Thursday, January 19, 2006

A little note from CJ on "Sizing Up..."


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I am not offended when a man stands close to me and unapologetically looks me down and up. The key is he has to do it with confidence and panache.

Most often, men will start their assessment at a woman’s feet; he slides his gaze over her legs to her tummy, lingers a bit on her breasts, up to her neck, and finally her face. When a guy checks me out and finally meets my gaze that is my chance to quickly assess him.

If he cannot make eye contact with me it could be an indication that he is shy, intimidated, or is hiding something. He has just a few seconds to make an impression on me. If he wavers in his confidence or can’t hold my gaze, (this isn’t a stare down) my interest will diminish- even if he’s drop dead gorgeous. In fact, sad but true, the better looking the guy, the more he has to hold up to intense female scrutiny.

Women on the other hand, are much more demure when they check out a man. I always start at a guys face, and pause on his eyes and his lips; I will then go directly to his chest, to quickly check out his build.

My next intake is his clothes, shoes, and accessories (I am looking for a wedding ring, watch, bling-bling etc) I will look at his legs and come back up to his eyes and lips before I check out his crotch and butt. That I made the journey from his eyes and over to his ass is an indication that I am interested in him.

Women are masters at disguising their interest in men. Let’s face it, while guys have to do the hard work and put their butts on the line during an approach, women just do what comes natural to us. We flirt.

We use every trick in the book to hook, sink, and reel in their guy. Oh, we don’t mean to be manipulative (not when it comes to flirting) we just can’t help ourselves- it’s instinctual.

As you know, women initiate contact more often then men. Guys may think they have made the first move, but not true, women are sending out non-verbal signals way before you dance over with your approach. If you are attentive, and recognize these sexual signs, it will give you a much-welcomed boost to your confidence.

Here are few girlie signs that she is into you.

You can easily tell if a woman is interested in you, she will subconsciously fondle herself.

Have you ever seen a woman massaging her neck and shoulders? Think she really has a stiff neck, think again cowboy. Remember what I told you boys- women are masters at manipulation.

Sometimes when I am relaxed and I see or fantasize about someone yummy I will slowly caress my thighs. I usually massage myself with long, delicate strokes- starting at the top of my knee and making my way up and down the top of my thigh to…

Oh my, this isn’t erotica 101.. Sorry gentlemen, let’s move on.

When you see a women fixing and playing with her hair, honey, she’s not grooming herself. Believe me, women come armed with the all the beautifying accoutrements in their 10 pounds purses- When a woman is running her fingers through her hair and gently rolls her head back to expose her neck, she is inviting you to come closer. If you do not pick up the signal, she will eventually lean into you and speak ever so softly- almost in a whisper- leaving you no choice but to lean into her.

Think she is just trying to be discreet? - not likely; this is just another well-developed ploy to get you to move in closer to her.

So now that she is in pre-kiss position, she will lock eyes with you. Now carefully watch what she is doing, she will almost certainly be moistening her lips with her tongue and moving her body closer into yours.

Pay attention to her hands, if you are at a restaurant or bar she will play with the stem of her wine glass, or twirl a straw in her fingers. Keep an eye on her hands, if she abandons the security of her glass and places her hands in front of you she wants you to touch her.

Time to kiss.

Many people use the first kiss as a litmus test- we test for chemistry and quiet frankly, how good the sex will be. I can always tell if a man will be a good lover, by the way he kisses. The way we kiss the very first time is an indicator if the relationship will go any further.

A little pressure, no worries, just remember, most people kiss you the way they like to be kissed. Follow her cues and she will guide you, if she is aroused everything will start to heat up.


- CJ Chandler
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alpha man | how to talk to women | approach women | dating advice for men

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