Online Dating from Hell

So I was looking around this morning online and I found this guy’s personal ad. I’ve removed any incriminating evidence, but it serves to show you how NOT to create a personal ad. Take a look at this:

Mr. Nice Guy

Hello there. I am looking for someone who has been through some stuff and has learned to appreciate life through experience. I am available for a number of things. Friendship is great. I do look forward to having a partner in my life. Not into drama or games AT ALL. I am very active. I love the outdoors, working out, yoga and nature. Kids are great too. Bye for now.

Woman-Sexy-Black-High-Heeled-Shoes-Celebrity-1050x1680

I’m a XX year old white man from xxxx. I consider my appearance to be very good looking. I am 5’10” tall with a cut build. I have brown hair, sky blue eyes and a fair complexion.

Essays

My ideal match:

mY IDEAL MATCH IS SOMEONE WHO HAS ENOUGH IN COMMON SO WE FEEL LIKE WE ARE SPEAKING A LANGUAGE WE CAN BOTH UNDERSTAND. LAUGHTER IS A BIG PLUS. ATTRACTION IS DEFINiTELY IMPORTANT(ON SEVERAL LEVELS.

The ideal setting for a first date:

i WOULD LIKE TO GO FOR A HIKE IF THAT FEELS GOOD TO BOTH OF US OR MAYBE GO FOR A CUP OF TEA OR COFFEE. i THINK LOADING IT WITH ROMANCE OR EXPECTATIONS IS TOO MUCH ON THE FIRST DATE. i WOULD LIKE TO BE COMFORTABLE ENOUGH TO REALLY SHARE SOME PIECES OF WHO WE ARE.

Work:

mY WORK IS GOOD ENOUGH. i HAVE A VERY FRUITFUL BUSINESS. HOWEVER, I AM TRAINING IN SOME OTHER FIELDS THAT ARE CLOSER TO WHAT I WANT TO DO IN MY LIFE. I AM INTERESTED IN BODY,MIND SPIRIT WORK. NOT JUST NEW AGE HEALING. ASK IF YOU WOULD LIKE TO KNOW MORE ABOUT THIS.

What I like to do when I’m not at work:

i EXERCISE. I AM TRAINING TO BE A YOGA TEACHER. I LOVE THE OUTDOORS AND IT’S MANY VARIATIONS. I AM A DAD. I HAVE A BEAUTIFUL BOY. I HAVE BEEN A SINGLE DAD FOR A LONG TIME.

Where I see myself two to five years from now:

I PLAN TO BE DOING WORK THAT MAKES ME SMILE MORE DAYS THAN NOT. I HOPE THAT I HAVE A PARTNER IN MY LIFE. FAMILY IS IMPORTANT TO ME. CONTINUING TO SLOW DOWN IS IMPORTANT TO ME.

If I could change one thing about myself:

PAY BILLS BEFORE THEY ARE IN PILES.

Final thoughts:

i DO NOT HAVE THE TECHNOLOGY TO PUT MY PICTURE ON HERE (I DON’T KNOW IF I WOULD ANYWAY} SO IF YOU WANT TO SEE WHAT I LOOK LIKE LET ME KNOW.

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CARLOS XUMA:

Now, in case you haven’t noticed, this ad screams “nice sensitive guy” from a mile away. In no way does he involve the reader in the passion of his life, or the excitement. I don’t care if he likes Yoga or Monster Trucks. He’s got to really stop saying “I” this and “I” that, and address what SHE is interested in.

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This is the cardinal sin in 90% of all guy’s personal ads online. They look like a third grade essay.

And, if you didn’t know it, wouldn’t you have guessed this to be a WOMAN’s profile? Well, it’s not. It’s a man’s.

So learn from this and start injecting some fierce emotional excitement in your personals.

Hell, start injecting it in your LIFE. And every time you meet a woman. THAT is what will move her. Not a lame profile.