Dating Advice for Men - How to Approach Women, Attract Women, and Meet Girls



I hope you'll bear with me, because this is one of the most emotional and exhausting letters I've written to you in some time, but it's message is so important I couldn't wait.

I got this email the other day, and I thought it warranted some attention and observation, because I think it indicates one of - if not THE most challenging obstacles to a man's growth with women.

Please read his letter first, and then I'll comment:

Hey Carlos,

I have been beating myself up over a situation recently at work. Well, I have been working with this girl from my job for about 3 months now, and I have been busting her balls consistently and not taking any of her sh*t. She has been interested in me for the longest time, and has showed the most interest the past several days than any other time before

(I have heard from friends that she wishes I would ask her out and she is in love with me and all that).

I feel as if she has waited so long for me to express interest back that since I havent expressed interest after those several days that I feel like its over.

I just cant seem to get up the courage to ask her to come join me for some fun or even her number (fear of progressing)! Today, I came back from work beating myself up for not progressing.

I am pissed off Carlos, can you please help me out man?


Okay, so what I hear is something that I think a LOT of guys can
relate to.

Let's start first by putting this in perspective. You're doing really good work just by busting her chops and teasing her the right way.

Most guys won't go this far in fear of "scaring her off" or "offending her." They don't realize that what women want most is a guy that can come from a place of power.

Some guys out there call this a "dominant frame."

Whatever. You don't need terminology. You need a solution.

After you've managed to tease her a little and get a little cocky... what then?

You've gotten her interested and VERY attracted to you, which is
the goal most guys dream about.

But how do you continue? How do you keep going from here?

This has to be one of the biggest stumbling blocks a guy can run into. It's caused by something so simple, yet so unbelievably powerful, you can understand why some guys never break free of its

There are two things going on here that will cripple your ability to progress:

1) You are afraid of failure.

2) You are afraid of success.


That's a pretty big revelation.

I'm going to reveal one of the biggest motivational secrets here, and if you can unlock this psychological mechanism correctly, you're going to see a very new landscape in front of you.

Most guys run around with this dual fear of success and failure pressing on them from both sides. It's a potent one, and inescapable if you cannot see it for what it is.

It's like someone holding up a coin and saying to you as they flip it: "Heads I win, tails you lose!"

How much would you bet on that toss?

Of COURSE it's hard to move forward when you're going to lose both
ways (in your head, anyway.) You won't even play the game.

Yet that's what countless guys are doing day after day when they find themselves confronted with the situation that this reader is experiencing.

First of all, most guys fear putting themselves up for judgment in
front of a woman. This is commonly called the "approach." Those do-or-die 60 seconds of sheer terror where most guys find that running naked through a minefield in downtown Baghdad is preferable to walking up to a
woman and saying "hello."

They fear that if the woman is not interested in them, this translates into their worth as a man. Most guys put a lot of stock in what women think of them, so the thought of getting turned down after you put your ego out there on the line is more than most can bear.

We fear being turned down when our self-confidence is not strong enough to handle this kind of rejection.

Geez, even this guy can't move forward when he KNOWS she wants him!

And I'm not belittling his experience ONE BIT because I've BEEN THERE. I know what it's like to sit in that torture of knowing you HAVE to act, but you just can't find a way to DO IT.

Now, the second kind of fear is the one that his letter references

The Fear of Success.

When you can overcome your fear of taking action because of possible rejection, most guys then fall victim to the next fear of - WHAT THE HECK DO I DO NOW?

What if - gasp - I get what I WANT?

The other side of your self-esteem now shows itself as you have to DELIVER on those clever cocky and funny lines you were using to get her all excited and attracted.

What we want to know is, even if we get past the fear of talking to a woman and getting things started, what happens in that incredibly uncertain place after?

Because then you're going to be on the stage in front of her. You'll have to really show yourself to her and explore this unknown and uncharted land called "Move Forward."

Uh-oh. Now what?

Not many people would believe you if you told them that most of the guys out there have a BIG fear of success. It's actually one of the strongest forces holding so many creative and capable people away from their dreams.

This is what you are seeing when someone you know who has REAL talent refuses to show it to others or they won't go after their dream.

"I'm too old to start writing that book..."

"I'd like to play in a band, but I've got responsibilities at

"I'd like to finish that degree, but I'm doing fine right now
without it. Besides, I don't have any time..."

"I'd like to go talk to her, but she's probably a bitch anyway...."
or "I'd like to talk to her, but she's not really my type..."




Let's face facts and call it what it is.


A self-lie.

We tell ourselves what we can to avoid CHANGE and avoid the possible disruption that this change might cause, and then we rationalize it by telling stories to make ourselves feel better.

And then that fear of success turns into a fear of the NEXT rejection or failure.

Wow, what a vicious circle. Let's break out of it.

Stop listening to the Loserboy in your head. He's the voice of a thousand IMAGINED scenarios that never came to pass.

"It's easier not to go after your big dreams, isn't it?" Loserboy whispers in the back of your head in a silky smooth voice. "You don't want to have to deal with all the headaches of that, do you? It's easier when you're one of the crowd. No one has big expectations, and you get to live your life without any hassles."

And without any adventure or glory, either. Or the woman of your dreams.

Do you want to know how I conquered this paralyzing fear?

I started by re-framing my experience as something COMPLETELY

I remembered the words of Helen Keller: "Life is a great adventure
... or nothing."

I really thought about that, and then I remembered this line I heard in a movie that finally kicked my butt off the couch and into gear:

"The dreams of youth are the regrets of maturity."


That's an eye-opener . Think about that one for a minute, please.

Then I went through a little mind exercise that I call the
"Whammy." It goes like this:

I imagined myself as an old man sitting in my wheelchair in the old folks home. I really imagined this scene so vividly I could even smell the disinfectant they used on the gray linoleum tile of the hallway as I rolled along to the TV room where I could eat my daily cup of pudding.

And I sat there looking back on my life, wondering if there was anything I had done that I regretted.


But I sure regretted a lot of things I DIDN'T do. I could feel that horrible sinking sensation in my gut when I thought about all the opportunities I passed up, mostly because of fear. What I wouldn't GIVE for a second chance to go back and do it again ...


Here I am. I got my wish! Now I CAN go do them before it's too late.

Now, in reality, I have no intention of spending my last days looking back like that, but it could turn out this way. I might not get the opportunity to save the planet by blowing up an asteroid or something, or die in glorious combat in the Coliseum. I might end up in a "retirement community" somewhere. So be it. I just don't want to give up living life, or have to settle for living on old memories of what was.

And when the end draws near, I don't want to look back on a long list of things I COULD have done but talked myself out of.

I had to change the meaning of these events in such a DRASTIC and RADICAL way that I found the motivation to ACT. It literally had to be such a POWERFUL experience that I would not be able to look back again and continue the same path.

I had to act NOW.

Whatever your Whammy is, you must find it. Even if that means you strap electrodes to your balls and administer shocks until you do what you must. (Although, you may want to try a few other things first.)

You want the most brutal Whammy of all?

Go visit the oncology (cancer) ward of a major hospital. Talk to the terminally ill patients. Get a little perspective on what they think of your problem with women.

In fact, everything in life can be reviewed like this: Is this something I would feel stupid telling to someone that's dying?

If so, then it's pretty Small Stuff, amigo.


But, when the day-to-day gets hold of us again, we tend to fall back into the same routine. We forget what motivated us. We can't run around every day with the fear of our own mortality in our mind to push us ...

... until the next time when you're presented with something you know you WANT to do, but you can't seem to find the power or courage to DO.

The best way to live your life the way you want is to BECOME the man you want. So that you feel that this kind of success is not only something you can HAVE, but that you DESERVE. Your sense of self-esteem will only allow you to go so far before it will start to pull the rug out from under you.

You are what you emotionally think about all day long.

And I'd like to show you how to re-create that mental/emotional image of yourself - the way to turn your life in the direction that YOU want. I've got a program that will put you on the path to becoming that Man, with other exercises and ACTION plans like this one.

In the Secrets of the Alpha Man, I cover how to understand your self-image so completely that this sort of fear limitation will not trap you again. It's really had a life-changing effect on a lot of guys, and I want to share it with you.

In fact, this program is everything I used to get myself where I wanted to be, and now I want to pass it on to you.

Have a look at it here:

Confidence with women; confidence with LIFE.

I'll be back with more advice soon ...

- Carlos

PS: Remember what I said above ? That it's easy to let the day-to-day get back in your head and distract you from the important things in life? You might close this email and put it in a folder, maybe even promising yourself you'll do something about it ... soon.

Don't give yourself an out. Don't let this moment turn into another where you didn't go after what you wanted from life. Do it NOW.

"The dreams of youth are the regrets of maturity."

Secrets of the Alpha Man - What Women Want - How to meet women and attract women by being yourself!

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"Carlos Xuma is the nation's leading personal dating coach, and professional dating agent. Recognized as the world's premier dating authority, Carlos' date-coaching and skills work for single men everywhere. If you use sites like,,,, and other online dating sites, Carlos' dating advice can help you succeed like never before. Even better than what a dating agency could ever offer you, Carlos' advice, products and ideas turn you into your own matchmaker, and will double your dating success whether you seek a relationship, romance, or the love of your life."


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