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Carlos Gives You the Truth About Dating and Attraction...

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QUESTION:

I was involved off and on with this girl from work (I know first mistake). About 6 months ago we were seeing a lot of each other and we were sort of in that whole girlfriend/boyfriend mode of spending a lot of time with each other. I had suspicions that she was also flirting/seeing someone else here at work and to make a long story short my suspicions were confirmed.

I ended up leaving her alone and she ended up getting pretty serious with this other guy here at work. I took it pretty well by not associating with her completely, however, given the fact that she works here, I have to see her. She's was seeing this guy exclusively for the past 6 months and I was also testing the dating waters and doing my own thing.

Fast forward to today, the relationship with the other guy who used to work here has fizzled out and we've been emailing small talk with each other and sort of have plans to "catch up". Our branch manager (a woman) is good friends with this chic and she likes the idea of us getting together.

I'm having second thoughts about getting involved with this girl again and this whole sitation is nagging at my psyche. I mean, she's a cute girl, independent etc... but I don't know if I've completely forgiven here for lying to me about seeing this other guy who used to work with us. On the other hand, I dont want to look like a childish little boy and not see her at all, just becuase my feelings were hurt.

I know I just need to increase my options so things like this wont be an issue in the future. This situation seems like it has drained my energy to the point that I don't even feel as excited about approaching/gaming women. You have any opinions on this situation?

I want to say thanks for taking the time to research this stuff in order to help us guys who werent able to pick up these alpha traits naturally. The course is pure gold for anyone who didnt have a solid alpha father figure growing up. The things you teach in the Alpha Male course are essential for anyone who wants a better life period, let alone a better dating life. I now have the tools that I need to succeed in anything I put my mind to.

Thanks
W
Charlotte, NC

CARLOS ANSWERS:

I don't consider it a mistake to date someone from work, contrary to popular belief.

But dating someone you suspect can't HANDLE a workplace romance IS a mistake.

I've dated (ahem) many women at the places I've worked. Once I even saw a girl at a place where there were only 5 of us. Talk about potentially combustible.

But I always knew, no matter what happened *I* could handle the fallout. If I couldn't, then my sorry butt had better not be jumping into an office romance, right?

(This is the concept of "self-control," gentlemen... Know thyself.)

Now in your situation you have every right, though, to have some concerns, but as long as she didn't treat this guy in a way that you would find disrespectful (or downright scary), you have nothing to lose by practicing with her.

My recommendation, though, is more about YOU.

You need to learn the fine art of letting go. If you're holding on to this bitterness and resentment, it will probably color any relationship you try to have.

I'm also concerned when you tell me that you're putting so much thought into this situation that it "has drained my energy to the point that I don't even feel as excited about approaching/gaming women."

Dude, that's way too much. Why do you feel this way?

(continued ... )

Situations don't drain you - it's all the emotional investment and mental energy you're putting into this.

I suspect there's too much thinking going on here, and too little acting.

A common mistake that guys get caught up in (particularly introverted guys like myself) is that they become so attached to their internal world that they fail to fully participate in the outside world.

Read that again. That applies to almost everyone, really.

Get in gear and start meeting some women that may not be convenient to hit on. (Meeting women at work is a convenience factor - no approach is necessary.)

Go meet women in parties.

Go meet women in bars.

Go meet women online.

Go learn how to approach women anywhere RIGHT NOW by clicking here

I listen to your podcast religiously and it's helped me gain some real depth in my communications. I'm overcoming by anxiety around attractive women and to meet new freinds. In short, it's a weekly guidepost towards my becoming more alpha. Your commentary is very insightful which is why I'd like to see if you can help me shed some light on this question I have.

A friend of mine and I go to bars and meet people regularly, and have very different styles of approach, I'm laid back where he's goofy. To use a celebrity comparison he reminds me a lot of Will Ferrel. My question is, is his approach working or has he just learned to compensate for a bad approach?

When he opens people up, he comes in with lines such as "Hi, have you been hit on tonight? No? Good, I didn't want to make you feel left out." or "Hi, do you want to buy me a drink?"

He'll go up to group after group of people in the bars generally hitting up any available sets. When he does this he's usually wearing these terrible glasses that he got from the air force and a community college shirt and does this mock "I'm smooth" voice.

He's trying to be cool by going the far opposite end into dorkdom that he becomes cool by default. He's stays with the group for about 15 to 20 minutes or so, does very little kino, gets a number and leaves. He's done this enough ,he says, that he can transition out of that super dork persona into a real person quickly.

He's done this so much people are recognizing him at bars when he opens them and say "Didn't you ask us the same question last week?"

I think he's pigeon holing himself into a goofball role that never really attracts women even though he gets positive reactions because he's energetic and silly. I also don't think he's connecting by talking to so many people and not remembering who they are or even their names.

Am I wrong in thinking this? Is it just because he and I are polar opposites when it comes to our styles that I think he's digging himself into a hole?

Thanks for your insight, please keep bringing on the advice, it is much appreciated.

-P

CARLOS ANSWERS:

Hmm... I like that you've thought about the various aspects of this guys game.

However, I'm reading your email, and one word keeps coming to mind:

Jealousy.

Admit it, aren't you a little jealous that he's able to just walk up and approach anyone? Because, on some level, this is working for him.

The other reason I think this is because of all the situations you chose to write in about, you're more concerned with his goofiness than improving your own skills. All I hear is your resentment, not your openness to learning what his example can teach you.

The best thing you can do is to start looking at what works for him and start modeling it yourself.

Don't worry about your friend. He doesn't really need your concern. If he was ready to learn from you, he'd be asking you questions.

YOU, on the other hand, can learn a lot from him by modeling his behavior and using what works for you. The fact of the matter is that this guy is an approach MACHINE, and even if he is a dork, he'll get girls based on sheer volume and numbers. Yes, he's got some faults he needs to work on in his game, but they're not that severe.

I think he's a STUD.

He's doing what 95% of the other guys out there are not: He's approaching and talking to women.

You should be doing everything he is, only improving and modifying it to fit your authentic personality.

You don't like that he forgets names? Great. You can start to remember them.

You don't like his goofy glasses? Fine. Wear some normal ones. Or not at all.

Forget your criticism of his game. Instead, get on top of your own.

I have a roadmap for you to do this, and you can get it HERE: Alpha Game is REAL Game

QUESTION:

I have a question that I thought you would be able to help me with. I have a friend that I have known for most of my life, but he's turned out to be a reall ass. He seems to take advantage of me whenever its convenient, and thinks its acceptable to insult me and at times hit me if he thinks something I did was stupid, or disapproves of some opinion/value I voiced.

Part of me is saying that I should just ignore him and move on (the latter is definitely true, whether I ignore him or not) but part of me thinks that I should do something more about this. My question for you is.... how do you think I should deal with this?

P.S. I have been reading your newsletters and listening to the podcasts for a while now. I've decided that I'm finally going to use your stuff. I will also probably be getting your Alpha Man book . Thanks for all the great info,

--Jon

CARLOS ANSWERS:

There's a saying: You teach people how to treat you.

Whatever is going on with you two, he's obviously taking advantage of more than you think.

Keeping someone like this around is unhealthy as heck, and will only serve to lower your self-image as he whittles away at you.

But let's also keep in mind that he might also be serving as your "teacher." He sees where you're wussing out and is trying to get you to "man up."

Is it just your bruised ego, or is it possible that he's not only obnoxious, but RIGHT about you?

Consider that possibility, and that maybe you need to respond to him not with hurt indignation and weepy pouting, but with a change in your behavior...

Once you've figured out whether or not he's yanking your chain or not, you should then consider how best to deal with him. I recommend a serious heart-to-heart over a couple of brewskis. Don't go into a tearful jag of "telling him your feelings," but you have a right to put him in his place.

(continued ... )

"Dude, your behavior towards me has been pretty annoying lately. I like hanging with you, but this bullshit has to stop. Cut out the constant ball-busting and needling - unless I'm really being a genuine puss. Otherwise, secure that crap. You dig?"

If he's a genuine asshole, he'll just get all flustered and indignant, maybe even aggro. If he's got any heart, he'll consider what you say and get it together.

Either way, you need to do this to start your process of "manning up." You need to set a new standard of behavior in your own life that affirms your masculine power. No more bitch treatment.

Capisce?

If you want to check out for yourself whether or not you're a real Alpha, or possibly being a wuss, I suggest you get my Alpha Man program sooner rather than later.

When you say "probably will be getting," it sounds like you're on the fence, and you might be wussing out on your own resolution.

If you won't change now, what makes you think it will be easier later on? After you've had a chance to make your bad habits even more hard to break?

It's easy to find an excuse, but it's more Alpha to find the motivation.

The only constant in life is CHANGE. If you can't change or adjust to new situations, you're already extinct.

Get the Secrets of the Alpha Man. Stop putting your destiny off until some other 'convenient' time...

If you're not getting what you want from life, you need to make some changes.

Discover your inner Alpha Man now...

Do you want to start learning how to dramatically improve your self-confidence with real, time-proven methods?

Are you ready to drop that lame "Nice Guy" routine and start showing her a real Alpha Man? And it doesn't require you to be some fake "pickup artist" to attract women. It's actually about bringing out more of YOU than you have before.

And if you'd like to learn more about R.E.A.L. Game (TM) and the successful attitudes of an Alpha Man, you should take a look at the program that will put you on the path - The Secrets of the Alpha Man. This is the ORIGINAL Alpha Man program that gives you the REAL Game with women.

If you want to hear what everyone has to say about these books, go to the site and read the reviews. And then download them now to see why more men get success with my advice and strategies ...

If you want to email Carlos a question, send it only with THIS EMAIL FORM.

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