What Should You Do When A Woman
Pushes You Away?
QUESTION FROM A READER:
Carlos....man, do I have a good one for you. I have been
using your Alpha Man Persuasion and conversation, for a little over a week
now, and it has almost rectified a sour situation.
I live in Chile, South America. I have lived here for about a month and a
half. I have been dating this GORGEOUS 23 year old. Yes, I know red flag because
she's still a little young and doesn't quite know what she wants yet. Also
she has only been in one other relationship before me, for like 5 years, and
it ended like 3 months ago.
Everything was going fantastic until a week ago... [We had a one night stand.]
She broke down crying and said she had many problems with her heart still
(in spanish of course) from the previous relationship. It was quite the bummer.
Now since then we have gone from that to slowing down, to full on dating
again, yet she is still hesistant to have the type of close encounters that
led up to the night that changed everything.
I don't understand this. The sexual tension is so strong some times you could
cut it with a knife. I have tons of Rapport, I can make her laugh always,
I'm definitely an Alpha Man, and I'm wondering if there's anything I can do
to help win her emotions over, finally and fully.
I have been talking to and dating other women, so I haven't put all my eggs
in one basket with this one.
What should I do?
- Rob P., South America
______________________
CARLOS XUMA ANSWERS:
I really like getting questions like this from around the globe, because
it only points out just how consistent women are in behavior, no matter what
country.
And it's nice to know that the Alpha Conversation Program
can cross language barriers, too!
Now, for your problem, let me tell you a story you'll understand...
A few years back, I bought a very expensive plasma screen television. I'm
not going to advertise how much I spent, but it was more than some people
pay for their cars. (I'm a movie nut, and I like a big screen for my home
theater.)
Well, I did a lot of research, and then I ordered it online.
About an hour after the transaction went through, I felt this panic overtake
me...
- "Did I do the right thing?"
- "Man... I shouldn't have done that..."
- "Can I afford this?"
- "I should cancel the order..."
This is commonly referred to as "buyer's remorse."
One of the most common reactions a person will feel
after making a big purchase is the "oh, crap... I shouldn't have done that" feeling.
After the impulse to buy has been satisfied, the emotional hole leaves all
kinds of room for regret to sneak in and take you over.
The same exact feeling happens to a woman who has slept with a guy. Even
more so if she has not had much time to get to know him and really establish
a firm sense of trust.
She's wondering:
- "Did I do the right thing?"
- "Hmmm... I shouldn't have done that..."
- "Can I afford to risk my heart on him?"
- "I should break it off now..."
- "Am I a slut?"
And the list goes on and on...
You have to realize that a woman's primary focus
is on her assurance of support if something were to "happen" after
she slept with you. Guys have a small risk compared with a woman's risk
of 9 months and another mouth to feed.
Ya dig?
(And that's why your remark about "putting your eggs in one basket" is
more true than you realize... :)
This girl was just in a relationship that lasted 5
YEARS, my friend. And
she's only 3 months out of it. She's going to have some intimacy issues until
she's over that one.
My first question for you is simply this: WHY do
you need to win her emotions over, "finally and fully"?
Is it because you just need to "conquer" this
one girl?
Because I'm wondering if you are truly heeding the voice in your head or
the voice in your OTHER head.
You know she's young and inexperienced, and is very unlikely to want to settle
down right away. You know she's very attractive and is a hot commodity. You
know she's got trust issues from a relationship that is just barely over.
My thoughts?
You view HER as a prize because of her beauty, and you're not in far enough
to see that this girl also has many liabilities. Maybe even more than her
looks can offset.
Remember, the single most important decision a man will make is the woman
he chooses as a partner. Most guys spend less time selecting a woman than
they do their picks in fantasy football.
Don't be one of those guys, because you will live to regret it.
Be more cautious with her. Think in terms of DISqualification
rather than just doing everything you can to pull her into your life. If
you do that, you'll also find the side benefit that she will probably be
more likely to let you into her "heart problems."
By the way, this is the standard excuse that a woman will give you when she's
really saying:
"We went too fast, and now I need to slam on
the brakes. But rather than make you feel rejected and risk feeling like
I was a 'bad girl' for what I did, I'll point the blame at some mysterious
'heart problem.' so I can avoid feeling bad."
I'm not being malicious towards women here. In fact, I just got an email
over the weekend from a female model friend of mine who has the same problem
with a guy in her life. Guys use this reason to push women away, too.
Generally speaking, women usually don't have any
issues related to other guys when they talk about these "heart" issues.
It's just a convenient excuse that guys will accept and not feel rejected
after they hear it.
The point here is that you are probably addicted
to the challenge of "conquering" this
hot woman than you are of making a real relationship. Guys most often do
this when they feel that they're losing something valuable. Even if that
value was based solely on her appearance.
You're more afraid of losing her than you are actually wanting the relationship.
Scarcity is tricking you, my friend.
Go make a list of all the other things she adds to your life and I think
you'll find that your pencil hardly moves.
Go back to looking at all the other possibilities
you've got in your life right now, and let the woman with the most desire
and the "real deal" stand
up and wave her hands to be Ms. Right. Let her get your attention and prove
it to YOU.
Now if you genuinely want to go further with this woman, here's where I suggest
you get started. It sounds like you have some of these taken care of, but
maybe not all in the right direction.
THREE STEPS TO GET BACK WITH A WOMAN WHO PULLS
AWAY:
1) YOU slow down the pace.
Now that you're back to dating regularly again, you must be the one to demonstrate
some doubt and put the brakes on yourself.
Of course, in a lot of other dating situations, she cools off and the guy
is left desperately scrambling to get her to even see him again, but either
way, it calls for some restraint.
I talk about this quite a bit in my ebooks, but your best demonstration of
strength and Alpha Confidence comes when you show her that you have self-discipline
and self-control. It will then give her the space she needs to desire you
again.
Let me say this again, because it is such an important concept:
A woman will want you again when she feels like there is nothing pushing her to you.
It's a simple psychological principle that has worked for me with EVERY woman
that expressed hesitation about getting together and getting physical. All
you need to do is give her the emotional experience of uncertainty to re-awaken
her desire.
Just say something like:
"You know, I've been thinking that maybe we're
moving forward pretty quick. I'd like to slow it down a little and make
sure we can just be friends first. You know what I mean?"
This will relax her, and then you keep marching forward.
Of course we know that you never try to just be "friends first" with
a woman that you're intimately connected to. It just doesn't work. But
you want to create the space for her to understand that you won't be pressuring
her.
This will create the space where you can then...
2) Establish trust and rapport.
The one thing she's looking for before she goes forward with you physically
is that she can TRUST you. So you must show her that you are a reliable (but
not boring) guy.
Take her out with some friends of yours that you've known for a while and
are fun. I've found this a great way to demonstrate my social value as well
as get her out of the same old mindset.
ALPHA FORMULA #1: Rapport is NOT equal to TRUST.
Rapport LEADS to trust, but does not guarantee it.
Rapport and trust are not exactly the
same thing. It's up to you to find out where her current trust issues are
and eliminate them.
Don't ask here where they are, either. All you can do is show her some vulnerability,
and that she is not just someone you're out to score with. Maybe even a little
time.
Oh, yes, this is something every "pickup artist" on the planet
fears, but is ultimately more honest and compelling than the "command & conquer" method
of trying to control a woman.
ALPHA FORMULA #2: Vulnerable does NOT equal WUSS.
It simply means being secure enough to demonstrate rapport by revealing common
emotions to her.
Of course you also want to...
3) Switch gears back to having FUN as fast as you can.
The one thing I discovered that had the most impact on making women interested
in getting physical with me again was to get her to have FUN with me.
A woman's emotional experience and sexual attraction with you is directly
related to how much fun she feels when she's with you.
The more I got her active and out of her head, the
less I was "serious" and
pushing to move forward in a relationship, the more I found that she wanted
attention and time from me.
And, the reverse was true. The more I felt like
she was slipping away and the harder I worked to "fix" things,
the more I actually sabotaged the good vibe we had together. 
When she's having fun, she has nothing else to worry about.
When she's having fun, she's not in her head.
When she's having fun, she's connecting on a very intense level with you.
And just one more Alpha Formula here...
ALPHA FORMULA #3: Laughing does not always equal
FUN.
Fun is a more complete experience than just making her laugh. She has to
be IN the experience with you, and having you there as part of the situation
as it unfolds.
These are shared experiences, which also create more rapport and trust later
on.
If you implement these three steps in your game with women, even before she
decides to pull on the emergency brake with you, you'll find you have a much
more intense and devastating effect on her.
And you'll also understand on a deeper level what it is that women are genuinely
attracted to in a man.
And if you'd like to learn more about how to get the girl
without having to trick or hypnotize her - how to get her by being REAL and AUTHENTIC,
I've got some cool information that you might not know about...
You can learn both the inner and
outer game of approaching
women and creating
MASSIVE levels of confidence.
(And why you MUST learn it to win out there in the dating jungle...)
Click
here to listen to some more audio tips on building your cofidence and
feeling strong inner game with women...
Go click and have a listen to the tips right now...
I'll talk to you again soon,
Your Friend,
P.P.S.: Remember that your level of confidence
isn't something "hard coded" or
given to you by genetics.
You don't "inherit" your level of self-esteem.
You build it all by yourself. It's in
your head, and it's something that you can completely control by taking
control of your thoughts.
Period.
In my Secrets
of the
Alpha Man program, I spend
several hours teaching
you Inner Game techniques ... I'll show you how to overcome your self-limiting
beliefs, improve your self-confidence and self-esteem... and get past the
fears that are holding you back from even trying to go out
and meet women.
There's a reason guys have called this their "inner game
bible."
You'll also learn a clear, no-tricks method to approach
women and get more dates.
Oh... and it will also teach you tons of great "real-life" methods
for approaching women, talking to women - keeping the conversation going
- getting dates, meeting women online, and taking things as far as you
want to go - smoothly and easily... without rejection.
The Alpha Man knows that self-development is the path to a better life. It
all starts with getting educated.
I'm not sure if it's going to be for you, but you should
definitely have a look. Secrets
of the
Alpha Man program.
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