Dating Advice for Men - How to Approach Women, Attract Women, and Meet Girls



by Carlos Xuma

You guys have heard me tell you many times that the most damaging thing you can do to yourself is to deny the Reality you encounter.

What do I mean by this?

Well, it's a commonly heard concept in Eastern Philosophies that all of life's suffering is attributable to the desire for things to be other than the way they really are.

The gap between you and your happiness is always the distance between Reality and your wish to make it different than it actually is.

I don't always think this is suffering, though, since we need a certain amount of structured discontent in our lives to strive for more. It's been said that the human existence is nothing more than the search for more, better, or different.

In the world of women, dating, and seduction, your Reality is defined by the results you get.

I always hear guys talk about what happens on their interactions with women, and it's often brutally clear that they're not being honest with themselves. (And let's be clear that I believe ALL fears men have about women boil down to one thing -- fear of rejection.)

One guy said, "I gave her my phone number, and she said she'd call me this week."
There are many realities ignored in this one:

1) Why didn't you get HER phone number? Why aren't you the one in the position of power over the situation by having taken the lead?

2) Why did you give her your phone number? Because you were crappy-happy with the consolation prize women throw out if they haven't been challenged into giving you their phone number?

3) She said she'd call you, huh? When was the last time you gave your number to a woman and she actually called you? (And not out of guilt.)

There's a term I'd like to introduce you to, and it's a pretty important one if you add it to your empowerment vocabulary. (Geez, I feel like I'm channeling Tony Robbins here...)
The term is: LACUNA.

A lacuna is a mental blind spot. It's a defensive mental gap in your awareness. Lacunas divert your attention from subjective areas of reality.

I'm sure you've experienced this to various degrees in other areas of your life. Have you ever tried to remember something particularly traumatic from your childhood, such as the death of a pet, or a bad fall off your bike. True that the event itself may be in your memory, but not much about the details usually pop up on their own unless you force yourself to think back and recall them.

This is one of the mental defense mechanisms that you (unconsciously) use to protect yourself.

This is the way your mind helps you deal with threats. It's a necessary part of your inner workings.

Where you run into problems is when you start choosing to overlook these perceived threats when it doesn't serve you.

I'm proposing that you are probably creating these lacunas - blind spots in your awareness - mostly from habit.

After all, it's a lot easier to ignore rejection and mistakes in your interactions with women than it is to face them and correct them. We men do this all the time. Sometimes it's out of pride - and that's the most lethal of all rationalizations to use.

" No, sorry, I don't think I want to come back to your place," she says as she walks away.
He thinks: "Huh. What's up with her? Must be a lesbian."

Don't let your knee-jerk reaction be the illusion that has been pulled over your eyes to blind you from the truth. (Did you like that? I stole it from The Matrix... Cool, huh?)She's not a lesbian, dude. You just want to shift the responsibility away from yourself because her lack of interest is something you perceive as a threat to you. It's easier to block the fear of her perceived rejection this way.

What you have to be willing to ask is: What didn't you do up front to get her interested enough to go with you?Another question inevitably comes up: If you block these things out -- how do you know what you don't see?

The answer to that lies in your willingness to look at what you experience when you don't succeed where you expect with women. If you get turned down when you ask for the phone number (which should be next to never if you have the e-book) what do you feel?

Yes, I know. I'm asking you to venture into that dangerous territory of FEELINGS here for a minute, but I think it's a worthy exploration. I won't ask you to spend the day here, just long enough to get some perspective. (If you spend too long in this place, you start turning into a wimpy she-male in a New York minute.)

What do you feel when you're rejected or turned down?

Do you feel insecure?

Do you feel threatened?

Do you feel pissed off?



And then you should ask yourself the BIG question, the one that so few guys ever ask.


Why do you feel that way?

Most men will never have the guts to face this in themselves, choosing to blame it on women instead. They will go through their whole lives complaining that women are just "too weird" or "too confusing," when they are ignoring the Reality that's right in front of them. They will go to their graves having given up on women. You don't have to BE a woman to understand one.

There's a core reason you feel whatever this negative emotion is, and it's usually traceable back to your core believe about what a woman's opinion says about you.

If you can find this belief, almost ten times out of ten you'll start to realize that it's a load of crap. It always looks silly in the light of day, and that's why these tricky buggers hide in your LACUNAS.

In most men, this fear is usually: "A woman's opinion about me is real. I'm afraid that when she doesn't want me, it's a reflection on my value as a man."

And when you ask yourself "Why do I think that?" you usually end up finding those core beliefs you have about women.

Your new interpretation:
There is no woman on the planet who can judge me to be less than the man I am.

Or, another way:
There is no woman who can change my value as a man.

Stay busy being the person you want to be, not avoiding being the person you don't want to be.

I'll tell you this: If you can build this belief so solidly that you never even flinch when you say it to yourself in the mirror, you're well on the path to being a bad-ass with women. Because this core belief MUST be in there somewhere or she's going to be able to sniff you out faster than a dog can find an ass convention.

Don't avoid the truth, and don't be too afraid to shine a light on those lacunas.

Reality has teeth.

And if you ignore it too long, it will bite.

You see, every man wants options when it comes to dating. We're sick and tired of taking it as it comes and having to feel good about the crumbs.

It's easy to start falling into traps of thought when you're a guy, and you don't have the same social support system a woman has. It's easy to fall prey to thinking about women, dating, and sex in a "logical" way. You start to believe the "Men are from Mars" hype, and you start to suffer in your dating because you THINK you're giving women what they want, but it's not working. (Like security, for instance.)

You want and need to know the secrets to making a woman feel attracted to you, to start that PASSION drive inside her.

For years, you've been programmed by bad television, bad movies, bad dating advice from men who aren't getting laid - you name it.

It's time to end this pattern once and for all.
I think a lot of guys are stuck in their own thought patterns, self-reinforcing all their responses to women and are not able to get out of these learned patterns.

The first step in the process of improving your success with women is knowing the game.

Learn the rules so you can play it without getting thrown in the penalty box on every meeting with a gal.

Aren't you tired of going out on dates with that knotted feeling in your stomach? You know, the sensation that things could go either way with a woman, and you're flipping a coin. You feel like the chances of having it work out with her are due to probability, not ability.

It doesn't have to be this way.

Wouldn't it be great to go out and meet with a woman and know in advance how things will go?

Wouldn't it be fantastic to kick back and relax, feeling like you can be more like yourself if you have an understanding of the game you're playing instead of winging it?

THE DATING BLACK BOOK breaks this strategy down in its entirety, from preparing to meeting to passing their tests. It's the most complete strategy out there. I'll even tell you how to interpret their behavior and figure out which kind of woman you're dealing with - and most importantly, how to avoid the bad ones.

Wouldn't it be great if you could go into this weekend knowing that you could go anywhere and get hooked up with any woman you want?

These articles give you some great players advice, but you still need to understand the rules of the game.

You can get this kind of understanding RIGHT NOW. Head on over and download these priceless strategies now at:

Dating Dynamics and get your dating life under YOUR control.

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"Carlos Xuma is the nation's leading personal dating coach, and professional dating agent. Recognized as the world's premier dating authority, Carlos' date-coaching and skills work for single men everywhere. If you use sites like,,,, and other online dating sites, Carlos' dating advice can help you succeed like never before. Even better than what a dating agency could ever offer you, Carlos' advice, products and ideas turn you into your own matchmaker, and will double your dating success whether you seek a relationship, romance, or the love of your life."


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