Are you missing this VITAL key to your game with women?
Hey, today's question is very important for you, and I want you to
read this article very carefully.
This is the Number One type of question I get from guys that learn some of
the basics of how to approach women (either from my program or from others).
And it probably affects about 90% of guys that I meet. (I'm not exaggerating
that number in the slightest.)
You are very likely one of them...
QUESTION ABOUT THE UNSPOKEN FEAR OF MEN:
Hey Carlos...
I've been practicing some of your approach techniques on women, and I've
been doing fairly well with them.
However, I've still got a stumbling block that I'm not sure how to get past...
I was out on Saturday at my favorite bar just hanging out. I saw a very attractive
woman with her girlfriend. She had that dark-haired Italian look that I really
love...
I knew WHAT to do and say (thanks to your Approach Women program). I'd used
your methods on lots of women before. But with this particular woman, I had
no idea HOW the hell to do it!
It was really weird - like some invisible guy was there holding my arms back.
I even felt a little sick to my stomach. (You believe that???) My hands got
all sweaty, too.
So I guess my question is, what the heck do I do when I know WHAT to say
and I've practiced it, but my inner Loserboy voice won't let me?
What do I do when my confidence fails me?
What then?
- Chris D. in Oakland, CA
______________________
CARLOS XUMA ANSWERS:
Chris, you have just asked the question that hundreds... no, thousands...
No, wait...
... MILLIONS of guys want an answer for.
I'm not kidding you when I tell you that this is probably THE most common
problem for guys of ANY age. (And it's not the kind that you can take a little
blue pill for, either.)
So what is this and how do you cure it?
A lot of guys call it Approach Anxiety. 
I don't like that name. That makes it seem like a disease that we're powerless
to control.
(And remember that when you pay attention to the
negative terms like "anxiety," you
actually give them more power over you.)
I have another term for this sensation that you can use:
Approach EXCITEMENT!
That's right. This feeling you have is just your mind's way of saying that
this woman's attractiveness and femininity has just OVERLOADED your circuits.
She has just given you an incredible gift of letting you feel the full force
and magnitude of your own masculinity, and you are EXCITED on a whole new
level.
This is the force that keeps our human race alive, my friend.
And this excitement is healthy and GOOD - no matter what your friends and
family may have told you in the past about all those nasty desires your private
parts have.
I can hear guys out there now as they read that:
"Yeah, great, Carlos. You can 're-frame'
this situation for me any way you like and I'll still have think 'Yeah, so
what? I *still* can't go over and talk to her...' I need something I can DO."
Well, I've got that for you in this letter. Just hang on...
The truth is, there's a lot of mental anguish for
guys who feel this "approach
excitement."
If you don't take care of your inner game - your confidence and self-esteem
- you'll have all the great lines and techniques and you STILL won't be able
to approach women you see every day.
You'll know what to say - (there are a TON of openers
and "routines" out
there), but you won't know HOW to do it.
You might be one of the guys that figured this out
for himself already. Maybe you learned a few good "openers" but
you still aren't walking up and approaching women.
You've got what you need, but you still can't find the courage to do it.
In fact, you'll probably feel even worse about
yourself because now you have the tools, and you'll realize that you don't
have the inner foundation and confidence to PUT THEM TO WORK.
A lot of guys simply go looking for another cool
opener or line in the hopes that the one that sounds "cool enough" will
somehow give them the courage to approach. We both know that doesn't work,
does it?
You can even approach women occasionally, and get a few
dates, and you'll
still sink your own ship if you don't have your inner game
taken care of.
So what can you do when you feel that paralyzing fear of going up and approaching
a woman?
Or that fear of leaning in and going for the kiss?
Or any kind of escalation with a woman?
CAUTION: Fixing your inner game is much EASIER than most "gurus" will
admit...
Look, I'll be the first person to admit that I had a huge problem
approaching women. And it was only within the last few years that I was
able to clear it up.
That's right. I went over 30 YEARS of my life with
this "Approach Excitement" kicking
me in the ass.
I would see an attractive woman (and I have a certain "type" that
I'm interested in) and...
I'd stop dead in my tracks when I wanted to approach her.
It felt just like you said - like someone invisible was holding my arms and
legs and keeping me from moving. It was like that sensation of waking up from
sleep and being paralyzed.
It was scary - and definitely not fun.
I was lucky when I was younger - when women were much
more open to talking with me because I was so aloof and distant (go figure!),
but later on my fear of approaching became a huge and crippling block to my success with women.
Especially when I got tired of going to bars and clubs to meet women. I was
only meeting them at work or online - and not very often.
I knew that if I didn't fix this problem, I'd end up one of those guys who
got stuck with the first woman that was as desperate as I was. And we all
know that's the WORST way to pick a girlfriend.
You see, if you were to ask 100 guys about whether
they have any problems meeting and attracting women, over 90% of them would
laugh and say something like: "I've got no problem approaching and
meeting women."
But they're lying.
And this is the secret and unspoken fear
of most men.
A lot of guys assume that all the other
guys out there have this thing taken care of - but they DON'T. I've observed
guys in just about EVERY situation
you can imagine, in about 10 different countries, and it amazes me every
time I see it.
And I also found out as I learned how to develop my masculine
self-confidence is that most guys (including me, for a while) think that
fixing our self-confidence is a really difficult thing to do.
That's why so many guys want a pickup line instead of
a method to get more confident.
Hey, all you have to do is memorize some other guy's words and you're all
set, right?
Until you memorize those lines and realize that you still
can't work up the nerve to go over and talk to that hot Italian babe.
What's wrong? Why is this happening?
I'm about to part the curtains and reveal the secret of
approaching to you in just a second...
So back to what I was saying, most guys really think
that getting confidence is a long, painful process that isn't worth it.
Especially when there's all this "pickup" and "seduction" stuff
out there.
In fact, the opposite is true.
The process is actually dead simple,
and it can be done really quickly - if you know how to do it!
It's like having a car that breaks down on you. If you're
the average Joe out there, you might have a real tough time understanding
how to fix it. But if you take it in to a mechanic who has fixed your type
of car for a while, you'll find that they can show you how to fix it fast.
It's all about finding the specialized knowledge to fit
your problem.
AND the truth about pickup and "seduction" techniques
is that if you use them hoping to get quick results, you'll actually
hurt your inner game even more.
It's like going out and taking a one-day self-defense class where they teach
you only a few simple moves.
Sure, you could throw a knee or an elbow into an attacker,
but unless you understand and know how to control your own fear and panic,
you'll forget that clever wrist lock in one stressful moment.
Guys feel this kind of panic around women all
the time.
And the fact is that this unspoken fear men have is about one word.
That one word is...
SHAME.
That's right. The toxic confidence-killer for 90% of the guys out there.
Shame is the belief that you are not worthy of a woman or that you don't
have a right to approach her.
It's the belief that you don't have any value to
this woman.
And the reality is that a woman senses your
value in the way you act. It's not something you have in your wallet, or
a price tag on your arm.
Here's a vital secret of at-tracting
women:
VALUE is 95% ATTITUDE.
But I'll come back to that...
Let's talk about how you conquer this fear and shame for yourself...
By creating unstoppable, bullet-proof "inner
game."
Now, inner game is not something I can teach you in a single email. But I
can get you started with a little exercise that will help you put some of
your bad thinking behind you.
I call this the "She's Not
Better" exercise.
This is EXACTLY what I used to use to get my confidence
up when I was working on my inner game and confidence.
The next time you find yourself bringing your confidence down in your head,
you're going to change what you're thinking.
In technical language, this is called "neuro-associative conditioning," and
it's something that Tony Robbins pioneered. Don't worry - I'm going to
make it very simple for you to use.
I've taken this techniques a step further by adapting many of these methods
for men who struggle with their confidence and self-esteem, and I go into
much more detail in my programs.
HERE'S HOW THE EXERCISE WORKS:
Let's say you're at a bar and you see that woman you want to approach. She's
a beautiful Italian, and you feel that shaky, nervous feeling just vibrating
in your guts when you see her.
The next thing that usually happens in your head is that you try to find
some way to validate (not destroy) that nervous feeling. You start telling
yourself things like:
"Wow, she's INCREDIBLE... But I feel weird.
I feel like she wouldn't have any reason to want to talk to me..."
Right then, you interrupt this thought with,
"HEY, she's not better than me!"
You can even YELL this out - inside your head. That's right - yell it in
your thoughts.
Make it loud and booming, like the way God's voice
was in all those 1950s epic movies like "The Ten Commandments," and
stuff like that.
"SHE'S NOT BETTER THAN ME!"
And then you need to really get behind those words and push yourself into
believing them.
Say it over and over again. Out loud if you have to.
"She's not better than me... She's not better
than me... She's not better than me..."
And each time you say it, mean it!
The first couple times you do this, you'll probably feel a little weird.
This is okay, it's the power of your confidence bitch-slapping your bad beliefs
around.
But when you get the hand of this particular belief, and it really starts
to take hold, it feels VERY cool. It's like you've just awoken a sleeping
giant in you.
Remember, this woman that you're in love at first sight with does all the
nastiest and disgusting things you can imagine.
She poops...
She farts...
She picks her nose and rolls her boogers...
Gross? Yeah. But it's also TRUE.
You're just seeing her at her best right now. This is
the fantasy woman.
And you're also falling into the trap of putting her up
on a pedestal - making her much more important and pure than she actually is.
You're imagining her like she's a pure white angel that flew down from heaven
just to flash you her incredible smile.
By the way, this kind of idealizing of women is
very common in many societies, because women know that the one thing they
can use to their advantage is their sexual desirability - and that her value
goes DOWN when men think she isn't "pure."
If you really take the time to think it through when
you see an attractive women, you'll start to make a deep and powerful
change in your thinking - and your beliefs, and then your actions will
start to change, too.
This was the first big step I took when I was trying to get this area of
my life handled.
I would see these guys who were not all that attractive, and they had some
really stunning girlfriends.
I knew that there was something wrong with the way that
I was thinking about
women, because I also knew deep down inside that I had everything that
these other guys had. The fact is that you do, too. We're all made of the
same skin and bone. Remember my statement of attitude.
Because for them to act the way they did (which had to be what was getting
them these women) they had to THINK a certain way.
*** Thoughts come before actions. ***
After watching these "natural" Alpha guys
for a while, I developed a model of behavior that I used to sculpt and
refine my own way of acting around women.
And you know what?
It freakin' worked, dude.
Women were acting with me the way I'd only seen
them do to other guys that I thought were the "naturals" with
this stuff...
Women would do things like:
- Touching me affectionately when I was out in a bar
or even just meeting them for the first time from an online matching
profile... Sometimes within
minutes of meeting me.
- Dropping hints and being super flirty with me...
- Finding reasons to get closer to me, or to press their
bodies closer to me...
- Making dirty jokes at me, when I wasn't even talking
about anything sexual...
It was really freaky, but I assure you that I got over the shock quick. :)
Remember that your level of confidence isn't something "hard coded" or
given to you by genetics.
You don't "inherit" your level of self-esteem.
You build it all by yourself. It's in
your head, and it's something that you can completely control by taking
control of your thoughts.
Period.
Now, I want to invite you to come and learn some of the illogical, yet INCREDIBLY
EFFECTIVE and powerful methods and strategies that I've learned, developed,
refined over the last 7 years practicing and teaching this stuff.
The concepts that I've just discussed are part of
what I consider to be a big part of the "Inner Game" of dating
success.
Most guys spend almost NO time working on their
Inner Game and confidence... instead, they spend time learning "pick up lines" and "routines" and
other USELESS fluff.
If you don't have your "Inner Game" together,
none of the techniques and tricks will work for you. Women see right through
them.
Once you get the right mind-set - the Attitude I mentioned earlier - the
world suddenly seems like a different place to you.
In my Secrets of the Alpha Man program, I spend several hours teaching
you Inner Game techniques ... I'll show you how to overcome your self-limiting
beliefs, improve your self-confidence and self-esteem... and get past the
fears that are holding you back from even trying to go out
and meet women.
If you're like me, and you've had a lot of negative programming,
then you must get that stuff taken care of. It's not going to fix itself...
you have to do it.
My program will show you exactly how.
Oh... and it will also teach you tons of great "field" methods
for approaching women, talking to women - keeping the conversation going
- getting dates, meeting women online, and taking things as far as you
want to go - smoothly and easily... without rejection.
The Alpha Man knows that self-development is the path to a better life. It
all starts with getting educated.
Education leads to understanding. Understanding leads to better choices.
Better choices lead to better results.
And results are ALL that matters when it comes to the game of women.
It's all in my Secrets of the Alpha
Man program.
Click here to find out more: The
Secrets of Inner Game and Confidence With Woman.
If you're one of the guys that has already learned my Secrets
of the Alpha Man, you should know that I've also got an advanced version of this program.
In it, I explain Alpha Confidence
in DETAIL - and I even
explain my most advanced secrets of approach and self-confidence.
You can see that right here: Advanced
Secrets of the Alpha Man - Immersion program.
I'll talk to you again soon,
Your Friend,
PS: There's one thing
I discovered a long time ago, and it was that the most important trait
a man has is his level of confidence. This one area of your life will determine
everything about you...
Your income...
Your happiness...
Your friendships...
The quality of woman you attract...
So it only makes sense that if you can improve your self-confidence,
you absolutely must improve it. Your life literally depends on it.
You owe it to yourself to get the success you deserve
in life - with women and with everything you desire.
Go learn these secrets here...
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