QUESTION: Can you avoid having
to win back an ex girlfriend?
"I listened to your tape from the women from Denmark. I was a little surprised
at your response to her.
First off, When she said she was frustrated and wanted to leave? I believe
she was telling you the truth.
When a woman tells a man something is wrong, he needs to listen. That is
a fundamental principle with woman in general...
Woman are emotional creatures and they need to feel understood. I think you
missed it on this one."
- Craig
______________________
CARLOS XUMA ANSWERS:
Could I have missed something here?
Yeah, sure, it's possible.
If you didn't see this particular newsletter, here's the situation:
-
Girl writes to me complaining about her boyfriend being a challenge and
learning my strategies.
-
Girl says she's frustrated and wants to leave.
-
I tell her that her situation is simpler than it seems. She's not seeing
that she's under the influence of the GOOD kind of frustration.
-
It's called ATTRACTION, and it's the key that most men miss.
-
I knew that there needed to be some tweaks, or this guy would be writing
me later asking me how to win back his ex girlfriend.
Look, I know there's a lot of self-help relationship stuff out there that
tell you that you need to listen to every complaint and emotional rant a woman
has. In a way, that's true. You do have to let her vent.
If you don't hear her out and get it out in the open, you will soon be asking
me about how to win back your ex girlfriend.
Let her vent...
** BUT **
You do NOT get caught up in it.
90% of a woman's emotional venting is JUST THAT. Venting! It does not need
to be nurtured or caressed or coddled.
You listen, hear her out, use your better judgment if it's something you
might have made a mistake on, and then you handle it.
But if it's just a "general" sense of frustration, this is where
guys get into "fraidy cat" territory. They get squeamish about making
a woman feel flustered or frustrated because they think she will start to
pull away from him because he's creating these seemingly negative emotions.
And as a result, they fall into the "Nice Guy" trap of treating
every emotional blip from a woman as a serious event. (Hint: They're not.)
Women do ride a very emotional roller coaster with
respect to their emotional state. (The younger she is, the more true this
is. The older she is, the less true.)
The biggest mistake I see Nice Guys make with women is to pay too much attention
and take her emotional state way too seriously.
This is like trying to catch a cricket by running after it. Ever see a kid
do this? They're always in reaction mode, running to where the cricket WAS.
And then the cricket hops again just as he runs to where it WAS again.
You - as an Alpha Man - don't do this.
You manage the situation in terms of where you want the woman to GO.
YES! This is the biggest lesson a guy can learn in relationships
is that you must be the one ACTING - proactively - not RE-acting to her.
And it works for the kid with the cricket, too. He stomps to the side of
the cricket to steer the cricket towards the corner where he can get safely
grab it. Or he just anticipates the cricket and goes to where it's going to
jump next.
If you don't mind another metaphor here, this is how Wayne Gretzky, one of
the greatest hockey players of all time, managed to do so well.
He said, "Most
of the guys out there are skating to where the puck is. I'm skating to
where the puck WILL BE."
Absolutely BRILLIANT!
Your job as a man is to LEAD the woman to the emotional states you want to
share with her. Not just HOPE that if you make her happy enough that you'll
get to share HER happiness every so often when it comes up.
This is a big deal and a big difference in how guys understand their own
power and leadership within the context of a relationship.
Now, yes, I realize there is a time to be sweet and caring and loving with
a woman so that you can forge a strong connection and get to real intimacy.
The problem is that most guys do this in a wussy kind of way, and they don't
realize that you don't want to be the "sweet caring guy" ALL the
time. It kills the attraction.
I have guys writing in to me all the time asking how to win back ex girlfriend,
when all they really need to do is to handle things right from the start.
You see, a guy tends to only care about two situations: winning the chick
when he doesn't have her, and trying to win back the same girl when he screws
it up and they break up later on.
If he would have spent a little energy on creating the right power dynamic
within the relationship, there would never have been a problem in the first
place.
So remember, you need to know when a woman is genuinely frustrated with you
over your poor behavior, or she's just verbally expressing her frustration
at not being the one to run the show.
They are very different from each other.
Your Friend,
P.S.: I want to invite you to come and learn some of
the illogical, yet INCREDIBLY
EFFECTIVE and powerful methods and strategies that I've learned,
developed, refined over the last 7 years practicing and teaching this stuff.
The concepts that I've just discussed are part of
what I consider to be a big part of the "Inner Game" of dating
success.
Most guys spend almost NO time working on their
Inner Game and confidence... instead, they spend time learning "pick up lines" and "routines" and
other USELESS fluff.
If you don't have your "Inner Game" together,
none of the techniques and tricks will work for you. Women see right
through them.
Once you get the right mind-set - the Attitude I mentioned earlier - the
world suddenly seems like a different place to you.
In my Ultimate
Inner Game program,
I give you a complete REBOOT of your operating system to teach
you Inner Game techniques ... I'll show you how to overcome your self-limiting
beliefs, improve your self-confidence and self-esteem... and get past the
fears that are holding you back from even trying to go out
and meet women.
You'll also learn a clear, no-tricks method to approach
women and get more dates.
The Alpha Man knows that self-development is the path to a better life. It
all starts with getting educated.
Education leads to understanding. Understanding leads to better choices.
Better choices lead to better results.
And results are ALL that matters when it comes to the game of women.
It's all in my program: CLICK HERE: Ultimate
Inner Game program.
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