shy guy succcess with women

"Your Valentine's Day Survival Guide..."

1) Single, no prospects on the horizon...

2) Single, with maybe a woman (or two) with *potential* in your life...

3) Dating a woman consistently...

Well, there's a day coming up next week with the initials "VD" (I wonder if that's a coincidence) that could be a real source of frustration for you...

First of all, if you're in category "1" (Single, no prospects), you should use this to your advantage. If a woman is single, she's even more aware of it on Valentine's Day more than any other time of year - except maybe her best friend's wedding.

Get out and go to a party or social gathering. Women are very open to meeting guys, and you should seize the opportunity.

And definitely DO NOT use this as an "excuse" or justification to suddenly spring your feelings on a woman you've been thinking about.

(I'll talk more about this in this newsletter.)

If you're in category "2" (Single, some prospects), you should completely disappear from their radar. My friend Nick calls this "going dark." You want to completely vanish, because it's the one time of year that a woman will use to find out "where she stands" with you.

This translates into a lose-lose situation if you tell her, because she'll lose attraction, and you'll lose posture and mystique. You need to find some reason to not be available, like a family gathering, or alien abduction.

Just send a short, funny card with no sentiment to the women that you're seeing. End it with something cryptic, like: "Let's see what happens next..."

I'll talk a bit more about this in a minute...

The last situation is for you guys in category "3" (dating a single woman consistently) OR any guy that's considering telling a woman his feelings.

You'll want to read this Q&A to get a better idea of what YOU should be doing...


I have been using the techniques from both your "Secrets of the Alpha Man" and "Approach Women Now" products. In my opinion both of these products are priceless because of the success I have been having in my life.

The success I am now getting is not only with the ladies but also in every other facet of my life, and I can not thank you enough for all that you've done to help me. They have helped me meet and attract many great women over the past year...

...Now I have been seeing a girl for the past two months and things are getting pretty serious. It did not start out being that way because I was seeing a couple other women (thanks to your products). But now our relationship has progressed over time and we are only seeing each other. And this is why I have a question.

This girl is extremely attracted to me just as I am to her, and things are going great between us. But my question comes from the fact that she keeps asking me how I feel about her and what I want to become of our relationship.

I have done a good job of not telling her anything too early because I do understand that it could kill all attraction. Instead I have just tried to show her through my actions and flirting but for some reason she wants a verbal answer, and of course I am worried about what would happen if I told her.

But now that things have been going on for a while and we are both feeling the same way towards each other is it safe to reveal a little bit of how I feel about her or tell her that I would like to see her exclusively?

I sincerely appreciate all that you've done and I am looking forward to your reply. Keep up the great work and helping MEN everywhere.

- Taulby in VA


Ah, if there's one thing you've learned well it's how to avoid the "sensitive, nice-guy" trap that lurks out there for most men.

It's that insane urge to tell a woman how you feel.

Look, I've fallen into this one so many times before, it's not funny. You meet a girl that's really attractive and really cool, and you feel that strange tingly sensation in your spine every time she's around. If you're in a room and you hear her voice, you hone in on her like a bloodhound.

It's out of control.

You have these INTENSE feelings for her, and you just know that if you could make her understand how you feel, she'd be so impressed and awed. When she knows the power of your feelings, she'd have to be just a little interested, right?

Unfortunately, WRONG.

It's like a big be-otch slap when you tell her how you feel, and find out that she's flattered. She might even give you that "awwww, I'm holding a cute puppy dog" look ... but she's not ATTRACTED to you.

Why does this happen?

4-CD set Approach Women - NOW!And why do guys fall into this trap?

Well, it comes from a syndrome I call the "Forced perspective."

This is when a guy can't seem to let go of his own point of view long enough to see the possible repercussions of his actions. He simply can't see THROUGH ANOTHER PERSON'S EYES.

Guys feel like this intense level of feelings is something we can transfer or give to someone else, but in reality we can't MAKE anyone feel anything.

Remember the saying: "Attraction is not a choice."

So the key here is to remember that the other person does not feel your emotions yet.

In fact, their feelings for you are (probably) at the same level of interest as you have for many of the women you work with. Or the cashier at the grocery store that you thought was just "okay."

What is needed here is a distinct spark to ignite the flames of attraction.

That same chick in the grocery store could be a complete babe if you saw her at a party throwing off a little feminine vibe, but you're seeing her at her most boring...

Well, the same thing is true of you.

If you are doing what I used to do, it was something like this:

You see a woman you're attracted to, and you start to talk with her, but your energy is telling her two stories at the same time:

Story 1: I'm attracted to you. You're interesting to me, and I find you desirable.

Story 2: I don't want to mess this up. I'm not going to go too far with anything I say or do for fear of scaring you off.

Remember, these two stories are being told with your energy at the same time. So it's confusing to her on a very subconscious level.

How does a woman figure out the TRUE message?

She assumes you're like most other guys - you like her as a woman and you worship her from afar, but you haven't got the stones to ACT on it.

Now the reality here is that she doesn't want to hear about it. She doesn't want long poems - or emails - that profess your undying love.

She wants to see ACTION.

Action is something she can trust in because actions DO NOT LIE!

A woman's entire psychology is setup to interpret situations and decide what is real and what is just smoke and mirrors. She had to be able to do this in the "old days" when choosing a good mate would mean either LIFE or DEATH for her and her children.

Choosing a guy with no Alpha Man strength would be a BAD move for her.

Well, sad to say that we're still only a few hundred years from the time when this was the way of the world, and our primitive lizard brains just haven't caught up.

That is actually GOOD NEWS to you, my friend.

Because the same triggers that make her attracted to you are also programmed into that psychology.

Which means when you can demonstrate the Alpha parts of your authentic personality, you will have created a massive call to action for her. This is something that triggers interest from her on a primitive level.

Again, attraction is something we don't control. We merely OBEY it when we feel it.

The same sense of urgency you have in telling a woman how you feel to get her interested in you is what SHE will feel when she realizes that you're showing her the kind of man she wants.

What kinds of qualities is a woman looking for?

Well, if you remember the list of traits I've talked about in previous newsletters, they are all the "triggers" that indicate a confident man.

One of the most important is "self-control."

Later on, when you've become a more established "couple" and you have been together on a few dates, you can start to reveal your feelings, but not just dumping them on her. You have to demonstrate CONTROL.

In other words, you decide when you will tell her how you feel, not just reacting to her when she asks you. If you're only telling her you think she's a sweet girl in response to her occasional moments of low self-esteem, you're sending a bad message.

Instead, YOU choose the moments to tell her a little about how you feel.

But remember, even later on in a relationship, too much comfort will kill the chemistry between you and a woman. And the reality is that too much comfort is really BORING.

Nothing makes us more comfortable and BORED than thinking we have someone completely locked up and "in the bag."

It's doubt that stimulates our desire.

AND it's the excitement of a vibrant relationship that really turns us on to life - and to another person.

I'm not saying that you should hold back on your feelings as a manipulative tool.

I am saying that you should hold back on your need to express them as a way to appease HER expectations. If you find yourself feeling pressured to disclose how you feel because SHE seems eager to hear them, you may be reacting from that place that is still afraid of making her mad or losing her approval.

If - on the other hand - you feel like telling her because it's what you WANT to say - do so. But thoughtfully. With restraint befitting a man with self-control.

You want to know the best solution?

Don't TELL her how you feel.

SHOW her.

That is a much more effective and believable way of demonstrating your feelings for a woman over the long-term. It's the language of authentic caring and feeling, and it's the only one a woman's emotions will really believe.

After all, you can say anything you like. But what someone does is REAL.

If you keep things FUN and EXCITING enough for a woman, she won't have the time to be bored and wonder about your feelings for her.

She will KNOW - on a primitive and POWERFUL level.

Now, I want to invite you to come and learn some of the illogical, yet INCREDIBLY EFFECTIVE and powerful techniques and strategies that I've learned, developed, refined over the last 5 years.

The concepts that I've just discussed are part of what I consider to be a big part of the "Inner Game" of dating success.

Most guys spend almost NO time working on their Inner Game and confidence ... instead, they spend time learning "pick up lines" and other USELESS fluff.

If you don't have your "Inner Game" together, none of the "techniques and tricks" will work for you. Women can see right through them.

Once you get the right mind-set, the world suddenly seems like a different place to you.

In my Secrets of the Alpha Man program, I spend several hours teaching you Inner Game and Outer Game techniques for driving up attraction with women to a level that no woman will ignore.

I'll show you how to overcome your self-limiting beliefs, improve your self-confidence and self-esteem... and get past the fears that are holding you back from even TRYING to go out and meet women.

If you're like me, and you've had a lot of negative programming about women, masculinity, and how to really create massive attraction with a woman, then you MUST get this stuff taken care of.

It's not going to fix itself... you have to do it.

And my program will show you EXACTLY how.

Oh... and it will also teach you tons of great "field" methods for approaching women, talking to women - keeping the conversation going - getting dates, meeting women online, and taking things as far as you want to go - smoothly and easily... without rejection.

The Alpha Man knows that self-development is the path to a better life. It all starts with getting EDUCATED.

Education leads to understanding. Understanding leads to better choices. Better choices lead to better results.

And results are ALL that matters when it comes to the game of women.

It's all in my Secrets of the Alpha Man program.

Take your first small step toward becoming the man you want to be... CLICK HERE

I'll talk to you again soon,

Bookmark this article:      

If you're wondering how other guys have used my advice to improve their lives,

Click and go look for yourself at what they have to say right now...



Listen to Chris from San Francisco, CA, tell you the Straight Truth...


Listen to what the other gurus are saying about Carlos' work...

"I've read every book and studied every system on dating. The problem with most 'gurus' in this field is that they're not teaching men how to build a solid foundation. Until you change your internal belief system and adopt an Alpha mindset, all the tactics and techniques in the world aren't going to do you any good. (Actually, it's like learning just enough karate to get your ass kicked!) Carlos Xuma is the best there is at teaching men how to develop their 'inner game.' From there, he'll give you the complete set of tools for approaching women, and life, with absolute confidence and skill. If you're in this game to win it, these are the rules you need to learn."

- Dean Cortez, M.A.C.K. Tactics co-creator

"Carlos Xuma is a man who has a clear passion for imparting the success with women he has experienced to other guys worldwide. He approaches his craft with immense integrity and a distinct style!"

- Scot McKay, X & Y Communications,
"Carlos Xuma is the REAL DEAL! If you are serious about creating an extraordinary relationship. You will learn more about the needs and desires of women than they do themselves! I highly recommend Carlos to any man who is ready to get the woman of his dreams. I love his game, its 100% real."

- The Dean,
"Carlos Xuma is one of those rare guys in the field who actually GETS what interacting with women is all about. His advice goes beyond the pick-up lines and approach techniques that so many guys use and fail with. Rather, Carlos gives guys everywhere practical, valuable advice that will make men attractive not just for one night, but for many, many years. He lays down the foundation for becoming a NATURALLY attractive man, full of confidence and the ability to fully ENJOY being around hot babes.

Unlike other pickup artists, Carlos shares information that helps you not only in one area of life, but in many: in social relationships, at work, sports, with personal goals. He'll help make you a well-rounded, self-believing alpha MAN who's capable of just about anything. And seducing gorgeous, high-quality women, is just the beginning."

- James Brito, How to Be Irresistible to Women
"Carlos Xuma is one of the few men in the 'seduction' or 'attraction' community who digs beneath the surface of passing attraction, and Explores what it is to be a man who attracts women by virtue of his character and, consequently, the natural outward expression of high character.

He brings words like 'discipline' and 'integrity' to the forefront, and waddya know, those are exactly the qualities women truly crave in a man."

- Grant Adams, CEO -

"Hey Carlos, I write about the biology of men and women's behavior. You seem to know the biology of behavior without knowing it. How do you do that? You have a deep intuition of dynamics - it took me 7 years of academic research to discover. And you find sharp ways to apply it practically... Keep up the good work, brother."

- Joe Quirk, Author of "Sperm are from Men, Eggs are from Women"


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