DON'T IGNORE REALITY - IT
You guys have heard me tell you many times that the most damaging thing you
can do to yourself is to deny the Reality you encounter.
What do I mean by this?
Well, it's a commonly heard concept in Eastern Philosophies that all of life's
suffering is attributable to the desire for things to be other than the way
they really are.
The gap between you and your happiness is always the distance between Reality
and your wish to make it different than it actually is.
I don't always think this is suffering, though, since we need a certain amount
of structured discontent in our lives to strive for more. It's been said
that the human existence is nothing more than the search for more, better,
In the world of women, dating, and seduction, your Reality is defined by
the results you get.
I always hear guys talk about what happens on their interactions with women,
and it's often brutally clear that they're not being honest with themselves.
(And let's be clear that I believe ALL fears men have about women boil down
to one thing -- fear of rejection.)
One guy said, "I gave her my phone number, and she said she'd call me
There are many realities ignored in this one:
1) Why didn't you get HER phone number? Why aren't you the one in the position
of power over the situation by having taken the lead?
2) Why did you give her your phone number? Because you were crappy-happy
with the consolation prize women throw out if they haven't been challenged
into giving you their phone number?
3) She said she'd call you, huh? When was the last time you gave your number
to a woman and she actually called you? (And not out of guilt.)
There's a term I'd like to introduce you to, and it's a pretty important
one if you add it to your empowerment vocabulary. (Geez, I feel like I'm
channeling Tony Robbins here...)
The term is: LACUNA.
A lacuna is a mental blind spot. It's a defensive mental gap in your awareness.
Lacunas divert your attention from subjective areas of reality.
I'm sure you've experienced this to various degrees in other areas of your
life. Have you ever tried to remember something particularly traumatic from
your childhood, such as the death of a pet, or a bad fall off your bike.
True that the event itself may be in your memory, but not much about the
details usually pop up on their own unless you force yourself to think back
and recall them.
This is one of the mental defense mechanisms that you (unconsciously) use
to protect yourself.
This is the way your mind helps you deal with threats. It's a necessary part
of your inner workings.
Where you run into problems is when you start choosing to overlook these
perceived threats when it doesn't serve you.
I'm proposing that you are probably creating these lacunas - blind spots
in your awareness - mostly from habit.
After all, it's a lot easier to ignore rejection and mistakes in your interactions
with women than it is to face them and correct them. We men do this all the
time. Sometimes it's out of pride - and that's the most lethal of all rationalizations
" No, sorry, I don't think I want to come back to your place," she
says as she walks away.
He thinks: "Huh. What's up with her? Must be a lesbian."
Don't let your knee-jerk reaction be the illusion that has been pulled over
your eyes to blind you from the truth. (Did you like that? I stole it from
The Matrix... Cool, huh?)She's not a lesbian, dude. You just want to shift
the responsibility away from yourself because her lack of interest is something
you perceive as a threat to you. It's easier to block the fear of her perceived
rejection this way.
What you have to be willing to ask is: What didn't you do up front to get
her interested enough to go with you?Another question inevitably comes up:
If you block these things out -- how do you know what you don't see?
The answer to that lies in your willingness to look at what you experience
when you don't succeed where you expect with women. If you get turned down
when you ask for the phone number (which should be next to never if you have
the e-book) what do you feel?
Yes, I know. I'm asking you to venture into that dangerous territory of FEELINGS
here for a minute, but I think it's a worthy exploration. I won't ask you
to spend the day here, just long enough to get some perspective. (If you
spend too long in this place, you start turning into a wimpy she-male in
a New York minute.)
What do you feel when you're rejected or turned down?
Do you feel insecure?
Do you feel threatened?
Do you feel pissed off?
And then you should ask yourself the BIG question, the one that so few guys
Why do you feel that way?
Most men will never have the guts to face this in themselves, choosing to
blame it on women instead. They will go through their whole lives complaining
that women are just "too weird" or "too confusing," when
they are ignoring the Reality that's right in front of them. They will go
to their graves having given up on women. You don't have to BE a woman to
There's a core reason you feel whatever this negative emotion is, and it's
usually traceable back to your core believe about what a woman's opinion
says about you.
If you can find this belief, almost ten times out of ten you'll start to
realize that it's a load of crap. It always looks silly in the light of day,
and that's why these tricky buggers hide in your LACUNAS.
In most men, this fear is usually: "A woman's opinion about me is real.
I'm afraid that when she doesn't want me, it's a reflection on my value as
And when you ask yourself "Why do I think that?" you usually end
up finding those core beliefs you have about women.
Your new interpretation:
There is no woman on the planet who can judge me to be less than the man
Or, another way:
There is no woman who can change my value as a man.
Stay busy being the person you want to be, not avoiding being the person
you don't want to be.
I'll tell you this: If you can build this belief so solidly that you never
even flinch when you say it to yourself in the mirror, you're well on the
path to being a bad-ass with women. Because this core belief MUST be in there
somewhere or she's going to be able to sniff you out faster than a dog can
find an ass convention.
Don't avoid the truth, and don't be too afraid to shine a light on those
Reality has teeth.
And if you ignore it too long, it will bite.
You see, every man wants options when it comes to dating. We're sick and
tired of taking it as it comes and having to feel good about the crumbs.
It's easy to start falling into traps of thought when you're a guy, and you
don't have the same social support system a woman has. It's easy to fall
prey to thinking about women, dating, and sex in a "logical" way.
You start to believe the "Men are from Mars" hype, and you start
to suffer in your dating because you THINK you're giving women what they
want, but it's not working. (Like security, for instance.)
You want and need to know the secrets to making a woman feel attracted to
you, to start that PASSION drive inside her.
For years, you've been programmed by bad television, bad movies, bad dating
advice from men who aren't getting laid - you name it.
It's time to end this pattern once and for all.
I think a lot of guys are stuck in their own thought patterns, self-reinforcing
all their responses to women and are not able to get out of these learned
The first step in the process
of improving your success with women is knowing the game.
Learn the rules so you can play
it without getting thrown in the penalty box on every meeting with a gal.
Aren't you tired of going out on dates with that knotted feeling in your
stomach? You know, the sensation that things could go either way with a woman,
and you're flipping a coin. You feel like the chances of having it work out
with her are due to probability, not ability.
It doesn't have to be this way.
Wouldn't it be great to go out and meet with a woman and know in advance
how things will go?
Wouldn't it be fantastic to kick
back and relax, feeling like you can be more like yourself if you have
an understanding of the game you're playing instead of winging it?
DATING BLACK BOOK breaks this strategy down in its
entirety, from preparing to meeting to passing their
tests. It's the most complete strategy out there. I'll
even tell you how to interpret their behavior and figure
out which kind of woman you're dealing with - and most
importantly, how to avoid the bad ones.
Wouldn't it be great if you could go into this weekend knowing that you could
go anywhere and get hooked up with any woman you want?
These articles give you some great
players advice, but you still need to understand the rules of the game.
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