if it doesn’t work, you can always revise and change it. Nothing is permanent in cyberspace.

Are you looking to develop a few of the skills that you need to attract women? Not a ton of tricks, or magic hypnosis phrases, just a few core skills. I’ve got ’em.

They’re not complicated, either.

I cover this and many other topics in my e-books and audio. If you’d like to learn more about how the REAL players get the women, you can download the information right away.

If you want to get that kind of understanding and control over your love life, you need to read my e-book. And you can get the benefits of my best e-books, RISK FREE for the next 90 days.

Get my books, the audio, read them and hear me explain the strategies, and then put it to work for you right away.

I wrote them in a simple, easy-to-use format that ANYONE can learn. Nothing is complicated, and there’s no dumb hypnosis routines to learn. Just the stuff that will help YOU get more success with women.

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THE DATING BLACK BOOK – This e-book set covers the dating scene, from meeting women, to your best attitude, to strategies, to how to touch women, to driving up their attraction, to dumping them when you need to move on. Looking for a woman? This book shows you the BIG picture.

Put this link in your browser to download it: www.datingdynamics.com

SECRETS OF THE ALPHA MAN – This e-book and CD coaching covers your inner game, from meeting women, to cultivating complete confidence, to life and success strategies, to understanding what the winners and Alpha Men in life have that you can have, too. Looking for a better lifestyle and inner confidence, as well as more women? This book shows you a map to a more successful LIFE.

Put this link in your browser to see all the great stuff in this set: www.alphaseduction.com

ADVANCED AUDIO COACHING – And if you’re like most guys that love to hear advice and audible examples of things to learn by, and you want new and fresh tips every single month, The ADVANCED AUDIO COACHING is something for you to get.

Each month we go into loads of detail about every aspect of dating and seduction. From what to say to what to wear, to what to cook, to what to do when it’s time to close the deal. Every session is over 100 minutes of top-quality digital audio that you can download and listen to right away. No waiting for a CD to ship!

You can even get the complete first year (over 21 hours of audio) in a special deal at the site…

Put this link in your browser to check it out: www.datingdynamics.com

I’m in this to help you, educating men to do better in their lives in the one thing that has eluded us for thousands of years – SUCCESS WITH WOMEN.

Is there ANYTHING more important?

Remember life is too short, and death is too long.

Don’t wait until your heart is broken before you take steps to learn how this game is played.

Get the information on how to improve your dating life TODAY. Make the changes you need to make to get the love, bedroom action, and relationships that you want and DESERVE to have.

I’ll be back with more advice soon …

This is the year for you to get successful with women!

How Confident Guys Attract Women

I asked my “buddy” (Who will be known as “C” here) if she’d explain more about this guy at her work that the ladies enjoy. You’ll be happy to know that it’s not because he’s a hottie...

Read what she has to say about Bret:

“Bret is a man who oozes confidence. I am not talking about that horrific, cocky, obscene strutting that some insecure men delude themselves into thinking is impressive. What I am speaking of, is a man whose character is clearly defined, in an unassuming, resolute manner.

Ya know the thing that’s so refreshing about Bret is that he is the consummate gentleman. I love that he rushes ahead of me to open a door, or offers to give me his seat in a crowded meeting. Chivalry my friend, is alive and well!

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I ran into Bret today at the office and he came over to say hello. He looked me up and down and smiled. He often compliments me on how I look and today was no different.

Two things I notice when we chat, he is always attentive and he often stands fairly close to me. I wonder if he has used his ‘charm’ to compensate for his physical statue. He is a rather large man.

I would much rather be in his company than the tall, dark, handsome, arrogant, self absorbed jerk I had to deal with this week. I actually had to tell this guy that I would not conduct a multi-million dollar transaction with him because he was an arrogant jerk. What a waste!”

See? Women will actually avoid a guy who’s good looking when he’s got the wrong attitude… This, my friends, is where all of us players are going to take over the world.

Scientific Facts About Women

I was just reading (no laughs!) Oprah yesterday, amazed by the anti-male tone of their articles. Almost all of them portray men as some kind of animal or pet that women have to “put up with” instead of relate to.

My friend commented that maybe that’s how women have to think about us to deal with us. I can see where this tone of writing might be attractive to women who have to feel like they have a condescending kind of power over us, but overall it’s offensive to see in just about every form of media today.

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I did find a few nuggets of insight in an article called “The Male Brain: See how it runs.”

This discusses the scientific fact that:

A) Men are better at spacial reasoning and more visually stimulated

B) Women have a better verbal proficiency than men

C) Women and men process emotions differently (No kidding…)

D) Women respond to emotional attraction more by recalling memories for validation (meaning that they like to process the meaning of things for interpretation)

Now, I looked at this and chuckled because they quoted over 4 doctors to get this information, and I’m pretty sure any one of us could have come up with the same observations. But it’s nice to have them backed by scientific studies…

One interesting thing: Women were noted to be able to interpret emotional meaning from words WITHOUT having to process them. In other words, the skill of understanding what’s going on with a person was much more integrated into their thinking.

Which accounts for their ability to read a man pretty quickly if he’s confident or not…

Female Orgasm in Genes

Here’s a little news tidbit from CNN.com discussing female orgasms. Thought you might like to see
this:

Report: Female orgasm in genes

LONDON, England (Reuters) — Women who have difficulty reaching orgasm can blame it on their genes.

Like heart disease, anxiety and depression, scientists discovered in a study of 1,397 pairs of
female twins that there is a genetic basis to female orgasm.

“We found that between 34 percent and 45 percent of the variation in ability to orgasm can be
explained by underlying genetic variation,” said Tim Spector, of the Twin Research Unit at St
Thomas’ Hospital in London.

“There is a biological underlying influence that can’t be attributed purely to upbringing, religion
or race.”

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Other studies have attributed differences in the ability to achieve orgasm to cultural, religious
and psychological factors.

Between 12 to 15 percent of women don’t have orgasms compared to about 2 percent of men. Males are
also quicker at 2.5 minutes, while the average time it takes for a woman to reach orgasm is 12
minutes, according to Spector.

“Why is there this biological difference between the sexes? The fact that some of this is heritable
suggests that evolution has a role,” he told a news conference.

Spector suggested reaching an orgasm could be a way for women to assess whether a man would make a
good long-term partner. It may also increase fertility, according to some theories.

In a study of identical and non-identical twins published on Wednesday in the journal Biology
Letters, Spector and his team found huge variations when they surveyed them about sexual problems.

One in three women, or 32 percent, said they never or infrequently had an orgasm. But 14 percent
said they always had an orgasm during intercourse.

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“More women were able to orgasm during masturbation, with 34 percent always reaching orgasm,” the
researchers said in the journal.

The frequency of orgasm was higher for identical twins with a partner and by themselves which
suggests a clear genetic impact, said Spector.

“There is something biological that explains some of this large variation between women,” he said,
adding that many genes could be involved.

If scientists could discover which genes and how they function, it could potentially pave the way
for future therapies to treat women who cannot reach orgasm.

But Spector said orgasm is a very complex process which is poorly understood. Little research has
been done because it is still a taboo subject.

Anatomical and biological features and psychological factors may all play a part.

Reality bites

QUESTION FROM A READER:

I need help with a girl whom am seeking to restart our old relationship, please help me?

About mid-1999 we started a relationship which lasted for about a year. For my part, that was our
first relationship then. Anyway, about April 2000 I left for Hungary to continue my education and
she left for England and we still continued our relationship till after the Easter season of 2001.

Before that, we kept in close contact. I visited her during the Christmas break of 2000 and must
admit that was one of the best highlight of our relationship. However, early 2001 she wasn’t
replying my email messages as often as she used to which got me concerned. To make it worse, I was
having a conversation with her on the internet and some guy all of a sudden was talking on her
behalf.

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As a result of this, gave her a visit to spend the Easter with her, but turned out that she wouldn’t
fancy me visiting her at home or calling her apartment. That made me come to the conclusion that she
probably doesn’t fancy me as she used to so I broke up with her(but very recently she told me on one
of our phone calls that my judgement were wrong).

With that said, It has been almost four years since we’ve been separated without any calls or mails
between each other. I have to say though I have had two relationship during our separation but it
not like I had with her. We are now keeping in touch again and she has written stuffs like (I’m
still thinking of you) in her emails, I for sure wouldn’t mind starting all over again.

By the way we are both students and we are both not financially fit at the moment to pay each other
a visit.

Any advice on how to go about this far distance makeover.

 

______________________

CARLOS XUMA ANSWERS:

Whoah there, nellie.

I understand all the history you’ve got with this girl, and that there may (or may NOT) be some
feelings again that have come up, but the one thing you can’t ignore is this – REALITY.

The REALITY is that you can’t see each other in person. You told me you’re students and you can’t
make the trips because of no money.

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That right there seals your fate. You can’t start up with her again through email or phone. No
matter what the other gurus out there might say. You can’t attract women or get a girlfriend when
you’re far apart. That’s not what women want.

If you have no in-person contact, all you’re going to do is work up your fever pitch about being
with this girl until you do something foolish to relieve the pressure, like relocate, or start
selling drugs to get hear near you.

Until you get near her again, here’s what you do: Get a girlfriend where you are!

Don’t waste time waiting and hoping to get a woman that wasn’t really all that great to begin with.
Did you forget that she had her other boyfriend handling her emails to you? What a chickenshit thing
to do.

Remember this: The memory is always better than the reality.

The Male Brain

I was just reading (no laughs!) Oprah yesterday, amazed by the anti-male tone of their articles.
Almost all of them portray men as some kind of animal or pet that women have to “put up with”
instead of relate to.

My friend commented that maybe that’s how women have to think about us to deal with us. I can see
where this tone of writing might be attractive to women who have to feel like they have a
condescending kind of power over us, but overall it’s offensive to see in just about every form of
media today.

I did find a few nuggets of insight in an article called “The Male Brain: See how it runs.”

images (5)

This discusses the scientific fact that:

A) Men are better at spacial reasoning and more visually stimulated

B) Women have a better verbal proficiency than men

C) Women and men process emotions differently (No kidding…)

D) Women respond to emotional attraction more by recalling memories for validation (meaning that
they like to process the meaning of things for interpretation)

Now, I looked at this and chuckled because they quoted over 4 doctors to get this information, and
I’m pretty sure any one of us could have come up with the same observations. But it’s nice to have
them backed by scientific studies…

One interesting thing: Women were noted to be able to interpret emotional meaning from words WITHOUT
having to process them. In other words, the skill of understanding what’s going on with a person was
much more integrated into their thinking.

Which accounts for their ability to read a man pretty quickly if he’s confident or not…